her loved one is dying

[fdr2222]

I've been trying to get out of the friend zone with a girl and in the middle of my "reboot" or whatever, her grandpa, whom she is very close to, has taken ill and is dying. How can I NOT be nice? I've been there for her lately and helped her take care of a lot of things she's dealing with concerning him. Being a player is all well and good until someone is devastated by grief. I figured I'd rather not have her than have her suffer all this alone. Yep, I'm a nice guy. So if this ruins my chances, I'll go get some other girl. But is there anything I can do to save this?

 

[jophil28]

In a nutshell- be supportive and "there for her" until he dies, and then revert to your bad-azz ways. Simple.
Any other dilemma I can help you with ?

 

[fdr2222]

Cool. Thanks.

Yeah, actually I do have another question. She used to talk to me about other guys she was into. She asked me to go out for a fun night next weekend but it's too early in the game for me to know if I've changed enough to not be her "friend" anymore. If she starts talking about other guys, what can I say to change the subject in a way that says I'm cool with it, but not interested in hearing about it? I thought I'd say something like "Are you going to talk all night about the guys you've screwed?"

 

[jophil28]

Cool. Thanks.

Yeah, actually I do have another question. She used to talk to me about other guys she was into. She asked me to go out for a fun night next weekend but it's too early in the game for me to know if I've changed enough to not be her "friend" anymore. If she starts talking about other guys, what can I say to change the subject in a way that says I'm cool with it, but not interested in hearing about it? I thought I'd say something like "Are you going to talk all night about the guys you've screwed?"

Oh boy--

You wrote, " What can I say to change the subject in a way that says I'M COOL WITH it..."
But you are NOT "cool " with it all are you - in fact it pisses you off right to your core doesn't it ?
Instead of asking for advice from us here on how to pretend and adopt a phony acceptance, why not just tell her that you are not the guy to talk to about that.
You might add ,"However, now that you mention other people, have I ever talked about how fukking bangworthy Julia (any chick in your circle will do here).. she is smokin'.. etc etc..."
Just keep raving on and on endlessly about how you want to do nasty things to Julia and Mary Ann and Natasha ... and so on.
Your FZ girl will shut you down quick enough.

The point here is not to disguise your hurt and irritation like a passive chump when you hear her oggle about other other guys, rather you need to take your weight on the front foot and aggressively brag her out with stories of who YOU want to bang.

FZ chick will object, but you might just stir a tiny bit of competition anxiety in her.. who knows.

 

[squirrels]

Don't just talk about it. Flirt with other girls right in FRONT of her. She's told you that you're "just friends", so take that to heart and flirt with/make out with/get numbers from other women right in front of her. Watch for signs of jealousy.

You're too focused in on HER, how you can get HER to like you as more than a friend. You can TALK about other girls all you want, but women see through those kinds of tactics if you don't show that you have the cojones to back it up.

You ARE dating other women, right?

 

[Warrior74]

I've been trying to get out of the friend zone with a girl

I figured I'd rather not have her than have her suffer all this alone.

Listen. I hate to say this but you have lost the game. Number one by trying to do a friendzone reboot. Number two, by fate. And Number three by your last statement which is your true choice.

This girl is a friend. Leave it there. After her grandfather passes, it's time for you to move on. No game playing, no talking about other girls. Seriously move on.

Talk to her less, hang out with her less. Be busy with your own life, you do have a life right?

The only ways I have ever gotten out of the "friendzone", 1. she was into me and I didn't know it. I made a move and it went forward. 2. She only saw me as a friend, I got tired of the zone, moved on...ran into her a year or two later with a new life and a new attitude and gamed her like any other strange female.

Good luck.

 

[GetOveIT]

Theres only 3 ways to get out of the friendzone:

- Game (if she puts you in the friendzone, then you got no game at all..).
- Money.
- A lot of Luck.

 

[starplayer]

Using "DJ tricks" and focusing on ONE girl is just as hopeless as being a "nice guy" and focusing on ONE girl.

It will NEVER work.

You need to meet new girls rather than trying to get out of the friendzone with this one who already rejected you. Every second you hang around her lowers your worth in her eyes.

Spin more plates!

 

[horaholic]

Theres only 3 ways to get out of the friendzone:

- Game (if she puts you in the friendzone, then you got no game at all..).
- Money.
- A lot of Luck.

Money will keep you stuck in the freindzone. Its AMAZING how much girls will 'truly care' about someone who spends money on them, and how much more they will PRETEND to like them.

Game and luck, is correct.

In really rare cases, the super AFC CAN occasionally hook the girl at a vulnerable time. However, it may not last. Some guys make their whole game like that successfully. They aren't nice guys however. Their whole personna towards the girl is all bullshyt.

If you're labelled as a nice guy by her, then you have to be congruent with that. If, all of a sudden you aren't nice to her anymore, she will deem you selfish, and still have no attraction for you. I hate to say it, but you may want to 'be there for her" total chump style, but with SLICK game skills. The key here would be escalation. Most of the nice guys that never get anywhere just dont escalate, and end up FZ'd. You CAN still go nice guy and escalate like a MUTHA FVCKA, and nail her.

 

[fdr2222]

Yes, I date other women. The girl in question was really into me for about six months when I had a girlfriend. She tried to "steal" me away. We got close and I was conflicted, but I stayed with my girlfriend. This caused a lot of ridiculous drama and I was the one who rejected her. We actually discussed that it would be a bad idea.

Now that relationship is over and I reconnected with this girl (she contacted me). As for "moving on" or me "hanging around", that's the thing. I never contact her first. I'm content to do my own thing and live my own life for weeks at a time. We'll go out or talk. She'll leave me hanging or I'll leave her hanging and I'll get on with my life, then she ALWAYS emails me or calls after three weeks or so to see what I'm up to. If I don't get back to her, she persists. Conflicting work schedules don't allow a lot of time together anyway. Whenever she shows back up, my thought is "again?" and I give her ****, but then my attraction to her resurfaces because she's witty as hell and it's a challenge to out-do her. The back-and-forth and refusal to give away power on both sides sometimes escalates to comments that would seem downright cruel to outsiders. It's pretty bizarre. I've yet to find a woman who is as sharp as her. I'm guessing that's why I'm interested.

Right now, she's extremely emotional (she's usually frigid), she has completely dropped her guard, and is calling me her "very special friend" when all I usually do is make snide remarks and call her out on her bull****. "very special friend" is something I don't like the sound of. I hadn't talked to her in two or three weeks until she called me about this problem.

When I said I was a nice guy, what I meant was I have the character to not be a **** when things are really distressing. I didn't mean the sosuave.com glossary definition of "nice guy", so chill out.

The reason sex with other people was ever even brought up at all was because I mentioned to her crudely wanting to **** a woman I'd met. Then the floodgates opened. I'd like to close them so I'm not a go-to person to gossip at.

And you'll notice I used quotes on "reboot". All it means is me changing the way I think/act, which I've done. I'm reverting to the less tightly-wound person I was before the drama. There is no "friend zone" either, it's just an idea created to explain away the loss of attraction a woman feels or to explain away her never feeling it at all. This entire board is about changing the way you think/act to attract women.

I posted here because dealing with dying people puts me out of my element.

That's all I got.

 

[Igetit!]

I side with Warrior74. He's right,you've lost the game with this girl,and the lost happened way,WAAAAY before the situation with her grandfather.


There are a lot of differing opinions about how to get out of the friendzone,but me personally,I DO NOT BELIEVE there's a way out of it.

I've been trying to get out of the friend zone with a girl and in the middle of my "reboot" or whatever, her grandpa, whom she is very close to, has taken ill and is dying.

So this incident with her grandfather started while you were ALREADY TRYING to get out of the friendzone.


Warrior was right dude. You don't get what's going on. Your concern is legit,but your focus is off.



Let's say that someone here gives you the info you need to safely "navigate" this situation you have with this girl concerning her granddad..



Well? So what? What will that do? You'll just be right back were you before her grandpa fell ill,right?


And where was that? Right smack dab in the middle of the friendzone.



Your focus is off. You're focusing on the situation with her grandpa while UNKNOWINGLY still doing the things that got you put in the friendzone in the first place.

The following point will illustrate what I mean.

I've been there for her lately and helped her take care of a lot of things she's dealing with concerning him.

Uhh...why are you doing this? You're "being there for her"? "Helping her take care of things concerning him"?



Why are you doing this? This is a FAMILY MATTER. This girl's parents,siblings,and other RELATIVES should be doing these things.



What you're doing IS GOOD,but the problem is it's not YOUR PLACE to do them. And not only that,but the things neccesary to create attraction in women are NOWHERE TO BE SEEN.



Where's the busting? The teasing? The negging? Have you asked her out,or told her she looks good in something she's worn?


Have you been sexual with her in any way?



Because if I didn't know better,it seems like you're trying to win her over with "being good" rather than being a MAN.

Yep, I'm a nice guy. So if this ruins my chances, I'll go get some other girl. But is there anything I can do to save this?

Save "this"? Save what? There's nothing here.

You mean a possible sexual relationship between you two? There isn't one. You haven't done or said anything sexual,so why would she view you in "that way"?



You screwed up man. Women are emotional. You've repeatedly been around this girl WHILE she been going through this grief period over her grandfather,and not only that,but you've ADMITTEDLY helped her with things concerning him.



So she'll FOREVER link YOU to the situation with her granddad,and thus,the emotions she FEELS over the situation.



You haven't said or done anything ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL with her,so why would the thought of you bring up any ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL FEELINGS?



You've been helping her with her grandpa. So any type of feelings and emotions she's had concerning her grandfather are the ones she'll feel when she thinks of you.


And why wouldn't she? Most of the time you and her have spent together lately has revolved around something concerning him,right? And this is ON TOP OF already being friendzoned.



Like Warrior74 said,it's probably best just to move on.



If you want to be her friend,then be her friend. She's going through a rough enough time as it is,she doesn't need you getting angry and skipping out on her because you suddenly realized that she's not sexually interested in you.



She's 100% innocent here. You just unknowingly wrecked your chances with her through ignorance.


It's not your fault,I mean if you don't know,then you just don't know,but that doesn't undo the damage your ignorance caused.

 

[fdr2222]

Why are you doing this? This is a FAMILY MATTER. This girl's parents,siblings,and other RELATIVES should be doing these things.

No, this is an adult problem. She's taking care of his will. She's managing his visits to the hospital. She'll be handling his funeral arrangements.

If you want to be her friend,then be her friend. She's going through a rough enough time as it is,she doesn't need you getting angry and skipping out on her because you suddenly realized that she's not sexually interested in you.

I'm not 15. If it doesn't go my way, I move on quietly. I'm not some chump who will blame her for not being interested in me. That's asinine.

 

[GetOveIT]

Money will keep you stuck in the freindzone. Its AMAZING how much girls will 'truly care' about someone who spends money on them, and how much more they will PRETEND to like them.

Game and luck, is correct.

In really rare cases, the super AFC CAN occasionally hook the girl at a vulnerable time. However, it may not last. Some guys make their whole game like that successfully. They aren't nice guys however. Their whole personna towards the girl is all bullshyt.

If you're labelled as a nice guy by her, then you have to be congruent with that. If, all of a sudden you aren't nice to her anymore, she will deem you selfish, and still have no attraction for you. I hate to say it, but you may want to 'be there for her" total chump style, but with SLICK game skills. The key here would be escalation. Most of the nice guys that never get anywhere just dont escalate, and end up FZ'd. You CAN still go nice guy and escalate like a MUTHA FVCKA, and nail her.

Getting out of the friendzone can be done but its to much trouble its better to move on to another girl (and in the process getting out of the friendzone , jealous is a powerfull tool).
And i hate being cliché but being nice guy will get you nowhere.