"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Here's the problem 99% of the time

Lexington

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Most of the problems I see on here have to do with over thinking. I'd be curious to know how many people on here have the INTP personality type. I'd bet that a disproportionate number of people here are of that nature.

The problem with people of that type (though they are by no means the only ones) is that they rationalize too much. They're so busy analyzing and philosophizing that they fail to act in the moment.

**** man, I'm thinking too much even as I type this post. Basically the idea is to just do what you want. You don't have to worry about whether you're negging enough and what have you. Just know that there's something you want and go after it.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Nicholas

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I hear you.


Do you have any advices or methods on how to get rid of this habit?

I mean it's easy to say 'just do it'...we all know there's more to it.
 

bigneil

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Yes, women get annoyed by the fact that we notice every detail about things. They are not impressed by guys who are smart per se, though smart men tend to love beautiful women and vice versa.
 

Upside

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INTJ.

I hate cold calling (sometimes required for work). I hate cold approaching (did/do it to help me progress socially.) SOMETIMES it's fun.

Basically, it's hard to "just do" when i don't plain want to. Most girls I have hooked up with displayed interest in me from the start. Way I looked, talked, whatever. They made it easier on me and thus more enjoyable.

I admit to overthinking. I keep telling myself to stop reading too much stuff in the manosphere and on this forum, but it is just so god damn INTERESTING to read. Analyzing a date or women behavior is like trying to solve the world's hardest puzzle and when you think you find an answer you become confident as fvck, your **** is as hard as a rock, and your sperm is made of liquid gold, and chicks are digging you. But then the equation changes, your answer is wrong, and you have to do it all over again.

tl;dr

Working on it, but sometimes it can be interesting.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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spang

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i tested as infp(creative idealist) on a test i took a few years ago. but i might be part intp because i do overthink and internalize everything. i always think and calculate before i do something...i never "just do it". working on changing that.

that reminds me of the story of prometheus. prometheus was a thinker...his name means forethinker, but he had a dimwitted brother named epidemius(afterthinker) who made stupid decisions and then regretted them. i sort of relate that to intraversion vs extraversion. i guess the two being out of balance is a bad thing.
 

TopGun2000

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"Personal Growth
As with all types, the INTP can achieve personal growth by developing all functions that are not fully developed, through actions such as:
expressing appreciation towards others
working within other people's limitations
accepting and praising others' imperfect efforts, if they are 'good enough'
consulting others more, and involving them in decisions, to engender ownership of the solution
spending time to develop personal relationships for their own sake
learning to acknowledge and develop the INTP's own emotions and personal values

Recognising Stress
As stress increases, 'learned behaviour' tends to give way to the natural style, so the INTP will behave more according to type when under greater stress. For example, in a crisis, the INTP might:
withdraw to think about the central issue that needs attention
suggest various ideas, and use the feedback received to support the intellectual analysis
debate the issue from an intellectual point of view, and leave it very late before making a decision
criticise others efforts and ignore their feelings

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INTP's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESFJ. Example characteristics are:
expressing intense negative emotions towards others
being very sensitive to criticism
becoming preoccupied with details, without any logical basis
interpreting facts or events in a very subjective way"
 

Mr.SomeoneElse

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Funny because i'm an ENTP haha.
But I have noticed similarities in the way the majority of this forum is and our thought processes.

"ENTPs are quick to see complex interrelationships between people, things, and ideas. These interrelationships are analyzed in profound detail through the ENTPs auxiliary function, introverted thinking (Ti). The result is an in-depth understanding of the way things and relationships work, and how they can be improved. To the ENTP, competence and intelligence are particularly prized, both in themselves and in other people."

But dude, I really don't see analyzing situations as a bad thing, as long as the end result is an action.
It never hurts to have a small game plan, of how to react in certain situations logged in your mind.
So when you go and open a set of girls, and they try and test you with some of their BS you're prepared.
Rather than doing the 'uh...uhmm...ah...but...'
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Atom Smasher

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Thinking and introspection is the domain of men. The problem occurs when thinking is not accompanied by action. The tendency to think without action can be a paralyzing prison. When thinking is accompanied with action success in any endeavor is assured.
 

TopGun2000

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Atom Smasher said:
Thinking and introspection is the domain of men. The problem occurs when thinking is not accompanied by action. The tendency to think without action can be a paralyzing prison. When thinking is accompanied with action success in any endeavor is assured.
absolutely, taking actions and being outcome independent are the common trails shared by many successful people, just go for what you want :D
 

Lexington

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Atom Smasher said:
Thinking and introspection is the domain of men. The problem occurs when thinking is not accompanied by action. The tendency to think without action can be a paralyzing prison.
Exactly! It's paralysis by analysis.

When thinking is accompanied with action success in any endeavor is assured.
This is the hard part for a lot of people here.

Unfortunately, many guys get so wrapped up in thinking for the sake of thinking. This is especially true of those who are more "nerdy" (i.e. they've done well academically).

That habit that we have to get into is thinking for the sake of acting. We also have to learn to be more decisive. The most thorough analysis is absolutely useless if you don't act on it.

When it comes to girls, guys are so busy thinking about all the nuances and nuts and bolts of the interaction and inter-gender dynamics and whatnot that they forget the point!
 

Atom Smasher

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Yes, the danger of thinking deeply about plans or activities is that once you go through it in your head several times, your subconscious thinks that it has already been done.

I see the same danger with video games. I've wasted a lot of time with combat flight simulators of various kinds because that virtual success is registered by the subconscious as a REAL success and therefore your motivation to act and succeed is diminished. In a sense, when I've taken out a tank column or a SAM battery, my drive to take action and succeed has been satisfied, and the brain says, "OK, now it's time to rest".

I've learned all this very late in life, but I'm very grateful to have learned it at all.
 

izza

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I think despite what our culture says that women should actually be picking up men. We men intuitively understand that we have no clue how to attract women to us. And our panicked attempts to get women disgust them. This leads to terror of being alone forever and a lot of strange, desperate behavior on the part of men.

Realizing that women are in control and want us on their own schedule, and learning that we should mind our own business and focus on platonic friendship will go a long way toward solving this overthinking.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Zarky

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izza said:
We men intuitively understand that we have no clue how to attract women to us. And our panicked attempts to get women disgust them. This leads to terror of being alone forever and a lot of strange, desperate behavior on the part of men.
Look up the concept of Freudian Projection. To assume that all men are as terrified of women as you clearly are is... unenlightened. :eek:
 

NewAndImproved

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Pretty much agree with what's been expressed so far.

But I will say this... as someone whose mind is great at over analysis... at coming up with worst-case scenarios at the expense of being in the moment, your brain also has the power to do the exact opposite.

I have a really good imagination. Rather than imagining the worst-case scenario, now imagine the best case. Rather than remembering my most embarrassing moments I focus on my greatest triumphs. Rather than focusing on what's wrong with me I focus on what's right with me.

What I am getting at is that perhaps unlike other personality-type, really thoughtful people have the greatest upside if they harness that negative and turn it into a positive. We "imagine" and "think" more strongly than any other type. We just have to "think" about the right things.
 

Wildebeest

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im intj, but ive tested as intp once

I try to turn off my brain frequently and give into instinct, it works well.
Other times I become frozen with planning and options.

The only answer is action action action. Leap first.

I want to find a way to further reduce my dependence on alcohol when im out. Once I lower my inhibition, I do pretty well. I would love mental control over it.
 

The Karate Kid

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Oh man, do i overanalyze. But its never in the beginning. Its always when they start pushing for a relationship, Ill come up with any reason as to why we wouldnt work, my worst one was saying a girl was too young for me(i was 23, she was 19).

Seems I do this when things start to get serious and its make or break time, and then when it breaks, as women always do when you dont give them what they want, I overthink why things went wrong.

Overthinking is a stone cold *****
 

izza

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Zarky said:
Look up the concept of Freudian Projection. To assume that all men are as terrified of women as you clearly are is... unenlightened. :eek:
After reading your comment, I was wondering if you're projecting your fear of women onto me.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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