hooked up w/ BFF when out of town, do i call?

[confusedman1234]

was visiting my best friend in another city. we ended up hooking up multiple times, holding hands in public, etc. after hte first hook up, she said something along the lines of "can we not ask what this means?" so i assumed we were just hooking up...

anyways, i had to be in another city after that, so i couldnt contact her. i left her last monday, and was out until thursday. she IM'd me on gchat on thursday, but I was away and couldnt respond. was thinking of IMing/calling her today, but one of my friends told me i should have contacted wayyy sooner.

and yes, i do want a relationship with this girl. honeslty just didnt want to seem needy/pushy/clingy.

 

[mahoney]

The way you have been acting just recently has got you to this point. What you have been doing has worked

Now you are close to making a classic mistake. Now you want to change your behavior, instead of continuing the behavior that got you to this point. And you want to "talk about it", label it, and all that other stuff

She even knows this, she knows you want to do this - and has warned you not to ("can 'we' not talk about what this is")

Countless times, dudes do this - take a nice fun thing and instead of carrying on, change their behavior and try suck the life and fun out of a thing

Don't do this! Just do whatever it was you were already doing. You don't need to have a round table meeting about this!

She even knows you want to do th

 

[confusedman1234]

oh no, i dont want to talk to her ABOUT us. im just wondering if i should chat with her anyways, or should have chatted with her earlier... about random stuff (we ARE best friends after wall). friend says i made her feel used.

 

[confusedman1234]

anyone else?

 

[Iceberg]

oh no, i dont want to talk to her ABOUT us. im just wondering if i should chat with her anyways, or should have chatted with her earlier... about random stuff (we ARE best friends after wall). friend says i made her feel used.

Your friend sounds like a sissy. If you "used" her for sex, she could just as easily have "used" you. Don't you hate that whole "guys use girls for sex" mindframe? I do. As if girls don't like sex...

Anyway, as far as a relationship goes...I never understand why a single guy *wants* a relationship, but if you want it to be successful, don't chase it. Enjoy the girl's company. Make it fun. And it'll guide itself down the path of a relationship. Don't ask about it. Don't talk about it. Don't force it in any way. Or better yet, do what I do, and don't get into a relationship...I'm sure one lucky girl will tie me down one day, but until then, I'm chasing bigger dreams.

Should you chat with her? Yeah sure, why not? She's part of your social group. What are you gonna do? Ignore her? Play it cool for a few days? You both know each other. If you talk every 3-4 days, then keep doing it. If you talk every day, well, that's just gay.

 

[PDubb75]

This was linked in another thread I just finished reading. It would be good in here too: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=180108

The fact you guys messed around shouldn't change your communication habits. Don't think of it as "should I do this or that?" Just do as you normally would and always have. Shouldn't require any extra thinking. Like you said, you are best friends.

 

[confusedman1234]

Your friend sounds like a sissy. If you "used" her for sex, she could just as easily have "used" you. Don't you hate that whole "guys use girls for sex" mindframe? I do. As if girls don't like sex...

Anyway, as far as a relationship goes...I never understand why a single guy *wants* a relationship, but if you want it to be successful, don't chase it. Enjoy the girl's company. Make it fun. And it'll guide itself down the path of a relationship. Don't ask about it. Don't talk about it. Don't force it in any way. Or better yet, do what I do, and don't get into a relationship...I'm sure one lucky girl will tie me down one day, but until then, I'm chasing bigger dreams.

Should you chat with her? Yeah sure, why not? She's part of your social group. What are you gonna do? Ignore her? Play it cool for a few days? You both know each other. If you talk every 3-4 days, then keep doing it. If you talk every day, well, that's just gay.

thanks for the response. we're in different cities, so she's not really a part of my social circle.

 

[st_99]

Well, if history is any guide just do whatever it was you were doing before you "hooked up" Yeah, its hard to do but just try to pretend like it never happened and continue communicating with her like a friend or whatever.

In my experience mostly when I've shown I wanted "more" from a girl that I had sex with, it went nowhere, she basically lost those intense feelings she had. Its kills the excitement, anticipation, infatuation, etc..

 

[confusedman1234]

thanks, you guys are awesome. yeah i was thinking i should talk about "us" at some point (maybe in the next two months or so), and also be really relationshippy in my convos, but ill just play it cool and be chill and normal. and ill let her bring up that topic on her own...

 

[Iceberg]

thanks, you guys are awesome. yeah i was thinking i should talk about "us" at some point (maybe in the next two months or so), and also be really relationshippy in my convos, but ill just play it cool and be chill and normal. and ill let her bring up that topic on her own...

Oh god. Yeah. Never do that. Let girl's chase the relationship. Let them think they "won" you.

I don't think I've seen a good relationship yet where the guy chased the woman for relationship status.

Just be chill and normal, like you said.

 

[confusedman1234]

ty brothers. should i eventually bark up her tree to come up and visit me or wait for her to initiate that on my own?

 

[Iceberg]

ty brothers. should i eventually bark up her tree to come up and visit me or wait for her to initiate that on my own?

You can make the first move to invite her over. Just don't get all relationshippy, as you said.