I have given up on this girl but I’m just going to post how this went anyway. She’s a freshman from Hong Kong at my university. She’s very cute and she’s in the swimming team. Before coming to the US, she had been going to all-girl school her whole life. Her friends told me that she blew some guys off when they tried to ask her out at the beginning of the school year and she’s doesn’t want any distraction from her study (sth like guys lol). I don’t know what her personality is like and this is the problem. I added her on facebook and started talking to her whenever I saw her; however she never opened up to me (her friends told me she’s not shy but she usually doesn’t open up to any guys other than her guy friends from the same country), but somehow I still think she is interested. She sometimes plays w/ her hair when she sees me or when talking to me, that 1 IOI. She usually goes use the computers that are very close to where I study (proximity IOI). She opens up when I initiate conversation on facebook, but outside, she’s cold and non-responsive. I know that if a girl doesn’t know u that much, and if she’s not interested at first, she’s not going to talk much. But still I have been facebooking this girl for some time now in order to build comfort but she just doesn’t seem to be comfortable around me. One time in the middle of the conversation, she even turned her back on me while I was still talkingSo my hypothesis is that either she has very very high interest in my and that’s why she’s so shy lololol or she really hates me lol. I’m not going for this girl anymore but I want some insight into this matter so that next time if I encounter a similar situation I will know what to do.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Help with this girl!!!
- Thread starter Avn_0903
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
WC2
Master Don Juan
Stop being a creep.
She's obviously not going to take interest in you if you talk to her more on facebook than face to face. Not only is that stalker-like, but it shows you really don't have the confidence to have a full fledged, fun conversation in person.
She smells your desperation from a mile away.
Forget the touching the hair IOI bs. In all seriousness, she turned her back on you while you were talking to her-- if that's not a negative sign then I don't know what is.
Don't talk to her friends about her, that's creepy also. Everything you say to her friends will go straight to her and probably be exaggerated just to make a joke out of it.
Approach girls face to face and try not to be too serious. Adding a girl on facebook and then messaging her is the classic route to rejection that I've seen in college. In fact, I rarely add any women on facebook. Approach them before any of this online BS, and if they are interested in you, believe me they will ADD YOU.
I hate to be brutally honest, but I see this happen all the time-- and you know what? It never works.
She's obviously not going to take interest in you if you talk to her more on facebook than face to face. Not only is that stalker-like, but it shows you really don't have the confidence to have a full fledged, fun conversation in person.
She smells your desperation from a mile away.
Forget the touching the hair IOI bs. In all seriousness, she turned her back on you while you were talking to her-- if that's not a negative sign then I don't know what is.
Don't talk to her friends about her, that's creepy also. Everything you say to her friends will go straight to her and probably be exaggerated just to make a joke out of it.
Approach girls face to face and try not to be too serious. Adding a girl on facebook and then messaging her is the classic route to rejection that I've seen in college. In fact, I rarely add any women on facebook. Approach them before any of this online BS, and if they are interested in you, believe me they will ADD YOU.
I hate to be brutally honest, but I see this happen all the time-- and you know what? It never works.
MisterMcGee
Master Don Juan
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It's DESPERATION. You have 0 value to her. A girl I know used to do that 'turn around' crap sometimes, look down when im talking, do an uncomfortable shuffle, etc. She didn't know me back then at all (3 months ago) and I asked her out earlier over the phone and she flaked on me (hence the uncomfortableness I describe above).
This was when I was slightly AFC and beta around her. I was lucky I didn't see her at work often at all during this time, though. I didn't have enough opportunities or time to demonstrate my AFC-ness or Beta-ness, thank jesus.
I've been working on myself and just becoming a DJ with little effort (I've had it in me, but my naive view on women caused me to be AFC with her). I've seen things change over the past 2 months.
We worked together less often. When we did, I didn't give her too much attention or anything. I socialized moreso with other people at work, laughed a lot, and so forth. I was just myself and I suppose 'building social proof'. Any bad impressions I could've given her earlier were disintegrating cause I had this whole "he seems different" thing going on.
Slowly she started considering being interested in me. She'd start opening conversations
Around 1-2 months pass. I notice people are more receptive to me, both guys and girls. I'm just more comfortable, confident, and myself. I'm valuable and I know it, so I just be myself and let people come to me if they need/want to. I usually make people laugh, especially the girls, and I just have a good time.
Regarding this target girl, we're at the point where she gives me IOIs. I get mixed signals, though. But I give her mixed signals too. That's the key, give her mixed signals and don't be a manslut (meaning don't be easy or submit to her). The key is to not feel the NEED to submit to her and such. I don't feel the need to show her interest, which allows me to 'be myself' because 'myself' is someone who isn't needy. Meaning I don't have to try.
It was tough, the 1-2ish month transition from a naive dude to a confident DJish (at least contently DJish, lol) dude.
She isn't on a pedestal, and she knows it. Why? Cause I don't give her too much attention. It's not about showing her disinterest or saying things that make her feel lower than you or anything, its about not giving her too much attention. Just chill when you're around her and escalate slowly. For me, it's really effing slow cause it's at work and cause of the type of girl this is. I felt like it's similar to your situation kind of. You said your girl gets hit on a lot, which is the same for the girl I'm talking about (an hb9).
If you feel she's worth pursuing, then do so and do it relaxed and comfortable in your own skin. Don't try too hard. A good thing to ask is - "Would James Bond do it?" Seriously. Would he facebook stalk a girl he finds attractive? I'm not saying you gotta be like James Bond, just realize you shouldn't be his polar opposite cause that means you're needy as hell.
Frankly, you seem kinda creepy.
This was when I was slightly AFC and beta around her. I was lucky I didn't see her at work often at all during this time, though. I didn't have enough opportunities or time to demonstrate my AFC-ness or Beta-ness, thank jesus.
I've been working on myself and just becoming a DJ with little effort (I've had it in me, but my naive view on women caused me to be AFC with her). I've seen things change over the past 2 months.
We worked together less often. When we did, I didn't give her too much attention or anything. I socialized moreso with other people at work, laughed a lot, and so forth. I was just myself and I suppose 'building social proof'. Any bad impressions I could've given her earlier were disintegrating cause I had this whole "he seems different" thing going on.
Slowly she started considering being interested in me. She'd start opening conversations
Around 1-2 months pass. I notice people are more receptive to me, both guys and girls. I'm just more comfortable, confident, and myself. I'm valuable and I know it, so I just be myself and let people come to me if they need/want to. I usually make people laugh, especially the girls, and I just have a good time.
Regarding this target girl, we're at the point where she gives me IOIs. I get mixed signals, though. But I give her mixed signals too. That's the key, give her mixed signals and don't be a manslut (meaning don't be easy or submit to her). The key is to not feel the NEED to submit to her and such. I don't feel the need to show her interest, which allows me to 'be myself' because 'myself' is someone who isn't needy. Meaning I don't have to try.
It was tough, the 1-2ish month transition from a naive dude to a confident DJish (at least contently DJish, lol) dude.
She isn't on a pedestal, and she knows it. Why? Cause I don't give her too much attention. It's not about showing her disinterest or saying things that make her feel lower than you or anything, its about not giving her too much attention. Just chill when you're around her and escalate slowly. For me, it's really effing slow cause it's at work and cause of the type of girl this is. I felt like it's similar to your situation kind of. You said your girl gets hit on a lot, which is the same for the girl I'm talking about (an hb9).
If you feel she's worth pursuing, then do so and do it relaxed and comfortable in your own skin. Don't try too hard. A good thing to ask is - "Would James Bond do it?" Seriously. Would he facebook stalk a girl he finds attractive? I'm not saying you gotta be like James Bond, just realize you shouldn't be his polar opposite cause that means you're needy as hell.
Frankly, you seem kinda creepy.
It seems that I have developed an oneitis for this girl (****!!!!). But since I have decided to stop chasing this girl, I've determined not to approach her ever again. However this hurts like hell.
But yeah I just want an objective approach to this problem so that next time I won't trip again. The time she turned her back on me was a long time ago before she started giving me IOIs. But it seems like she's friendly to everybody else except me. That's why I'm thinking either she hates me a lot or like me a lot lol.
But yeah I just want an objective approach to this problem so that next time I won't trip again. The time she turned her back on me was a long time ago before she started giving me IOIs. But it seems like she's friendly to everybody else except me. That's why I'm thinking either she hates me a lot or like me a lot lol.
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