"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Hm... i guess she thinks im a fvcking idiot?....

In2theGame

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So ive been talking to this other girl for a bit, 8.5/9 light brunette. Ive been banging her for a while and she claims she wants to be together and telling her mom about me. She hits me up all the time, So today she doesnt text or call me the whole day. Thats fine, i was busy all day anyway. I shoot her a text and see how shes doin and she always responds right away but today it seemed a little fishy, Just that feeling like... Eh... something feels off. So she calls me and i pick up but then she immediately hangs up. I call right back and she wont pick up. Im like okay... maybe shes trying to call me back while im calling her. I try one more time and she wont pick up BUT instead of picking up she texts me that sorry she didnt answer my texts earlier because her phone had died when she went to the gym and that she just got home but is going to bed because shes tired.

Is that believable? Hmm.. Ok sure lets roll with it... BUT you cant pick up the phone when i call you right back twice? You refuse to pick up and talk for 2 min but have time to send texts? Get the Fvck outta here, What am I? an Azzhole? I called her out on that Bullsh!t but she didnt respond. I straight up let her know not to waste my time with BS. Deleted her contact info and done.

Like ive mentioned before... not to "toot my horn" so to speak but i get HB's all the time and ive been around so many woman that i just cant buy BS excuses like this. I'm more upset at the fact that shes trying to insult my intelligence. Fvcking women and you wonder why a lot of guys on here have had it? Shes going to try to text and call me tomorrow to make up excuses. have another date with 2 girls lined up for Friday and Sat. I guess i gotta keep Pumpin and Dumpin.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Night-hawk

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Sounds like you are Rollin' fine man. Why even bother making a thread over this. You feeling a slip of the upper hand/ control over things with her? Could be why it's bothering you. You really like her?

Fawking phones and texting create so much stupid commotion...

Girls and our energy spent on them gets more ridiculous to me everyday.
 

In2theGame

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Night-hawk said:
Sounds like you are Rollin' fine man. Why even bother making a thread over this. You feeling a slip of the upper hand/ control over things with her? Could be why it's bothering you. Fawking phones and texting create so much stupid commotion...

Girls and our energy spent on them gets more ridiculous to me everyday.
Its not so much Commotion over phone calls and texts but the way women come off and think some men are dumb or wont call them out on bullsh!t excuses. Your Texting me.. Im calling you at the same time but you wont pick up and send a text instead? Its common sense that there is a specific reason for not picking up. Another guy is around. I guess it gets to me because I went out Friday night and she's texting me "You better tell those other girls to **** off if they approach you". I got home around 5am i passed out till 3pm. She calls me to yell why i havent called her and texted her all day :rolleyes: fvck outta here with that.
 

Night-hawk

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I hear ya.
 
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Tiguere

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Keep us posted. Your H0e is need a slap to her ego.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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origin138

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I hear that, and you played it well. I'd have been worse and just disappeared on her ass. Nothing strikes the revenge chord like some good abandonment.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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In2theGame said:
So ive been talking to this other girl for a bit, 8.5/9 light brunette. Ive been banging her for a while and she claims she wants to be together and telling her mom about me.
Cool, so things are progressing smoothly.

In2theGame said:
She hits me up all the time, So today she doesnt text or call me the whole day.Thats fine,
Of Course

In2theGame said:
i was busy all day anyway. I shoot her a text and see how shes doin and she always responds right away but today it seemed a little fishy, Just that feeling like... Eh... something feels off. So she calls me and i pick up but then she immediately hangs up. I call right back and she wont pick up. Im like okay... maybe shes trying to call me back while im calling her. I try one more time and she wont pick up BUT instead of picking up she texts me that sorry she didnt answer my texts earlier because her phone had died when she went to the gym and that she just got home but is going to bed because shes tired.
So she didn't want to talk, it happens. She was having an off day, many reasons for this...many reasons. Just to name a few: she was on her period, her boss yelled at her, one of her relatives is dying, her brother got arrested, her cat is sick, she got fired, somebody broke into her house and robbed her, her bank account got hit up from an old IRS tax lein, her ex boyfriend of 8 years showed up on her doorstep and she went out to lunch with him but nothing happened, but she didn't want to tell you because you would probably get upset, and she was right ..... or she actually was tired from staying up all night reading or studying for something.

In2theGame said:
Is that believable? Hmm.. Ok sure lets roll with it... BUT you cant pick up the phone when i call you right back twice? You refuse to pick up and talk for 2 min but have time to send texts? Get the Fvck outta here, What am I? an Azzhole? I called her out on that Bullsh!t but she didnt respond. I straight up let her know not to waste my time with BS.
She shouldn't respond when you're throwing out blind accusations.


In2theGame said:
Deleted her contact info and done.
Your emotions and insecurities got the best of you. Your view of this whole situation is based off of past events, not your current events and relationship with her. Has she ever done anything to make you think she was lying to you before? Cheating on you even though you're not exclusive?

In2theGame said:
Like ive mentioned before... not to "toot my horn" so to speak but i get HB's all the time and ive been around so many woman that i just cant buy BS excuses like this.
You're right about it being an excuse. And it is probably BS. Do you want her to tell you what really happened? Then play it cool, and when she's ready she'll open up. Otherwise, that's when YOU start giving excuses. This isn't something to NEXT her about, remember it happened, compartmentalize it and file it away. But nothing to start punching holes in the wall about.

In2theGame said:
I'm more upset at the fact that shes trying to insult my intelligence. Fvcking women and you wonder why a lot of guys on here have had it? Shes going to try to text and call me tomorrow to make up excuses. have another date with 2 girls lined up for Friday and Sat. I guess i gotta keep Pumpin and Dumpin.
So, she's a plate, you're not exclusive. Your plate, might have just broken. You're seeing other girls right? Even if she is seeing another guy....is that wrong of her? Would you rather her tell you about him? My bet is she doesn't want to because you'll fly off the handle. Just sayin.

Yeah, she should delete your information because you acted like a psycho.

You did not handle this well. You handled it like a man that beats his wife when she gets out of line. Even if she was out on a date or seeing someone else....#1 you two are not exclusive, and #2 either way, you need to play it cool, be indifferent.

All you did by your responses was show your insecurities.
 
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Pimp-sicle

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Peaks beat me to it.

It would be one thing if she was your exclusive gf.

But she's not, she's only one option.

You totally over-reacted bro.

Lastly, did you ever think she was trying to create a little jealousy within you since she was clearly worried that you were meeting other girls a couple nights earlier?

You messed up here and your insecurities got the best of you. Learn from it, move on.



Edit: Must spread reputation before reppin' Peaks again! haha - good post bro.









PIMP
 

Aristippus

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If I were you, I would have welcomed the break in the usual pattern. She could have been busy or maybe upset about something or upset with you. If she didn't answer because she was upset with YOU, trust me, it isn't the end of the world. With women, you have to expect that sometimes she will take something you said the wrong way and get upset, or be on her period and be upset, or any number of things. A lot of times it could be something that isn't your fault. Usually what will happen is you have a disagreement or an argument followed by make-up sex. From the description you gave of everything else, things seemed to be going fine.

You over-reacted. These little spaces where the communication tapers off for a day or two can actually make the relationship stronger. I know you're seeing other women, but for the sake of simplicity I consider every sexual/romantic interaction with women to be a relationship of some sort, whether it's short or long-term. Things were going fine and then because she wasn't latched to your hip every second, or available at every single instant you wanted her available, you acted insecure and reacted too harshly.

The better way to handle it would have been to say or text something like "I see you're busy today. So am I. Busy day. If I don't hear from you today will chat with you another time."........ This should have been a non-event at best, giving you a little bit of space and giving her time to miss you, or an opportunity for her to vent at you if she was upset with you about something, an argument might have followed, then making up, followed by some make-up sex.

You have to look at the OVERALL PATTERN of things. If the overall pattern is looking good, don't freak out if there's a little hiccup in your schedules or your usual communication patterns. Look at overall patterns always. Too many men freak out over small deviations in behavior and ignore the prevalent and persistent behavior patterns.

If two weeks had gone by and she was ignoring your calls and not returning them, that's a pattern. But the key still isn't to react insecurely. You just quietly move on. If anything, SHE should be the one wondering where you are or why you waited all day to reach her. You should never be the one to do that.
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

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In2theGame

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Ok so according to many I over reacted and i am insecure? and was wrong for calling out Bvllsh*t when i sense it? . Here's the thing, I have been playing it cool. I really liked her and that's probably where i slipped up. I started to really like her. She claimed she wasnt my girl but calls me and texts me when I'm out asking "What you doing?" to which i always replied "out with friends" Then i keep getting texts "I miss you baby" "slvts better leave you alone, thats my c*ck" Sounds great right? Then when i dont answer (not on purpose but i cant hear my phone) I see that she's texting me sad faces "No Answer? :(" To which i always played it cool and said "Oh sorry hun, I didnt see your texts till now"

Few weeks ago I was out with friends again and we spoke earlier in the day and said we would like to meet up. I said ok let me know. So while im chilling out, I get texts again "Heyy, Having fun?" I'm like yeah babe, let me know if your comin by. She says ok. Didnt hear from her so i didnt text or call her, i just figured that she was busy doing her thing with her friends. Around 3am i have a missed call and a voicemail, Its her going off on me "Yeah Um... Hey In2thegame, Its me, You didnt even call or text me that you wanted me to come see you, Now we know your not Fvcking interested and dont Fvcking care about me!! You dont pick up when i call you! We'll talk later" But wait a minute? im not your man so why so hostile? Maybe i should be a blue pill poppin chump and apologize right?

She ends up callin me every day calling me her love and her boo, funny right?, Okay so i play it cool... We talk while im driving home from the gym.. We're getting off the phone and she says shes going to get ready for bed.. Ok.. "Kisses! babe, I will text you in a bit before i lay down to say goodnight" I said ok. She says "Ok? Wait Wheres my kiss?" I wanted to actually, i started to like her a lot and said to myself, let me let my guard down a bit, shes being sweet. I gave her a kiss back and she was happy about it. Everything is good but I'm still keeping it cool until a week and a half ago where she went off on me again. Decided to hang with a crew of friends and play some beer pong. it was one of my friends Bday. I talked to her earlier in the day and everything was great but again started getting some texts "What u doiinggg?" and so on. I texted briefly and said i was out with friends and will text her later or tomorrow. I got home late and i slept most of the day because during the week I work on my business that takes a lot of hours of work. Obviously i could not text or call her if i am asleep. So,.. I hear my phone ring and i pick up as normal "Hey babe whats up" she replies "hey" but stays silent.. Im saying hello? is everything alright? She replies "Yea everything is fine, Anyway im going to get off the phone, I wanted to see if you were alive." I reply, Nah babe i was sleeping and didnt get up till now" my voice was dragged out so you could tell i had just woken up and she went off "You havent texted me all fvcking day, i didnt hear from you not once!" When i told her i was honestly asleep she replied with "uh huh, yeah ok. If you want to play fvcking games, i'll play games!! this is why i didnt want to get attached!! I gotta get off the phone, i dont feel like talking!" I wanted to go off on her and call her out on her sh*tty attitude but... i played it cool and texted her how she was acting up and to stop it and fvcking relax! she apologized and send me a kisses and how she misses me.

We were good ever since until few days ago when we spoke early in the day but after that, didnt hear from her all day which is fine, i went along with my day as normal, Didnt even give it a second thought but when she finally did contact me, it was already later than usual but i still didnt think anything yet. I head over to the store to buy some things. She calls me, i pick up but the phone call hangs up immediately when i pick up. It was as if she called me and when she heard i answered she cut it off. I called her back and no answer so i figure she'll call me back. I try one more time to call and she didnt answer but sends me a text "Sorry babe, my phone died today, I tried to call you but im going to get ready for bed xoxox Call u tmrw my luv" As shes sending this.. i try to call her one more time. She doesnt pick up. I send her a text simply saying.. "Im calling you?" She goes silent and at that moment... for whatever reason... i got that gut feeling. you guys know what im talking about. That feeling where you know something feels off but your denying yourself of it because you actually like the girl a lot and feel you got something going on with her. I sent her one last text "I dont see how you can text me but not pick up the phone for 5 minutes? Listen im not playing games here, if you want to do your own thing and ignore me then thats fine"


The next morning she calls me saying What happened, i saw your text, What do you mean do my own thing? Your accusing me. Whatever i dont care. I said I was calling you while you were texting me, Why couldnt you pick up to talk to 5 minutes? She didnt know what to say then says "I didnt get your phone calls" i replied... "So what your saying is that While you were able to call me and Text me,.. You didnt get my 3 phone calls? if you were with someone else let me know and ill leave it at that" She says "yeah i didnt get any of them, they must of not come through" When im calling her out on her Bull****.. She spurts out... "Whatever, Im not your girl" Then i said "So when your calling me, asking me what im doing when im out, Asking me to keep the slvts off me, calling me your boo and baby and how you miss me and cant wait to lay in my arms again, telling your parents and friends about me, Asking me for kisses and questioning if i miss you and getting upset when i dont reply and call you asap and how you tell me how you want a future together... your going to blurt out your not my girl when im calling your bull**** out!? get the Fvck out of here with that garbage" Then a big fight started. She tried switching it up on me making herself look like the victim saying that im crazy and she's afraid to be my GF because im so crazy. I almost went completely off on her but i bit my lip and said...."Alright" We stood quiet and she says "Whatever, I dont want to talk to you right now" I said "If you dont want to talk anymore let me know, thats fine!" She blurts out "Oh you dont wanna talk to me anymore? i dont want to talk to just right now!" i just said "Fine".. We got off the phone and havent spoken or texted in 4 days.

Overall, Yeah its my fault for caring too much and should of not let myself get involved but Ive been around and messed around with so many women.. I sensed bullsh*t and what she did was, While she was with another guy, She planned to call me hoping i wouldnt pick up. So she can say she tried calling me and then text me shes going to bed because obviously if shes with someone she cant pick up the phone and talk and can play off a text as if she was texting her female friend. Why did i care? because i got sucked in and thought it was heading in the right direction. Some of you can understand where im coming from where you thought the girl was for real but she was just trying to have her cake and eat it to. Im not insecure but i do hate BS games and when a girl tries to play me or guys in general for a fool. I rather call girls out on their garbage and put them on the fvcking spot.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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In2theGame said:
So,.. I hear my phone ring and i pick up as normal "Hey babe whats up" she replies "hey" but stays silent.. Im saying hello? is everything alright? She replies "Yea everything is fine, Anyway im going to get off the phone, I wanted to see if you were alive." I reply, Nah babe i was sleeping and didnt get up till now" my voice was dragged out so you could tell i had just woken up and she went off "You havent texted me all fvcking day, i didnt hear from you not once!" When i told her i was honestly asleep she replied with "uh huh, yeah ok. If you want to play fvcking games, i'll play games!! this is why i didnt want to get attached!! I gotta get off the phone, i dont feel like talking!" I wanted to go off on her and call her out on her sh*tty attitude but... i played it cool and texted her how she was acting up and to stop it and fvcking relax! she apologized and send me a kisses and how she misses me.
I 100% agree with your reaction to that one. There's definitely times when you need to call them out, and that was one of them. But did you see what she did there? She let her insecurities get the best of her.....think about that one.

Quite a bit of history here, I can't break it all down, but I'll give my 2 cents on the overall picture and what I see.

It seems you two are acting like boyfriend and girlfriend without actually being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Where do you want this thing to go? Do you want to keep her as a plate or do you want to make it exclusive? It's gotten to the point where you may need to make a choice. If it's just as a plate then my advice would be to take it easy on the texts and the conversations..... right now the precedent is that you two text or call everyday....may need to figure out a way to change that.

And that feeling you're talking about, the one that makes you feel sick, yes, I know it all too well. That sick feeling actually does come from our insecurities, by relating her actions to our own past relationships. What do we do when we get that feeling, we try to get answers, figure $hit out. How do we do that? By trying to talk logic with her.....by pushing for answers when she may not be ready to give them. And that's how we fvck up a perfectly good thing.

I've learned my man, If you're not sure then sometimes the best solution is just to not say anything, step back and just breathe. Let it go for a night, sleep on it, tomorrow's another day. :up:
 

cordoncordon

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Wait wait wait. You are 30 and she is how old? I'm guessing at least in her mid 20's? And yet BOTH of you play these text and phone call games like you are 14. I think I would literally go insane if I had to do the kind of stuff that you two are doing. Especially all of the inane texting. You two sound like jealous school kids. Especially her.

I don't blame you for sensing something was up with this last testing escapade. Although after reading that last post of yours, I don't think she was up to anything with another guy or anything. I think she was just trying to make you jealous. What I do blame you for is even dating her or having any contact with her at all in the first place. She sounds like a psycho. Full of drama. Constant stress inducing. She sounds like a child.


Just stop having any contact with her. Dating does not have to be this hard. Or ridiculous.
 

Aristippus

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In2theGame said:

Then a big fight started. She tried switching it up on me making herself look like the victim saying that im crazy and she's afraid to be my GF because im so crazy.

This is a pretty common thing for females to do. Textbook female response. They always try to play the victim and flip it on you. When a woman provokes a man and he responds in anger for good reason, she tries to twist everything around. I'm not saying this is your situation. I think you both over-reacted....... When a man DOES over-react, a woman will always exaggerate it and try to call you crazy or psycho. Women love being self-righteous for no reason and usually try to demonize you by flamboyant exaggeration of the severity of your response.

Even if you're a pretty level-headed guy most of the time and have never layed a finger on her, she will always try to make it seem like you're some kind of screwed-up psychopath and potential wife-beater when you respond in anger. Women like to make mountains out of molehills. Eventually, once you recognize it for the silliness and stupidity that it is, some times you will either let it roll off of you like water off of a duck's back, or if the bad behavior is severe enough, you will address the BEHAVIOR or disrespect while ignoring any moronic comments about you being crazy or psychotic.

This is where you never need to address the content of a statement and simply address her behavior and the manner that she's talking to you. In the end you sound like a bickering couple. Neither of you was completely blameless. I think she's feeling some anxiety and it's putting her on edge because you both behave like a couple but she doesn't know exactly where she stands. She even said "I'm not your girlfriend!". But her actions say "I'm your girlfriend! I don't want other women touching you!".


she says "Whatever, I dont want to talk to you right now"

Women will say things like this in the heat of an argument without meaning it. It's like how a child acts when it gets emotional. Have you ever heard a child get mad at another kid and in the moment he says, "I HATE you! I don't want to ever see you again!". Then maybe 15 minutes later they're outside playing together again as if nothing happened. That's how women are.

You said you haven't talked in 4 days. If you are just tired of her, then don't call her. If you want to keep seeing her, any time you have an argument like that, you can usually call the next day and make up. Not say you're sorry, just make up. You'll have to act like the adult here if you want to see her again. If neither takes the initiative to contact the other, you'll simply have a stalemate and the relationship will probably dissolve. It's your call though. If you want to break it off, avoid contact. If you want to make it work, then call.

What's funny is how predictable female behavior is. It's like there's a general script written for them and they follow it to a T. Especially in the department of arguing. Although some people say, "You can't win an argument with a woman.", I've found that not to be true. If you're too whipped and won't stand your ground, then yeah, you can't win. If you try to counteract a foolish comment by being on the defensive and addressing all of the content, then every response you give she will try to twist. My suggestion, either marry the broad or dump her. hahahaha. Just kidding.
 

Married Buried

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Peaks&Valleys said:
I 100% agree with your reaction to that one. There's definitely times when you need to call them out, and that was one of them. But did you see what she did there? She let her insecurities get the best of her.....think about that one.

Quite a bit of history here, I can't break it all down, but I'll give my 2 cents on the overall picture and what I see.

It seems you two are acting like boyfriend and girlfriend without actually being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Where do you want this thing to go? Do you want to keep her as a plate or do you want to make it exclusive? It's gotten to the point where you may need to make a choice. If it's just as a plate then my advice would be to take it easy on the texts and the conversations..... right now the precedent is that you two text or call everyday....may need to figure out a way to change that.

And that feeling you're talking about, the one that makes you feel sick, yes, I know it all too well. That sick feeling actually does come from our insecurities, by relating her actions to our own past relationships. What do we do when we get that feeling, we try to get answers, figure $hit out. How do we do that? By trying to talk logic with her.....by pushing for answers when she may not be ready to give them. And that's how we fvck up a perfectly good thing.

I've learned my man, If you're not sure then sometimes the best solution is just to not say anything, step back and just breathe. Let it go for a night, sleep on it, tomorrow's another day. :up:

He wants his cake and eat it too. So he's allowed to spin her as a plate and bang other chics, but if the OP even senses she has another guy he flips out?

Ofcourse she has another guy, that's a given. You don't think she knows what you are doing with other women? This was a sad display.
 

“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”

Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.

I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.

Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules.  Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.

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