Her parents...URGENT

[Fixmylife]

Ok...Here is the situation. (Sorry for the length, but I need quick replies)

I am 20, dating a girl who is 17, and turning 18 within a month. The only problem is that her parents hate me and don't trust me. I kept her out too late once(she told me she was 18) and her dad asked me to stop seeing her. They grounded her for 2 weeks, and after those two weeks she sought me out, and we started hanging out again. She had a friend of mine pick me up and take me to meet her without my knowledge, and we started seeing eachother because of that. I like her a lot...But she is crazy in love with me for some reason.

This weekend they found out that we were hanging out, and have taken her phone, and I'm still not sure of her punishment. They, because of what her brother said, think we are having sex. WE ARE NOT. Her dad called me from her phone and left me a message asking me to call him. I haven't called him yet, and I really need help with what to say. The first time he called me, when he asked me to stop seeing her, he wasn't very respectful to me, and I'm worried about what I might say.

She talked about moving out when she turns 18 and asking if I would help, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.

Also, is there any thing he can legally do to me if we never had sex? I've just been really worried about the whole situation.

So what should I do or say when I call him? I've just been really, really confused. I know I messed up, but these people are being unreasonable.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

I would avoid her until she's 18 in a month. Then you can basically tell her dad to sit on it and rotate.

 

[slaog]

Why don't they like you?

 

[SoldMySoul]

Depending on your state's sex consent laws you could be fine. Age of consent in my state is 16.... You being 20 and her being 17 is not a problem whatsoever in my state. Her age makes it legal and only sex law that would be broken would be fornication and hardly ever pursued. Come to think of it, I highly doubt it ever has been.

I would check your laws online and do what I wanted.

 

[YogurtSlinger]

I don't think they are being unreasonable AT ALL. To me, it sounds like they are being good parents. When he speaks to you, he doesn't owe you any respect. You disrespected him as well. If you had a daughter, would you want to protect her from d bags like you, or would you let her run around screwing every swinging d1ck she could get her hands on? Think about it from that perspective and then maybe you will be able to come up with something to say to him...sorry wouldn't be a bad start...

 

[Guoy Darko]

Are her parents very conservative & old fashioned? Maybe they want to seek a partner for their daughter themselves.

If you want to gain respect from her father, it is probably best to give him a call if he asks for it.

Just be calm to him. Maybe he will get angry at you or be disrespectful to you. Just stay calm and don't go argue with him like: "I do what I want! In a month she turns 18 and I date her then!" Just listen to him. If he asks about it say you like his daughter and you are treating her with respect and such. You know what a father wants to hear. So don't make jokes about you being a crack dealer.

 

[Fixmylife]

The reason they hate me is still a mystery. She misled me and I made the mistake of letting her stay out late with me. I explained this to him, and he told me to stop seeing her. They are extremely controlling, to the point of abuse. I believe she has misbehaved in the past...but yes yogurtslinger, he is unreasonable. He is not trying to protect her, he is trying to control her. Her home life is hell according to her, even before me.

Thanks for all of the replies. Any more advice on the phone call would be nice.

 

[Fixmylife]

Also I have apologized profusely, and thought about it from his perspective, but nobody should have to earn respect...and he lost most of mine the first time he called me.

 

[Fixmylife]

And call me crazy, but I don't plan on having sex with any girl until I am married to her. I have had several opportunities, and she has wanted to since we started hanging out. But the main point is that we haven't.

 

[DonGorgon]

females do what they want.. they use parents as and excuse... and guess what .. her parents have no clue about 99% of the slutty crap she does with guys other than you..

 

[Fixmylife]

females do what they want.. they use parents as and excuse... and guess what .. her parents have no clue about 99% of the slutty crap she does with guys other than you..

Wow...that is an example of disrespect for women, that I've never seen on this board. I can't be sure what she "does with guys" other than
me. But she told me she is a virgin and I am inclined to believe her.

 

[Proselytiser]

Wow...that is an example of disrespect for women, that I've never seen on this board. I can't be sure what she "does with guys" other than
me. But she told me she is a virgin and I am inclined to believe her.

He's right, and you're setting yourself up for a bit of grief down the track

 

[thecurtainfalls]

And call me crazy, but I don't plan on having sex with any girl until I am married to her. I have had several opportunities, and she has wanted to since we started hanging out. But the main point is that we haven't.

You're crazy.

 

[DonJuan11]

I am 20, dating a girl who is 17, and turning 18 within a month. The only problem is that her parents hate me and don't trust me. I kept her out too late once(she told me she was 18) and her dad asked me to stop seeing her.

Already your story doesn't float. Most sane and rational parents would not hate their daughter's boyfriend for keeping her out late one time. Obviously there is something you did to make them HATE and NOT TRUST YOU that you are not telling us.

What difference does keeping her past her curfew make if she's 18? She's still living with her parents.

They grounded her for 2 weeks, and after those two weeks she sought me out, and we started hanging out again. She had a friend of mine pick me up and take me to meet her without my knowledge, and we started seeing eachother because of that. I like her a lot...But she is crazy in love with me for some reason.

This weekend they found out that we were hanging out, and have taken her phone, and I'm still not sure of her punishment. They, because of what her brother said, think we are having sex. WE ARE NOT. Her dad called me from her phone and left me a message asking me to call him. I haven't called him yet, and I really need help with what to say. The first time he called me, when he asked me to stop seeing her, he wasn't very respectful to me, and I'm worried about what I might say.

I repeat, obviously there is something you did to make them HATE and NOT TRUST YOU that you are not telling us.

She talked about moving out when she turns 18 and asking if I would help, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.

Also, is there any thing he can legally do to me if we never had sex? I've just been really worried about the whole situation.

So what should I do or say when I call him? I've just been really, really confused. I know I messed up, but these people are being unreasonable.

You have bigger issues that what to say to her dad. There is something you are not telling us for her parents and brother to act this way. Most parents wouldn't act this way if their daughter's boyfriend was a NHL player or getting into Law School at Yale.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

DonJuan11, one big distinction is that when she's 18 she's legally an adult which removes a lot of the parents' litigious recourse should they decide to be that crazy. It might not improve icy relations with the folks but it does protect him more. Especially depending on the age of consent in his state, although he states that he is not interested in sex for some reason (I'm assuming religious).

 

[Fixmylife]

Donjuan11...you are really going into the heart of the problem. There Is nothing major that I have done. She was dating someone else when she stayed out with me, but I had no knowledge of that. That guy was a major d-bag and convinced her to have sex. She didn't, because she decided she wanted me. There have been some text messages that could be construed as bad, but mostly inside jokes and stuff. They don't know me at all and didn't take the time.

Also, curtainfalls, I'm interested in sex, I am a man after all. But yes, the abstainence is religious.

Edit: also, donjuan11, I don't believe the parents are sane and rational. Someone has told me the mother is crazy, and it's obvious that the father is used to getting what he wants.

 

[amoka]

And do you want a relation with a girl that have a troubling relationship with her parents and siblings? Much more a relation with someone whose parent you are in bad term with from the get go? How is it that you are unaware that YOUR friend is picking her AND you up WITHOUT your knowledge? Like DonJon11 said, there is something you are not telling us. Man up and call the father of the girl. Tell him you WILL stop seeing her daughter and STOP seeing her. Personally, I think your chances of having a long term relationship or marrying this girl is very slim. SHE is ready to have sex NOW and you want to WAIT until marriage? Best of lucks but I maintain you stop seeing the girl simpling for your self respect and the respect of the parents of the girl.

 

[Igetit!]

females do what they want.. they use parents as and excuse... and guess what .. her parents have no clue about 99% of the slutty crap she does with guys other than you..

This is true.


I remember dating this one girl a few years ago who was 19,but who still lived with her parents.


She'd constantly lie to her parents while she was out with me.

I remember one time she was at my place and we were just lying in bed together when he cellphone rang. She picked it up,looks at it and she went,"Shhh...it's my dad".

Then she was like,"Hello? Oh nothing,just over here at (one of her girlfriend's). Ok,I'll be home in an hour or two".


I was just sitting there shocked. She was the first girl I had ever dated who still lived with her parents. She lied so well to her father,it was errie.


Don Gorgon is right. You say she was hanging out with a "major d-bag".

Well if she sneaking out behind her mom and dad's backs with two different guys and one of them (you) is a good decent person who she's NOT sleeping with,and the other is a "d-bag",then there's a good chance she's getting it on with the "d-bag" guy.




If you want to wait until you get married to have sex,hey,that's your choice.


The problem with that is your decision to be celibate is a PERSONAL one,which you have a right to do,but any girl you get involved with will AUTOMATICALLY have the restriction you placed on yourself placed on them as well,but against their will.



You'll have a HARD TIME trying to find a girl who's willing to wait for marriage like you are. The instant you tell them that you're waiting until you're married for sex,they'll feel controlled and feel like THEIR DECISION about whether to have sex or not was made WITHOUT their consent.



If the girl you made this thread about knows you want to wait until marriage for sex,but is seeing a "d-bag" as you say,then you're in for a RUDE AWAKENING




You say she's a virgin. Let's say that's true.


Even if you're right about that,I doubt she plans on waiting until she's married for sex. And my guess is she's hanging around the "dirt bag" because she's attracted to him,sexually attracted.


He's acting all sexual with her,while you're keeping your sexuality at bay.



This has diaster written all over it.


If you can find yourself a girl who wants to wait as you do,then cool,but if this girl is getting involved with dirtbags,then I don't see her as being the "wait until marriage" type.

 

[DonGorgon]

You're crazy.

he is gay too...lol