her ex starts dating her enemy = bad for me

[bukowski_merit]

so in my old age (27 haha) i've decided it's time to settle down. pretty much from 20 until now - i've been single and having fling after fling.

so i've been with this girl. she broke up with her man of 6 years pretty much to be with me (the guy who gives her the most amazing sex she's ever had)

we decided to take it to an exclusive dating step about 3 weeks ago (a BIG step for me out of the world of "seduction") we've been saying 'i love you' to each other for a good while now also.

this past sunday she found out that her ex (the one she broke up with to be with me) is dating her mortal enemy...

since then - it's been all downhill... she's a wreck... crying all the time... telling me that she can't hang out, that she needs alone time... etc

she told me on tuesday that she'd hang out with me once before the weekend. of course when i ask her when she wants to hang out wednesday night when we were talking on the phone she responds like this, "i told you that i need a week to get myself together and then i'll be fine! i am in no condition to hangout."

oh hell no! everything has been going damn good up until this point! but now she's going to start saying she said stuff she didn't? she's going to start trying to mess with my head?

just doesn't make sense to me and makes me wanna do another 7 years of whoring... cuz if i didn't care about this girl - i would already be on to the next one.

to me - a lot of the typical don juan stuff wouldn't work. my instincts are to ignore her and act like i don't care about her. but we've been dating for about 3 months now... i don't think she's going to buy it if i start treating her like sh!t now. or maybe i just can't bring myself to resort to old tactics... i dunoo...

 

[iqqi]

First, if you put yourself in her shoes, can you see where she is coming from?

Besides that, I say, give her space. LOTS of it. Don't contact her, let her contact you. This is a tricky situation, as she was with that guy a LONG time, and those feelings are there.

If she was cheating on him with you, I wouldn't expect loyalty.

I'd go so far as to say, you picked the wrong chick to suddenly get serious with.

 

[Vypros]

so i've been with this girl. she broke up with her man of 6 years pretty much to be with me (the guy who gives her the most amazing sex she's ever had)

Right here is where you made your mistake.

1. Do you really believe that you're the most amazing sex she's ever had? lol Maybe you are, I don't know, but trust me, that's not why she's "with" you. And if it is, don't expect anything long term with her.

2. She was with someone for 6 YEARS, man. SIX YEARS. That's a LONG time for someone to date someone else. Did you think that she would just automatically fall into your arms and forget about her ex?

I was with my ex-wife for 6 years. It took me 18 months to get over her when we split.

***

Your trouble is that when you finally DID decide to settle down you chose the entirely WRONG kind of girl to do it with.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Earlier this year I met a girl in a 3-year long-term relationship. She admitted she was attracted to me and started developing feelings for me. Things with her boyfriend were turning stale and in the end she decided to break up with him and pursue a relationship with me.
I felt flattered and rather ****y knowing I had just won this girl from her long-term boyfriend. Things were going well, she didn't want to talk to him and every time he called she brushed him off. Her friends praised me, she was proud to be with me, and things were developing fast.
However, her ex-boyfriend suddenly changed his attitude and instead of getting jealous of me or upset over being dumped, he gave us his best wishes, told her there were no hard feelings and he moved on. He started hanging round with his friends more and stopped calling her.
After two weeks of not hearing from him she started calling him to check if he was ok and see what he was up to, only to find he was fine and enjoying his free time. Soon she started pushing him to remain friends and asking him to meet up with her. He postponed, cut his calls with her short, and even stood her up a few times.
Yet she persisted more.
All this time I could see it was getting under her skin and that I was losing her affection. I could have been the perfect guy, but he had the upper hand and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Every time he made an excuse not to meet her or ignored her call, she would get uptight and keep moaning about him.
Sure enough she told me she wanted him back. She left me and started pursuing him all the time, but he continued backing off. She became obsessed and depressed, wouldn't look at another guy and even burst out crying if he didn't answer her calls.
Next thing I hear, they're back together under his terms. He had her in the palm of his hand.

that is a disgustingly scary story because: wow at how much that sounds like what is going on! and what's crazier is that she is trying to talk to him (she says to have one last closure arguement) and he won't talk to her and keeps blowing her off and laughing at her, which is obviously effecting her.

i'm just shaking my head....

1. Do you really believe that you're the most amazing sex she's ever had? lol Maybe you are, I don't know, but trust me, that's not why she's "with" you. And if it is, don't expect anything long term with her.

2. She was with someone for 6 YEARS, man. SIX YEARS. That's a LONG time for someone to date someone else. Did you think that she would just automatically fall into your arms and forget about her ex?

1. i absolutely believe i'm the best sex she's ever had lol... i don't want to get into it because i'm sure you don't really wanna hear, but basically i have the same ability as ace ventura =) i leave her shaking for 20-30 minutes after the sex, meanwhile - her ex doesn't last through most commercial breaks...

2. that's exactly what she did... 4 months ago we started playfully flirting... within a month she was 'taking a break from him', so we had sex - a month later we started saying 'i love you' to each other... he wouldn't get out of her life... she ended up back with him for a short time about a month ago, and they went on vacation and the whole time she was on the phone with me telling me how bad it sucked being back with him. when she got back she immediately broke it off with him and started officially dating me. as far as i was concerned - i did sweep her off her feet and i did expect her to just not care about him anymore. but she does. obviously.

I had this EXACT same situation this summer. You have once chance to salvage this and the key is attitude. You need to adopt and express the attitude that "hey baby, you know we all want to be happy in this world; if you think he is the "one", I want you to be with him. Don't worry about my feelings, I wouldn't mind. I'll move on to a new girl". This instantly demonstrates that you are higher value then her ex. Trust me on this one. The less you talk about it or act weird about it or dance around the subject, the better her ex starts to look. Reframe the situation as you wanting her to go back to him and she'll relatch back on to you. With that you also need to give her lots of space so your actions match your words. Good Luck.

yeah, i didn't really want to resort to this, but i believe you're right. i've was pretty close to demanding that she go back with him last night when she started with the 'i told you i need a week' thing... i'll try this... if it fails... well, i'll just 'move on to a new girl'

 

[DJDamage]

to me - a lot of the typical don juan stuff wouldn't work. my instincts are to ignore her and act like i don't care about her. but we've been dating for about 3 months now... i don't think she's going to buy it if i start treating her like sh!t now. or maybe i just can't bring myself to resort to old tactics... i dunoo...

You are ignoring other so called "don juan" stuff because you don't want to face reality.

The reality is this: She still has feelings for her ex, enough to drive her insane. Your ego is telling you that she dumped him in favour of you but you don't know the whole story. Did she cheat on him with you?? if that's the case how the hell do you even think of marrying this broad??!!

Now if she was totally into you then it wouldn't really matter to her who he dates. I think you should hold on the wedding bells and stop thinking long terms ahead.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

You are ignoring other so called "don juan" stuff because you don't want to face reality.

The reality is this: She still has feelings for her ex, enough to drive her insane. Your ego is telling you that she dumped him in favour of you but you don't know the whole story. Did she cheat on him with you?? if that's the case how the hell do you even think of marrying this broad??!!

Now if she was totally into you then it wouldn't really matter to her who he dates. I think you should hold on the wedding bells and stop thinking long terms ahead.

You took the words right out of my mouth. DJDamage is correct. She still has feelings for her ex. That is not good for your relationship. She might of only started dating you just to feel wanted and to have a boyfriend again. Don't get too attached to her since she is acting this way over her ex.

 

[bukowski_merit]

ok, so almost right after i posted my response - she text messaged me and asked if i wanted to go to the mall with her. i didn't want to but figured that would be a good oppurtunity to tell her that if she wants to be with her ex - to go to him and i'll have 2-3 new women next week...

got there, and she tells me she has a surprise - tells me she's going to stay the night with me and that she's better now. she just needed to figure out what she wants (and why she was so effected by him) and what she wants is me.

last night was great. i didn't bring up the 'whatever makes you happy thing' because it didn't make sense to.

then today we talk and she tells me she just got off the phone with him and they agreed that they were officially done.

she admited to me that she thought she had made a mistake on sunday when she found out he was dating someone else. but she thought about it over the last few days and that she couldn't justify leaving me to go back to him.

how much of that i believe? i don't know... but for now - i'm going to believe her.

and NO she did not cheat on him... she had sex with me when she took a break from him... and i do know for a fact that she broke up with him to be with me... i'm guessing you're thinking that maybe he broke up with her? after they took the break and got back together - he found out she had sex with me - he flipped! but he did not break up with her ... then the last time they broke up - she broke it off with him. for certain... he wrote about it on his myspace and how she betrayed him and then tossed him aside like he was garbage even though he was willing to forgive her...

 

[SmoothTalker]

Well, congrats on winning I guess.

But, definitely keep your guard up with this one. She may have decided on you for now, but her decision was likely not as clear and obvious as she made it sound. That was just her saying exactly what she needed to in order to convince you.

 

[bukowski_merit]

haha.... you guys are beyond right (and the feeling of 'love' can blind even an experienced guy like me)

so we spent the whole weekend together, lots of sex, lots of laughs, threw some other emotions in there to keep it mixed... my A+ game...

monday comes around - i don't want to crowd her since she spent the whole weekend with me... she texts me at 8:15 and asks me what i'm doing... i answer and ask her what she's going and get no response... i call at 9... no response... call at 10:30 and she tells me she'll call me back in a little while...

11:30 gets here and she hasn't called... i call - she doesn't answer...

she calls me at 12 and tells me she just got back from her ex's house... and he basically told her that he's not ready to get back with her or forgive her - but he wants her to stay single and that he'll probably get back with her soon... and this dumb ***** is telling me on the phone that her response to that is "well that's not going to happen. i'm going to move on if you don't want to get back to me" yooooo... i wanted to throw up in her mouth for being so stupid to tell me she said that...

so - i said "look, what matters in the end is your happiness. if he makes you happier than i do - there's no reason to be with me. and you know me - you know my background. i'll have a new girl next week - yes i'll be hurt - but it doesn't take long for me to heal... hell, i might have 2-3 girls next week" ... she's like "i know. but it will hurt you" ... "no no no... listen to me - you need to be with me because you want to; because you love me. not because you don't want to hurt me. i'm serious - be with him if you want to. if he makes you happy - be with him." which of course drew "i love being with you. i do want to be with you. it's just i've never had to deal with anything like this." and more talk like that...

i'm convinced that even my best game isn't going to keep this girl... even though what i did did seem to do what i intended for it to do... it seems like only a temporary fix... gonna get what sex i can out of her still... and keep my heart out of her bloody claws...

about to pour her drink down the drain...

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Get rid of this hor right now!!!!!!!!!!!

You are dating a girl who likes her ex more than you. Then, she goes over to her ex's house for what; get one last fvck in??

Don't even keep her for sex. Just drop her....

 

[DJDamage]

i'm convinced that even my best game isn't going to keep this girl...

There is no keeping this girl.

This girl went behind your back to see her ex and begged him to take her back and then bluntly told you that on the phone that the reason she is still with you is because her ex wouldn't take her back, and you still want her back??!

This girl is ready to jump ship and is looking for a bigger better deal. She is probably going to fvck her ex next week and be his little mistress on the side because she likes him so much.

Dump her ass and move on before she does.

 

[bukowski_merit]

so i told her today that i didn't want to do this anymore
expecting her to agree with my reasoning and such

this girl crys and makes up 100 excuses why this mess is going on ("i've never had to get over someone" "we were together for 6 years, i feel like he deserves another chance; but i want to be with you too" blah blah blah)

i'm convinced she's not confused
I'M CONVINCED SHE'S F'ING NUTS!
i lost 80% of my attraction to her today
20% left to go
and don't think i'm going to lose any sleep over it tonight

already talking to a new girl tonight (actually a girl i was working on b4 the crazy one)... and i never mentioned this because i didn't want to hear it, but i work with this girl... and the new girl is coming over to my work for lunch tomorrow... and i can't wait to let the whole office see =)

 

[decades]

you moved way to fast with a chick you didn't know very well. you started telling her "I luv you" (how cute) way too soon. She has you hook line and sinker and is now TRIANGULATING you with X. This hor is OVERinvolved with X and that means your relationship is DOA. She is not relationship material period end of story.