Hi guys it's been a while, I need a pep talk

[Das]

Sorry I haven't posted in a long time, I've been dealing with some personal issues the past couple of years that made me not want to do the whole woman thing. But I've gotten over it and made the decision to get in the game.


I started a new job last week and I’ve really hit it off with a girl in another department. We were talking and I mentioned I was going to this blues festival this weekend. She said she wanted to go to the festival. I told her I was going Saturday and all was good. I had to cancel yesterday because of thunderstoms and told her I was going today instead.
She says she’s going to the beach with her mom and her mom’s friends but she says she wants to go with me to the festival. And that I should let her know when I was leaving. I told her That I was off so I’d sleep in and I decide when I was going when I woke up. I got up at 10 and texted her at 11 saying I was leaving to go down there at 2:30. She says she’s still on the beach and is going to the boardwalk afterwards, and asks how late am I staying at the festival. I text her “Until it shuts down, unless something comes up.”

So that’s where I am today. I’d like to know if it sounds like shes into me or what. How would you guys play this? If she shows how should I make my move? If she can’t come I’m going to try some approaches at the festival, but how should I deal with her when I see her?
I’m still a virgin. I don’t have any real experience in this sort of thing, so let me know what you guys think.

 

[Cockynfunny]

fair play,man.

well what do you think? She IS interested, otherwise it would be stupid for her to just ask you all those questions.

 

[Das]

Yeah I figured as much, but I've been burned before with the I only wanted to be friends ****. So i should just be loose have fun and go for the kiss and stuff when the time is right then, huh?

--edit I just had a thought, what if shes only intersted in the festival?

 

[Aazman]

I think your thinking wayy too much. Like you say, you've just started this job. Focus on your job- don't get bad repo for being so desperate.


I would say, see how the festival goes- don't keep texting her saying oh do you want to go etc.

I would say, phone her rather than text her and get it clarified once and for all. That way she wont hold a grudge that you dropped out on her. However if you have texted her already- might be no need to do this.

Look at the guide on texting if you haven't- search in the Don Juan Tips section- of the forum. Basically keep texting to a minimum and phone conversations as the main medium.

Apart from that- go have fun at the festival!

Aaz

 

[Das]

Long Post

I just got back from the festival. Not as great an experience as I hoped.

I figured Workgirl wasn’t going to get away from her mother anytime soon so I called a couple of my boys to see if they wanted to go. They would apparently rather play Warcraft than do something social, so I have to go it alone. From a field report standpoint I probably should have cut my losses and stayed home at this point. But I am determined to do this so I go. I get to the festival and I wnader around for a bit. I don’t see any women that aren’t all over another guy. Crap. 3000 damn people and I’m apparently the only single m’fer that came. Fine. The bands were good and I was getting into the music and then they closed the festival at 6. It was advertised to go until 10. So I decided to duck into a bar and have a few more beers before I go. I spotted a pair of booth girls at a table alone. “Yes!” I think to myself. I marched right on over there and I said “ Hi “ and before I could get the next word out they snapped around and shot me a look that could kill. The redheaded one says “go away”. I let sosuave down and I go away, because I’m really starting to feel crappy at this point. Back to the bar to look around again. Nothing but couples and the pair of ice queens I just went up to. Two more beers and I check my phone, Workgirl texted me while I was getting shot down. It’s been 8 hours. It’s about time.

“Are you still there?”
“Yeah”
“Anything exciting happen?”
“lots”

And that’s it. It’s been three hours, and nothing. What sucks is I know how this is going to go down tomorrow at work when I see her. I’m going to come in and she’s going to find me at lunch time and I’m going to go with he, because I’m a moron who hit on a girl from work and no contact won’t work because she’ll keep pestering me. Shes going to tell me all about how great her day was. I’ll paint the festival like it was the greatest thing in the history of the world.. Then I’m going to mention that I want to hang out with her again and shes going to hem and haw and eventually sort of agree. It won’t matter though because guess what I’m in the freindzone. I’ve talked to her for four days now and couldn’t escalate because she hasn’t met me outside of work where I could escalate.
I know this because this happens every goddamn time I make it past “go away”. I’d rather she just blew me out than this, and I don’t know how to stop it. That’s why I overthink these things. Because it hurts.
I’ve tried everything. I go to the gym. I go out and approach. I try ****y and funny. I belong to clubs. I’ve improved my finances. I do jiujitsu. I am working on my masters. I’m not bad looking. My teeth used to be bad, so I had them fixed. I smile. I try to be friendly. I try to flirt. And I get blown out or strung along every time.

EVERY ****ING TIME.

Even the losers I know that do NOTHING but play warcraft all day, they both have girlfriends. Why has the universe singled me out for this ****? Why?

I’m desperate. I know. You can probably see it coming off of me a mile away, but I have no idea what to do. Jesus, what more can I possibly do?

It’s so depressing reading this site sometimes, because I am jealous of the guys on here who put in effort and get results. I’m putting
in effort and I might as well have just stayed an AFC.

It’s not even a numbers game anymore. I’ve been through sooo many numbers.

So please tell me what the **** is wrong with me.

 

[hexx]

Hey man, just go outside on a free day, and sit there for about an hour. Observe the world around you.

You're doing fine, just don't try so hard. Be one with the Tao.

 

[Das]

I've calmed down a little bit so I'll try to explain my situation further

See the thing is this, five years ago I made a post very similar to this one. I tried to be more social and realized I had self esteem issues. I had a lot of work to do with myself because I couldn't find confidence.So i left the company I worked for and found another job in another industry. I just couldn't do what I needed to do with who I was working with. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends that work in those stores, and they are great people, but I just couldn't deal with them anymore on a see them for forty hours a week basis. From a profesional standpoint, they asked way way more of me then anyone else. Throw in a oneitus that I had to routinly transfer away from and ,well, you get the picture its not a good situation.

The job I took after that was much more high paying than the grocery store, and I was by myself for 50 or so hours a week. It wasn't a job that I would want to make a career out of, but it allowed me to do some things I wanted to do for myself undisturbed. It didn't help my social life any, but mentally i was healing. I found hobbies for myself and got to working out regularly, and I took up jiujitsu. Found out that I love it. I started saving money. I've saved enough to get myself through college and a few semesters into a masters degree so it was time to work on the social part of my life. So i started to back down on my schedule and I began to go out and do some approaches. So in four years I had made a turnaround in a lot of the areas of my life that I was insecure about. I left that job and last semester my job has basicly been finishing getting a bachelors degree.

I figured that I could make my college money go further if i took up a part time job and I went out one day to look for one. So i stopped in a store where i had passed through near the college to talk to a friend that worked there on my way to apply for a job at the mall. And we talked and it came out that I was looking for a part time job. I went on my way. The next day my friends boss called me and asked me what it would take to get me to come back to the company. I told him the work I would do, what stores I would and would not work at, and who I didn't want to work with (oneitus). I asked for a lot because I just wanted to screw with them and I was surprised when he called me back and said it was all done and that I could come back at full pay if i wanted. (LOL ex oneitus got bumped to overnight shift to make room for me, and I didn't even know she was in that store) so thats the job I started last week. So I've showed up with a pretty good professional rep thst I don't need to worry about, and I know the job well enough I can do it in my sleep.

My point is is that the only real problem I have left is the woman problem. It's the 10000 pound gorilla on my back.Everything else is pretty sweet right now. Hell, I even got an offer from one of the places I intended to apply to thats definatly worth thinking about on Friday. I know I can talk to people. I do it all the time at work. I'm a world beater until I get "hey she's sexy" in my head. I am still no good at cold approaches, and social circle approaches I get caught in the string along friendzone pattern. I've been working on this last part now for a solid year since I went back to college. So in a sense I'm no better off now than I was 5 years ago. That frustrates me. If it's a cold approach I cant geet my foot in the door, and in the social circle they want to hang around me but any time I try to take it a step further they basicly dissapear and make it difficult.

I don't mean regular resistance like I've read about here. I could probably handle that, I mean the flaking, the indecisiveness, the being sweet and all over me while I'm at school or work or wherever, but being so damn difficult everywhere else.

The cold appraoch problem doesn't get to me nearly as bad as the social circle problem.

It could be a looks thing, or it could be I have trouble projecting sexiness, I don't know. Thats what I'm trying to find out.

I realize I am outcome dependant, but who wouldn't be in my situation? The possibilityof rejection doesn't get to me untilafter I've hit a few setbacks. I was actually ok today, blowouts and all until I started driving home. Then it hit me. So thats what I'm dealing with right now.

 

[x86]

It seems like you are not just outcome dependent but depended on each individual girl. So much so that if you miss a girl you think you will be single forever which is of course nonsense.

What gets me though all my negative thoughts is just the urge to know one way or the other where I stand with someone and damn the consequences. Over the years my negative thoughts have decreased to the point where they have no hold on me.

You just need to find someway to push past your negative thoughts and over time it will become easier and easier and you negative thoughts will diminish.

Stop calling it a 10000 pound gorilla and instead reframe it to something less severe. Think of it as just another challenge in life like learning jiujitsu.

 

[runner83]

--------- Not one of the people reading SoSuave had parents, grandparents etc who died a virgin -----------------------

Don't try to think things out so much.

Instead just take action and see what works. Read the DJ bible and implement.

Without going in specific details, some of my rules for success:

1) Be the best man you can be, for yourself, not others

2) Judge a woman by her actions, not her words

3) Never be too serious, and have a sense of humour - girls love to be teased and made fun of (in a nice way)

Why?


1) Makes sure you live your life to the full regardless

2) Makes sure you don't waste your time with time wasters

3) Has gotten me laid more than anything else

 

[Aazman]

I've been in the same situation as you man- so i know how it feels.


I would say- there is no point complaining about it. Yeah your going to get turned down etc.

My recommendation is: if you look at the DJ bible section- there is a Bootcamp guide. Try reading it- and there are exercises for each week. The thing is a guide to help "train you" into habit of approach. So they have tasks to do each week- hence just go do them.

One thing that i do- since i meet girls at uni is that i can't hit on all of them as there are so many of my friends who are girls that might spread the word that im a player and all that hysteria- so i just go on my own to the mall. Meet some beautiful women there.

I've just started reading Mode One- by Alan Roger Currie. you can get it free from the net if you google it with a certain file sharer;p

 

[Das]

I’m feeling pretty good right now

I went in to work and did my thing today. Workgirl brought me a coffee when she came in today. I didn’t hear from her for the rest of my day until the end of my shift. She tells me about her trip with her mom and starts showing me pictures of when she was a little kid for some reason. I have to go so I motion for her to follow me to my truck. Shes still talking about who’s seeing who at work and all the drama there and I tell her I have to go and a lean in and kiss her on the cheek.

That kiss was probably the clumsiest most unsuave kiss in the history of the world.

Shes stands there. Her eyes get big as platters and she turns bright red. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. Your kind of putting me on the spot!”
So I say “Ok how about this then” And I kiss her on the lips. No tongue or nothing, but I took my time with it. She didn’t kiss back but she didn’t turn away or fight it or nothing. She just stood still and took it.
“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say” She starts to head back into the store and she stops and she turns around and asks me if I work tomorrow. I don’t so she asks about Thursday then. I tell her yeah but I work late. So she says “Call me. Anytime. A-A-bout anything.” I get in my car and start to leave and I see her texting something while I’m pulling away.

It’s been an hour now and I haven’t gotten any messages saying I’m a creep or nothing, so that’s good I guess. I’m no expert in these things but if I had to say how it happened I’d say I took her by surprise, but she’s happy I did, I guess. She’s was smiling a lot and grabbing her hair. I think that’s good.

As for myself once I did the lip kiss I feel relieved. I said my piece and no I get to find out for sure where I stand so it’s all good I guess. I don’t really know what shes thinking or what the erepercussions at work are gonna be but I’m ok with that for now. It wasn’t that bad of an experience. I kind of like it.

So that’s where I am now.

 

[x86]

Heh. That sounds as my smooth as my "No kiss goodnight?" line. First time I saw honest to god panting. Oddly enough I also got the same "I got to go" response from the girl after the kiss.

Long story short things turned out well the next meet up.

Either way it turns out your now living without wondering "what if". Money really can't buy that piece of mind.

 

[Das]

I want to see her tonight. Should I just call her and say I want to meet up, or should I wait til tomorrow or something?

 

[Das]

What I'm trying to ask is do you think today is too soon? Should I wait another day?

If I do ask how should I do it? Should I ve like "What tine are You done? I want to hang out" or spmething else?

 

[2crudedudes]

Let me start this post off by applauding you for leaving your Warcraft buddies behind and entering the real world. I quit playing a few months back and honestly, couldn't have made a better choice in my life.

Now on to your posts:

1) Why did you decide to go to that music festival? How much you enjoyed the festival should be independent of your "luck" getting women there. One thing that has really stuck with me from these forums and the DJ Bible is that women want men that are happy so that they can be happy. If you're not doing things to make yourself happy, women will notice that.

2) You are being waay too needy. Understandable, but don't justify it. Stop it by any means necessary. Give her some breathing room. She was dumbfounded by your kiss because she probably didn't see it in you to be so bold. Now don't fvck it up by being too available. Read the DJ Bible. Learn it. Don't call 5 times if she doesn't respond. Don't let her lead. You've set a precedent by kissing her, and now she expects you to be a man, which is a good thing.

3) Holy sh1t congratulations on that kiss! Unsuave or not, you went for it and she didn't react negatively. In fact, she's showing interest. Again, don't fvck it up by being too available. Suggest going out, but don't be so quick to adjust to her needs. If she can't meet up at a time that is good for you, then give it a few days and ask again, at another time that is convenient for you. As a man, you are busy. Always. Maybe you'll have time for her. Maybe. The moment you start saying "well, I'm available tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever" she WILL lose interest.

Read the DJ Bible. Pick up as much from it as you can. Its not just about picking up women, its about making your life better overall. And that's what women want from a man.

 

[Das]

1)I've gone to that festival for 6 years straight now. To be honest I'm not that big of a blues fan, but when it's live, it's something else. It doesnt hurt that every year theres a BBQ cookoff a block away from it so its a great package. Pickup didn't enter my mind while I was there until it got cut short, I was too into the music and food. I got pissed off at that and didn't think about sarging until I hit the bar afterwards cause I started to get a lonly feeling for some reason.

2) I just don't want to go too slow. But I dont want to seem desparate, either. This is all new ground for me so I just don't know what to do. Just don't call her today and mayby tomorrow? Or wait till I see her on thursday at work?

I get the feeling thay she won't be the one that will make the next contact, and that it will have to be me. She's told me shes in dress rehearsals for a play she is in at college so her days are booked for the next week or so. I wanted to play it so i would chill with her afterward, even though thats pretty late at night.

As for the Bible, I've read it and I know I'm supposed to play it cool and take what I want. And I want to hit that. But this is my first so I'm unsure about how to proceed.

3) Thanks it's good to know that some people are pulling for me
3)

 

[Das]

Hey guys. Some more on how I've been doing

The last week has been going good for me. I’ve began noticing that I do get looks from women. I’ve managed to break one of the warcraft guys out of the game . and back into the real world. I spent the whole day yesterday with a girl I met in the parking lot at the beach, and have the sunburn to prove it.

In short, confidence is a beautiful thing.

But, I’m concerned about the Workgirl. I’ve spent the week under the assumption that I have her right where I want her, and I really think that’s the case, but I don’t get to see her at all. Mayby 10 minutes over the past week. It really sucks. She’s got this play coming up and the practices for it have gone into overdrive and with the schedule she works she is literally spending like 18 hours a day at work and practice. I can’t see her because of the all consuming play, except for the like 5 minutes overlap between our shifts. Normally I’d be fine with that, I don’t really like seeing her at work, I’d rather it be done in our free time, but that’s the way it is for this week.

She’s flat out told me that when this play is over were going to hang out. I told her don’t worry about me just concentrate on her play, but I’m dying for some face time with her. I’m off for the next couple of days, do you guys think I would come off as too needy if I visited her at work, just to reestablish that yes I’m still here and yes I’m still into her?

 

[Aazman]

your going to have to sort out this needy thing before it ends this relationship. Now go and start spinning plates.

Go somewhere where she won't see you and someone who she will not know.

Good example is go out when she's working and your not. Or even in your breaks.

 

[Das]

Long post, but I think I'm handling this well. And before I'm told I have to spin more plates, I am going out this weekend so I'll probably have a decent outing report that doesn't involve this girl from work. So get ready for...

Das Goes to the Theater

It wasn’t as bad as it thought it was going to be. She had one line at the beginning, falls down on cue, and her character disappears from the play. She looks smoking hot in a leotard though. Good voice too. Bit heavy on the stage makeup though. Actually there are a couple of hotties in this thing.

Reading the playbill, I find out a few things about her I never knew. Singer in two bands? Member of a dance troupe? Nice, but she’s never mentioned any of this before. I am actually impressed, she seems to take this seriously. Then I get hit with an uneasy thought. She’s really into this kind of thing, and I’m the brutish anti artist type. What the hell does she see in me? Oh well play starts. Oh, and I noticed I know a few people who are in this thing besides her. Hahaha….Das knows your secret theater lives now. Oh well it’s all cool I guess. She does her part. Ok I’m interested. And she’s gone. First act is kind of boring. There’s a fat black guy in this though and he is tearing it up. This guy is something else. When this guy is on people pay attention, and he’s NOT the lead in the show. Some funny parts here and there.

Intermission. I’m between an old lady and a very pregnant woman. The old lady isn’t getting up so I decide to chat with the pregnant woman. She’s a nice girl. She’s friends with one of the other girls in the play. Husband didn’t want to go. I make a joke about how if she goes into labor I guess I have to take her to the hospital. She tells me if she does I’ll be the first to know. I find out shes of the same opinion about this show as I am. Her friend is out of the show now too. But I’ve got a buddy to rip on the show with now it won’t be so bad.

Act two. Me and my “date” are having a blast making fun of this thing. Old lady’s getting pissed so we turn it down a notch. Don’t want to get thrown out, this is turning out to be fun. Show ends. Fat black guy get a standing O. He deserves it. Workgirl and the other extras come out. It’s just a golf clap, but me and Pregnant do our best. Workgirl is glowing. Play ends we start to file out. I step out for a quick smoke. I go back in . Work girl is with some of her orbiters from work. I take my time. I buy a soda. Pregnant is there too with her friend from the show too. They’re all chatting. Pregnant see me coming and motions for Workgirl to turn around.

“DASSSSSS YOU CAMMMMMEEE!!!” Big hug. I’m a little at a loss as to what to say to her. She did just have only 1 line. I tell her I thought she did great and I’m very glad I came. I had a good time. I ask her if she was supposed to fall down or did it just happen? She says it was supposed to happen and she got yelled at in practice for doing it wrong. The orbiters move in for the attack. One of them says something like she should wear her leotard to work tomorrow. I think for a second that he just stole my line. I let them go. Shes distracted so I check her out up close and personal in that leotard. Yummy. Orbiter 1 is not getting much attention so he bails. Orbiter 2 has now taken it on himself to be as annoying and repetitive as possible with the leotard joke. I talk to Pregnant’s friend for a bit and introduce myself Workgirl drops orbiter 2 and grabs me and introduces me to the other extras. “This is The Das”. I guess I’m the Das now. I hold one of the girls hands a bit too long I guess because workgirl grabbed my hand and said “No!” after I switched to a two handed handshake talking to this girl about her solo. (See I can pay attention when I want to.) We’re holding each other around the waist and were walking out. She says she’s looking for her mom. I haven’t seen her. I tell her I have to go and I’ll see her Monday. Another big hug and she thanks me for coming. Then she makes this mmmmmmmmmmm sound and says goodbye. Shes headed backstage. Orbiter 2 followed her up to the door. (we’ve ignored him for like 10 minutes now) Pregnant’s in the lot. I tell her it’s been fun and good luck with the baby. I find out it’s going to be a girl in two weeks and she hugs me goodbye. Segar is playing on the radio on the way home. It’s been a good night. Only down part is I didn’t get to see fat black guy. Oh well.

I did notice one thing about her though. She talks to others a bit differently than she talks to me. She’s more willing to be dominant to the orbiters and the other extras, but she seems a little on edge when she speaks to me, and she shifts between the two rather quickly. I kind of would like her to be a little more at ease around me, but it seems all good so far. Another thing is when I touch her she freezes for a moment then throws herself even harder into it. Like when we were going down the hall. I grabbed her waist, she stopped then grabbed mine harder than I had hers. I really think I’ve got her primed well, and a few more days of no contact I can get pretty far with her, so long as I don’t screw up in bed.

If nothing else, I had a good time and I’ve learned the importance of not being Orbiter 2.

 

[Iceberg]

I did notice one thing about her though. She talks to others a bit differently than she talks to me. She’s more willing to be dominant to the orbiters and the other extras, but she seems a little on edge when she speaks to me, and she shifts between the two rather quickly. I kind of would like her to be a little more at ease around me, but it seems all good so far. Another thing is when I touch her she freezes for a moment then throws herself even harder into it. Like when we were going down the hall. I grabbed her waist, she stopped then grabbed mine harder than I had hers. I really think I’ve got her primed well, and a few more days of no contact I can get pretty far with her, so long as I don’t screw up in bed.

If nothing else, I had a good time and I’ve learned the importance of not being Orbiter 2.

You're trying to read too much into signs. Which is what I did way back when I was in high schoool and newer to this stuff. "She seems to talk to me differently." "When I touch her she freezes." Look...you could sit around trying to read signals, or you can just ask her out. Make a move. Normal stuff.

You just need to suggest that she get drinks with you, enjoy yourself, and make a move.

All this stuff about going to the theater and stuff. For a girl you're not dating/banging? Why? It's a waste of time.