wakingup
Don Juan
I've been soaking up a lot from this website and I want to thank everyone for their contributions. I've been divorced for almost one year now, and been having so much more success with women, both romantically and platonically. I credit this to acknowledging the inherent and natural biological characteristics of men and women (which this site and Rollo's have helped me to see) but also by KEEPING COOL as much as possible. Things don't upset me as much as they used to because I focus on the fact that I take care of MYSELF and that I have it under control for me. If someone else can't see that, appreciate that, or respect that, its their problem.
I wanted to share a recent story of an interaction that I never would have handled so well had it not been for this community.
I took my girlfriend on a two hour drive to see a concert last weekend in Los Angeles. Trying to find the freeway after the show at midnight was difficult, so I asked her to navigate. I thought I saw a sign for the freeway and was headed there, and at the last minute the woman says "no don't turn here, keep straight" while she's looking at her phone with the map and directions. Since I wasn't 100% sure, I listened, turned out I was right, and then we were lost in an industrial part of LA. She was quiet and I came to a fork in the road and she remained silent so I briefly lost it and said in an upset tone "OK.... Left or right, which is it?"
We get on the freeway and she says that I really hurt her feelings and made her feel bad. I told her that I was tired and hate getting lost and just wanted to get on the freeway and get home. She says "you do realize that you talked to me in a very disrespectful way." I told her I was frustrated and lost and when she failed to speak up at the intersection, it made me upset briefly but that everything was cool and that I was no longer upset. She said she couldn't just get over it that quickly.
2 hour drive in silence. She mumbles about 15 minutes before home that she wants me to take her home instead of staying with me. I said "no problem." We get to her house and she says "I'm so sorry. I just overreacted and felt like I couldn't express my frustration to you in a healthy way, how can I better relate to you and express my feelings in a healthy way." I told her that it's ok she was upset, that we can't control our emotions, and that I appreciated her desire to communicate with me.
I drove myself home and she texts me multiple times how I am a great communicator and how lucky she is to have me. The previous me would have asked her a million questions about how she was feeling, me apologizing a bunch, and reassuring her. This time, I let the silence linger, did not apologize, and reassured her that everything was OK. The next night I got the best BJ I ever had.
I wanted to share a recent story of an interaction that I never would have handled so well had it not been for this community.
I took my girlfriend on a two hour drive to see a concert last weekend in Los Angeles. Trying to find the freeway after the show at midnight was difficult, so I asked her to navigate. I thought I saw a sign for the freeway and was headed there, and at the last minute the woman says "no don't turn here, keep straight" while she's looking at her phone with the map and directions. Since I wasn't 100% sure, I listened, turned out I was right, and then we were lost in an industrial part of LA. She was quiet and I came to a fork in the road and she remained silent so I briefly lost it and said in an upset tone "OK.... Left or right, which is it?"
We get on the freeway and she says that I really hurt her feelings and made her feel bad. I told her that I was tired and hate getting lost and just wanted to get on the freeway and get home. She says "you do realize that you talked to me in a very disrespectful way." I told her I was frustrated and lost and when she failed to speak up at the intersection, it made me upset briefly but that everything was cool and that I was no longer upset. She said she couldn't just get over it that quickly.
2 hour drive in silence. She mumbles about 15 minutes before home that she wants me to take her home instead of staying with me. I said "no problem." We get to her house and she says "I'm so sorry. I just overreacted and felt like I couldn't express my frustration to you in a healthy way, how can I better relate to you and express my feelings in a healthy way." I told her that it's ok she was upset, that we can't control our emotions, and that I appreciated her desire to communicate with me.
I drove myself home and she texts me multiple times how I am a great communicator and how lucky she is to have me. The previous me would have asked her a million questions about how she was feeling, me apologizing a bunch, and reassuring her. This time, I let the silence linger, did not apologize, and reassured her that everything was OK. The next night I got the best BJ I ever had.