Her ex cheated on her... TWICE

[NobodyCares1]

There's this girl I'm seeing right now, everything seems fine but she has a lot of trust issues. I didn't ask her much about her ex but from what she said to me he cheated on her then they broke up, she dated someone else. After a while they got back together and he cheated again.

I didn't ask her more about it because it seemed to me that she still has feelings for him. She almost started crying when she was telling me about him. Next she said that she won't step into the same sh!t for the third time. I assured her that I'm not going to cheat on her, but still she sometimes says to me that she's not sure if she trusts me etc.

I told her that there is no way I can prove to her that I mean it. I don't know I get mixed feelings from her, I usually have a feeling that she likes me but sometimes it seems to me that she would like her ex back. Recently she even put a status on her FB saying "I wish I could turn back time " well to be honest it pisses me off, I don't want to be with a girl who has more feelings for some cheating d!ck than me. Still I don't know what to do, I try not to show it in front of her but I'm begining to really doubt if it's worth it to chase her. I mean I'm open for a relationship with her but not if she's still going to be hooked on her ex...

she broke up with him in April so it's not that recent though also not that long ago.

also a side question: I sometimes tease her that I'm going to pick up girls or that this girl sent me an air kiss or so, but always assure her that I'm just joking right after that (well except for the air kiss that was truth...). Is that a good idea or should I stop with it because of her issues? She seemed to like it when I jokingly accused her of going to pick up guys on a disco though.

 

[backseatjuan]

Of course she's into him and wold take him back at the first opportunity. You are young and serious ltr is practically out of reach for you because of the quality of women in your area - though still possible. I would not plan anything long term with her, just a pump and dump. Be sure to tell her she is treating you wrong by mentioning her ex and making it your fault.


When they talk to you about an ex let the convo go cold.

When they are expressing fears of you rejecting them, turn it around something like 'love me right and treat me right so that I want to stay with you.'

 

[betheman]

Of course she's into him and wold take him back at the first opportunity. You are young and serious ltr is practically out of reach for you because of the quality of women in your area - though still possible. I would not plan anything long term with her, just a pump and dump. Be sure to tell her she is treating you wrong by mentioning her ex and making it your fault.


When they talk to you about an ex let the convo go cold.

When they are expressing fears of you rejecting them, turn it around something like 'love me right and treat me right so that I want to stay with you.'

this is the truth of the matter!

do not invest too much in this one, you will end up horribly burned, keep it light and have fun, youre only 18 after all. you have heard of oneitis? she has hers and its obvious, you are second best my friend but dont take that personally, any guy would be, youre the one filling the void ...for now!

if she tells you she loves you, do not fall for it, if she is still talking about the ex and telling you that, its just not right or true.

oh, and dont be surprised she has cheated on you with him when he wants a booty call

 

[NobodyCares1]

Well she didn't start talking about him, we were out and I was with her and one of my friends came and wanted to tease me and said "Have you called your girlfiend already?" after that she was kinda surprised but I explained that he was just joking. We then talked about it for a while and one of her friends just said something... I don't remember exactly but something about her ex and him cheating or just about her ex and then she said he cheated... I can't really remember we were a bit drunk, then her friends left and we got into that conversation, my first reply was "I don't care about your ex, I'm not going to ask about him, you'll tell me when you want to" She then said to me that he cheated, I asurred her that I'm not like that and we let that go, but the topic came back couple of hours later when her ex passed us in the car, she said that she dated him when she wasn't with the one who cheated on her.

I only asked her if I'm her first guy after him and she said yes, so I let that go. But **** if I'm supposed to be in a LTR with a girl I want to know I'm her oneitis, I don't have a problem to pick up a girl when I'm out so finding one is just a matter of time. I mean I could just have fun with her but I'm afraid that sooner or later I'll invest some emotions into her and might end up screwing myself (I might have done that already). "Protect your heart" right?

 

[betheman]

Youe too young to be getting involved in LTrs, at your age, they rarely last anyway, what women tell you and what actually happened is often accompanied by a huge variance in fact

 

[The Gambler]

Sorry NC1, but this isn't going to end well. At all. I don't see things getting miraculously better here, but I'd bet money that things will get worse. Like others have said, she would take her ex back IN A SECOND if she could....

If you want to hang with her because you have nothing better to do, well that's certainly your choice. But if I were you, I'd start thinking about an exit strategy for yourself (a mental one.... you need to get over her, and the sooner the better). She's not right for you, and nothing you say or do can change that.

My humble opinion... Good luck with everything!

The Gambler

 

[NobodyCares1]

Thanks Gambler, but what do you suggest? I don't know though, she does like me but probably not as much as her ex. I'll see how things go but since I don't believe it'll be better I do want to get over her.

 

[NobodyCares1]

Also do you think that asking her direclty about it is a good idea? And if she says that she still has feelings for him, then end it with her?

 

[NobodyCares1]

ehm... nevermind, I went to the gym, cleared my head a bit and probably won't confront her direcly about it. Actually right now the idea about just having fun seems fine, at least for now. I still have to think about this a bit, I need some time to see what happens. Also I'll be leaving this town in a year to go to university so forcing something serious might not be too good idea anyway, but we'll see as the time progress. If anyone has any other idea feel free to share it, for now I thank everyone who replyed, I needed to sort this out in my head.