Here's one for you to decifer

[STR8UP]

Went out for a drink with a female friend tonite.

She's the 37 yr old AW who i have known for about 8 years.

We have flirted the whole time I've known her. I did go out with her, "date" type stuff a couple of times in the beginning, but I quickly wrote her off as an AW and told myself that I would never pursue any kind of sexual relationship with her despite the fact that she is attractive.

Over the past six months or so I have held to my vow of not pursuing her, but the sexual tension between us has escalated nonetheless, to the point where we're making out in a club and she's grabbing my d!ck when I'm grinding on her ass.

i probably would have fukked her by now since it's pretty much a no brainer...no effort involved, but the opportunity just hasn't presented itself and I'm NOT about to set up any date type sh!t with her just to try to get some pu$$y.

So tonite we are having a drink at a posh restaurant with outdoor seating (the weather was AMAZING tonite!) and we started talking about something, which led to her saying "I'm shy". To which I replied "Uh yea, you're shy alright. You're about the LEAST shy person I know"

Then she says, " If I weren't shy, we would have had sex a long time ago".

This really took me by surprise, since she is probably the most outgoing person I know.

So I started thinking about her comment.

I don't want to get too analytical about this, but it's kind of odd that an outgoing, gregarious person would consider themselves to be "shy" when it comes to the opposite sex.

Is it that even the most outspoken female STILL wants a man to make all the moves? Of course I know the answer to that, but it's been my experience that if a chick wants it bad enough she will do just about anything to make it happen.

She makes sexual comments all the time, but I pretty much blow them off.

I'm thinking maybe since she has a strong personality that she wants a man to "take" her. When she says she's "shy" it just means that she wants a man to have the dominant personality in that particular interaction.

Earlier today when I called her the first time I invited her to a "heaven and hell" Halloween party at my buddy's place. She said something about how my other lady friends are pretty crazy sexually, and i told her that if she goes we might want to take a separate car cause I might be wanting to join in on the "craziness", to which she replied that SHE might want to be involved. I teased her about being prudish when we talked about this stuff in the past, to which she got defensive like she has something to prove.

So we shall see what happens at the Heaven and Hell party. Knowing my buddy this party will be pure insanity, and there will probably be several other chicks there that I could probably take home if I am so inclined. Fun fun fun!

 

[jophil28]

" Im shy " means this -
" I want to have sex with you but I want YOU to initiate it "
Duh !

 

[Bible_Belt]

Rollo says actions trump words. What she says means nothing.

i told her that if she goes we might want to take a separate car cause I might be wanting to join in on the "craziness", to which she replied that SHE might want to be involved.

At 37, she will craft what she says more carefully than your young bimbette friends. She is playing the same game in trying to make you jealous.

 

[Sinistar]

Str8up, the first thing I thought of when I read this post .... One-Itis.

In another post, you're worried about a *female friend* who's marrying a virgin. When I read that the first thing I thought was Rescuer/Saviour.

And in a post previous to that, you went to a club with a *female friend* and some of her friends. From what I read, they pretty much dissed you. The first thing I thought of when I read that thread was AFC / Friendship buffering. Now, had those women been climbing all over you, you would have had sky high social proof. However, you were sitting there while they were interacting with themselves. That probably broadcast to every other chick in the vicinity that you are the *girlfriend* type (ie not Alpha).

Back to this post. You have written a lot about this woman (and countless other female friends). Obviously, that's your gig. Yet what is this really doing for you life as a DJ? If she were truly a friend, would you really be all hot bothered about touching her in the swimsuit area? Ask yourself what would a DJ do? Then, if it conflicts with the advice / observations of others maybe you should ask yourself why...

 

[cordoncordon]

I gotta agree with sinistar. I was gonna say something earlier but thought I'd just keep my mouth shut lol.

Str8up I like you on here, you seem like a cool guy, and PLEASE do not take this as I am dissing you, but there is something wrong with your behavior right now...imo. I know on another thread you talked about being on anti-depressants and depression in general, and you have many many MANY threads on here about you hanging around with all of these different girls, many of whom are friends...but that you think want you VERY BADLY in a sexual way, and also a lot of threads about partying with strippers and "not so quality" girls.

I really don't even know what to say about all of that, but there has to be some sort of connection between you hanging out with these types of questionable women, your hanging out with and believing so many of your girl "friends" want you, and your general depression. It just doesn't seem healthy to be hanging around with that many different women all of the time. What happiness can they possibly bring you? Honestly besides when i am with my gf and her women friends I don't know if I have ever just hung out with a group of women, or even one for that matter. All they can do is talk about shopping, and relationships, and how bad men are, etc etc etc. They're naggy, *****y, whiny, just not very fun...to me anyway. What do you have in common with them and what drives you to hang out with so many of them?

Why do you always start so many threads that you believe these very women all want you and that you could "get with them" if you wanted to? I don't get it? If you want to have sex with them and they truly do want to get with you (which i find difficult to believe) then F them. But try not to analyze their behavior so much. Maybe it increases your self esteem to think all of these girls want you? Maybe it takes your mind off of your own issues to worry about these girls issues? I don't know. Why do you care if some 21 year old is marrying a 23 year old virgin? Again, I don't get it. BTW to me being 23 and a guy virgin is not that out of the question. Especially if he was shy or was socially inept in school.

These are all questions that if I think you found the answers to would make you a much happier person right now.

 

[squirrels]

Some foos need to quit their jibber-jabber.

There's nothing to analyze. I'd take her grabbing your d*ck in the club as a pretty good IOI.

I'd say continue to NOT pursue her. But since you seem to be ATTRACTING her, there's nothing wrong with escalating a little if you find her hand down your pants again.

The true mastery of this "stuff" is to learn to pursue without pursuing.

 

[STR8UP]

Rollo says actions trump words. What she says means nothing.

I agree, actions always trump words.

But the thing is with her, I have no interest in her for a relationship, and I'm pretty sure she sees me the same way. My attitude is "If we fukk, we fukk. If not we hang out just like I would with any other friend"

So if a woman doesn't have "interest level" in you, per se, but maybe she DOES feel sexual attraction for you, is it possible sometimes that they are mutually exclusive?

That would be my only explanation for her behavior. She isn't "interested" in me, but wouldn't mind having sex. That's exactly how I see her. Is it possible for a woman to have the same mindset? This brings up an iinteresting point that has not been discussed here, to my knowledge.

She's the typical Sex in the City type chick, so her attitude (at least on the surface) is that she would like to have a man, but she doesn't need one).

She doesn't display jealousy toward other women when I talk about them, but when I have a g/f or a chick I am sexing standing next to me she gets a bit catty. So there IS something there, but definitely not "OMG...I HAVE to have him!" kind of thing.

And I haven't had her naked, but she doesn't have a problem with me feeling her up and as I said she grabbed my dikk the other day, so it's not like she sees me as asexual or anything.

i told her that if she goes we might want to take a separate car cause I might be wanting to join in on the "craziness", to which she replied that SHE might want to be involved.

At 37, she will craft what she says more carefully than your young bimbette friends. She is playing the same game in trying to make you jealous.

So why is she trying to make me jealous? Doesn't want me, but doesn't want other chicks to take the spotlight off of her?

 

[STR8UP]

Str8up, the first thing I thought of when I read this post .... One-Itis.

I can assure you, this is NOT the case.

You guys get a distilled version of things that happen in my life. Kind of like when someone edits a reality show. You don't see EVERYTHING that happens. When I post this stuff it's because I'm fascinated by the way relationships work.

I have known this chick for many years, and we have only recently become pretty good friends. I wrote her off LONG ago as a relationship prospect. just not my type.

In another post, you're worried about a *female friend* who's marrying a virgin. When I read that the first thing I thought was Rescuer/Saviour.

I wasn't worried, I was shocked. I could have married this chick if I were so inclined, but she isn't what I'm looking for. Why would I want to rescue her? I was posting a real life example of something we talk about a lot....marriage and at what age it's proper.

And in a post previous to that, you went to a club with a *female friend* and some of her friends. From what I read, they pretty much dissed you. The first thing I thought of when I read that thread was AFC / Friendship buffering. Now, had those women been climbing all over you, you would have had sky high social proof. However, you were sitting there while they were interacting with themselves. That probably broadcast to every other chick in the vicinity that you are the *girlfriend* type (ie not Alpha).

First of all, if it were a club it would have been TOTALLY different. I would have been on my turf.

It was a casual patio bar, and the reason why I was a fish out of water was that it was ALL women besides me. This was basically sitting outside at a cafe while chicks talked their chick talk. I wouldn't have even gone had it not been for certain reasons.

Incidentally, I have had sex with one of those women that was present, and have done **sexual things** with another one of the five.

Back to this post. You have written a lot about this woman (and countless other female friends). Obviously, that's your gig. Yet what is this really doing for you life as a DJ? If she were truly a friend, would you really be all hot bothered about touching her in the swimsuit area? Ask yourself what would a DJ do? Then, if it conflicts with the advice / observations of others maybe you should ask yourself why...

I have stated many times in the past that I have a lot of female friends, but I am not in the "friend zone" with any of them. With all but about one of them there is at least something of a sexual charge there. Not even that I have done anything with all of them, but they ALL see me as a sexual being and BELIEVE me, I feed off the social proof that provides for me.

I'm not looking for a female to be "in my life", so what it does to my DJ game is a moot point. I have VERY little free time and what time I do have I'm not gonna be out "sarging" for women who I would have no time to get to know anyway. I just enjoy chilling with my friends (male or female) when I get a little free time, and luckily my "pipeline" of female friends who look at me as a MAN, provide me with the opportunity to meet new women without a lot of the hassles of trying to "pick up" chicks.

Trust me, there are a few drawbacks, but at this point in my life the benefits far outweigh any of the negatives.

 

[STR8UP]

Str8up I like you on here, you seem like a cool guy, and PLEASE do not take this as I am dissing you, but there is something wrong with your behavior right now...imo.

No offense taken.

I know on another thread you talked about being on anti-depressants and depression in general, and you have many many MANY threads on here about you hanging around with all of these different girls, many of whom are friends...but that you think want you VERY BADLY in a sexual way, and also a lot of threads about partying with strippers and "not so quality" girls.

I never said that all of my female friends want me VERY BADLY. One or two of them have more than a casual attraction, yes. The one in this post I'm pretty sure isn't looking for a relationship with me, nor I with her.

I really don't even know what to say about all of that, but there has to be some sort of connection between you hanging out with these types of questionable women, your hanging out with and believing so many of your girl "friends" want you, and your general depression.

I pretty much leave my stress behind when I go out with friends. That's my only escape.

I know the difference between a chick who is attracted, an AW, and one who "just wants to be friends".

As far as hanging out with what you call "questionable" women....I have addressed this before....I DON'T party with strippers and junkies (well, one was coked up pretty good but thats about it, hehe). For the most part my friends (male and female) are sane, well adjusted professional people. Again, you get the "juicy" bits as it pertains to the discussion at hand, but you really don't know the whole story.

It just doesn't seem healthy to be hanging around with that many different women all of the time. What happiness can they possibly bring you?

Their friends naked in my bed from time to time, for one

Honestly besides when i am with my gf and her women friends I don't know if I have ever just hung out with a group of women, or even one for that matter. All they can do is talk about shopping, and relationships, and how bad men are, etc etc etc. They're naggy, *****y, whiny, just not very fun...to me anyway. What do you have in common with them and what drives you to hang out with so many of them?

Up until about three years ago I had very few female friends. And before that, when I DID have a female friend, chances are it was a friend zone type deal. Homie don't play that no more :nono:

Why do you always start so many threads that you believe these very women all want you and that you could "get with them" if you wanted to?

I start threads that contain real life examples of the things we talk about, but it's beginning to seem as if my raw, uncensored take on things is being taken the wrong way, so maybe I will keep it to myself from now on. Discussing this kind of stuff just takes my mind off of other bullsh!t...kind of therapeutic.

I have considered laying off the posting in favor of working on writing a book about something that's yet TBD. Maybe this is the right time to do so.

Maybe it takes your mind off of your own issues to worry about these girls issues? I don't know.

Bingo.

But it's the posting that takes my mind off of things...not taking on women's problems or any crap like that.

Why do you care if some 21 year old is marrying a 23 year old virgin? Again, I don't get it. BTW to me being 23 and a guy virgin is not that out of the question. Especially if he was shy or was socially inept in school.

I don't care. I just don't agree with it. It's like watching that train wreck in slow motion. But hey, it's her life.

And I'm sorry, but a 23 year old virgin, male OR female is iffy in my book.

So here's the deal.

I think I'm gonna stick around for another week or two, but after that I think it's best if I take one of my little "breaks" from sosuave. We shall see.....

 

[thissucks003]

So why is she trying to make me jealous? Doesn't want me, but doesn't want other chicks to take the spotlight off of her?

I think she see you as a safety net incase she doesn't meet Mr. Right.

I can relate to your situation myself. I am 37 and I hang out with some girls that are 1-3 years older than me. These girls wouldn't have given it much thought 3-5 years ago because they saw me in a different light. Now they are open to showing me interest then they didn't before. Funny how being social and having confidence in yourself will peak someone else attraction switches.

My situation is, who to choose and how much will it disrupt the apple cart if I proceed and end up hooking up with one of them? My feeling would be if something did happen, it would be a drunken hook up. We'll see!

 

[dietzcoi]

Two words: "Hor Populous"!

Seriously, I guess I am jealous. Nobody can claim Str8up has a boring life!! Still, the drama has to end sometime.

I hope you find a woman who does not have 1000 issues soon, Str8!!!

Dietzcoi

 

[STR8UP]

I think she see you as a safety net incase she doesn't meet Mr. Right.

Yea, I can see how that might be.

I can relate to your situation myself. I am 37 and I hang out with some girls that are 1-3 years older than me. These girls wouldn't have given it much thought 3-5 years ago because they saw me in a different light. Now they are open to showing me interest then they didn't before. Funny how being social and having confidence in yourself will peak someone else attraction switches.

This particular chick took a lot more of an interest in me (if you can call it that) after she saw me with other women and as I built my status in the business world. Before that I never got any kind of a sexual vibe from her.

My situation is, who to choose and how much will it disrupt the apple cart if I proceed and end up hooking up with one of them? My feeling would be if something did happen, it would be a drunken hook up. We'll see!

Thats part of the problem here, why I don't just throw down and hope for the best. She's cool to hang with as a friend and sex isn't that big of a thing to me that I HAVE to explore that option with her.

But yea, if it's gonna happen it will be the drunken hookup, cause despite her constant references to us going on dates, I have no desire to do that with her.

 

[STR8UP]

Two words: "Hor Populous"!

Seriously, I guess I am jealous. Nobody can claim Str8up has a boring life!! Still, the drama has to end sometime.

I hope you find a woman who does not have 1000 issues soon, Str8!!!

Dietzcoi

Haha, those damn hors!

I'm sure half of the people on here probably think I'm making this sh!t up, but i can assure you that it's all true.

 

[jophil28]

No offense Str8 but your posts usually are written along the lines of -
" You won't believe what this HB9.9 did to me last night while six of my 'non- friend girlfriends' looked on and got pissed off coz they want me too !"

A tad male AW if you ask me.

 

[decades]

More str8up drama! some guys get a sexual charge from "flirting without Fukking". I believe you are one of them. Only most seasoned men will tell you that's a massive waste of time and energy.

 

[STR8UP]

No offense Str8 but your posts usually are written along the lines of -
" You won't believe what this HB9.9 did to me last night while six of my 'non- friend girlfriends' looked on and got pissed off coz they want me too !"

A tad male AW if you ask me.

A bit embellished, but I suppose i can see how you might see it that way.

 

[reset]

The true mastery of this "stuff" is to learn to pursue without pursuing.

....yup.


There's so much conflicting advice about this.

"Be a man and go geterdone!"
"Be aloof and let them come to you"

Yet, interested women WILL chase after you. EVERY TIME. PERIOD.

And the more you "let them", the more they will do it. They will stop when you take their place and start doing the pursuing. This is reality. So in a way you are pursuing, by not really doing anything.

Women want the STRONGEST MALE. And the strongest male, does not trip over himself to get what he wants. What he wants COMES TO HIM.

I guess it just comes down to what you're most comfortable with.

 

[STR8UP]

You know, I think it's time to exit stage left.

You guys have been great, but it seems my no holds barred posting style isn't being very well received.

Maybe I'll pop my head in from time to time, but for now I think this board knows more than enough about my personal life.

Peace out brothas

 

[KontrollerX]

Come back soon Str8up.

Your posts and backbreaker's are the most entertaining on the site lol.

 

[Aenigma]

You know, I think it's time to exit stage left.

You guys have been great, but it seems my no holds barred posting style isn't being very well received.

Maybe I'll pop my head in from time to time, but for now I think this board knows more than enough about my personal life.

Peace out brothas

I don't post alot, but I do read posts here nearly everyday- I think it's a shame that you think that. Your posts are lucid, articulate, and well thought out- I look up them up everytime I visit; you're one of my two favorite active posters and I've learned ALOT from you. You've contributed as much to my intellectual development as Pook and Rollo Tomassi (your only competition best posters IMO). Hope you reconsider and decide to stick around, you've made an uncalculable contribution to the men here, in the realms of both business* and "Romance". If you do decide to stick to you decision to leave, I wish you nothing but success and happiness in your future endevours and enterprises, from what you shared here, you certainly deserve them.

(*though I wish I had taken the opportunity to ply your brain for more knowledge about business and finance earlier... I've just been busy lately, and I kept pushing it to "tomorrow".... would it be possible to trade emails with you so that I could learn about what you've done, and what I need to do to get there?)