help with sexual performance anxiety

[gruntbuggly]

Hello all,
I'm a 32 year old male, have been working out in the gym regularly for about 10 years, off and on, with 2-3 year breaks, so have just gotten back into shape after a hiatus from the gym, and I can honestly say Im good to look at. I also run a software company- I'm an entrepreneur. My work involves a lot of long hours, and I do smoke.
Recently Ive gotten into a relationship, and the first few times the sex was fine, and I had no problems. One day while having sex, I got distracted by the lack of curtains in my apartment, and I wondered whether the neighbors could look in, and I lost my erection. Ever since then, the only time Ive been getting an erection is when I wake up in the morning, or when I'm by myself. When the topic of sex comes up, i just freeze and think to myself "What if it happens again", and of course, nothing happens. It's a horrible feeling to not be able to pleasure my girlfriend. It's only been a few months, and hasnt even reached the love stage, so she can back out at any time, and I wont blame her if she does. I just want to stop worrying about this thing, because its not even an issue, since I know I'm healthy, so there arent any physical problems. Any advice? I dont want to use any pills or anything. I just want to stop thinking about this all the time. It also affects my work and is not helping me in any way.

Thanks for listening

 

[KontrollerX]

Hmmm why not just get her in a room with ya and make it all comfortable first to ease any concerns you might have.

Then her and you get naked and just makeout until your soldier gets ready for battle all on his own once you are in the relaxed state with your woman.

If this doesn't work you could try to have a bit of wine before hand as drinking for some people helps.

If none of this works I guess its Viagra for you my man lol.

 

[Jariel]

I can tell you what your problem is just from your post. You're too worried about pleasing her and what she thinks of you. When it happened to me I found it got worse when I tried to explain myself or started to panic. I felt like I was on a timer and I needed to get the deed done before she lost interest and so on.

However, there are other ways to please her. Last time I ever suffered from it, I didn't try to excuse myself. I just told the girl "this sometimes happens when I'm tense" and I just went back to more foreplay. She was happy enough with that, but it didn't take long before I was ready to go. It's never happened to me since. The key was just accepting that it happens and shrugging it off.

If you're really conscious about her pleasure, read up on some foreplay techniques and other means of pleasing her.

 

[gruntbuggly]

Jariel,
I guess youre right. I've been with around 15 or so women, 2 long term relationships and the rest all casual or less than 3 months long. This happened to me once like 7 years ago, and only for a couple of times, and then has not recurred till now - and that time too it was for someone I cared about. Is it possible that because i care so much, I want everything to be perfect? she been with 5 men and is 28. Most of the pressure is coming when she first said that she thought it unnatural and weird that this would happen, and that since shes never faced the problem before, she doesnt know how to react. Thanks for replying though, will try the foreplay method. I guess the main problem is that my mind is cluttered with stuff like my company, etc. and once I get an erection, I get worried whether I can maintain it, and that of course leaves to disaster.
Cheers

 

[gruntbuggly]

Hmm yesterday, everything turned back to normal. I dont know what it is, but I just stopped worrying. And my mojo is back!