High Interest, sometimes takes forever to reply

[BJP1991]

Step 1, determine what this relationship serves for you.

step 2, approach it as such.

The more that she pulls this 24 hour response sh*t the more I dislike the idea of continuing seeing her.

A man’s time is best spent with a woman who values that time and is deserving of it. This behavior is annoying and childish. I honestly don’t care how busy or “stressed” your week is, it isn’t a legitimate excuse. I understand being “busy” and caught up, but not to the point where you can’t simply reply to your text messages while eating dinner or before bed or on your lunch break.

I don’t believe in making excuses for people as to why they do things. This isn’t coming from a place of neediness but rather of common sense.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You still live in the 90s, calling doesn't work anymore sorry.

Not true at all. Calling is a lost art which is why it works so well.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The more that she pulls this 24 hour response sh*t the more I dislike the idea of continuing seeing her.

A man’s time is best spent with a woman who values that time and is deserving of it. This behavior is annoying and childish. I honestly don’t care how busy or “stressed” your week is, it isn’t a legitimate excuse. I understand being “busy” and caught up, but not to the point where you can’t simply reply to your text messages while eating dinner or before bed or on your lunch break.

I don’t believe in making excuses for people as to why they do things. This isn’t coming from a place of neediness but rather of common sense.

No matter what you do, just don’t call her out on it. It’ll drive her nuts if it’s a test, it’ll give you space back to heal and move on if it’s not a test and it’s something else.

 

[Barrister]

If she was high interest you would never see a 24 hour response time. Regardless of the medium of the communication. So the only conclusion is that she is likely medium interest but still seeing other people (read: screwing other people)

You are likely a Plan B here to another man who is her plan A. That guy probably once in awhile goes out with her and this is where you see this dark spot in communication pop up. I think you need to seriously consider focusing on other women and only keeping this woman as strictly plate material. Reading between the lines, you sound very invested and I doubt you can pull this off. You might be better off simply moving on from her.

 

[BJP1991]

If she was high interest you would never see a 24 hour response time. Regardless of the medium of the communication. So the only conclusion is that she is likely medium interest but still seeing other people (read: screwing other people)

You are likely a Plan B here to another man who is her plan A. That guy probably once in awhile goes out with her and this is where you see this dark spot in communication pop up. I think you need to seriously consider focusing on other women and only keeping this woman as strictly plate material. Reading between the lines, you sound very invested and I doubt you can pull this off. You might be better off simply moving on from her.

I understand it’s entirely possible she may be seeing other people as well - I am too so who cares about that.

She has a history of sexual abuse/deeper issues that she’s shared with me before. And how that impacts her ability to successfully date people and results in hesitancy. My guess is it’s a combination of that and seeing other people.

All I plan to do is continue seeing her and basically STOP initiating texts, which I rarely do anyways. After our date last night (which went well and resulted in another hookup/her sleeping at my place) I honestly am going to allow her to do 80-90% of the pursuing otherwise it will dry up because I do not plan to do so myself, especially since she took a full day to text me back all week leading up to last night.

I also told her, in a very secure way and not in direct regard to our texting, that communication is important to me. Not just texting but overall openness and the ability to successfully communicate with a partner/date, etc. We will see if she changes her behavior, otherwise NEXT

 

[Barrister]

I understand it’s entirely possible she may be seeing other people as well - I am too so who cares about that.

She has a history of sexual abuse/deeper issues that she’s shared with me before. And how that impacts her ability to successfully date people and results in hesitancy. My guess is it’s a combination of that and seeing other people.

All I plan to do is continue seeing her and basically STOP initiating texts, which I rarely do anyways. After our date last night (which went well and resulted in another hookup/her sleeping at my place) I honestly am going to allow her to do 80-90% of the pursuing otherwise it will dry up because I do not plan to do so myself, especially since she took a full day to text me back all week leading up to last night.

I also told her, in a very secure way and not in direct regard to our texting, that communication is important to me. Not just texting but overall openness and the ability to successfully communicate with a partner/date, etc. We will see if she changes her behavior, otherwise NEXT

In regards to your last paragraph - that is a girlfriend/LTR type conversation you had. So you can say you "don't care" about her seeing other people, but I think you are being dishonest with yourself. You are also upping the ante on the type of relationship you have with her. You need to always let the woman bring these kind of conversations up. If you are doing it, you are losing and showing her your hand. Again, you care too much.

Also, it shouldn't be lost on you that you had that conversation with her and then you are still getting these communication gaps. I recommend you just cut things off now. You won't of course. Just be prepared for a lot more frustration.

 

[Gamisch]

Why are grown men worried about text times?

Stop texting. You shouldn’t be texting at all. Call her up on the phone and set the next date. If she requests more chit chat, call her on the phone. Cut all this texting bullshvt.

Underrated post. One that makes most men think and most won't be able to comprehend this.

A similar thread is going on about texting frequency. WhatsApp should be called whatsTrapp, because it's a trap to get into daily texting. Its feminine energy.
And a man always loses when he displays that kinda energy.

The more that she pulls this 24 hour response sh*t the more I dislike the idea of continuing seeing her.

A man’s time is best spent with a woman who values that time and is deserving of it. This behavior is annoying and childish. I honestly don’t care how busy or “stressed” your week is, it isn’t a legitimate excuse. I understand being “busy” and caught up, but not to the point where you can’t simply reply to your text messages while eating dinner or before bed or on your lunch break.

I don’t believe in making excuses for people as to why they do things. This isn’t coming from a place of neediness but rather of common sense.

So you say you want it more than she does. That alone already puts you 2-0 behind on the scoreboard. You know the classic question is; who wants it more? Why didn't you call her out on this, to gauge why and what? Does she even know your stance on this? The answer to your problem can be found in the mirror, and not within her.

I am sorry but common sense nowedays means you know how women operate. You are busy enough to not even notice her patterns (and if you do it means you are losing ). She responds positive whenever she does leaving you confused, meaning she plays this game better than you. Yes its ALWAYS a game. Learn the rules to the game.

No matter what you do, just don’t call her out on it. It’ll drive her nuts if it’s a test, it’ll give you space back to heal and move on if it’s not a test and it’s something else.

Great answer bro. Vent here, say everything that's bothering you but DON'T say it to her.

Let's assume this is a worst case scenario. Even than OP can only move on mentally, and focus on other women just to get his mind of this one. 1 or 2 women extra in his rotation, just to keep his mind of her.

I am also in the proces of learning to SHUT the F UP more. I'll illustrate this with a meme;

 

[BJP1991]

@BJP1991 the below quote was from another thread which I agree with (early in before exclusivity) and thought it relevant here.

Given the fact it's so early in and you're in the process of developing trust and determining whether or not she's a good fit long term or even continuing to date.



Again early stages before exclusivity. The rules change a bit once trust is developed and you become centered in the relationship.

Here? Say nothing and continue observing. If she doesn't meet you particular communication standards, next.

Thank you, this is what I plan on doing. I won’t be pushing any envelopes or pressuring at all.

In regards to me saying “communication is important” it was a sidebar to a different conversation where she brought up what she values in friendships. It wasn’t me making a deliberate point to single out that and deliver my message out of thin air.

Observe and proceed. I won’t call her out on it, perhaps she will open up and explain more on her end. I do think this woman expects a certain type of texting early on. And in my opinion, it’s OTHER dudes out there blowing up girls phones 24/7 with texts and snapchats that put certain women in this mindset. Expecting men they meet off OLD to want to text constantly between dates. That is not me, I work my way up to that point as SHE increases initiation and communication. NOT the other way around…

 

[BJP1991]

In regards to your last paragraph - that is a girlfriend/LTR type conversation you had. So you can say you "don't care" about her seeing other people, but I think you are being dishonest with yourself. You are also upping the ante on the type of relationship you have with her. You need to always let the woman bring these kind of conversations up. If you are doing it, you are losing and showing her your hand. Again, you care too much.

Also, it shouldn't be lost on you that you had that conversation with her and then you are still getting these communication gaps. I recommend you just cut things off now. You won't of course. Just be prepared for a lot more frustration.

This is over analysis of my situation with a lot of “dot connecting” that simply means isn’t there.

Why would I cut things off if we are still going out and hooking up regularly? That is super defeatist - and throwing something away for the sake of pride without knowing the facts.

Say what you will, but im not one to cut the ties THAT quick. She already is asking “when can I see you again” this morning after seeing her last night. Again - why would I cut this now and walk away???

 

[SW15]

Why are grown men worried about text times?

Stop texting. You shouldn’t be texting at all. Call her up on the phone and set the next date. If she requests more chit chat, call her on the phone. Cut all this texting bullshvt.

Men need to learn to limit text messaging. A telephone is not for text messaging. A telephone is primarily a voice communication device. People forget that.

I don't want to text with women. I want to arrange logistics via text. If the communication gets more intense than that, I believe in arranging to talk on a phone at an agreeable time. I prefer to do most of my communication in person. I'll arrange dates in person on initial approaches. In many approaches, I mention how I do phone-based communications when I collect their numbers.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 -- Frame is everything.

She must enter your frame.

 

[manfrombelow]

High Interest, sometimes takes forever to reply

OP, you were wrong even at the title.

"Taking forever to reply" is NEVER equal "high interest", but the contrary. 100%. No exception.

So if she took forever to reply, she's not that interested in you, this is where you have to admit you made a false assumption about her interest level.

 

[Stanley]

OP, you were wrong even at the title.

"Taking forever to reply" is NEVER equal "high interest", but the contrary. 100%. No exception.

So if she took forever to reply, she's not that interested in you, this is where you have to admit you made a false assumption about her interest level.

The only exception I can think of is when the girl is genuinely shy and anxious or attempting to mirror behavior. Remember, women are also encouraged to employ similar tactics to men. There was a girl I was seeing briefly who was dodgey with communication early on, she was by all accounts very shy. She later told me that in our early conversations she was trying to be 'cool' and act disinterested because she was so worried about messing the whole thing up. Silly, but it does happen.

Although in most cases i'd agree with the sentiment of low interest.

 

[manfrombelow]

The only exception I can think of is when the girl is genuinely shy and anxious or attempting to mirror behavior. Remember, women are also encouraged to employ similar tactics to men. There was a girl I was seeing briefly who was dodgey with communication early on, she was by all accounts very shy. She later told me that in our early conversations she was trying to be 'cool' and act disinterested because she was so worried about messing the whole thing up. Silly, but it does happen.

Although in most cases i'd agree with the sentiment of low interest.

Cases of women having mental/psychological issues like the ones you're describing are rare.

Most of the time, taking forever to reply is a clear & simple signal that she's not interested. (Hence one should treat it as such, if he's wise enough)

Of course, it takes a lot of experience to actually realize this when it happens.

 

[manfrombelow]

I’m the type of person that responds when I have a moment. Some of my plates don’t respond for hours to a day prior to me saying that communication is important. They change up that behavior really quick if you talk about it in a non-insecure way.

Lol the moment you "talk" to your (imaginary) plates about how/why they didn't respond to you in a timely manner, it's ALREADY insecure.

My main plate sometimes takes forever to reply, and I never once bring it to her. We just met, fvcked like rabbits, and said byes. That's how it is. Fvck SMS and texting alike.

 

[member160292]

Lol the moment you "talk" to your (imaginary) plates about how/why they didn't respond to you in a timely manner, it's ALREADY insecure.

My main plate sometimes takes forever to reply, and I never once bring it to her. We just met, fvcked like rabbits, and said byes. That's how it is. Fvck SMS and texting alike.

Ha, difference between us. You’ll learn in time man

 

[Barrister]

This is over analysis of my situation with a lot of “dot connecting” that simply means isn’t there.

Why would I cut things off if we are still going out and hooking up regularly? That is super defeatist - and throwing something away for the sake of pride without knowing the facts.

Say what you will, but im not one to cut the ties THAT quick. She already is asking “when can I see you again” this morning after seeing her last night. Again - why would I cut this now and walk away???

I will defer to you on it. I am not the one seeing her. I have been out in the dating pool for quite awhile now and generally speaking women, across the board, use the same tactics and behaviors in dating. So my observations are merely based upon experience - just like every man on SS. And usually, not always, a person who posts about a specific woman as you did here is over-invested in said woman unless he is in an LTR with her.

I am not saying to cut it off. I am saying you may be better off doing that based on the fact you are more invested than she is. And that again is based upon my own experience of being in that position. Be smart about it and you will be fine.

 

[Murk]

She has a history of sexual abuse/deeper issues that she’s shared with me before. And how that impacts her ability to successfully date people and results in hesitancy.

Auto-next. You're not a therapist bro.

 

[manfrombelow]

This type of convo is useless. Your explaining. It would greatly benefit your dating life to stop having this types of conversations.
I think you are right about just cooling off and just let her come and go. If a relationship blooms its going to be on her anyway right? Thats on her

This is the kind of lesson that some guys MUST learn the hard-way, because it's the ONLY way they're going to learn it.

Any type of conversation no matter how "secure" or "masculine" or "bold" men think they are regarding the topic of why and how the woman replying back to them in a timely manner is "important" and "healthy" and yada yada, all have the same outlook in the eyes of the beholders aka the women as "THIS GUY IS ACTING WEAK, NEEDY, AND INSECURE" (At least on a subconscious level)

 

[manfrombelow]

It takes a lot of time, experience, frustration, and even pain... for a few men to reach a mental state where if and when a woman, for WHATEVER THE FVCK REASON, decides it's OK to take a few minutes/hours/days/even forever to reply back to them, they just don't give a flying fvck. Not anymore.

They don't ask "why" about it. They don't get upset about it. They don't try to reason about it. They don't try to discuss it. They don't try to do anything about it WITH THE WOMAN. Not anymore.

Easier said than done, I know. But like I said, this state of mind is not given, but FVCKING EARNED.

 

[RangerMIke]

Women dont just "play games" for no reason like some egomaniacal psychopath, unless of course its highschool where girls are young and mean and don't care. Most of the tests and games women play serve purpose of some kind or another.

True.... Understand this, if the woman is sane and normal, NOTHING happens by accident. Nothing is a mistake or misunderstanding. Almost everything sends a message. It is either conscious of subconscious but the message is sent. What men need to learn is what all this bullcr@p means. That is why I don't have a problem answering posts like this time and time again because we learn from repetition. So here we go....

If a woman is not making things easy, she isn't interested enough to make an effort. Women know this... they will do stuff like this when things are going well when you first start dating. They know this works and gets you to commit and work harder when she pulls back. It is a power leverage play. A woman that wants you to jump hoops to get her doesn't really love you... she might like you, but if she isn't feeling it, then she is just settling for you... if she is settling for you, then she'll be with you if you bust your @ss. It's like buying a car that you really don't like, but it is 'good enough'... for you to buy this car the dealer is going to have to give you more... lower price, free extras. You'll take the car that is 'good enough' but you are not going to be willing to pay full price. Then when you own the car, you will always be unhappy with it.

You always play this the same way... mirror her behavior. If she is really interested she will self-correct. If she doesn't and things, over time get more and more difficult, you are a plate and she has another plate she like better. Be okay with that because the 'plate' she likes better is likely tying himself in a knot to 'win her'... it will work, but now she has the power, which she thinks she wants, but really doesn't. At that point the best a man who 'won' can hope for is being a pack mule meeting her needs, with cr@ppy sex and an empty bank account.

The most important thing is not to be like the OP... DO NOT let this get inside your head... which is what is happening now. He is posting asking what is happening, he is already getting a little obsessed. Never fall for a chick that isn't in love with you, PERIOD. A woman starts making things difficult, go find a woman that isn't.