Skip if you dont want to know my background and straight to question. So please bear with me. I have also called myself every name in the book for what you're about to read. :trouble:
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Hey DJs. I've been reading your articles and threads on and off every once in a while. You guys have helped me get thru tough times.
I admit I'm a big time AFC. I want, no I need to change that, not for any girl or social whatnots, I need to change FOR MYSELF.
Long Story:
I have never been 100% confident in myself, but its been downhill since the last 3 years. Its sad but I fell with a girl, D, who was my 1st best friend. I was 17 years old Prior to this, I had never had any close female companionships. I had no ideas of what women were like and I was deathly scared of them. I couldn't even talk to them or look straight at their face. This one girl was dating someone I went to school with. She started talking to me online and pretty soon we were hanging out eveyday and I was the MOST confident I ever was then. I didnt tell her I liked her till a month later and long story short we remained friends because I was her emotional tampon for 6 months and my mind was deteriorating because I was lost in emotions.
She started seeing someone else and we fell out a little bit, and I met a new beautiful girl, M. This phase, I was into a lot of drugs (not anymore). We would Dex, puff a lot, do ex, coke, and even did meth. :trouble: :trouble: :trouble: We were both emotionally unstable, but we were dependent on our friendship and on drugs for A YEAR. We were also best friends with D.
I stopped seeing D 2 summers ago for 6 months because it hurt me too much to be best friends and be in love with her while being unreciprocated. During the time I didn't see her, I became AFRAID of going outside of my room I smoked weed everyday before starting college. D showed up one night and came to my room saying she needed me in her life. The idiot that I was who was still in love with her took her back.
Fast forward to last January of 2009. Right after New Years, I couldnt take this bull**** friendship anymore and I told myself if I didn't kiss her, I would end our friendship for good (she was single but still seeing her ex). Well I did, and we soon became a couple. Little did I know it was a farce. The first few days together, we almost had sex a couple times (clothes off, foreplay, felatio) but never went to going that far since someone was always at my house. It became stale as the month went by her birthday at 15 and mine at 28 of January. She would always be texting after her the 15... A month later, she dumps me and tells me she cheated on me with the guy she used to go out with and she just wanted to remain best friends. I SAID NO YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST. And I havent seen or spoken to her since (deleted at facebook).
Now the second part:
M is my best friend or should I say ex best friend. She used to live with me and my family accepted her like another sister and we were INSEPERABLE. And I saw her like that too...except after the thing with D, I fell for this girl too. :kick: Am I sucha f****ng idiot. I depended on her and I fell in love with her. Long story short, she cheats on her boyfriend, gets pregnant and get miscarriage, gets together with boyfriend again (all in 2009) and now they're always together while I fell for her when she cheated on him. I hated it, I thought it was Deja Vu. Even though she lived with me, we barely did anything together anymore when we used to go out all the time and never come home. I felt like we were better friends while on drugs a year ago (we have been sober for the last few months). But now she got a job, she devotes all her time for her boyfriend (because she feels guilty for cheating), and has now left me companionless because she can't deal with the two of us bickering after her. I don't blame her. I'm f***ing dumb as f***. She has told me I was her soulmate and now she's hasn't contacted me for since last December. WOW sad lol.
I feel bad, not only because both were unreciprocated, but these were people I thought I would grow old with and be lifelong friends. And I never badmouth them because, if they did not step into my life, I also would not be alive and I would not know that I can achieve happiness without them.
Anyways what I've learned in my 19 years of life (soon to be 20 on the 28):
1. NEVER DEPEND ON ANYONE. LEARN TO BECOME INDEPENDENT. YOU are THE most important thing in your life. Learn to love yourself. Because when everyones left you, you're one miserable f***.
2. DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO NOT become best friends of the opposite sex. You will be in a world of hurt if you fall for them. Or Oneitis or whatever.
3. Everything can be attained or achieved if you believe in yourself. I know it but I don't use the ability to.
4. Appreciate everything you have like its a treasure, don't take it for granted since most people in the world will never have what you have.
5. Live each moment not like if it was your last, but as if you were given only one moment in your life to live.
=========================================================
I've been diagnosed as being bipolar although I stopped the pills a long time ago because it made me into a zombie, but I believe that you can overcome it. I also realized recently that I have always felt extreme depression when someone leaves me because (thanks Freud) my mother left me when I was 2 and I was without her for a year.
All I want in my life is to be genuinely happy. I've never felt it and only experienced temporary ones with others.
I am in the process of rebuilding my life together. I have started college again, I have started practicing Shotokan Karate :box: for a better body and mind, I also want to start my songwriting with my guitar which I gave up so I could be friends with those two girls and drugs.I hope to one day pursue having a music career.
As for my self esteem, I want to get fraxel laser for my acne scars (minor on my face but I'm so insecure) by the summer when I can afford it and also shave my long hair which I haven't done in 5 years. I'm only 5'7 but my friend who is 5'6 has a hot girlfriend whose 5'10 or '11 but its intimidating to go out with tall girls especially in NYC and I still look/am a teenager.
My game with women isn't really terrible. I can hold a conversation and eye contact, but I'm shy and right now I'm afraid o being close to anyone. But if I could, I would probably get a lay (which is not what I'm looking for right now) if I put major effort since IDK why girls are attracted to the quiet mysterious broody types. And girls always look/touch/ tug at me even the b****y ones. :wave:
Now for the question:
For those of you who've been in the rebuilding process after someone has left your life, what helps you get through the loneliness? It hurts a lot knowing you have no one to talk to now. And any other tips on how to meet new people? Or other hobbies to do?
Thanks a lot for reading I know it was a pain in the a**.
But I'm looking forward to becoming the person I'm meant to be this year.
This year and every year after will be my year.
:rockon: :rockon: :rockon:
========================================================
Hey DJs. I've been reading your articles and threads on and off every once in a while. You guys have helped me get thru tough times.
I admit I'm a big time AFC. I want, no I need to change that, not for any girl or social whatnots, I need to change FOR MYSELF.
Long Story:
I have never been 100% confident in myself, but its been downhill since the last 3 years. Its sad but I fell with a girl, D, who was my 1st best friend. I was 17 years old Prior to this, I had never had any close female companionships. I had no ideas of what women were like and I was deathly scared of them. I couldn't even talk to them or look straight at their face. This one girl was dating someone I went to school with. She started talking to me online and pretty soon we were hanging out eveyday and I was the MOST confident I ever was then. I didnt tell her I liked her till a month later and long story short we remained friends because I was her emotional tampon for 6 months and my mind was deteriorating because I was lost in emotions.
She started seeing someone else and we fell out a little bit, and I met a new beautiful girl, M. This phase, I was into a lot of drugs (not anymore). We would Dex, puff a lot, do ex, coke, and even did meth. :trouble: :trouble: :trouble: We were both emotionally unstable, but we were dependent on our friendship and on drugs for A YEAR. We were also best friends with D.
I stopped seeing D 2 summers ago for 6 months because it hurt me too much to be best friends and be in love with her while being unreciprocated. During the time I didn't see her, I became AFRAID of going outside of my room I smoked weed everyday before starting college. D showed up one night and came to my room saying she needed me in her life. The idiot that I was who was still in love with her took her back.
Fast forward to last January of 2009. Right after New Years, I couldnt take this bull**** friendship anymore and I told myself if I didn't kiss her, I would end our friendship for good (she was single but still seeing her ex). Well I did, and we soon became a couple. Little did I know it was a farce. The first few days together, we almost had sex a couple times (clothes off, foreplay, felatio) but never went to going that far since someone was always at my house. It became stale as the month went by her birthday at 15 and mine at 28 of January. She would always be texting after her the 15... A month later, she dumps me and tells me she cheated on me with the guy she used to go out with and she just wanted to remain best friends. I SAID NO YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST. And I havent seen or spoken to her since (deleted at facebook).
Now the second part:
M is my best friend or should I say ex best friend. She used to live with me and my family accepted her like another sister and we were INSEPERABLE. And I saw her like that too...except after the thing with D, I fell for this girl too. :kick: Am I sucha f****ng idiot. I depended on her and I fell in love with her. Long story short, she cheats on her boyfriend, gets pregnant and get miscarriage, gets together with boyfriend again (all in 2009) and now they're always together while I fell for her when she cheated on him. I hated it, I thought it was Deja Vu. Even though she lived with me, we barely did anything together anymore when we used to go out all the time and never come home. I felt like we were better friends while on drugs a year ago (we have been sober for the last few months). But now she got a job, she devotes all her time for her boyfriend (because she feels guilty for cheating), and has now left me companionless because she can't deal with the two of us bickering after her. I don't blame her. I'm f***ing dumb as f***. She has told me I was her soulmate and now she's hasn't contacted me for since last December. WOW sad lol.
I feel bad, not only because both were unreciprocated, but these were people I thought I would grow old with and be lifelong friends. And I never badmouth them because, if they did not step into my life, I also would not be alive and I would not know that I can achieve happiness without them.
Anyways what I've learned in my 19 years of life (soon to be 20 on the 28):
1. NEVER DEPEND ON ANYONE. LEARN TO BECOME INDEPENDENT. YOU are THE most important thing in your life. Learn to love yourself. Because when everyones left you, you're one miserable f***.
2. DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO NOT become best friends of the opposite sex. You will be in a world of hurt if you fall for them. Or Oneitis or whatever.
3. Everything can be attained or achieved if you believe in yourself. I know it but I don't use the ability to.
4. Appreciate everything you have like its a treasure, don't take it for granted since most people in the world will never have what you have.
5. Live each moment not like if it was your last, but as if you were given only one moment in your life to live.
=========================================================
I've been diagnosed as being bipolar although I stopped the pills a long time ago because it made me into a zombie, but I believe that you can overcome it. I also realized recently that I have always felt extreme depression when someone leaves me because (thanks Freud) my mother left me when I was 2 and I was without her for a year.
All I want in my life is to be genuinely happy. I've never felt it and only experienced temporary ones with others.
I am in the process of rebuilding my life together. I have started college again, I have started practicing Shotokan Karate :box: for a better body and mind, I also want to start my songwriting with my guitar which I gave up so I could be friends with those two girls and drugs.I hope to one day pursue having a music career.
As for my self esteem, I want to get fraxel laser for my acne scars (minor on my face but I'm so insecure) by the summer when I can afford it and also shave my long hair which I haven't done in 5 years. I'm only 5'7 but my friend who is 5'6 has a hot girlfriend whose 5'10 or '11 but its intimidating to go out with tall girls especially in NYC and I still look/am a teenager.
My game with women isn't really terrible. I can hold a conversation and eye contact, but I'm shy and right now I'm afraid o being close to anyone. But if I could, I would probably get a lay (which is not what I'm looking for right now) if I put major effort since IDK why girls are attracted to the quiet mysterious broody types. And girls always look/touch/ tug at me even the b****y ones. :wave:
Now for the question:
For those of you who've been in the rebuilding process after someone has left your life, what helps you get through the loneliness? It hurts a lot knowing you have no one to talk to now. And any other tips on how to meet new people? Or other hobbies to do?
Thanks a lot for reading I know it was a pain in the a**.
But I'm looking forward to becoming the person I'm meant to be this year.
This year and every year after will be my year.
:rockon: :rockon: :rockon:
