Help With Girl(Ya Another One Of Those)

[joverby]

So I've been dating this girl for almost 3 months. I won't go too much into all the details because I could write a book but I know I've ****ed up so far by being too clingy. I really have always been available and want to hang out w/ her a lot. Made the mistake of giving her undeserved gifts.

I noticed for about a week or so now she has been distancing herself by not communicating at all really with me, seems I have to initiate everything.

There has been more than a few times where I call her and she's all pissy and irritated and won't tell me why, I asked her about it the other day she said she just bottles her problems up and her friend could vouch for her.(I did notice this before)

The other day she asked if I wanted to chill(After I asked her if everything was cool because her attitude on those calls). I called her after work. Didn't ever get back to me, I texted her 3 hours later when I was going to bed(Another mistake I'm sure). She did text back right away and said sorry for not calling and she would talk to me tomorrow (today). And was being sweet.

It's 4:37PM today. Still no contact from her, I really want to wait until she contacts me back (See how long it takes her before she actually does) but it's really hard.

I know I have the wrong attitude after reading a lot of posts here it has really opened my eyes. It sucks because I do get along w/ this girl really well and have a good time with her. I just think I may of burnt her out / gotten to predictable.

Damn, this turned out to be a book anyway. Hopefully you don't mind reading/helping. Thanks!

 

[mahoney]

same problem as most of the threads - too much contact not enough space then an attempt to swing to other extreme with talk about how to go non-contact. at no point is any of this relaxed, natural or organic. its all the behaviour of a dude that is too intense

When a dude contacts a girl, the girl likes to daydream and saviour that message - if there are then lots of further messages that daydream is broken by the reality of a barrage of really quite mundane and boring texts

When the girl responds to this initial message, too many dudes instead of just thinking great she responded, then send another....and another. Instead of just feeling good about what happened too many dudes get caught wanting constant contact and reassurance. Look at all the threads they're all kind of the same, insecure dudes seeking constant reassurance "oh no 2 days without a text the world is going to end she doesnt like me anymore"

But each one is kind of more and more boring, and instead of a nice first message she wants to reply to...she gets more that she starts to feel obligated to respond to

stop trying for constant contact, stop seeking reassurance the whole time. be more relaxed

 

[joverby]

You are right man. It's true because with a regular friend I wouldn't feel the need to always call / text them for no reason. Only when I actually have something to say or want to do something.

I will really try to work on it, I really do hate being insecure, I wish I wasn't and I always try to combat it(myself, and lose most the time.)

Do you reccommend I do a full back off until she contacts me? Ialso kind of feel the need to explain myself(say I know I have been acting insecure yadda yadda) but I have a feeling that would only back-fire.

 

[mahoney]

The problem with this 'full back off' thing is - if its just an unnatural as the constant contact then its also bad. Its not healthy to constantly contact someone and its also not healthy to just completely go non-contact. Healthy happy natural people don't do these things. Just quit it with boring unnecessary text messages that you don't even know yourself why you are sending

And don't try and explain yourself...its just more stress and tedium. Is it a fun or interesting conversation for either of you, to be telling her about your insecurities? Show your not insecure by...being not insecure!

your insecurities are not her issue...don't make them her issue. Your issues are not to do with her, they're to do with you. so fixing them has nothing to do with her, it has to do with you

 

[joverby]

I know what your saying man, it's just hard when you don't know why your like this and you gotta fight yourself to not be too clingy.

I was just hoping for an easy answer like ya wait for her to contact you but it doesnt seem like there is one.

Would you say it would be fine to send a text along the lines of just saying I hope her days going good and/or I miss her. Just thinking about the mentality you guys have here I'm assuming that would be bad for me to do.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Did she say she would contact you tomorrow (today)? If so, then let her do it or not do it. Once you set the precedent that she owns you -- she will own that ****e! It will be her ballgame. It's always a bad idea to give the chick the power in the relationship. It's not natural. Wait for her. Your posts still seem very clingy. You, for yourself, need some space. Wait. Chill. Go do something!

 

[joverby]

Ya I was , reading everything has helped me a lot. going to still, have to work on it but it's been an eye opener.

I think that's a good idea. Was planning on chilling with my buddy anyway but was going to call her. But I think I won't call, I did give her power, i'll try to get it back

 

[Chickfight]

Your problem is that she's always on your mind, and even worse, you're letting it show. You gotta be a challenge and a reward that she chases after.