Originally posted by luca20
i love this girl "emily" im kind of casual with women of whom i dont care about
..but when it comes to emily i get nervous but if i want her to a date what
should i say to make her want to come and be glad about it instead of trying
to pull out of it. Also should i tell her i like her, if she comes and is
going to a movie good idea..
You've never even dated her...how can you SAY you "like her" already?? Have you ever stopped to consider whether YOU like HER?
Here's a little secret...WOMEN LIKE MEN. And if you ARE a good man, she should be dying to spend time with you. You give HER the opportunity. If she says "no", she disqualifies herself and you go find a woman who's smart enough to recognize when she's got a golden opportunity with a guy such as yourself.
You're already sabotaging yourself by saying, "OMG she's going to try to weasel her way out of it." If you think that way, that's what you're going to project when you ask her out. "Emily, I know I'm not good enough for you, but please pity me and lower your standards and go out with me."
Is that the message you want to project to a potential mate?? Didn't think so. If you truly feel unworthy of her, it's unfair to ask her to LOWER herself just for your sake.
But if you truly feel that way about yourself, it's YOU who needs addressing. I don't think you really do, though. I think you're just nervous and you've got it in your head that women are somehow BETTER than men and you've got to try to WIN them as prizes. But there are good WOMEN everywhere and a good MAN is just as rare, if not a rarer, prize.
Which is why when you approach this woman, you will approach her knowing that you are an equal prize to herself and that you're taking the initiative for setting up a situation where BOTH of you could have an absolute BLAST enjoying each other's company. You've already indicated that you would like to enjoy some time with a great woman...now you are seeing if she wants to enjoy some time with a great MAN. There's no "win" or "lose", here.
By the way:
1) If you've never talked to this girl before, maybe you should do that first...just goof with her a little and see if she IS the kind of girl you could kick it with. Not only will this allow you to pre-screen her, but you also generate some rapport, so it's not some stranger coming up and saying, "Hey, will you go out with me?" And when you do talk to her, don't talk to her like a friend would, talk to her like you're screening her on whether she could be your girlfriend. Treat her like one and see how she responds.
2) A movie is a good date, but rarely a good FIRST date, because you don't get to talk to the girl or see her in action. That's why most people couple a movie with dinner. But even there, you want to see what she DOES, not just what she says. Pool, mini-golf, bowling, amusement parks...all these are good times. More importantly, though, pick something YOU would enjoy doing and see if SHE can have fun in that setting. You don't want to end up in a relationship with a woman who's bored with all the sh!t you like to do.
3) There's a link at the top of this page called the "DJ Bible"...here it is again for your benefit:
http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/
I really suggest you read that...and try to adjust your way of thinking about relations with women.
