The last time a month previous to this when she first told me she felt unattached, I didn't sleep at all that night and had to observe at a high school the next day. So after all the work we had done, she was getting at this again and of course she was by herself at her dads house thinking this. So after all the heartache I felt before and she text me that while I was in the middle of an assessment for the application.
I felt like I couldn't deal with it anymore, she was dragging me down and affecting what I was trying to accomplish for our life. Shes a semester away from being a teacher also. So I acted like a man, I got irrational and hotheaded and told her I can't deal with her going back and forth, that it was toying with my emotions (little did I know it would get 10x worse) and I told her that I was packing up all my **** at her house and leaving and I wouldn't be back. That was fine, that would have worked well for us, it would have been a break, but here's where I messed up, I took it off facebook and then took it off her profile.
Some of you might assume as some of my friends that there's someone else. I'm 100% positive there's not a chance, we are together way too much, which was a downfall to us, but we both always leave our facebooks up and our phones open to see anything. And I asked her dead in her eyes, so its not someone else, what I'm about to get into is all about us and in her head. After it happened, I was fine for about a day, it didn't seem real, I'm still in love with her and was prepares to proper to her within the next year or so.
Im 27 and have been in several long term relationships. The last one for 30 months and the one before that around 2 years, then the one before that around 2 years. This is the first girl I've actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We met last December, so a little over a year for us. My parents met her only once when we went over for 5 days and told me that she's the first one they've absolutely loved.
They said they thought she was the one after I told them the news. So the first day went fine, we texted a little bit that night, of course me wanting to know everything and asking how long she thinks it will be for and all that. She was telling me that she just needed some space and if I do everything I say imam going to do, with a job and everything, then she doesn't see how I can fail. I was ok that night after our texts, day 2 we text a little more, she went over to her friends house for most of the night and I text her to call me when she got home so I could tell her goodnight and ask her a few things.
We talked for 2 hours that night and this is where I broke. Before she got back to her dads I went and left a cat pillow pet as a gift for her to cuddle with since we wouldn't be cuddling and she pet me have the kitten we have together. I left flowers, chocolates and a card on the bench outside her bedroom window.
So when she called me I asked if she got it, she said no? You came to my dads in kind of a creeped out voice and like I shouldn't have. It was late, 11:30 or so and he goes to bed early. Then she was like, no, you can't do this stuff like we're not broke up. I said you always love gifts, cards and flowers but she wasnt soft on them.
I then told her it was a thank you for the time we spent together and I wanted her to have something to cuddle with, of course this Don Juan put my cologne on it. In the card I wrote simplified, that I hope that the roads lead us back together at somepoint.
The conversation went on, this is what got me, she said she's 22, wants to be free and not obligated to text me back or call me, that she wants to go out with her friends and even on dates to have fun. I said dates? She said yea I'd like to, if the opportunity came, I know that will come, she is very beautiful, people hit on her all the time and she's real fun so that what scared me. I told her that jealousy was a natural human emotion and that if she did stuff with other people it would be hard for me to see her the same.
She said I couldn't even imagine kissing anyone else for a long time. But she wants fun and to be free. The gym I go to is also in her town where she lives while at school and she said she better never see my cruise by her house. I got maybe 2hrs sleep that night and the wonderful stress in my body has subsided hunger also so I can hardly eat.
The next day I text her asking if we could talk in person so I could gain some closure on this since we never had seen each other after breaking up.
I chatted with a good friend of mine who is a girl and she gave me some good insight on the female perspective. I started out asking her if she was alright and she shook her head yes, but I could read in her face that she was tore up. I told her I respected her and wanted to give her, her space, that inwouldnt text or call. She's a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and if we're meant to be together then we will be.
I told her that a relationship is 50/50 and my 50% is there, that I'm all in. I said that things do happen for a reason, that's why we were led to each other, but relationships take work and if we have love, and she still says she loves me, that we have to work through to ups and downs. I apologized for breaking up, I said I wish I wouldn't have, that we should have worked on it a bit more. I asked if she was ready to breakup when I did, she said no. I apologized for taking it off facebook, that it was a slap in the face and probably broke her heart.
She starting shaking her head and cried for about 15minutes. The damage was done she said and she's not one to get right back into things, especially not to look immature by being back in the relationship 3 days later on facebook. I told her even if we did start talking again and working through it, I wouldn't even consider putting it back for at least a month. The talk ended with a 10sec kiss and a huh with her still crying.
She went to her sisters that night and back home to her house at school tonight. I made it through day 1 without texting or calling her, her roommate which is also my brother's (who I live with) girlfriend picked up her stuff from my house to take back to her. She said she wanted the scrapbook I made her, I even added a few more pages to it with pictures, and tickets and stuff we had done.
She also wanted a picture that I drew of her that was framed. So that made me feel ok. I did send her a brief msg on facebook telling her that I got job that I start on Monday and another interview for a manager position. I felt that might be positive since that seemed like a downfall for us. I think I'll wait about a week as hard as it is, then text her and see if she has any feelings sorted out, if she's excited to talk to me then maybe ask her to dinner, if not give her another week, then keep that at a weekly thing for about four weeks, if no improvement, I'll have to move on bc after a month I think she'll be so drifted and if she doesn't miss me and us enough then it won't work. Here's my downfall, the stress, I'm in a really bad situation.
I just moved about 3 weeks ago to her hometown where her dad still lives and actually live in a rental house her mom owns! Less than a week ago we were talking about how much she loves this house and when she finished school and we're married that she'd love for this to be our first home to start a family in, of course my brother moving out. We had plans like this and it seems in a blink of an eye she was gone, not to mention my best friend that I talk to about everything. So it's really hard on me here with no friends yet, in her moms house, with my brother dating her roommate so I get to see their happiness and him leaving running around with her, not to mention hearing about my ex and wanting to ask about her.
She's hurt I know she is, bc she never talks to her roommate bc they don't get along real well and she's been calling her the last few days talking, going to her friends house, her sisters and all that for support. I don't know if she's sorting it out or trying to move past us. She's very deep but holds a lot of true feelings in, she had an uncle die, then another uncle a week later. She was strong and didn't act likenit phased her to later break down a week or two later crying from pain and loss. I'm hoping for that with us and that she realizes how great we were and I'm hoping that now she's back at her house, where we spent a lot of time she's feel it more. One other thing, for Xmas I got her tickets to our favorite college basketball team, a sellout every game team, she was ecstatic, jumping up and down saying it was the best gift she's ever gotten.
So two nights ago when we talked, i asked her if she still wanted to go as friends, she said no, absolutely not, the car ride there and back, the time and experience at the game, absolutely not. That killed me a little more inside. But i respected it and told her i understand, she said she wanted me to have the tickets, I told her no I got them for her, she told me to sell them. The game is two weeks away, I'm going to hold onto them just in case.
Sorry for the length, but I feel that you guys should understand the whole situation to be able to diagnose it properly. Let me know what you guys think I should do about the no contact in a matter of phases and in time. What you think about her and her feelings and emotions and especially how to deal with my stress and heartache.
I joined a new gym and talked to a lot of people today, but it's the time I night where I lose it, not talking or seeing her or cuddling. Thanks for any input guys!
