Holy moly.. Mildly obsessed after first date with a girl.

[MisterD]

Actually its not about being caught up in AFC vs Alpha; its about learning how to become attractive to people in general vs continually doing the wrong things, then scratching your head thinking all girls are b-itches.



Your putting too much logic to this hypothetical situation you've created. A guy who isn't a challenge to women (because he isn't well rounded in his life) will never even bang 30 different girls. Clueless guys fall in love with the flavor of the minute.



That statement above tells me you don't get it. My natural self is a lot different from someone else's natural self. And if you think you ever don't have to continue to have game or even play the game, then you are in for a lot of surprises in your future relationships. Its only through experience and GAME that a man is able to naturally encompass the traits that are attractive. Without your going to a war with a pair of sticks and some stones in your pocket when your opponent has an AK.

Furthermore who connects with someone on a DEEP PERSONAL level after one date? LOL




I won't disagree that every so often you run into a "catch." What I do disagree with is how quickly you can determine that AND how often it APPEARS to happen to most noobs and rookies. These guys fall in love in a NY minute, idealizing and putting girls on a pedestal; this is due to inexperience, lack of options and the scarcity mentality.



He will never see her again in person if he keeps acting the way he currently is.... zero challenge, too available and projecting too much interest.


Lets wait and see how this shakes out; I'm willing to bet if he turns his behavior around right now, she will come running back; if he doesn't she will be gone.






PIMP

too many men on here micromanage and spend too much time masturbating to the reading material on here, as opposed to just being themselves and not caring about outcomes

then come on here complaing/looking for advice when what they read on here doesn't work. let me spoil the ending--it's because the chicks weren't interested

i've had situations where i didn't have to do anything at all, maybe even acted afc, and the girl stuck around and showed high interest

conversely, i've had situations where i tried to be super alpha playboy ***** slayer and the girls went cold

being confident, and not caring about chicks will defeat any little pua tips you'll learn here

do what works for you. if living life thinking anything involving chicks needs to be a game and you have to manage every move you make, so be it

some of us live naturally and let the chips fall where they may

like you said, your natural self is different than another's

maybe we're different people. if we're both getting the results we want, nothing else matters

 

[Serg897]

I dont even have to read most of this thread to know what to say. The infatuation and potential oneitis is strong in this one.

Back off and gain some perspective, dude. No need to be "mildly obsessed" after one date. She has to reciprocate your interest, or she isnt deserving of the effort from you.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I can see how my text would translate to being over eager, but that's my usual game..

Me: Let's go out on Tuesday
Girl: I work on Tuesday
*I propose another day*
Me: Hmm.. Well I can do Wednesday
Girl: I have plans Wednesday
*I give up for the time being*
Me: Well maybe this weekend/well maybe next week...

This is the definition of insanity then Korrupt. Change this neediness; ESPECIALLY early on, the girl doesn't know you from Joe Blow, so if it walks like a duck and acts like a duck guess what the girl's gonna think?

A better way to ask a girl out is to give her options straight off the bat, so you are showing that your being flexible, but not bending over backwards.

You: Hey (inside joke, nickname, whatever you chose), I'm free Wed and Thursday this week lets get together, what day works better for you?

(Notice how you are assuming the sale, you've given her an option and you don't sound needy or overly eager.)


If she says she can't make either and doesn't counter offer, LEAVE IT ALONE! Don't go on to saying, "well I'm free Saturday and Sunday too." ---- This then leads the girl to make assumptions, as in you have no life and you really really like her aka: your not a challenge. Couple that with the fact she's on a dating site getting hit up all day and night even if she's simply average looking and you see how she has the mentality of ABUNDANCE and you have the the mentality of SCARCITY.

With this girl, if she would have said "I can't do wed or thurs" I would have just told her "well I'm not sure what my plans are for the weekend yet, so lemme get back to you." Can't do much if she doesn't respond at all though (which she hasn't).

If she would've said she's not free either of those days as well and did not counter offer, then you don't go into "well I'm not sure what my plans are for the weekend.....you say "alright cool, well I'll have a good week, I'll talk to you later." And go GHOST on her. This is what makes attractions ELEVATE, when the girl wonders and you are not hitting her up so soon after a first date. In other words, you want to let the thought/attraction GROW.

And see, THIS is what confuses me more than ANYTHING else when it comes to dating. It seems like whenever I have an awesome, out of this world great date, I don't get a second

It shouldn't confuse you at all; its crystal clear. When you have interest in a girl you go completely AFC; projecting too much interest, overly eager and showing your hand far too soon.

but when I have an average "meh" date, it 60-80% of the time goes to a second. What in the f*ck happened in those two days that made the girl go from inviting me back to her place, making out with me, and texting me at 3am after I had left just to say she had a great time, to her ignoring me?!?!?!

Exactly what I explained above. Your not giving her a chance to breath and let the attraction grow, instead you continually water the plant and keep telling it to grow. You can't rush these things, you gotta let shiat take its course.






PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

too many men on here micromanage and spend too much time masturbating to the reading material on here, as opposed to just being themselves and not caring about outcomes

Your coming from the false assumption that 90% of these guys even know "how to be." Do you not realize that being yourself is the greatest fallacy of bs advice every posted on a seduction forum? Being yourself means different things to different guys straight up. Most of these guys are clueless on creating attraction, having enough going in their life to not mentally masturbate about a girl etc.

then come on here complaing/looking for advice when what they read on here doesn't work. let me spoil the ending--it's because the chicks weren't interested

Completely agree here, but you see the difference is they THINK something went wrong in between the date. If they realized that their needy, clingy, desperate behavior ON the date is what put the nail in the coffin, it would clear up 95% of the clutter bs that is posted on here. However, that takes me back to our original discussion; being yourself. You can't keep telling them to be themselves; when they have no conception of what that truly encompasses in terms of successful dating dynamics.

i've had situations where i didn't have to do anything at all, maybe even acted afc, and the girl stuck around and showed high interest

Let me put it this way; initial impressions are EVERYTHING in the dating world. If the girl doesn't think your a chump, then you can get away with chumpish like behavior. Again this bring me back to my point; you can't be yourself when being yourself is getting you nowhere. You have to understand where your going wrong in order to REDEFINE what "self" is and what you want it to be.

Your example above proves that you can get away with things once you have a solid foundation in game, most of these guys don't have that.

conversely, i've had situations where i tried to be super alpha playboy ***** slayer and the girls went cold

Not surprising; you mis-read your target and over-did it. Again your thinking this is all about Alpha vs AFC; its not. Its about understanding basic game dynamics and acting accordingly. Learn to read and assess your target; mis-read her and you will likely strike out.

being confident, and not caring about chicks will defeat any little pua tips you'll learn here

Agreed 100%

do what works for you. if living life thinking anything involving chicks needs to be a game and you have to manage every move you make, so be it

I don't know where your pulling your info from dude; I never said you have calculate every move...lol What my point has been all along is that Korrupt and others on this main discussion board do not have a solid foundation of game simply because they are young and not experienced enough. The confident "don't care" attitude comes from experience, but more importantly SUCCESS. You can't have either if you are just being yourself for most of these guys.

some of us live naturally and let the chips fall where they may

See here's where your not being completely truthful. Your natural self prior to you discovering game was nothing like what it is today. Now I'm not saying you read some lame theory on here and it was the lightbulb effect, but what I am saying is understanding the fundamentals which all come back to self confidence and self respect helped to facilitate the I could care less attitude that most success dudes have.

like you said, your natural self is different than another's

Exactly; I probably wouldn't have called this chick for a couple days. But its not because I was following some game theory; it is simply because I have other shiat going on in my life and I know how attraction works.

maybe we're different people. if we're both getting the results we want, nothing else matters

Were actually pretty similar; its just that your first response read like you were simply telling Korrupt to be himself.... that's clearly not working and that was my point; he has to understand the fundamental of game and what they truly mean in order to develop a better sense of self and the natural confidence that is so attractive to women universally.


Good post, keep doing your thing bro.








PIMP

 

[backbreaker]

i generally stay away from the main forum becuase frankely i would waste my 10 posts a day on too many men who are clueless and i believe a DJ under the age of 25 is an oxymoron.. you hve to have experience to become a true DJ and a lot of bumps and bruises..


but dammit i like korrupt lol. he reminds me of a young me. he gets it at an early age. so i am going to weigh in here.

i really, do not see what he did wrong. just beucase the woman is flaking doesn't mean it's becuase of something he did. what did he do wrong? he's spinning plates. he tried to setup a follow up date after he almost ****ed the girl on the first date? i mean seriously WTF?

doing antyhing differently would have been unnatural. she was very into him and he was very into her. that's not oneitis that's dating. she has responded very positivly to him and in turn he has rewareded that behavior with positive responses.

This is the definition of insanity then Korrupt. Change this neediness; ESPECIALLY early on, the girl doesn't know you from Joe Blow, so if it walks like a duck and acts like a duck guess what the girl's gonna think?

dude shush. the girl invited him back to his place, watched a movie with him, had a makeout session at her house utnil 3am in the morning and then followed upw ith a text he has every fvckign right to think she is interested because all of her actions have told her so.

what you mistake as him being needy is him just realizing he has a hot peice of meat on the plate and wants to eat it before it gets cold. if i have a girl i am really into dammit i am going to make plans. what in her actions have shown her ot be cold?


there is no perfect formula. even in my best of plate spinning dates you go on dates and sometimes you just get baffled and **** happens. this is what i clal **** happens. t he best date i ever went on first date i damn near though i had met my future wife lol, she was telling me how great of a guy i was, we made out, she asked me to spend the night, she didn't want me to leave, called me that night, woke me up the next morning, only to find out her EX BF wsa back int he picture 2 days later and she was going to get back with him. i was like WTF but sometimes women will make you say WTF. they are women.


for korrupt.. what i think you have is what i call a mimicker. i think she is extremely adeapt at mirroring people and thus you feel this connection. this is how she operates. she is deadly if you do not realize what you are dealing with. what you think is a special connection is jsut her interacting with you.

now with that said, i do thinks he kinda likes you just not as much as you originally though. all you have to do at this point is 1. pull back and treat her like plate 3 instead of a normal plate and 2. let the next interaction be her call. ball is now in her court. you have played your hand damn near perfectly and setup a chance for 2 dates. don't press it. if she likes you she will contact if not **** it. but this one you have to be in particularly careful to not give her the impression that you have fallen for her.

 

[SoSuave666]

This kinda stuff happens all the time with attractive women. The really hot ones are used to the best men taking them on dates. They are comfortable going home and making out with an attractive guy. But you are probably not the only one. As far as long term goes, I would suggest playing it cool. It's hard to let the good ones slip away, but you need to know when to back off. It's got nothing to do with trying to attract her, and everything to do with building your own confidence. In the meantime, seek other women. It's difficult to become attracted to just any girl, especially when all you see when you look around are fat chicks and egotistical bimbos. Other avenues for success do exist.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

i really, do not see what he did wrong. just beucase the woman is flaking doesn't mean it's becuase of something he did. what did he do wrong? he's spinning plates. he tried to setup a follow up date after he almost ****ed the girl on the first date? i mean seriously WTF?

He projected way too much interest too fast. He made out with her, he didn't almost phuck her dude... Maybe I come from a different school of thought on this, but making out doesn't really mean much. Yes I agree that this girl was showing all the right signs and inviting him up was very positive.

However a woman, even average looking on a dating site is getting hit up by tons of guys daily. I'm all about striking while the iron's hot as well, but doing it under control; he showed neediness in his text and was too available.

doing antyhing differently would have been unnatural. she was very into him and he was very into her. that's not oneitis that's dating. she has responded very positivly to him and in turn he has rewareded that behavior with positive responses.

I agree here, I don't think he has one-itis, I think he has a genuine curiosity for what exactly is going on. However I will say again, a woman on a dating site is a woman who thinks she has the world as her oyster.

dude shush. the girl invited him back to his place, watched a movie with him, had a makeout session at her house utnil 3am in the morning and then followed upw ith a text he has every fvckign right to think she is interested because all of her actions have told her so.

Your making assumptions here to prove your point; I never said this girl wasn't interested. I said he's projecting too much interest which is why she is pulling back. If he pulls back she will come running back no doubt.

what you mistake as him being needy is him just realizing he has a hot peice of meat on the plate and wants to eat it before it gets cold. if i have a girl i am really into dammit i am going to make plans. what in her actions have shown her ot be cold?

I hear you, but again in my opinion he was too available when he asked her to hang out. Maybe were different here, but I don't open up my schedule so much after one date. I give her a option of this day or that day; if she can't make it and she doesn't counter; then i pull back.

Which brings me to the point; if this girl was as interested as he thought, why would she not counter?

there is no perfect formula. even in my best of plate spinning dates you go on dates and sometimes you just get baffled and **** happens. this is what i clal **** happens. t he best date i ever went on first date i damn near though i had met my future wife lol, she was telling me how great of a guy i was, we made out, she asked me to spend the night, she didn't want me to leave, called me that night, woke me up the next morning, only to find out her EX BF wsa back int he picture 2 days later and she was going to get back with him. i was like WTF but sometimes women will make you say WTF. they are women.

Well said and I agree here. Women are sometimes just flat out retarded.

but this one you have to be in particularly careful to not give her the impression that you have fallen for her.

Your agreeing with my whole point with this statement above. She was interested and she was having fun, but the element of challenge was lost by him being too available IMO. If he would've called asked her out and she said she can't, instead of offering two other days right off the bat he wouldn't have lost value in her eyes.

But I agree as mentioned above, if you pull back she will come back to you IF she was legit.






PIMP

 

[Korrupt]

I honestly might have f*cked up by not screwing her then and there. I thought I was playing it perfectly by not jumping all over her like a horny caveman, but also giving her just enough to leave her wanting more and thinking about me, but that might have been a fatal error. At this point I've phucked 22 girls and could care less about the notches on my belt, but I think I goofed by NOT forcing myself on her like a sex starved teenager. Of course I'll never know, which is the worst part.

I also like how she responded to my first text, then completely ignored my second. I don't get it..

And back off for how long exactly? A few days? A week? Until she hits me up? Forever?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Let her get her attention-wh0re weekend on. You call her up on Tuesday or Wednesday once she gets her diva high down (from clubbing and having dudes sweating her today and tommorow). Set something up the following two days (Either Wed or Thu).

 

[Spinning Spinning]

PIMP is the man....do what he says and it'll take you a long way.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I honestly might have f*cked up by not screwing her then and there. I thought I was playing it perfectly by not jumping all over her like a horny caveman, but also giving her just enough to leave her wanting more and thinking about me, but that might have been a fatal error. At this point I've phucked 22 girls and could care less about the notches on my belt, but I think I goofed by NOT forcing myself on her like a sex starved teenager. Of course I'll never know, which is the worst part.

I also like how she responded to my first text, then completely ignored my second. I don't get it..

And back off for how long exactly? A few days? A week? Until she hits me up? Forever?

Now your thinking straight bro! I've never felt the # of girls a guy has phucked is a defining characteristic of whether he has solid game or not. Some dude could phuck 40 girls who were average or slightly above average. Does he have more game than the dude who has phucked 10 girls who are 8's or better? Or what about the guy who has multiple opportunities to phuck but turns some of them down from time to time? Just food for thought.

One thing that BB said that I definitely agree with is chicks are straight up whack sometimes. So in your after date analysis you might have thought "oh I phucked up right at this point" or something other point; when in reality the girl is likely the phucked up one.

I can't say from first hand experience because I've never used online dating, I can only base what I'm about to say from my close friends and stories I've read here; but the impression I get is there are lots of psychos on POF.

So yah chick invites you up on the first date, maybe she was simply looking to phuck and you taking the slower approach might have been the reason. But in either case don't sweat it.

If I were you I'd leave her alone for 2-3 days and then re-engage. If you don't get anything concrete from her or she does the disappearing act, then put her on the back burner for a week or two and see what happens.

99% of the time when a girl has enough interest she will hit you up if you disappear.

The other point I want to reiterate is girls on dating sites tend to think they're a lot hotter than they are from what I gather, and again its easy to see why when dudes (chump dudes that is) are hitting them up all day telling them how gorgeous and perfect they are.

I think if you change your availability and keep crushing it on the first date your success will skyrocket.






PIMP

 

[Korrupt]

Let her get her attention-wh0re weekend on. You call her up on Tuesday or Wednesday once she gets her diva high down (from clubbing and having dudes sweating her today and tommorow). Set something up the following two days (Either Wed or Thu).

Now your thinking straight bro! I've never felt the # of girls a guy has phucked is a defining characteristic of whether he has solid game or not. Some dude could phuck 40 girls who were average or slightly above average. Does he have more game than the dude who has phucked 10 girls who are 8's or better? Or what about the guy who has multiple opportunities to phuck but turns some of them down from time to time? Just food for thought.

One thing that BB said that I definitely agree with is chicks are straight up whack sometimes. So in your after date analysis you might have thought "oh I phucked up right at this point" or something other point; when in reality the girl is likely the phucked up one.

I can't say from first hand experience because I've never used online dating, I can only base what I'm about to say from my close friends and stories I've read here; but the impression I get is there are lots of psychos on POF.

So yah chick invites you up on the first date, maybe she was simply looking to phuck and you taking the slower approach might have been the reason. But in either case don't sweat it.

If I were you I'd leave her alone for 2-3 days and then re-engage. If you don't get anything concrete from her or she does the disappearing act, then put her on the back burner for a week or two and see what happens.

99% of the time when a girl has enough interest she will hit you up if you disappear.

The other point I want to reiterate is girls on dating sites tend to think they're a lot hotter than they are from what I gather, and again its easy to see why when dudes (chump dudes that is) are hitting them up all day telling them how gorgeous and perfect they are.

I think if you change your availability and keep crushing it on the first date your success will skyrocket.






PIMP

I honestly thought that acting like a guy who wasn't desperate for poon and teasing her that night would make her want me 10x more. Guess not..

I'll hit her up Wednesday and say "Hey *name*, I'm free tomorrow and Sunday, we should grab sushi together one night. Which day works better for you?"

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Call... Call..... Call....

Do not text her! Especially after she didn't reply to your last text message Calling portrays more confidence. Go straight to the point. Phone call shouldn't last more than a minute.

It was good you didn't try to smash her first night. Sometimes it is best to keep your d!ck in your pocket; especially from a female you get a "relationship" vibe with.

 

[Korrupt]

I'll call and leave this message then:

"Hey *name*, it's Korrupt. I'm free tomorrow and Sunday, we should grab sushi together one night. Gimme a call or shoot me a text and lemme know. Bye."

And if she picks up I'll say pretty much the same thing I guess. But if I DO leave a message, should I also send a text?

 

[WorkingDJ]

Most would advise against leaving a voicemail.

I would join that group, because frankly, most people don't listen to them. If she doesn't answer, I'd just try again later.

 

[.Paradox.]

I'll call and leave this message then:

"Hey *name*, it's Korrupt. I'm free tomorrow and Sunday, we should grab sushi together one night. Gimme a call or shoot me a text and lemme know. Bye."

And if she picks up I'll say pretty much the same thing I guess. But if I DO leave a message, should I also send a text?

I'd say call once, if she doesn't pick up wait 5-10 mins to see if she calls back, then send her a text saying "Hey *name*, I'm free tomorrow and Sunday. How about we grab sushi together one night? My treat."

Simple, easy, and straight to the point.

 

[Jhcl4000]

How about just straight up telling her you fvcked up and you know it? Just say you should have picked her up and taken her to the bedroom, and you regretted not doing it as soon as you walked out.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Don't mentally masturbate over the call vs text thing. That has been discussed to death here over the years.

Contact her however you choose to, the bottom line is if she has enough interest she will get back to you.

Its not like she will go "OMG he called as opposed to text, I have to go out with him now!!!" NOW I'm more interested! lol

No, it comes down to interest level and the method of communication has nothing NOTHING to do with that.


About your other point; I tend to use that method when I meet a girl out say at a bar and attraction is apparent and say we start making out on the dance floor. I will pull away first and re-engage my friends or her friends; I think it works better in THAT setting.

When a girl has you in her private area, she's into you and you don't try to close, it could change her opinion quick.

Personally I think this girl is a serial dater, she's getting a lot of attention and you are one of the many at this point.

Just be patient, don't contact her too much. One more try in a few days and if you get nothing concrete, leave her alone and on to the next until she gets back to you.







PIMP

 

[Korrupt]

My friend did some recon/detective work. I DID NOT ASK HIM TO DO THIS. He messaged her on HIS profile and got up to asking her out on a date himself, and this is what happened:

HIM: You seem like a pretty cool girl.. I'd be up for grabbing dinner or drinks together sometime.

HIM: I actually just found out that I'm free tomorrow night. Up to meet for drinks?

HER: I think I'm kinda booked for this week, not to sound way more important than I am haha. My parents are coming into town and Im babysitting

HIM: Damn! Babysitting all week? Must be one hell of a kid! Haha! You sure you're not just busy with all your PoF dates? ;P ..I just recently joined up, so this is all a bit weird to me and I'm still a bit wary about meeting people.. You ever go out with someone from here?

HER: Once (HER DATE WITH ME I guess), I'm still new to it as well.. And I'm only watching the kiddo for one night but I've got family coming up Wednesday for the weekend.

HIM: Oh do you have kids? Or just watching for a friend? And a female friend of mine originally got me on here, but she also told me some ridiculous stories about several terrible dates she had. While funny, it wasn't very motivating haha. I'm hoping to avoid the hell dates.. I'm guessing your date wasn't a total freak since you're still on here though - which is slightly re-assuring lol.

No response to the last message yet. Helpful at all? Ehh.. At least she does ACTUALLY have plans tomorrow and wasn't just straight up lying.

Don't mentally masturbate over the call vs text thing. That has been discussed to death here over the years.

Contact her however you choose to, the bottom line is if she has enough interest she will get back to you.

Its not like she will go "OMG he called as opposed to text, I have to go out with him now!!!" NOW I'm more interested! lol

No, it comes down to interest level and the method of communication has nothing NOTHING to do with that.


About your other point; I tend to use that method when I meet a girl out say at a bar and attraction is apparent and say we start making out on the dance floor. I will pull away first and re-engage my friends or her friends; I think it works better in THAT setting.

When a girl has you in her private area, she's into you and you don't try to close, it could change her opinion quick.

Personally I think this girl is a serial dater, she's getting a lot of attention and you are one of the many at this point.

Just be patient, don't contact her too much. One more try in a few days and if you get nothing concrete, leave her alone and on to the next until she gets back to you.







PIMP

I'm planning on calling her Wednesday afternoon, and when she doesn't pick up (I know she won't at this point) I'm going to send her a text saying "Hey *name*, I'm free tomorrow and Saturday. We should grab dinner together one night. How bout it?"

That good enough?

 

[Tiguere]

JUST DO WHATEVER you have in mind.. you have to be willing to fail. the guys who get laid regularly are the ones who are willing to fail.

text her ..."" hey got a bottle of wine unopened beside me.... when is best for me to show up and taste those lips?"""

ill be honest i always have better luck with women when i talk direct and sexual


you already made out... taking her to dinner is a step backwards. you have make the second date start where the first one ended.