hey guys, I believe that I have a problem and any advice is appreciated.
This is quick a long one, apologies!!
Basically my problem is this:
I'm 24 years old and I feel like I have something seriously wrong with me.
I have had a speech impediment all my life, sometimes it's fine and I can speak, usually when I feel good about myself. However, pretty much all of my life I have been the shy quiet type, never picked on or anythign and had some great friends (still do), but I would only speak when I had to. I find myself constantly thinking about how my speech will look to people and in particular girls if i speak to them, more thinking about what they will think when I speak instead of what I'm actually saying! to which point my mind goes totally blank and I feel absolutely stupid.
When i do talk to people i.e. if i bump into an acquiantaince at work or in the street, i worry about what im saying, and how its perceived. I know I'm a good guy and I try to be, but i feel like i come across as a nice guy who has a stammer and is sometimes awkward. When i do talk to people as well, i talk from instinct and usually dont realise what im saying until afterwards, when i analyse it and wonder if anything i said was weird, out of place or whatever. It's not like an out of body experience or anything, its just that i hear them speaking, and i say the first thing that comes to mind!
Also, since coming to this site, ive been thinking about people's interactions with me, i now feel like im trying to hard to seem alpha and stuff and not wanting to be perceived as a footstool. An example of this is last night, I went out with some friends to a club. There were friends of friends there as well who i know, but towards the end of the night, i found that as much as i tried to get into the conversations, there would be a point when all of a sudden they would break into pairs and walk off, and i would be left there standing on my own, and not wanting to chase after them shouting "hold up", then for about 25 minutes I couldnt find any of the group, i looked everywhere so I decided to leave the club. No-one had came up to me for like an hour even just to make general converssation, kinda felt like no-one wanted to. I decided to leave the club and walked to the taxi rank, as I got into my taxi with a friend who was also waiting for a taxi, one of my mates from the club (ill call him 'C' for now) text me to ask me where i was, i told him im at the taxi rank, he wrote back "hold up", which i only got when i was in the taxi leaving the city, i replied as soon as i got his text and told him "sorry mate i cant, im almost home" and he replied with "you f******ng joking?" then I just said that i bumped into so-and-so and hopped into his.
I text him about half an hour later and asked him if he got home ok, he replied with "Jizzee help me man", then suddenly another text saying "cheers man, im now on my own", then i got a text off another guy(ill call him 'S') who was out with us and he was asking if this lad was with me cos he couldnt find him. I text S and told him to to call C cos he is looking for you guys. Then I text C and told him not to worry and that S had been looking for him and that he'll call you. Never got a reply off C to see if he got home. So today I text C and just said "sorry for ditching u last night mate, was just having a proper sh***y night, couldnt find anyone, wanted to go", and still no reply. now, i feel bad for leaving, but at the same time I feel like i was justified for leaving, i wasnt enjoying it, I couldnt find anyone and I really did want to go. My sister was asking if I had a good night last night and i told her what had happened and she said "maybe your making too much out of things". What do you guys think?
Another thing is, I dont feel like I understand social situations, and what is the right thing to say. It's almost as if I just am oblivious to the right thing to do or say, I try my best, but then afterwards I think was it the right thing to do. ANyone else feel like this?
I am currently studying for a degree in Business Management at University, Its a 3 year course and i decided to take a year out to get some work experience. However, It has taken me months to even get my CV sorted, but the thought of getting a new job seems to fill me with absolute bone-numbing fear. I think it's in case Im not very good at it, or if I cant speak to people, or getting put into a situation where I dont know what to do.
I used to be good at thinking on my feet, being quick witted and all that, but after splitting from my ex gf of 4 years, about a year ago, It feels like my life has taken a sharp decline in every way!
I have however, started going to speech therapy lessons again. I used to take these when i was younger, it improved my confidence and speaking ability so much so that I got up and spoke to a city centre (around 500 people) for 5 minutes on how much the course was helping me. Also, I joined the gym last weekend, and have been nearly everyday, i can see a small change in my body already and am gonna keep on with it.
I dont want to feel like this anymore, I know I have the potential to be something great in this life, to make a change, to be more than I am. I dont know what I need to do to become the best I can be, everytime I try to take my time with my speech for example, there is a moment during the day when I do stammer and all the bad-*** kicks back into my head!
any suggestions guys?
sorry about the ranting style guys lol
This is quick a long one, apologies!!
Basically my problem is this:
I'm 24 years old and I feel like I have something seriously wrong with me.
I have had a speech impediment all my life, sometimes it's fine and I can speak, usually when I feel good about myself. However, pretty much all of my life I have been the shy quiet type, never picked on or anythign and had some great friends (still do), but I would only speak when I had to. I find myself constantly thinking about how my speech will look to people and in particular girls if i speak to them, more thinking about what they will think when I speak instead of what I'm actually saying! to which point my mind goes totally blank and I feel absolutely stupid.
When i do talk to people i.e. if i bump into an acquiantaince at work or in the street, i worry about what im saying, and how its perceived. I know I'm a good guy and I try to be, but i feel like i come across as a nice guy who has a stammer and is sometimes awkward. When i do talk to people as well, i talk from instinct and usually dont realise what im saying until afterwards, when i analyse it and wonder if anything i said was weird, out of place or whatever. It's not like an out of body experience or anything, its just that i hear them speaking, and i say the first thing that comes to mind!
Also, since coming to this site, ive been thinking about people's interactions with me, i now feel like im trying to hard to seem alpha and stuff and not wanting to be perceived as a footstool. An example of this is last night, I went out with some friends to a club. There were friends of friends there as well who i know, but towards the end of the night, i found that as much as i tried to get into the conversations, there would be a point when all of a sudden they would break into pairs and walk off, and i would be left there standing on my own, and not wanting to chase after them shouting "hold up", then for about 25 minutes I couldnt find any of the group, i looked everywhere so I decided to leave the club. No-one had came up to me for like an hour even just to make general converssation, kinda felt like no-one wanted to. I decided to leave the club and walked to the taxi rank, as I got into my taxi with a friend who was also waiting for a taxi, one of my mates from the club (ill call him 'C' for now) text me to ask me where i was, i told him im at the taxi rank, he wrote back "hold up", which i only got when i was in the taxi leaving the city, i replied as soon as i got his text and told him "sorry mate i cant, im almost home" and he replied with "you f******ng joking?" then I just said that i bumped into so-and-so and hopped into his.
I text him about half an hour later and asked him if he got home ok, he replied with "Jizzee help me man", then suddenly another text saying "cheers man, im now on my own", then i got a text off another guy(ill call him 'S') who was out with us and he was asking if this lad was with me cos he couldnt find him. I text S and told him to to call C cos he is looking for you guys. Then I text C and told him not to worry and that S had been looking for him and that he'll call you. Never got a reply off C to see if he got home. So today I text C and just said "sorry for ditching u last night mate, was just having a proper sh***y night, couldnt find anyone, wanted to go", and still no reply. now, i feel bad for leaving, but at the same time I feel like i was justified for leaving, i wasnt enjoying it, I couldnt find anyone and I really did want to go. My sister was asking if I had a good night last night and i told her what had happened and she said "maybe your making too much out of things". What do you guys think?
Another thing is, I dont feel like I understand social situations, and what is the right thing to say. It's almost as if I just am oblivious to the right thing to do or say, I try my best, but then afterwards I think was it the right thing to do. ANyone else feel like this?
I am currently studying for a degree in Business Management at University, Its a 3 year course and i decided to take a year out to get some work experience. However, It has taken me months to even get my CV sorted, but the thought of getting a new job seems to fill me with absolute bone-numbing fear. I think it's in case Im not very good at it, or if I cant speak to people, or getting put into a situation where I dont know what to do.
I used to be good at thinking on my feet, being quick witted and all that, but after splitting from my ex gf of 4 years, about a year ago, It feels like my life has taken a sharp decline in every way!
I have however, started going to speech therapy lessons again. I used to take these when i was younger, it improved my confidence and speaking ability so much so that I got up and spoke to a city centre (around 500 people) for 5 minutes on how much the course was helping me. Also, I joined the gym last weekend, and have been nearly everyday, i can see a small change in my body already and am gonna keep on with it.
I dont want to feel like this anymore, I know I have the potential to be something great in this life, to make a change, to be more than I am. I dont know what I need to do to become the best I can be, everytime I try to take my time with my speech for example, there is a moment during the day when I do stammer and all the bad-*** kicks back into my head!
any suggestions guys?
sorry about the ranting style guys lol