Helpless When Alone In Clubs

[diu]

Hi guys. Not sure which forum this post belongs. Guess socializing has got to do with women somehow, no? Anyway here's the deal.

My friend and I went to a club recently, and we usually meet up with people we know there. Last weekend, a few groups didn't make it, so it turned out that the both of us would be alone.

So there we were, feeling awkward and occasionally bumping into hi-bye friends, who happened to sit far away from us. Once my friend had to go to the bathroom, I've gotta admit I felt lost. I had to stay put to take care of our table (and our whisky bottle).

I tried dancing it away, but it did feel weird dancing alone. Everyone else was having fun, and I thought of making new friends, which was difficult when everyone else was circled into their own groups. I just stood there, looking around and feeling stupid.

We did catch up with some old friends when the club almost closed, but that night was a real wake-up call. Perhaps I'm not as social as I thought I was.

What would you guys have done if you were in my shoes?

 

[Poll]

What would you guys have done if you were in my shoes?

I usually bring my invisible friends with me, so I am never alone.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Learn how to make friends by joining in on conversations, that's what people usually do at parties. You can't always know everyone at a party.

 

[callmemister]

Learn how to make friends by joining in on conversations

yep,but it is not that easy.
there is always that negative thought:
WHY SHOULD THE PEOPLE ACCEPT TO SPEAK TO ME?
(sorry for the cap locks).
or
ARENT THEY ASWERING ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE POLITED?

this is the problem that is bugging me lately?

i am in the middle of search for new friends because i frankly cant stand them
anymore.
those are the questions that allways pop out.

or i am mildly untrusty of humankind?

 

[Leuven]

Hi Diu,

I know what you're saying, I'm 25, most of my friends are married, have girlfriends, don't go out that often anymore, ... you get the point.

I go out when I want, for instance, yesterday I was with a friend in town, but he wants to leave at 0pm. I went to another pub. I know it is difficult, but no-one knows you and no-one cares about the fact that you're there by yourself. Walk around and look for lonely persons, believe me, they are there.

Don't think about you being alone there, just try to have fun.

sincerely

 

[Snow Plowman]

Don't feel bad this happens to 95% of people in the world. Everyone has situational value and situation confidence. Basically in some situations, venues, etc you will be confident, in state, and feel high value because you have friends, something that people want, and basically everything that reinforces your value.

But now when you're somewhere, where you think your value is up for grabs and you don't have all these reinforcements (such as friends with you) then you feel out of state.

A guy with Core confidence doesn't have a state fluctuation because anywhere he goes he has the same value. It doesn't matter where he is. This is the confidence everyone should be trying for.

Ever since I started learning about RSD inner game stuff I've been striving for core confidence and this is the first time in my life that I actually feel content on a bus by myself. I'm not in that trance of waiting to get to my destination. Sometimes I get opened by women, and usually all my sets open. But it comes with practice. An takes a some work.

 

[thirtyplus]

Hi Snow,

I'm curious, where did you read about these inner game concepts? They are pretty important (situational vs core)

Just trying to compare notes.

 

[Snow Plowman]

RSD Foundations DVD

TD goes into some of his Blueprint stuff close at the end...Hopefully it's out at the end of 07

It took me a while to actually get what was being said but after awhile it sinks in.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...or i am mildly untrusty of humankind?

Depends... How much do you trust your ability to add interesting insight into a conversation?

 

[Jerzee Dweller]

Hey Guys,

Recently, I have tried clubbing in order to have fun, make friends, and meet girls, and just generally improve my social life. I go alone because many of my friends have other stuff they are doing or are just not interested in going.

I tried to follow the advice provided in the following SoSuave article, Avoiding the Typical Mistakes Men Make at Clubs, which I think has a lot of good advice. But what is killing my game, so to speak, is the typical situation I run into.

I see a small group of guys and girls, or all girls, and they are laughing, drinking, sometimes dancing a little, and I feel like if I try to join in, I will be intruding. I don't know what they are talking about, what they are laughing at (I know it's not me, so that's not my concern ), or how to fit in without seeming rude.

My best success has been while at one of the bars buying a drink, and chatting up a girl who is also waiting on her order. But once we both get our drinks, she goes off with her friends, and I am left alone again with another conquest to take on. The fact that it is very loud makes conversations difficult as well.

I feel that I know EXACTLY what callmemister is going through. I guess I would like to know from you guys what more I should do, or if I should do anything differently in the group situation that I regularly encounter. I actually think that clubs can be a great place to have fun, make friends, and meet girls if you are comfortable and know how to "work" the club experience.

 

[Charm]

In order to FIT in instantly to a random group you just joined, come up to the group with an energy equal to or slightly higher than theirs and let them know you are just checking this place out and wanted to come by and meet some new people. Introduce yourself and if they are cool people they'll usually be friendly enough to return the greeting. Then let them continue their conversation or if they ask you some questions, engage. Learn to COLD Read the situation and determine if they are having a FLUFF meaningless conversation or a very serious one. And stop worrying about social norms of rudeness. You make your own reality so grow some brass balls.

 

[Taviii]

I never went with more than 2 friends in a club, and believe me, if there are just 2 of you then it is easier to approach.

 

[Half full]

When I'm alone in a club, i dont want to make friends with people who dont like to have fun, when i approach a group, i approach a smaller group of say 5or 6 (All guys), introduce myself and offer to be someone wing man, play ballsy games, like who can get the first number and come back and touch the table first, i find if im willing to have fun and play games others will follow my lead... Then at the end of the night i say "hey dude, nice game tonight, if you and ya mates are eva free next weekend, give us a call, we'll be each others wingmen for the evening..."

I love Fridays....

 

[Bible_Belt]

the link didn't work for me. Here is one that does:

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/clubmistakes.htm

 

[Bigfatasspimp]

walk up to one of them fine ass B1tches and give them a pimphand. that will make them want you more, foo

 

[Walking Anomaly]

People nowadays for the most part are clique-ee (spelling), very closed minded...But i agree with above posters.

Try to include yourself in a conversation...if you overhear some peeps talkin about stuff you're interested in too, chances are they'll hear what you have to say...

IMO that applies even moreso when people are drunk - they're usually much more friendly from my experience...nobody wants a fight.

Hang in there, you got this.

~WA

 

[PRMoon]

Did I read this right? You had a table with a full bottle between two guys and didn't know what to do? When you have a table you bring girls to the table or you have some drinks and hit the floor to dance it up, meet girls and bring them back to the table.

I hope this isn't the case otherwise amature hour seems to be running a little late these days.

 

[Jerzee Dweller]

Update:

Last week, I went to a club that I go to usually once a week. I'm having a beer, looking for a group to get in with, and listening to the freestyle. I see this girl several feet away seemingly alone. I figure I'll chat her up. So I approach her and say hello.

Her response...

"Sorry, I don't talk to players."

My response...

I smirk, shrug, remain at my location but turn my head away from her and back towards the dance floor. I give no indication that her answer bothered me but now I ask you...

WTF!?!?

Making conversation in this club is difficult enough because the sound system is blasting so loud that you cannot even hear yourself talk, let alone hear what others are saying. Anyone here have any thoughts? I thought people went to clubs to meet other people, not to rebuff them like that.

 

[6-heads lewis]

pull your cawk out

 

[ObieJuan]

Update:

Last week, I went to a club that I go to usually once a week. I'm having a beer, looking for a group to get in with, and listening to the freestyle. I see this girl several feet away seemingly alone. I figure I'll chat her up. So I approach her and say hello.

Her response...

"Sorry, I don't talk to players."

To which you respond with a playful smile

"Well that's great news, you can talk to me, then!"

You have no idea what's going on in her head, nor should you care. Ask open ended questions like why she came, who she came with, what city she lives in, anything you can joke about or get a conversation going. Try to get her to warm up to you by feeding her positive energy, try to change her state- if you fail there's always other girls who won't make it so difficult for you to talk to them.

Remember there is nothing wrong with your behavior, it's hers.