hitting rock bottom.

[dannowillbookem]

just getting back in my game, and have been frustrated. i didnt remember it being this hard.

todays my birthday. 16. yesterday i fell into an inescapable depression and i didnt know why. i was angry at everything...my parents, my siblings, my future, my job, myself. never before had i fell so insanely into the void for no apparent reason. i got home from a dinner at my grandmas where everybody enjoyed themselves except for a disturbed me, and i went to my room, stripped naked and laid on the floor in the dark. i felt so hopeless, like i couldnt connect with couldnt make anything of myself. my family i hated, my music i hated, my life i hated. i was thrashing around, crying, wondering if i was possessed and when i would die.

i came to realized i had only smoked two cigarettes that day, and found my way to the garage, grabbed a bike, and headed down to the corner cigarette store that sells to kids. my parents were mystified as to what the hell was wrong with me, so i just told them i wanted to get out of the house. couple cigarettes and i was thinking clearly again.


the point of this strange story? last night was a turning point for me. i have struggled with inherited depression and a haunting insecurity all my life. and last night, with the aid of unwitting nicotine withdrawl, i hit rock bottom. i had nothing, i hated life, and i was going insane. sure, it was just the nictotine, but i geniunely thought these thoughts anyways.

leaving AFCism for real is like helping a crack addict; you just have to let them hit rock bottom and then rebuild. in my freshman year of highschool i was depressed and angry, and i was living a rock bottom existence until i found sosuave. i got into relationships, lost interest in playing the game, got hurt, got confused, and now im back. i was wandering aimlessly until the event of last night: now, in a way that cant be described, i've found it. i've got to change, ive got to watchout for myself. i have to rebuild.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

It's healthier if a crack addict doesn't hit rock bottom. In fact, it's more fun for everybody involved if you just lock them in your basement and throw food at them once in a while.

 

[dannowillbookem]

It's healthier if a crack addict doesn't hit rock bottom. In fact, it's more fun for everybody involved if you just lock them in your basement and throw food at them once in a while.

the addict has to lose everything and totally hate his life in order to throw it all away and start over.

and that basement suggestion does sound fun for everyone except the addict.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

It was a joke!

Crack addicts have come out of the gutter. It's not ROCK BOTTOM that they always hit. Sometimes they realize how greedy they get, after others throw them into situations where they can't get out anymore. Take for example my ex-boss, his brother an sister were hard up because of his fvcked up life. One day, his brother decided to go around town and knock heads until my boss couldn't buy anymore. Than his siter talked to all of his friends, and nobody would talk to him about anything without throwing insults in his face about how screwed in the hed he was. I know most aren't so lucky to have such caring friends and family, many addicts would rather lock themselves away and seperate themselves from society to keep their addictions in top shape... Very AFC of them to never take the time away from themselves to solve their own problems. I punched my exboss in the face a few times after I had to rescue him from different situations. One month after I quit, he lost his biggest contract, and went bankrupt. He is now being sued by former employees of his, and he no longer owns his business. He signed the business over to his brother, under a new name, and licence, my ex-boss will now have to pay all the damages straight out of his pocket. The good thing is, he's turned his life around, gained 70 pounds and has a life again...

It all depends on how much intereaction a crack addict has with his addiction. just like a smoker, if you have a habit of smoking after certain situations, your body becomes accustomed and patterns hit your brain that make you crave... Seperate yourself from all of the triggers, and your brain will begin to smooth those patterns over and give you a new chance.

It's not all downhill for a crack addict either. I know many proffessional crack dealers who take their own addictive substances, but they are alpha, and they can control themselves...

What's your excuse?

 

[dannowillbookem]

wow. i had like an emotional breakdown last night and realized i have to set how i live my life.

and you guys get hungup on the most retarded things.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

heh, it always depends on the forum brother.

Good luck on the laying on the floor jittering from lack of nicotine, it's not normal, you should see a doctor about it...
seriously

 

[dannowillbookem]

it actually is a normal response to nictoine withdrawl...

 

[ethnomethodologist]

except for a disturbed me, and i went to my room, stripped naked and laid on the floor in the dark

i was thrashing around, crying, wondering if i was possessed and when i would die.

That is not normal...

That's not DJ thinking at all, your brain has been poisoned. Even snow addicts don't do that unless they are really burnt.

ciggarettes won't do that. Of all of my friends who have gone cold turkey, all the times that I have, all the tories I have read, all the lessons I have leanred. The sites on the internet, the books I have read, the jokes that are made...

None of them even hint at what your talking about...

Reiterate your words and say it again, most of the time it is the first message that is the most prolific. I'm sorry for messin with it? I just had to point out where you were wrong, and the best way to deal with an addict.

It sounds as though you have a ways to go before you hit rock bottom, that's why I felt the need to call you out.