Hi everyone,
I stumbled across this site about a month back during a night shift, and have spent a long time reading through articles, and have gained a lot. This, though, is my first post. I apologise in advance for the length of this post, but I’d like advice that really helps, and I figure the only way I'll get that advice is by explaining the problem in depth.
Several years ago, after graduating in Maths, I decided to start a finance business with a friend, and thought it best to do a lite course (6 months full-time) in Business Management at a local college to learn the basics of Federal Business Legislation. As usual, in week one, I went about casing out the other students, finding out about them and forming ideas, as I’d be spending the next 6 months with them on an almost daily basis.
In week 4 of the course, a new student joined the class. Now, there have been many premature-faux-10s in the past, girls I have gotten hot and flustered over from their initial looks, and there was really nothing to separate this one from them. For arguments sake, we’ll call her Z. She was, by far (IMO) the best looking girl in the class.
Realising that every guy in class will be drooling all over her from the word go, I decide rather than join the slavering pack, I would get on with my work and give her breathing space – who knows, she may even appreciate it. I’m also over 30 now, so I tend to conduct myself with a little more decorum.
Weeks go by, and I find myself thinking about her more and more. Yes, she is beautiful, but now she’s becoming smart, funny, vivacious, confident, and caring – things I could not have known upon first seeing her, but that I discover about her day after day. I still don’t –know- her though, this is just the outer shell, what she wants people to perceive in her. So I stay my ground.
Week 8/9 comes around, out of maybe 16 weeks in the course. It’s lunch-break. I decide to stay in class with about 4-5 other students, to finish my homework I just got, and to help the other students with concepts they didn’t grasp in class. So I’m there, at my desk, reading text… and this amazingly cute set of legs slides in front of me, on my desk, inches away from me – I look up, straight into her eyes, and she says “Hi, I’m Z!”
So, this was about 2 years before I ran into this website. I was the proverbial rabbit in the headlights. She had a boyfriend (still does actually – same one), and I thought it was just one of those study things, you know, you get flirty with someone in class simply because you see them every day and it keeps you entertained.
In the coming months, she offers me lifts home, has lunch with me, chats with me about everything. It comes to the last day of the course, II sleep in and miss the entire day, like an idiot - I think “That’s it – I’ve missed the best chance I’ve ever had”. So, for nostalgia’s sake, I go to the classroom one last time, riddled with dejection, only to find this amazingly long letter she has written on the whiteboard explaining how she will catch up with me, and will email me as soon as possible. The attention is beyond baffling for me – my spirits go from gutter to, well, whatever opposite of gutter is.
Over the next year or so, we end up having coffee together at least once a fortnight, and often twice a week. After coffee we go shopping, head into pet stores, she grabs my arm, points at the kittens and is all bubbling chatty smiles. In many relationships, I have had less fun than this.
Recently though, it has trickled off, to maybe once every two months. We still see each other and keep in contact, but not like we used to. I still help her with business stuff every now and then – I’m her music arranger (she works in choreography), and she keeps coming to me for stuff, so I know it’s not dead in the water. But it’s not what it used to be.
I may well have missed the ideal chance, but I don’t see the fire as being completely out. Where do I go from here? Our level of contact has gone down – it’s not gone, but I can’t be emailing her 2-3 times a week like I used to, that would smother any potential that’s still there. Jeez, do I yearn for the days when she would hop on Messenger, say hi to me, and we’d be chatting for upwards of 6 hours in one go.
Maybe I just don’t want to believe that the chance is gone, maybe it isn’t gone. I don’t believe it’s gone, I think I’ve just been clumsy and ignorant up to now, but I haven’t made any faux pas’ – there’s been nothing irredeemable. So how do I go about this without killing the flame? How do I lure this angel back?
I stumbled across this site about a month back during a night shift, and have spent a long time reading through articles, and have gained a lot. This, though, is my first post. I apologise in advance for the length of this post, but I’d like advice that really helps, and I figure the only way I'll get that advice is by explaining the problem in depth.
Several years ago, after graduating in Maths, I decided to start a finance business with a friend, and thought it best to do a lite course (6 months full-time) in Business Management at a local college to learn the basics of Federal Business Legislation. As usual, in week one, I went about casing out the other students, finding out about them and forming ideas, as I’d be spending the next 6 months with them on an almost daily basis.
In week 4 of the course, a new student joined the class. Now, there have been many premature-faux-10s in the past, girls I have gotten hot and flustered over from their initial looks, and there was really nothing to separate this one from them. For arguments sake, we’ll call her Z. She was, by far (IMO) the best looking girl in the class.
Realising that every guy in class will be drooling all over her from the word go, I decide rather than join the slavering pack, I would get on with my work and give her breathing space – who knows, she may even appreciate it. I’m also over 30 now, so I tend to conduct myself with a little more decorum.
Weeks go by, and I find myself thinking about her more and more. Yes, she is beautiful, but now she’s becoming smart, funny, vivacious, confident, and caring – things I could not have known upon first seeing her, but that I discover about her day after day. I still don’t –know- her though, this is just the outer shell, what she wants people to perceive in her. So I stay my ground.
Week 8/9 comes around, out of maybe 16 weeks in the course. It’s lunch-break. I decide to stay in class with about 4-5 other students, to finish my homework I just got, and to help the other students with concepts they didn’t grasp in class. So I’m there, at my desk, reading text… and this amazingly cute set of legs slides in front of me, on my desk, inches away from me – I look up, straight into her eyes, and she says “Hi, I’m Z!”
So, this was about 2 years before I ran into this website. I was the proverbial rabbit in the headlights. She had a boyfriend (still does actually – same one), and I thought it was just one of those study things, you know, you get flirty with someone in class simply because you see them every day and it keeps you entertained.
In the coming months, she offers me lifts home, has lunch with me, chats with me about everything. It comes to the last day of the course, II sleep in and miss the entire day, like an idiot - I think “That’s it – I’ve missed the best chance I’ve ever had”. So, for nostalgia’s sake, I go to the classroom one last time, riddled with dejection, only to find this amazingly long letter she has written on the whiteboard explaining how she will catch up with me, and will email me as soon as possible. The attention is beyond baffling for me – my spirits go from gutter to, well, whatever opposite of gutter is.
Over the next year or so, we end up having coffee together at least once a fortnight, and often twice a week. After coffee we go shopping, head into pet stores, she grabs my arm, points at the kittens and is all bubbling chatty smiles. In many relationships, I have had less fun than this.
Recently though, it has trickled off, to maybe once every two months. We still see each other and keep in contact, but not like we used to. I still help her with business stuff every now and then – I’m her music arranger (she works in choreography), and she keeps coming to me for stuff, so I know it’s not dead in the water. But it’s not what it used to be.
I may well have missed the ideal chance, but I don’t see the fire as being completely out. Where do I go from here? Our level of contact has gone down – it’s not gone, but I can’t be emailing her 2-3 times a week like I used to, that would smother any potential that’s still there. Jeez, do I yearn for the days when she would hop on Messenger, say hi to me, and we’d be chatting for upwards of 6 hours in one go.
Maybe I just don’t want to believe that the chance is gone, maybe it isn’t gone. I don’t believe it’s gone, I think I’ve just been clumsy and ignorant up to now, but I haven’t made any faux pas’ – there’s been nothing irredeemable. So how do I go about this without killing the flame? How do I lure this angel back?
