Help with the ex!

[Albatross953]

So this isn't about trying to bed my ex, but I'd like input.

We separated a couple years ago, and I pulled off a miracle. No child support! We both make good money, but if you did the math I'd owe her about $200 a month.

She's feeling the pressure financially now, and she's been trying to cozy up more. Looking for any short cut or anything she can split with me.

I'm thinking its a matter of time before she puts in the ask for support. Any thoughts on how you'd handle that? In case you're wondering whether I'm a deadbeat, her idea of stressed is only one international vacation per year. The little guy wants for nothing at either house. I just hate writing her cheating ass a cheque.

Thoughts?

 

[Epimanes]

Ohhhh shyt son. I'd give the money. Just for the simple fact the kid may go without something. But that's me.

Epi

 

[Albatross953]

I want to be REALLY clear. She makes 60k, and the kid wants for NOTHING.

The way my attitude works is she cheated, broke the blue pill contract. I have no desire to support or make her life better in any way, shape or form. Persona non grata.

 

[Epimanes]

Well. Give her a link to the excel file I posted here in "anything else" section 2 months ago. It will help her manage her money better. That sucks man. I can clearly see how you shouldn't enable this. Likely she would think you cared somewhat and interpret it as some sort of "in" with you.

How old is your kid?

 

[samspade]

"Puts in the ask for support" - you mean in court? If you divorced without child support, doesn't that mean she waived her right to it?

 

[Albatross953]

No we didn't go to court, we just signed a separation agreement, and she handed me a cheque for my half of the house. I'm the first guy in history to keep all my assets.
Problem is, in my jurisdiction child support is always in play according to a schedule of relative income. Doesn't matter what you sign, or whether both parties are doing ok.

 

[sodbuster]

She wants it, she'll get it. EVEN IF you have him half the time.... Why do you think us old farts complain about family court???

 

[Bible_Belt]

You know you're going to have to pay all the back support for the past few years, right? There's an Ohio case where the kid was 23 when the mom sued for back support and she won.

At least you have not been giving her anything; the court would have almost certainly viewed any money you have given her as a gift and irrelevant to child support obligations.

 

[Warrior74]

Yup. If she wants to bone you, you're boned. She can go for back child support if she likes. If she's being nice remember most predators show their teeth before they attack.

 

[abe0]

He is your kid...isn't he? Do you want him to grow knowing that you never helped him? I would pay whatever child support is required by law so nobody could ever tell you that you were a deadbeat dad nor a bad father. Man up....do it for the kid. Perhaps you can open an account in his name only with you being the custodial over that account so that he can use it for college one of these days rather than giving her the money directly to her at this time. Also, just in case years from now you owe back money...the money will already be there. Finally, if she asks for the support let her know your intentions....if she refuses then I guess you are stuck giving her the money directly unless a judge accepts your plan. I am not a lawyer so I do not know if the above are even an option. IMHO...Abe

 

[Warrior74]

HEY. Stop with the shaming language. We get that enough from women. Man up and don't shame people. Who cares if the world thinks your a deadbeat or bad father. Every man knows in his heart what he is and the worlds opinion does not matter. You could have started your comment right here.

Perhaps you can open an account in his name only with you being the custodial over that account so that he can use it for college one of these days rather than giving her the money directly to her at this time. Also, just in case years from now you owe back money...the money will already be there. Finally, if she asks for the support let her know your intentions....if she refuses then I guess you are stuck giving her the money directly unless a judge accepts your plan. I am not a lawyer so I do not know if the above are even an option. IMHO...Abe

 

[Albatross953]

I'm in Ontario, so I believe she can only adjust going forward.

To answer some of the points raised, yes I have him half the time. And I will say it again...he wants for NOTHING. Both houses are worth over $300k in a solidly middle class neighborhood. I bought in the same area just so we were close.
This isn't about me providing for him. Its about me supporting or freeing up her cashflow.

Appreciate the input though.

 

[Alvafe]

He is your kid...isn't he? Do you want him to grow knowing that you never helped him? I would pay whatever child support is required by law so nobody could ever tell you that you were a deadbeat dad nor a bad father. Man up....do it for the kid. Perhaps you can open an account in his name only with you being the custodial over that account so that he can use it for college one of these days rather than giving her the money directly to her at this time. Also, just in case years from now you owe back money...the money will already be there. Finally, if she asks for the support let her know your intentions....if she refuses then I guess you are stuck giving her the money directly unless a judge accepts your plan. I am not a lawyer so I do not know if the above are even an option. IMHO...Abe

don't matter what peopl will still say he is a deadbeat for not being with his former wife, you shouldn't do things in your life hoping to be accepted by others, if you do that you sure are a weak person and will never life.


to OP

kids age is important here too you know, you could for base in curiosity consult a lawyer for it, it also depends if you would like your child be with you full time and ask for her to give child support, but like I said I recomend ask for a lawyer in your zone and see what can happen

 

[VladPatton]

Start seeking the advice of a lawyer early on to avoid getting surprised. Stay 3 steps ahead of the situation!