okay guys, long time lurker, first post. ive always had alot of chicks and never had a problem getting hot girls. i met this one earlier this year and we started hanging out and chatting and i started to like her, but wanted nothing serious and she knew that. eventually we started hanging out more and she told me she wanted to be my gf. then within the week she told me she thought she was in love with me (this is about 2 months after we started hanging out). for the next couple months she proceeds to always want to spend time with me, and telling all her friends how much she loves me etc. i didnt really feel the same (but i said it back anyway). as time went, i started to feel the same way and really thought i was falling in love with the chick. we spent every night together and always went out together. we got into a few fights (over stupid crap) and she told me that she didnt know if she could be with my anymore because her ex bf's all treated her bad and she was scared it would end up like those relationships. i broke down and told her how sorry i was and how much i cared about her etc. this was about a month ago. in the past month we have talked off and on and a couple times shes told me she still loves me etc, and ive thought that i was back in, but i would be a jerk or something and screw it up. i cant get this chick out of my head and want our relationship to be how it was. im still in shock of how this girl was madly in love with me one minute, then the next she didnt know if she could be with my anymore. what route do i take to get some leverage back to get her interested again? we are on cordial terms and we talk about once a day for a few minutes and i see her once or twice a week when i go out. thanks for the help guys.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
help with ex gf!!
- Thread starter cmr662
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Whoa there... first thing. Read the DJ's Bible.
http://sucs.org/~nicholas/djb/index.php
It isn't going to solve all your problems, but it'll change your mindset. Actually, it probably will solve all your problems, but you need to change your mindset anyways.
Now to address your problem. It seems like the typical case for an AFC. Back when you weren't that interested in her, she was all over you, falling in love with you, always wanting to be with you. But once you became interested in her, told her how much you care for her, and how much you love her too, she started to pull away.
It's a common case. You need to start acting more like a man, there's too many things to go into so read the DJ's Bible, it'll help you plenty. You just need to start being a challenge again and things will work out.
http://sucs.org/~nicholas/djb/index.php
It isn't going to solve all your problems, but it'll change your mindset. Actually, it probably will solve all your problems, but you need to change your mindset anyways.
Now to address your problem. It seems like the typical case for an AFC. Back when you weren't that interested in her, she was all over you, falling in love with you, always wanting to be with you. But once you became interested in her, told her how much you care for her, and how much you love her too, she started to pull away.
It's a common case. You need to start acting more like a man, there's too many things to go into so read the DJ's Bible, it'll help you plenty. You just need to start being a challenge again and things will work out.
Well, this whole forum is based off the bible. You should go through a lot of the stuff in there that interests you. I'd recommend Pook's posts in the bible since they are pretty good reads. Just "CTRL+F Pook"
That's just to get started.
For your problem, it just seems to be lost interest. Do girls that are truly interested in a guy act like that? Most likely, no they do not. If you want to salvage anything, quit being there for her. Make her want you. Attract her, don't pursue her. You mentioned you talk to her for a few minutes everyday. Quit that, a few minutes isn't worth it. Be busy. I know this probably all sounds weird to you right now, but if you read through the bible, there will be more detailed explanations on how this stuff works.
That's just to get started.
For your problem, it just seems to be lost interest. Do girls that are truly interested in a guy act like that? Most likely, no they do not. If you want to salvage anything, quit being there for her. Make her want you. Attract her, don't pursue her. You mentioned you talk to her for a few minutes everyday. Quit that, a few minutes isn't worth it. Be busy. I know this probably all sounds weird to you right now, but if you read through the bible, there will be more detailed explanations on how this stuff works.
so you think i should stop all contact whatsoever? i know when i see her out (like 2 days ago for example) i said whats up and nodded my head and went about my business and didnt really talk to her the rest of the night but we were around each other all night. she told me the next day that it pi$$es her off when i do that because shes says "i try to act like a basa$$". whats strange, is she wont call me for a couple days but when i call her it seems like shes so eager to talk to me sometimes. example:
this past weekend i told her to call me. she didnt. i was drinking so i gave in and gave her a call and asked what she was doing that night. she was just hanging out with freinds and she said she had no plans and i told her i was going to a certain bar in an hour or so and told her she should come. she pretty much dropped everything she was doing and came by herself and met me. things like that give me signs she still wants me, but her not calling me signals that she doesnt.
this past weekend i told her to call me. she didnt. i was drinking so i gave in and gave her a call and asked what she was doing that night. she was just hanging out with freinds and she said she had no plans and i told her i was going to a certain bar in an hour or so and told her she should come. she pretty much dropped everything she was doing and came by herself and met me. things like that give me signs she still wants me, but her not calling me signals that she doesnt.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
No, I don't mean stop all contact whatsoever. But you say you talk to eachother for a few minutes everyday. Do you two work together or do you two just call eachother?
What I think you should do is stop calling her. If she really wanted to talk to you or get your attention, she'd call you. And when you do call her, call her and just set up a small date and go out together. All the small daily chit-chat isn't as good as you may thing.
Even if she told you she dropped everything for you, who knows. She could just be saying things. Daily short not in person chit-chat should stop for sure. It just shows that you don't have anything better to do.
When a girl is interested in a guy, it is usually painfully clear. If I were you right now, I would actually stop all contact for a week. If she is eager enough to pursue a real relationship, she should call you and see what's up, and at that time, tell her you're busy and go do something else. At the end of the week, even if she doesn't call, call her up and tell her you two are going on a date somewhere and go on a date together.
Your relationship seems on the rocks right now, so it depends on how commited to see where it'll go. But just understand there are odds it isn't going to work out.
What I think you should do is stop calling her. If she really wanted to talk to you or get your attention, she'd call you. And when you do call her, call her and just set up a small date and go out together. All the small daily chit-chat isn't as good as you may thing.
Even if she told you she dropped everything for you, who knows. She could just be saying things. Daily short not in person chit-chat should stop for sure. It just shows that you don't have anything better to do.
When a girl is interested in a guy, it is usually painfully clear. If I were you right now, I would actually stop all contact for a week. If she is eager enough to pursue a real relationship, she should call you and see what's up, and at that time, tell her you're busy and go do something else. At the end of the week, even if she doesn't call, call her up and tell her you two are going on a date somewhere and go on a date together.
Your relationship seems on the rocks right now, so it depends on how commited to see where it'll go. But just understand there are odds it isn't going to work out.
Hollowpoint
Master Don Juan
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I think they gave good advice....
Also, try placing the word "infatuation" in place of "love" and see how that changes things. "Real" love is not like that.
Also, try placing the word "infatuation" in place of "love" and see how that changes things. "Real" love is not like that.
the deeper im getting into the forum, the more i realize that what i have is a case of "one-itis". ive basically realized that from all the advice ive read on this disease, the cure from everyone has been cut off all contact and watch her IL rise back to where it was. not once have i read "keep trying as hard as you can". okay so now i have it in my head. i need to cut off the contact but here is one problem that i need help with. im in a fraternity and she is in a sorority at my school. every thursday we have people over at our house and then we walk to a bar up the road. its pretty much a given that she knows i will be there, and i know she will be there. how do i react when shes there? like i said before, last thursday i gave her a nod, said whats up and went on about my business and didnt really talk to her the rest of the night. she told me the next day that it pissed her off. do i stay away from the house and the bar for a few weeks ( i hope not, i dont want to change my ways of life because of this), do i ignore her totally, talk more to her etc? thanks in advance for the help guys. it means alot.
What's wrong with saying 'what's up?' and then going about your business? You're a badass now? Oh no! Is she suddenly disapproving! Oh no!
It might not be it consciously, but I think that's a s--test (or I would take it as one, since you also say she is excited to hear from you). If you cave in and become spineless she will know she's in control. Her "my ex boyfriends and I have a bad relationship" should also be another red-light. Unless they were all lunatics I don't think exes should have a terrible relationship, if at all.
I wouldn't cut all contact with her but I would try not showering her with attention and see how she reacts. If she explodes or complains, I'd worry.
It might not be it consciously, but I think that's a s--test (or I would take it as one, since you also say she is excited to hear from you). If you cave in and become spineless she will know she's in control. Her "my ex boyfriends and I have a bad relationship" should also be another red-light. Unless they were all lunatics I don't think exes should have a terrible relationship, if at all.
I wouldn't cut all contact with her but I would try not showering her with attention and see how she reacts. If she explodes or complains, I'd worry.
This is how I would handle it.
Tell her she is confused (I am guessing u and her are no older than 21).
Tell her that you love her, but that she needs to get her head together and sort it out.
Tell her to come see you when she has sorted herself out.
Either way, you are loosing this chick to her own insecurities.
U need to let her know that u will not be waiting around forever for her to get her messed up head together. This willl only mess your head up, AND IT WILL!! It is already beggining.
Your young, plenty more in the sea. Just get yourself back out there and she will come see you when she is ready.
Tell her she is confused (I am guessing u and her are no older than 21).
Tell her that you love her, but that she needs to get her head together and sort it out.
Tell her to come see you when she has sorted herself out.
Either way, you are loosing this chick to her own insecurities.
U need to let her know that u will not be waiting around forever for her to get her messed up head together. This willl only mess your head up, AND IT WILL!! It is already beggining.
Your young, plenty more in the sea. Just get yourself back out there and she will come see you when she is ready.
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
you are close, she is 18 and i am 22. i saw her tonight out and she was with this dude she works with who is like 29 or 30. i called her beacause i needed a ride home and asked her if that was her new dude and she was like " no! thats just some dude i work with" mmmhmmmm im sure shes playin me there. let me know what you DJ's think. who knows, she could be for real, she could be lyin. but yes, we are young. who knows.
I would bet you are being played. U dont need this in your life........move on!Originally posted by cmr662
you are close, she is 18 and i am 22. i saw her tonight out and she was with this dude she works with who is like 29 or 30. i called her beacause i needed a ride home and asked her if that was her new dude and she was like " no! thats just some dude i work with" mmmhmmmm im sure shes playin me there. let me know what you DJ's think. who knows, she could be for real, she could be lyin. but yes, we are young. who knows.
This chick is very insecure, unstable and has NO IDEA what she even wants. I wouldnt waste my time.
How long were you two together?
we were together for about 6 months. i know thats not that long of a time, but ive been with a few girls for alot longer than that and never felt a connection like me and her had. everything was perfect until she started the whole "i dont want this to turn out like my last relationships" (where the dudes treated her bad). so i guess the plan from here should be just no contact with her? i know i will see her out though (like i did tonight) and i really dont know how to approach that situation. remember guys, my goal here is to get the leverage back to raise her IL. and no, im not gonna be a **** and screw her over when she comes back, im gonna make sure that i dont make the same mistakes i did before. thanks bros.
any other DJ's out there that can give me some advice on how to deal with a situation when me and my ex see each other at my fraternity house? thanks in advance. remember: my goal is to raise her interest level in me as much as possible, not to have her totally forget about me.
WorldTraveller
Don Juan
I would try to be unavailable AND out of sight for at least a week, even if that means not going to your fraternity events where you know she will be. In the meantime, try to find yourself an unknown HB (from another sorority or a class maybe) and show up with her when you know your ex will be there.. just like she did with "that dude from work". That will raise her IL to the fvcking roof.
She will be the one looking for you... if she doesn't she's not worth your time and effort... if she does and you really want to keep her around, you have to sit down with her and cut this crappy game you two have. Say something like "Ok... let's stop acting like two highschool kids and talk about us" Try to find out about those previous relationships and what was it that made her so insecure about relationships.
In any case, I think you're developing a strong case of oneitis and should consider seriously moving on to other pastures, at least for some time. You may actually find someone more interesting along.
Hope this helps...
She will be the one looking for you... if she doesn't she's not worth your time and effort... if she does and you really want to keep her around, you have to sit down with her and cut this crappy game you two have. Say something like "Ok... let's stop acting like two highschool kids and talk about us" Try to find out about those previous relationships and what was it that made her so insecure about relationships.
In any case, I think you're developing a strong case of oneitis and should consider seriously moving on to other pastures, at least for some time. You may actually find someone more interesting along.
Hope this helps...
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.