"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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help to get out

wh01987

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Alright .... Long story but I need help bad..

Alright this girl and I went out , she moved, now shes back and I take her virginity. Well sex is over rated and I feel it wasnt right. How do I dump her without her getting all emotional and hating me for life. I like this other girl and I want to go out with her and she was all cuddly with me tonight when I went to her house to watch movies.. So how do I let the first girl go.. I was thinking of saying we went to fast and I need to think abotu things but I have no idea how she will take it , Help pleasee how do I dump her softly
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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gav

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Originally posted by wh01987

How do I dump her without her getting all emotional and hating me for life.
by bribing her. that's the only way.
 

check_mate_kid_uk

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how about trying to make her dump you, just become undesirable to her. If you become needy and everytihng girls do not want (just to her) then she will want to dump you or at least will not care if you dump her.
 

wh01987

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I guess that would work
 

NRM

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Why does it matter to you if she hates you? You're breaking up with her, you shouldn't even bother with contact after that since she'll still like you and you don't like her. Do her a favor and break off contact altogether. It doesn't matter if she hates you or not, that's her business. As long as you aren't a total jackass about it, a break up is a break up. You are no longer interested, let her off the hook and move on.

Don't give her bullshit responses either. Don't tell her you went too fast and now you have to think about it. It'll make her wonder what you're thinking about and make her think she has a chance. Sure, let her down softly, but DO NOT leave any hope of getting back together if you have no intent to. And it's obvious you've moved on.

Take her out to the park, tell her you two need to talk. Tell her that you aren't interested in her and an overflow of emotions took part when you had sex with her. You didn't mean to and you're sorry. She's gonna be crushed, you took her virginity and then you ditched her. If you care so much about her feelings of hatred then you should have been a bit more careful and responsible about it.

All you can do now is break up with her, close contact with her, and that's the end of it. She'll move on, they all do, but just don't waste her time with the run-around.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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JSH

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Face to face in a private situation, i can not maintain a relationship anymore. Leave it broad and open ended, so she has nothing to attack you aboutl.
 

check_mate_kid_uk

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listen up NRM, like wh01987 i am also 16, i do not no what age you are, but at 16 rather then picking up girls off the street, we tend to go for freinds of freinds, its much easier and a higher sucess rate, this means that the girl will have some of the same freinds as you, so you can not avoid seieng her, which means you can not just ignore her as this will be embarasing and could lose you osme of her freinds if you are really mean to her. inst that right wh01987
 

NRM

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Whatever age you are, rules like not talking to your ex-girlfriend is an issue. As well forgetting about her and moving on after the relationship is over, regardless of what friends you have. If her friends are your friends, then they will understand that you are no longer interested in her and that you do not wish to be in a relationship with her, regardless of her feelings of hatred or whatever.

Do not seek friendship after the relationship. Doesn't matter what age you are. This guy took her virginity, she's going to be heartbroken and still feeling the raw female emotions of love. If you continue contact, she will think there is a chance, as all teenage girls do.

Besides that it is summer, you still need to close contact. If you believe in her deserving something, believe that she deserves not to be left lingering in hope.
 

check_mate_kid_uk

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i didnt say you need to "try" to keep in contact, you od not need to talk on the phone to her, or anytinhg like that, but as you will see her around, you still have to keep some very basic level of freindship just treating her like any other girl you know.
 

Porky

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NRM is right. You won't be able to just end things with her - you took her virginity man, that's one of the most important things a girl has. Just be understanding and polite to her.

Why don't you just not fvck up in the first place?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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kevbo

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Originally posted by Porky
Why don't you just not fvck up in the first place?
come on dude, give the guy a break. people f*ck up. there's nothing you can do about that. :)

Originally posted by wh01987
How do I dump her without her getting all emotional and hating me for life.
at this point, you don't. don't worry about it, you'll survive this. hell, maybe afterwards she'll start acting in ways that help you realize that it was really worth it, like trying to get your friends expelled in revenge and what-not. yeah, that happened to me a while back. luckily, she wasn't the least bit intelligent, so it didn't work.

lastly, check mate kid, trying to get the girl to break up with you instead shows no balls, and breaking up with people is something you have to get used to anyway. you benefit in no way from that. in addition, you really don't have to try to maintain any degree of friendship. if she accepts the break-up well enough to do that, cool. if she does wind up hating you, tough luck. i see a particularly hateful ex of mine in the halls on almost a daily basis in school, and i'm fine with the fact that she hates me. we just don't talk anymore.
 

WaRpEd

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Tell her you're gay!...just kiddin

Dude, you took her virginity...getting out of this without her hating you's gonna be hard.
 

LikRetsam

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Originally posted by NRM
If you care so much about her feelings of hatred then you should have been a bit more careful and responsible about it.
 
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