Help: X-bf Still In Picture

[whowy04]

Alright, here's the deal. I've been dating this girl for about 2 months. We're gettin serious pretty quickly. We have strong feelins for ea. other and we both know this. She's confessed her feelings for me over and over again.

Now, here's the dilemma. She's still friends with her X-bF. She's dated him on and off for 4 years, so she's admitted that they still stay in touch so much that he left a "nice" little bday card under her door. Now, of course i read it when she wasn't around it stated that he reallly misses her and wants to have dinner with her to "catch up." I told her that this makes me uncomfortable and I truely don't wanna deal with it. She said that she broke it off with him b/c she no longer had those kind of feelings for him. Fine, I trust her on this. However, she admits that he probably still has feelings for her which is evident. What the Fvck do I do about this? I mean, she says she doesn't go looking to hang out with him, but they talk once and awhile just to see what's new. I do believe her. but the issue is him....

how do i deal with him, her, and the whold freaking "freinds" thing. I know she wants me and no one else, but still come on, this would trouble any normal guy, right?

Please, fellow DJs, help me out b/c I DON"T wanna end this based on that b/c I know she's done with him, but obviously he's going to be around here or there based on their past and the fact he still thinks about her. I just really need some advice on this b/c I'm literally clueless on it. Any advice is appreciated!!!

Thanks!

 

[CLOONEY]

Date her, but dont get too attatched to her. If she has been seeing him on and off for the past 4 years she OBVIOUSLY still likes him. No girl sees a guy on and off for that long unless there is something there. Perhaps her interest level is low, but if put in the situation she might just fukc him again or perhaps even get back with him.

I would take it real slowly with her, see what happens.

 

[MacDiddy]

.... and you actually believe what she's told you. you actually believe it. That she has no feelings for him. Her ex-BF has every right to be in her life as long as its ok by her. ..by her.... BY HER!!!!!! (ok I gotta calm down..)

If she was over him, his constant intrusion into her life would be annoying, short of an intervention order.

 

[whowy04]

OK

So, what do you suggest I do?

You make a good point. I'm not too sure what to believe honestly. I think it is possible to maintain a friendship with an X w/o feelings b/c I still talk to one here and there. But, I don't wanna risk getting hurt either.

 

[Anaconda]

OBSERVE...What are you hearing from her and what are you seeing from her now?

You're hearing she loves you and such, yet, her actions suggest otherwise. If she REALLY loves you and she knows you're uncomfortable with her seeing her ex, she WILL cut him loose. After all, you would be more important to her right? The problem is with your gf. No matter how much of a looser her ex is, if he doesn't see any hope from your gf after awhile of trying, he'd give up. He's still seeing some signals from her and that's why he's still hanging onto her skirt like a hungry, stupid dog. I sound angry because I have been in your situation, and these situations don't lead anywhere so don't even try. If she DOESN'T call the other guy or if she doesn't go out with him, then you have nothing to worry about. In contrast, if she knows you're uncomfortable and she still calls the ex-looser, then let her be your ex-looser. I'm sorry to say but she seems to have an integrity problem and sounds like a manipulator. Observe her actions and stop LISTENING to her "feelings," SEE her feelings.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Anaconda
OBSERVE...What are you hearing from her and what are you seeing from her now?

You're hearing she loves you and such, yet, her actions suggest otherwise. If she REALLY loves you and she knows you're uncomfortable with her seeing her ex, she WILL cut him loose. After all, you would be more important to her right? The problem is with your gf. No matter how much of a looser her ex is, if he doesn't see any hope from your gf after awhile of trying, he'd give up. He's still seeing some signals from her and that's why he's still hanging onto her skirt like a hungry, stupid dog. I sound angry because I have been in your situation, and these situations don't lead anywhere so don't even try. If she DOESN'T call the other guy or if she doesn't go out with him, then you have nothing to worry about. In contrast, if she knows you're uncomfortable and she still calls the ex-looser, then let her be your ex-looser. I'm sorry to say but she seems to have an integrity problem and sounds like a manipulator. Observe her actions and stop LISTENING to her "feelings," SEE her feelings.

This is great advice also.

Especially this part "No matter how much of a looser her ex is, if he doesn't see any hope from your gf after awhile of trying, he'd give up. He's still seeing some signals from her and that's why he's still hanging onto her skirt like a hungry, stupid dog."

ABSOLUTE GOLD. Some of the best advice I have seen on here.

There is a reason he keeps on trying.

 

[whowy04]

I couldn't agree more.

But, as I'm starting to understand their relationship, it seems as if they are just friends that stay in touch and that's it.

I guess we'll see what happens....