Her 1st Crying Jag....I'm Ready to Walk

[Snatchmaster]

Been seeing this woman for about a month. Get along well, the sex is good and I thought it could be LT, but I'm thinking about walking away.

Yesterday afternoon we are at the coffeehouse and she starts on a crying jag when I tell her I will leave town if a hurricane evac is announced. Think she relates it to me potentially leaving her since I'm looking for a job outside of New Orleans.

Anyway, she settles down for a bit before swinging back to a sorry state, declaring that she's not going to beg me to spend time with her. All this because I hadn't talked about what I was doing that night.

I'm thinking she could have asked....so I calm her down and leave since she says she has another cry in her.

Well, today I start thinking about it and I'm thinking of breaking it off. Don't know if I want to deal with her riding the emotional swingset.

Having said that, she has a lot of potential. It's been a while since I've hit it off with a broad like I have with her.

So, I smell a bit of a sh!t test, but I'm concerned I may be too quick to break things off and I don't want to act in knee-jerk laden haste. I'll probably leave this town in a couple of months, anyways.

What do you guys think? Run away or saunter? Is crying a reason to leave? She's not the first girl to cry on my shoulder; how common is this? I think very.

 

[scordate]

she is crying / clinging after 1 month ?

run run run

bad bad sign

not the crying in itself, but the context; you leaving / leaving her alone

/ scordate

 

[Oblivious]

If you let simple ish like that run you away then you aren't worth her time to begin with. How can you say that you like this girl so much but ready to bolt the very minute she shows you emotion? You guys spend so much time trying to get a girl to dig you and when she does and gets attached to your bravado, you want to run away. Every person isn't going to present you with the perfect scenario. I am sure that there are alot of things about you (that you are probably hiding to come off like some DJ) that she probably won't like about you, but if she liked you period, she probably would let slide.
But if that definitely turns you off get to stepping. Leave her alone. Its obvious that she has feelings for you the thought of your leaving causes her to cry. Yeah maybe its premature for her to be all that attached after a month or so, but it is what it is. I guess if she showed no emotion and was just like "whatever" that would have made you feel better. I don't think so. I think you like the fact that you got her all wrapped up in emotions and that you have total control in the relationship. But please do her a favor and just let her go if you are just that simple to disregard and not understand another person's emotions.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Oblivious
How can you say that you like this girl so much but ready to bolt the very minute she shows you emotion? You guys spend so much time trying to get a girl to dig you and when she does and gets attached to your bravado, you want to run away. Every person isn't going to present you with the perfect scenario.

Oblivious,
great post!

That would be similar to how most women behave: they want a challenge, once she got him.. figure out he loves her... she is not so interested in a guy.
It seems men do the same thing??

 

[scordate]

Yeah maybe its premature for her to be all that attached after a month or so, but it is what it is. I guess if she showed no emotion and was just like "whatever" that would have made you feel better. I don't think so. I think you like the fact that you got her all wrapped up in emotions and that you have total control in the relationship. But please do her a favor and just let her go if you are just that simple to disregard and not understand another person's emotions

oblivious;

you are female if I remember correctly from other threads ?

so your insight is much appreciated
( at least by me )

from what you write I gather that you are more 'comfortable' with her reaction / show of emotion

in fact you are not surprised at all and it doesnt bother you or for you is a sign of mental illness ?

but as you have read here, guys, perhaps from experience, tend to see this as a sign of mental illness to develop in the near future ;-)

so lesson learned for us guys;

women show more emotions than we do; get used to it

you cant complain that your GF just isnt like one of your mates

we should be aware of what we communicate relationship-wise

ok - oblivious - so please share;
what signs would you as a female think were disturbing when it comes to womens behavior / show of feelings

where do you draw the line, when the girls sit alone talking ?

/ scordate

 

[Oblivious]

Its true us women probably should control our emotions more effectively. But by nature, most of us aren't wired to suppress our emotions on a whim like that. And yes, I would give you that at some moments violent outbursts and constant expressions of emotions like out of the blue crying fits could be considered borderline CRAZY if not totally emotionally unbalanced.

I for one am a crier, but I am not crazy. I choose not to suppress my emotions cause then I probably would be a basket case. I like to be upfront with people with how I feel so there won't be a confusion. Sometimes I try to keep it all in because its overkill. I don't want the guy to know how I feel if I don't think he may feel the same way about me. Otherwise I would feel foolish to have exposed my self like that.

This dude should know now that this girl is really into him, if he hasn't already figured it out. But if he isn't feeling her enough to endure seeing her express some emotion, then let her be and leave her alone. I probably would have tried to hold my cry in from public view unlike she did. But we are all human and do things on an individual basis.

But I just think if you guys keep dismissing obvious good women because they cry or any other simple thing, then you most likely won't find anyone at the end of the day unless its some unfeeling drone that you've concocted in your lab.

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by Oblivious
If you let simple ish like that run you away then you aren't worth her time to begin with. How can you say that you like this girl so much but ready to bolt the very minute she shows you emotion?

Lord help me never to be worthy of a drama queen. This is really bad advice and quite frankly it doesn't surprise me that its coming from a woman.

You just met her a month ago and shes crying because you want to get out of the way of a hurricane!!! shes a drama queen. You have only been with her for a month and shes already showing you her manipulative side. She knows if she cries you will capitulate and cave in and she will get her way. There is a huge difference between emotion and manipulation.

Originally posted by Snatchmaster
Anyway, she settles down for a bit before swinging back to a sorry state, declaring that she's not going to beg me to spend time with her. All this because I hadn't talked about what I was doing that night.

You have only known her for a month and shes already acting like this?? This broad is a manipulative, drama queen. I can only imagine how she will act in 6 months or a year. A year from now if you tell her that you are going out with your friends she will probably have a nervous breakdown. I can only imagine the tantrum she will throw.

I won't say kick her to the curb but I will say do not abide her bad behavior. When she started crying I would have looked her square in the eye and said, "This isn't The Young and the Restless, stop being so dramatic." I wouldn't put up with her acting so irrational If she couldn't handle that then I would let her go.

 

[Oblivious]

Get a grip. You aren't dealing with a dog you must train. She hasn't misbehaved. How dare you think you are entitled to be her father! You definitely are totally off base. And what you sound like as the controlling and manipulative one trying to put someone in their place. Puhleeze!

This chick isn't trying to manipulate ole dude into doing anything. She cares for him and she fears for his safety. So, she got emotional. Deal with it and move on. Duly note it if she trips out more often but its not a big deal.

Who is to say what kind of mack he has been putting down on this girl to get her to like him so. I can see if they've only gone out like once or twice. Then she may be going a bit overboard. But it seems to me that its just been him and her for a good month of enjoying each other's company. If he didn't want her to get attached, then he should have just seen her like once! But obviously there was something about her to want to date her occasionally. And now he is beefing that she cares? WTH?

I guess you guys would prefer girls to just be unemotional. But again I doubt it. If she had have done that she would have been deemed some ice queen.

Maybe after a month she should have just been like "See you when I see you. Be safe." and went on her merry little way to some dude who could appreciate her being the woman she is.

If you guys want to date guys, date each other then. Sheesh!

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by Oblivious
Get a grip. You aren't dealing with a dog you must train. She hasn't misbehaved. How dare you think you are entitled to be her father! You definitely are totally off base. And what you sound like as the controlling and manipulative one trying to put someone in their place. Puhleeze!

This chick isn't trying to manipulate ole dude into doing anything. She cares for him and she fears for his safety. So, she got emotional. Deal with it and move on. Duly note it if she trips out more often but its not a big deal.

Ummm exscuse me, where did i say anything about being her father? Throwing a tantrum because someone is going away is bad behavior. Crying and pulling the, "I won't beg you to spend time with me card," is flat out manipulation.

Hear me woman, I would not abide such behavior! If a woman is that emotional, she is not the woman for me!! It seems like you are the same such woman and you can relate to these antics. I am a man and I simply won't tolerate it.

Im sure you will respond but Ive said my piece, I care not to hear your emotional banter.

 

[Oblivious]

Unfortunately I don't bow down to you or any man. So, yes I will speak my piece when it is necessary. I say you are trying to act like someone's father like its your place to reprimand someone for what you may deem "misbehavior".

I can see if you are talking about your wife or something. Even then I don't feel thats the right way to go about treating someone. But this is a grown woman you are talking about. She can cry and throw a fit if she wants to. Its not misbehavior. Maybe you may deem it as a personality flaw and if you can't and don't want to put up with it do what you gotta do.

If thats how you deal with women so be it. Its definitely your perogative. If its served you well keep doing it. But regardless I still find that tactic to seem rather controlling and manipulative in itself as well to think that way.

But we can agree to disagree. I just know if I ever deal with a guy who thinks he needs to put me ein my place and discipline me, I'll definitely be on my way to bigger and better things. A man who thinks he has to have total control over a woman isn't much of a man. If he had his stuff together he wouldn't have to think of having to be controlling and have all power.

But you sound like such a DJ drone. Be your own man. Use the techniques sparingly but be yourself and stop spouting this propoganda verbatim like its the law. Cause its not. But you do you!

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by Oblivious
But you sound like such a DJ drone. Be your own man. Use the techniques sparingly but be yourself and stop spouting this propoganda verbatim like its the law. Cause its not. But you do you!

This is the last I will say on this. I am my own man and this man would not abide a crying broad like you. I could not possibly care less about your opinion! You sound like every other cater-to-me broad who comes on the board!

If I told you to bow down, you would do it with a smile

 

[Junior Sanz]

arguing through the internet is like the special olympics..........

RETARDED!



back to the subject at hand.....

bro, your already doubting your future with this girl PLUS you say your moving out of the area eventually anyways...... one word i have to say ........... PEEEEEEACE!!!!!!


she isnt the last girl on the planet

 

[Oblivious]

Junior

You are sooo very right! It is way retarded. I'm done!

But definitely in this case if he knows this is something he doesn't want to put up with then he definitely should cut ties. Its obvious that she is emotional so it would be best on both ends not to invest any more time or emotions. She is bound to get her feelings hurt since he seems to know without a shadow of a doubt that what he saw out of her is something he doesn't want to deal with. No need in forcing the issue especially since he intends to move soon anyway.

Cause if he continues to drag on the relationship and then just ups and moves, she is bound to have a nervous breakdown if he thinks she is that crazy or emotional. Most times your first instinct is always right.

 

[Junior Sanz]

obliv,

correct me if im wrong, your point for the matter is this:

we as men kick game for the girl we want at that particular time and then once we have them, we bounce with the quickness because we know we have succeeded in our goal.


"the one who shows the least interest always comes out on top" is a quote that was told to me by an old college advisor of mine and let me tell ya, its definitely true.

 

[Oblivious]

And in response to his question if it is common for women to cry. Yeah, it can be. We are emotional creatures. We think and act with our hearts. I guess thats why we are nurturers and motherly. Thats just how it is. Sometimes we are just looking to be comforted and feel secure and other times we look to make others feel comforted and secure. Walking away from her like that definitely wasn't being sensitive to how she felt. But I guess it just weirded him out for her to be that emotional after just knowing her for a month. She obviously got attached too soon. Maybe if he toned down the DJ techniques so that she can wind down from her attachment. But after we get attached it can be hard to let go. Unless some other dude steals our affection away. Or if she has some really good girlfriends to hang out with and just have a good time and not even think about him or what he is doing--let the storm sweep him away for all she cares.

But sounds to me how you guys feel when a girl starts to lose interest in you when you think you start to show AFC tendancies. It pisses you off and you guys retreat to DJ and getting with other girls.

 

[Junior Sanz]

i cant talk, i cried at the end of Disney's "FINDING NEMO"

=)~

 

[Oblivious]

Junior

It seems to me thats how you guys operate. Its like you work to get the the girl to want to be with you. Once she is into you, you can't handle what comess along with her IL. Why even try to heighten her IL if you don't know how to handle it? DJ seems to do well in getting you to that point but fails you afterward.

Women are emotional. Its not that we are always testing. We also want to know what we are dealing with. Its all apart of getting to know each other and sharing after you've managed to get the object of your affection. But if its all about scooping multiple partners then don't invest so much time in one chick. She is bound to get attached. Feelings will creep in and therefore emotions. If you don't want that then keep it moving to the next chick. Or date chicks you know who have full social lives and dates around just like you. She won't have time getting wrapped up into you either.

So its like how do you want it? Do you want a chick to be all into you? Thats why girls flake. If she doesn't see that her interest matches up with yours, then she's gotta move on to protect her interests as well.

 

[Oblivious]

The one who shows the least interest I guess does show up on top cause he didn't have much invested to lose anyway. But I think thats cruel to do that to someone. Work them up and then bounce!? You guys complain about women doing that to you but when the tables are turned, you feel justified in your actions. So just think when a chick did that to you, was she justified?

I think everyone is going to be hurt at some point or another. At other times we will be the ones who get hurt. Just because someone likes us doesn't mean we have to like them back and vice versa. But I guess eventually we may come to the point where the feeling is mutual and we learn to just live with the flaws that each party has. Cause we all have flaws and no one is going to be perfect. No one is going to behave exactly how we want them to behave. Heck, we won't always behave or look like other people may want us to look either. Not that we need to just settle for anything but just realize that life and relationships are about give and take and we just can't bolt out of life the very minute it doesn't produce roses.

 

[Junior Sanz]

what works well in my LTR is that i accept mey GF for who she is. she is human and all of us "LOSE IT" from time to time.

there have been plenty of times i created MONSTERS in my head from thinking the worst case scenerio and FLIPPED out on her once she came over for NO REASON what so ever. talk about messing up! ive done it all! and shes STILL with me! Thats how i know shes a keeper!

this was the first couple mos. of the relationship... the tides of settled drastically since we have become more comfortable in our relationship.

in all my relationships in the past i always tried to "CHANGE" my parnter into WHO I WANTED them to become. took me a good 13yrs to realize that this is not reality!

i look at all the good she brings to my life and i focus on the positive.

 

[iveyleeger]

Oblivious - Your screen name is really accurate.