http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...002-4185030-2752821?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
Has anyone heard about this book? Thoughts?
Has anyone heard about this book? Thoughts?
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
"He's Just Not That Into You"
- Thread starter AverageFC
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
WaterTiger
Master Don Juan
Yeah! I read it in the bookstore one afternoon. It's pretty blunt...but it's honest. Just like the DJ rules state. If there isn't a high interest level from the begining...it probably won't get better as time goes on. 
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
Yeah, I read it and I think it's a DJ's worst nightmare! It basically criticizes everything you guys say to do in the DJ Bible. If women pay attention to it wholeheartedly, DJs will get no love, trust me!
Personally, it has made a BIG impact on me. Men basically scare the hell out of me now.
SB
Personally, it has made a BIG impact on me. Men basically scare the hell out of me now.
SB
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
mind vs. heart
And in comes the mind to tell the poor gal the guy's lack of neediness that attracts her to him is all wrong, and she should forget him, and go for the needy fellow who must call her every day, sometimes twice, three times, or more (shakes head).
Can it be so? Or are you misreading the gist of the book?
If a man really is busy, ahe should respect that... BUT ... if he's into her, and not an immature DJ wannabe, he will call her when he gets a decent opportunity.
I haven't read the book, but have skimmed it a bit at a female friend's house. She got it from a friend who's trying to break her of her hang-up on her ex, and move on. And the book did seem to make sense, and not be quite as anti-DJ as this thread implies.
And in comes the mind to tell the poor gal the guy's lack of neediness that attracts her to him is all wrong, and she should forget him, and go for the needy fellow who must call her every day, sometimes twice, three times, or more (shakes head).
Can it be so? Or are you misreading the gist of the book?
If a man really is busy, ahe should respect that... BUT ... if he's into her, and not an immature DJ wannabe, he will call her when he gets a decent opportunity.
I haven't read the book, but have skimmed it a bit at a female friend's house. She got it from a friend who's trying to break her of her hang-up on her ex, and move on. And the book did seem to make sense, and not be quite as anti-DJ as this thread implies.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
I respect you Bonhomme, but you must not have read enough of it. I read it front to back, twice. And he definitely says that a man should be bending over backwards, going through rain, sleet and snow to call you if he's interested. Being busy is no excuse, unless "he's just not that into you." It basically goes against everything you say here and heralds the AFCish behavior that you guys put down, like being vulnerable and not guarding your heart, etc. And he was not only referring to how a man should act when he's in a longterm relationship, but what a woman should expect when she first meets a man. You know that you guys encourage a man to wait before calling, or not to call much at all. Well, a woman who had studied that book would conclude that you were just not that into her and be over you before you could say, "hey I meant to call you but I was so busy." Actually, i hope that he's very wrong on some of his points.
SB
SB
alphawolfx
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2005
- Messages
- 302
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hm... i thought that women have phones too... "why didn't you call ME?"
like i continualy say, don't take everything you read as bible advice - not the DJ stuff, and not this book either...
besides, if some girl is going to be that insecure and think you're not into her JUST BECAUSE you were busy... you're probably saving yourself the hassle.
like i continualy say, don't take everything you read as bible advice - not the DJ stuff, and not this book either...
besides, if some girl is going to be that insecure and think you're not into her JUST BECAUSE you were busy... you're probably saving yourself the hassle.
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
I agree totally with you Alpha. Actually, i think this guy has done more damage to women than good. Suddenly now there are droves of women who feel like garbage busy legitimately busy men were supposedly "not that into" them. His book does make a woman look like she has no power, like the progress of the relationship depends solely on the man. He specifically states that a man will be turned off to a woman who is forward enough to call first or make the first move. He thinks the old fashioned way is really written in stone.
Besides, a woman has written a counter book already called "Your just not into him either" or something like that.
SB
Besides, a woman has written a counter book already called "Your just not into him either" or something like that.
SB
Hey Marc can you check the radio show thread?
so the book is a work of fiction that is inaccurate?
That's what I was curious about.
I dont get why women think men have time to call them. I personally hate making phone calls. I hate calling men, women, children whoever. Talking on the phone is a waste of time. I'm a reporter for my college's paper. Never once have I done a phone interview. I'm a face-to-face kinda guy. I thought women loved the phone, yet they want the man to call them? Call him, christ.
so the book is a work of fiction that is inaccurate?
That's what I was curious about.
I dont get why women think men have time to call them. I personally hate making phone calls. I hate calling men, women, children whoever. Talking on the phone is a waste of time. I'm a reporter for my college's paper. Never once have I done a phone interview. I'm a face-to-face kinda guy. I thought women loved the phone, yet they want the man to call them? Call him, christ.
i've seen an episode of dateline/primetime where they discuss the book and discussed it with a few female readers. The thing was they absolutely believed everything in that book, and now use it to wisen up their game.
I cant believe a guy wrote that book....he's made himself rich by backstabbing other men..
Also this one time online i saw some kind of posting for some female get togethers in an area to discuss the book. A LOT of women are beginning to grow aware about this book and buying it also.
I cant believe a guy wrote that book....he's made himself rich by backstabbing other men..
Also this one time online i saw some kind of posting for some female get togethers in an area to discuss the book. A LOT of women are beginning to grow aware about this book and buying it also.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
From a woman's point of view, I hope it's mainly schlock (interesting word). Otherwise it has us women looking for the perfect man and sets us up for inevitable disappointment. Some guys don't express their emotions so freely or fall all over a woman even though they may love her. Just my opinion.
SB
SB
jean laurent
Don Juan
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Chicks can try and buy into this, like they can try and buy into "The Rules", but ultimately, I think biology will prevail. There are reasons for the dynamic that's existed between human males and females over the millenia that no book will be able to overcome.Originally posted by seabreeze
I respect you Bonhomme, but you must not have read enough of it. I read it front to back, twice. And he definitely says that a man should be bending over backwards, going through rain, sleet and snow to call you if he's interested. Being busy is no excuse, unless "he's just not that into you." It basically goes against everything you say here and heralds the AFCish behavior that you guys put down, like being vulnerable and not guarding your heart, etc. And he was not only referring to how a man should act when he's in a longterm relationship, but what a woman should expect when she first meets a man. You know that you guys encourage a man to wait before calling, or not to call much at all. Well, a woman who had studied that book would conclude that you were just not that into her and be over you before you could say, "hey I meant to call you but I was so busy." Actually, i hope that he's very wrong on some of his points.
SB
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Yup. Biology over pop psychology
Perhaps I didn't read it well enough, seabreeze. Not that it will affect my behavior.
Jean laurent is right: biology will trump pop psychology almost all the time. Any sane women will "break the rules" if she knows in her heart of hearts the man of her dreams is interested in her, regardless of his calling her only twice a week to set up dates.
Shlock or not, the book will be helpful to a lot of the women it's written for. A lot of people waste a lot of effort pursuing people who really aren't that interested. But one certainly need not exhibit pathological behavior to show their interest.
What was the guy's motivation for writing the book? Is he an AFC who keeps getting rejected for gals who pursue the less available men? Read between the lines, my droogs and droogettes.
Perhaps I didn't read it well enough, seabreeze. Not that it will affect my behavior.
Jean laurent is right: biology will trump pop psychology almost all the time. Any sane women will "break the rules" if she knows in her heart of hearts the man of her dreams is interested in her, regardless of his calling her only twice a week to set up dates.
Shlock or not, the book will be helpful to a lot of the women it's written for. A lot of people waste a lot of effort pursuing people who really aren't that interested. But one certainly need not exhibit pathological behavior to show their interest
.What was the guy's motivation for writing the book? Is he an AFC who keeps getting rejected for gals who pursue the less available men? Read between the lines, my droogs and droogettes.
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
Nah, Bonhomme, he's married for five years and totally p-whipped on his wife. He's a goodlooking comedian and now a millionaire AFC.
SB
SB
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Royal Elite
Banned
You took the words out of my brain. I dont care if a woman knows this book back and forth, and hails it as her bible. If I want her Im going to get her. It's turns their game detector into high drive but I move at mock 5. It changes their emotional barriers from a fence to a high wall, but Im a giant who just steps right over it. Get your game right, and the rules, he isnt' into you, hell even oprah and dr phil together cant stop you.
Capmia
New Member
Most women don't get it
Ok guys, here's the deal. This book is good for women because it takes the wool off of our eyes. Most women don't get the fact that some guys just aren't that interested. Speaking from experience, we like to think that things will change, or that getting to know us, he'll want to change for us. This book makes us realize, what u see is what u get, and if u can't handle that, move on. Many male friends confirm that most things they say and do are in fact because they're just not into the chick. And u all should be happy because now, at least the girls that read and get it, these girls will get the clues without u saying a word. Also, we deserve to be treated good. I'm not saying that I'm gonna wait around on a guy to ask me out, I have more important things to concern myself with. But I realize now that if a guy wants me, he'll let me know in more ways than words.
Ok guys, here's the deal. This book is good for women because it takes the wool off of our eyes. Most women don't get the fact that some guys just aren't that interested. Speaking from experience, we like to think that things will change, or that getting to know us, he'll want to change for us. This book makes us realize, what u see is what u get, and if u can't handle that, move on. Many male friends confirm that most things they say and do are in fact because they're just not into the chick. And u all should be happy because now, at least the girls that read and get it, these girls will get the clues without u saying a word. Also, we deserve to be treated good. I'm not saying that I'm gonna wait around on a guy to ask me out, I have more important things to concern myself with. But I realize now that if a guy wants me, he'll let me know in more ways than words.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Good one!
(chuckling) So very true!