Her Ex, My Problem

[Homeslice]

Been dating this girl for about four months now, she's coming off of a LONG four year relationship with this guy that she went to HS with, and went to college with for a year (she's only 18, so that's pretty much all of her dating life)...she's broken things off with him when we started seeing each other, but there's major seperation problems there (obviously). However, I thought by now she would have gotten over them. Last night, going to a party at my buddy's, we decide to just crash there until the ex calls all distressed because she's staying there with me the night. She freaks out, and until I do some major persuasion, wants to go home just because she's worried about hurting his feelings still.

Obviously there is still feelings there for this guy, but in the end she DID end up staying the night with me. However, I think this is going to eventually get to be a reoccuring theme / problem. What should I do about this? Any people been in situations like this?

 

[Grey Fox]

Lay It On The Line For Him And Her.

Look if this girl wants a relationship with you she needs to stop worrying about someone she has broken it off with. Its not fair that this guy dictates what she does with you ever time he has an estrogen attack and decides to call her. Tell her that only you and her should determine what you do, where you go in your relationship.

Also if you know this guy and have regular contact with him. You need to step up and tell him to get lost. Tell him to stop bothering "your girl."

Its a two way street you need to take a stand on this, and you need your GF to make a choice. One way or another it has to stop.

-Grey Fox

 

[Homeslice]

That's pretty much the decision I came to -- I don't know this guy personally, but we may have to eventually "meet" if he doesn't cut this crap out.

How would you approach the subject though? Be sensitive to it, or issue her an ultimatum of him or me? I don't want to come on too harshly, but at the same time I don't want her to think that she can just continue to do whatever without any reprocussions.

 

[NRM]

Typically, when a girl likes a new guy, she should forget about her old guy. Her ex should be like a friend trying to tell her what to do in that situation. It just wouldn't fly.

If I were you, I'd just put an ultimatium to your girlfriend. You can tell her you don't appreciate her talking to her ex-boyfriend. It isn't that you don't trust her, which I'm sure you do, it's just that when she's in a new relationship, all ties from the old relationship should be cut. I should know, something like this happened to me. Not only that, she asked me if I was making her make a choice and I told her that it shouldn't be a choice. Things are good now.

There is really no point in letting things carry on if you aren't happy with the way things are going. If she's doing something wrong, call her on her bad behavior before it gets any worse.

You shouldn't worry about coming on harsh. She really is doing something she shouldn't be doing, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. She needs to know these things and you're the one that should tell her. If she likes you enough, she'll do the right thing. Good luck.

 

[sustainable007]

NEXT HER

Next her. A woman who behaves like this has emotional baggage, and this is only going to get worse...pull the handle on the ejector seat.

 

[Homeslice]

I think I'm going to next her if she can't get over this pretty quickly.. initially I was pretty understanding, its not like you can just break things off completely with someone you've had a relationship with for four years...however after four months, I think its time to either cut loose or for me to cut her loose.