Her and her bf split up. how can i work this to my advantage?

[todays_news]

Alreet, well around 10 days ago I split up with my gf. And have been getting used to being single again.

There's this girl I'm kind of friends with, however whilst we flirt and mock eachother loads I would like to go out with her one time.

The thing is she just broke up with her bf, well, he broke up with her. God knows why cos this guy is fugly and she is leagues above him in terms of personality and looks. She's lovely infact, actually amazing fun to be around.

They broke up around the same time as me and my ex, but she hasnt coped aswell as I have. She's been talking to me about it a lot, like today we chatted for around four hours about both general stuff and the shortcomings of our ex partners. The difference is that she still wants her ex, badly it would seem. And she's doing all the wrong things to get him back, they shagged last week and they still keep in contact. ALL WRONG.

However I care for this girl, and she needs to forget this knob, she can do so much better. Whenever I tell her this, she asks me why? Like reasons that I think she's great and better than him, compliment fishing basically. However if i list the long list of reasons then I think it will look as though I'm into her alot. And that would scare her off.

I basically want you guys' advice on how I can get her to forget this tool, and come out with me one day. Tricky, as whilst we are friends the banter between us is harsh. She would almost certainly take the piss, as she knows i can take it. But I dont want that, I want sex, and I want to start seeing her.

 

[Iceberg]

You could stop talking to her about both of your previous relationships.

Also you could stop putting her on this "great" "lovely" "so much better than him" pedestal. We've all met girls that we've felt that strongly about....and we've all been wrong about it. I'm sure she's not THAT special.

Oh and 4-hour phone conversations?

Basically, you should stop doing all the things you are currently doing. All the stuff you're doing should be done by her female friends.

See other women. Get this particular girl out of your life. And if you DO call this girl, only call her to hang out, not to chit-chat. But right now, you're so deep in the friend zone, that you need to break contact.

I mean, yeah, I'm sure plenty of guys hook up with girls by being all "friend-zone" and s**t. But more DON'T.

 

[todays_news]

You could stop talking to her about both of your previous relationships.

okay well, its not so much me. Its her wanting me to tell her why she's better than this other moron.

Also you could stop putting her on this "great" "lovely" "so much better than him" pedestal. We've all met girls that we've felt that strongly about....and we've all been wrong about it. I'm sure she's not THAT special.

No no, whilst she is all of those things, she is more my friend than anything at the moment, I dont feel particularly strongly towards her. That generally takes work for me to do that. But since flirting is the bedrock of our friendship then it dating her could be worth a try?

Oh and 4-hour phone conversations?

okay, perhaps i could have been a bit clearer, we were talking on the computer whilst we were working on assignments. Or at least I was, although I noticed as soon as I left to make food, she went offline.

Basically, you should stop doing all the things you are currently doing. All the stuff you're doing should be done by her female friends.

Okay but essentially, I want a date with her. And I want to **** her, we do enough flirting, but how can I get to this?

I mean, yeah, I'm sure plenty of guys hook up with girls by being all "friend-zone" and s**t. But more DON'T.

I know, thanks for your feedback.

 

[Kailex]

I know Iceberg already chimed in, but I think a second opinion will nail the point across.

The thing is she just broke up with her bf, well, he broke up with her. God knows why cos this guy is fugly and she is leagues above him in terms of personality and looks. She's lovely infact, actually amazing fun to be around.

Stop building up a pedestal.

They broke up around the same time as me and my ex, but she hasnt coped aswell as I have. She's been talking to me about it a lot, like today we chatted for around four hours about both general stuff and the shortcomings of our ex partners. The difference is that she still wants her ex, badly it would seem. And she's doing all the wrong things to get him back, they shagged last week and they still keep in contact. ALL WRONG.

Four hour phone calls. Smells of Friendzone.
Telling you about her relationship. Smells of Friendzone.

Doesn't matter if it was phone/IM...I don't sit there and listen to potential dating partners sob stories. They can do that with their emotional tampon femininist friends... not with me.

Whether she is doing all the wrong things or not, that is not your concern. Your concern is to swoop in on this action, right? You won't do it with these long winded IM conversations.

Because... you guessed it... Friendzoning is commencing.

However I care for this girl, and she needs to forget this knob, she can do so much better.

Look! No, not a bird, nor a plane, but a pedestal!!!

Whenever I tell her this, she asks me why? Like reasons that I think she's great and better than him, compliment fishing basically. However if i list the long list of reasons then I think it will look as though I'm into her alot. And that would scare her off.

Over/Under on you already giving her at least 3 reasons? Which, of course... now takes you into Orbitville, Friendzone.

I basically want you guys' advice on how I can get her to forget this tool, and come out with me one day. Tricky, as whilst we are friends the banter between us is harsh. She would almost certainly take the piss, as she knows i can take it. But I dont want that, I want sex, and I want to start seeing her.

Stop the four 4 IM conversations.
Stop talking about past relationships.
Stop being "there for her", it's not gaining you any "points".
Stop caring about what she has to say... start talking about exciting stuff that you are doing...
Stop being so available to talk to her about her emotional crap.

BTW, it's already going to be hard for you to pull this off. You already gave her a 4 hour emotional conversation through the riveting use of IM, what makes you think that it'll be any different on an actual date.

BTW... she's not that amazing... she's doing all the wrong things.
And while you are sitting there asking us how to get with her... she probably ran off to do the "wrong thing" again.

You're battle is uphill from here. Are you sure you want that big of a challenge?

 

[todays_news]

I know Iceberg already chimed in, but I think a second opinion will nail the point across.



Stop building up a pedestal.



Four hour phone calls. Smells of Friendzone.
Telling you about her relationship. Smells of Friendzone.

Doesn't matter if it was phone/IM...I don't sit there and listen to potential dating partners sob stories. They can do that with their emotional tampon femininist friends... not with me.

Whether she is doing all the wrong things or not, that is not your concern. Your concern is to swoop in on this action, right? You won't do it with these long winded IM conversations.

Because... you guessed it... Friendzoning is commencing.



Look! No, not a bird, nor a plane, but a pedestal!!!



Over/Under on you already giving her at least 3 reasons? Which, of course... now takes you into Orbitville, Friendzone.



Stop the four 4 IM conversations.
Stop talking about past relationships.
Stop being "there for her", it's not gaining you any "points".
Stop caring about what she has to say... start talking about exciting stuff that you are doing...
Stop being so available to talk to her about her emotional crap.

BTW, it's already going to be hard for you to pull this off. You already gave her a 4 hour emotional conversation through the riveting use of IM, what makes you think that it'll be any different on an actual date.

BTW... she's not that amazing... she's doing all the wrong things.
And while you are sitting there asking us how to get with her... she probably ran off to do the "wrong thing" again.

You're battle is uphill from here. Are you sure you want that big of a challenge?

Well the general consensus seems to be the same, so you cant both be wrong. Okay I'll try a different approach, thanks.

 

[Joe Stud]

the more you put her ex down the more you may be looking like you want to sabbatoge him. Less contact, these guys above r right

 

[todays_news]

today I didnt talk to her, up until I found that she had sent me a message asking where I was and that she wanted to talk to me, followed by kisses. I mockingly told her she was sweet, which she laughed at, but then told me to inbox her, cos she wanted to talk to me like we were yesterday.

I didnt inbox her, but how should I go from here do you think?

 

[Scion]

Hit the gym

 

[kingsam]

today I didnt talk to her, up until I found that she had sent me a message asking where I was and that she wanted to talk to me, followed by kisses. I mockingly told her she was sweet, which she laughed at, but then told me to inbox her, cos she wanted to talk to me like we were yesterday.

I didnt inbox her, but how should I go from here do you think?

as said by kalix, and iceberg...dont keep sending loads of messages ... get her to talk to you at a bar/coffe shop...then you can try and work some magic

BUT be aware, considering shes very recently split from a BF, you are very likely to be *if not definately* a rebound...?

 

[Iceberg]

today I didnt talk to her, up until I found that she had sent me a message asking where I was and that she wanted to talk to me, followed by kisses.

Oh, she wanted to talk to you and text kisses. That sounds like a really important reason to take a break from your busy schedule to chat with her. Glad you reached out to her. I'm sure you gained a lot from this.

I mockingly told her she was sweet, which she laughed at, but then told me to inbox her, cos she wanted to talk to me like we were yesterday.

She laughed as in, she laughed in person? OR do you mean, she "lol'd" via electronic communication, which is the dorkiest thing ever?

I didnt inbox her, but how should I go from here do you think?

I think you should stop texting her like I told you already.

If you want this girl, and I'll admit your chances are slim, you gotta stop this daily chat bullcrap.

If you're texting her, it's like once a week to say important, impressive stuff. "Ran a marathon today! I'm beat." "Boxing class is rough!" "I'm in Tahiti, biatch." Cool, f**kin, stuff. Stuff where she's thinking, "Whoa, I didn't know todays_news was such an adventurous badazz. I always thought of him like my little sister."

Right now you're always available. You're always complimenting. You're always down for some nice relationship chat. You're freakin' boring. Stop doing this stuff. You know it's wrong, so why do you go out, do something wrong after we told you NOT to, and then ask us what to do next? How should you go from here? Go in the direction everyone told you to go already. AWAY from this girl.

 

[chance-]

gotta put more action into this or else she'll give up on you. just get her alone and plant a move!

 

[Kailex]

Iceberg, I swear you and I could tag team this guy, lay a beatdown, and he'd still ask us what to do right after.

Todays_news: PLEASE LISTEN. Like you said... there is a general consensus. We KNOW what we're talking about. So please... LISTEN and then ACT.

Like Ice said, don't ask us what to do... do the opposite, and then ask us again what to do next! I get 10 posts a day, and I want to make sure they are all worthwhile... so...

today I didnt talk to her, up until I found that she had sent me a message asking where I was and that she wanted to talk to me, followed by kisses.

First up... asking where you were. Let's analyze this.

This means 2 things, one good, one bad.
#1: She misses talking to you. GOOD. She wants to know where you are, what you are doing... this can be a GOOD thing but only if you make it a good thing.

#2: She's used to talking to you all the time. BAD. That means you are one of her girlfriends and that she loves having you around to chat to all the time. How do I know? You spent 4 hours with her on IM before. I don't care if you were studying or not... you were available to HER during that time and now she expects that from you. Condition her to MISS you not to have you AROUND all the time.

Okay... and she sent kisses? Please, don't make me transform into my Allen Iverson rant... it's too early for that.

Online kisses... no less. Who cares? She could send you online HUMPS and it'd mean nothing! Guess who else she sends online kisses to: Her family, her female friends, the guy she probably IS banging, and even her dog when the damn thing checks its' email.

I mockingly told her she was sweet, which she laughed at, but then told me to inbox her, cos she wanted to talk to me like we were yesterday.

I didnt inbox her, but how should I go from here do you think?

Inbox her? Like... email? Does it matter. That whole conversation about her being sweet probably took place on IM anyway.

What do you think is going to happen when the two of you go out if you ever do... you'll have NOTHING to say.

You said you WANT SEX.

Reality check: You're not going to get it.
Right now, you're not even rebound guy.

Have you read up on the forums on what an emotional tampon is... because that, is YOU. Stop being her FRIEND and start being SENSUAL. Stop getting on IM and start CALLING and SETTING UP a meet-up.

If sex is what you want, then trust me, you're doing it all wrong.

 

[todays_news]

Yeah I can definitely see what you're saying but its odd, cos she expects me to listen to what she's saying. I know I'm a guy, and yes I would **** her, but she is also my friend, somebody I respect and care about, so I cant just cut out her conversations about her ex. The only thing I can do is take her mind off it through flirting, which is what we have both been doing. And despite the criticism coming my way, it seems to be working as she has already said we need to go out together when we're back on our course. And the conversations on the ex, aren't coming up anymore.

Despite what has been said about the now heavily reduced level of contact I do truly believe that thanks to me giving my perspective on the situation that she has at the very least begun to forget about him, and I'd far rather that be the case than **** her and have her feeling the same about her ex.

In addition, about being the bounce guy, well... life is what you make it. I'm not particularly arsed if I start out as the bounce guy, because I know that once she starts dating me she will want more. and more. Because I know I am 10x better than that other ****, and its just the psychological thing of being dumped that is upsetting her. She knows she can do better in her mind, so she's thinking why is this guy doing this? People want what they cannot have, simples. Just over two days I havent initiated contact, and sure enough she has come running a couple of times to see what I'm doing.

So really. I have got the girl asking me where I am, flirting with me, and now she wants to go out together. Hardly a terrible situation.

The fundamental aspect in this, is that I'm perfectly content being her friend. But I think by ****ing me, we could set up something good. And help her to move on from that other asswipe.

I dont want to appear arrogant, or make it seem as though I know better. In the grand scheme of things I know I dont, and the advice I've received has helped with this massively. You guys clearly know what you're talking about, and the advice I received (on a seperate thread) when I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago helped me through what would of been a tough time aswell.

I havent posted here long at all, but I havent read any threads that I can really relate to on this topic. Its a bit of an odd one it would seem (at least to me). And I've never been in this pickle before. But I'll keep the thread updated never the less. Despite your criticisms I appreciate your replies, and dont think I'm ignoring you're advice, because its not the case.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I singled out this section because it seems to represent your entire approach/mentality...

So really. I have got the girl asking me where I am, flirting with me, and now she wants to go out together. Hardly a terrible situation.

...THIS is not an accomplishment.

Every girl I've been friends with, whether we've had sex or not, flirts with me, asks where I am, and wants to hang out together.

I don't know what your past experiences have been like, but that's not a big event in the average man's life. Like, I couldn't go brag to my friends saying, "Jenny wants to know where I am, flirts with me, and wants to go out together!!!"

Jesus. What was she like to you before? A dead fish?

Anyway, it seems like you want to straddle the line here. You don't want to push too deeply into the friend zone and you dont want to push too deeply into viewing her as a sexual object. You need to pick a side and stick with it. It's hard to be her shoulder to cry on and still have her view you as a sexual object.

And honestly, you need to get out and find other women. This girl is getting way too much of your time. You're comparing yourself to her boyfriend. You're saying you could give her a better relationship. You sound like a guy with all of his eggs in one basket. Not healthy.

 

[Kailex]

I really hope it works out for you. I really do. But the way you are going about it, is all wrong and leaning towards AFC tendencies. You came here asking for advice and some solid advice was given to you, but you still want to see things YOUR way and probably came here asking for advice thinking you'd get what you WANTED to HEAR.

Yeah I can definitely see what you're saying but its odd, cos she expects me to listen to what she's saying. I know I'm a guy, and yes I would **** her, but she is also my friend, somebody I respect and care about, so I cant just cut out her conversations about her ex.

Red Flag #1: If you don't have the balls to cut her off, then you don't have the balls to fvck her. Every minute you spend listening to her fvcked up situation is a minute less of actual sexual escalation that you are building upon. Either you are her friend or you are the guy that's fvcking her, but you can't have both. Sorry, it's the way it works.

The only thing I can do is take her mind off it through flirting, which is what we have both been doing. And despite the criticism coming my way, it seems to be working as she has already said we need to go out together when we're back on our course.

Red Flag #2: This means absolutely NOTHING. You judge by ACTIONS not by WORDS. When she has her lips around the tip of your penis, then you come back here and tell us we were wrong, but in the meantime, what she SAYS means nothing compared to what she DOES. Flirting? Really? I flirt with people at work that are 20 years older than I am and there's NOTHING there. You can flirt with anybody. It means NOTHING. And the fact that you THINK it means something, has me worried.

Despite what has been said about the now heavily reduced level of contact I do truly believe that thanks to me giving my perspective on the situation that she has at the very least begun to forget about him, and I'd far rather that be the case than **** her and have her feeling the same about her ex.

Red Flag #3: Wait, you gave her your perspective on the situation??? Did you OVERTLY tell her how you felt about it??? Really?

In addition, about being the bounce guy, well... life is what you make it. I'm not particularly arsed if I start out as the bounce guy, because I know that once she starts dating me she will want more. and more. Because I know I am 10x better than that other ****, and its just the psychological thing of being dumped that is upsetting her. She knows she can do better in her mind, so she's thinking why is this guy doing this?

Red Flag #4: Impending ONEITIS. Wow, this is the AFC mindset right now.
"She can do better"... "I can be that guy"... Really? Can't YOU do better? You are already thinking of her as an LTR and you two haven't even GONE OUT. How do you know you are 10x better than the last guy? Apparently not as much as you think you are... women are certified branch swingers and by now, if you were the MUCH better option, she would have riden you harder than a bronco at a rodeo. That means that she's still hung up on him because in HER mind, no better options have been presented. Men harbor their feelings for weeks and months over a lost woman. Women take a week.

People want what they cannot have, simples. Just over two days I havent initiated contact, and sure enough she has come running a couple of times to see what I'm doing.

Red Flag #5: She wants to know where her FRIEND is. You're THAT guy. Has she come over to kiss you or give you foot massages? Doubt it.

So really. I have got the girl asking me where I am, flirting with me, and now she wants to go out together. Hardly a terrible situation.

Red Flag #6: Don't rest on your laurels just yet. Like I said, my boss asks where I am when I'm late, I've had 50 year old women flirt with me and my best female friend always asks when we are going to go out together. Stop confusing her messages with your interpretations.

The fundamental aspect in this, is that I'm perfectly content being her friend. But I think by ****ing me, we could set up something good. And help her to move on from that other asswipe.

Red Flag #7: Setting yourself up for the FALL, already?? AFC tendencies AGAIN. You are trying to justify an incoming failure by saying: Well, at least we'll still be friends. MAKE UP YOUR MIND. Do you want to be her emotional tampon or the flesh and blood pleasure stick within her vagine?

I wish I could respond more, but damnit, I Have to go.

I hope at least those SEVEN will do for now.