help real quick..what to say to a girl about her friend being hit by BF

[usscrum]

So a girl i'm talking to just texted me talking about how her best friends boyfriend hit her when he was drunk this weekend (not the first time) and she's badly bruised. my first answer was "its not that hard, tell him to get the fvck on" but she responded with "i know but shes in love she wont leave him and idk what to tell her bla bla bla".

how would a DJ respond to this (to a girl i am pursuing)? im thinking about just saying "then you are wasting your time cause she obviously doesnt respect herself very much" but i don't know if that would be too harsh?

 

[usscrum]

anyone? im bout to head out and im not sure how to handle this

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Tell her to go to a domestic violence shelter. If there's a good one around, they should have resources and counseling that will help her get the tools she needs to resolve this situation.

 

[usscrum]

^ thanks. i ended up just saying "oh well if she wants to get out then she can pretty easily. but she probably doesnt so its not your problem".

i realized there's no point in saying anything else because she's not gonna leave him.

 

[KontrollerX]

Tell her that her friend has Stockholm Syndrome and until she goes to a therapist and gets that treated she will never stop loving abusive men.

Also tell your woman that its ok for her to continue being this girl's friend if she wants to but its also perfectly ok to stop being friends with her if her abusive lifestyle is making your girl too depressed.

Your girl might then respond with oh no that would be selfish of me!

Then you say to her...wouldn't it equally be selfish of your friend to expect you to be around her while she actively chooses to self destruct?

This situation is very much like someone whose about to commit suicide with a shotgun or razorblades in a bathtub asking another person to come sit and watch them die.

Tell your girl that if staying her friend and seeing the abuse she goes through is too traumatic for her its perfectly alright for her to pull the plug on the friendship until her friend goes and gets help and that this tough love approach may be the wake up call that her friend desperately needs.

 

[usscrum]

Tell her that her friend has Stockholm Syndrome and until she goes to a therapist and gets that treated she will never stop loving abusive men.

Also tell your woman that its ok for her to continue being this girl's friend if she wants to but its also perfectly ok to stop being friends with her if her abusive lifestyle is making your girl too depressed.

Your girl might then respond with oh no that would be selfish of me!

Then you say to her...wouldn't it equally be selfish of your friend to expect you to be around her while she actively chooses to self destruct?

This situation is very much like someone whose about to commit suicide with a shotgun or razorblades in a bathtub asking another person to come sit and watch them die.

Tell your girl that if staying her friend and seeing the abuse she goes through is too traumatic for her its perfectly alright for her to pull the plug on the friendship until her friend goes and gets help and that this tough love approach may be the wake up call that her friend desperately needs.

good stuff man. if she brings this up again (which she def. will) i'm going to mention this

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Tell your girl that if staying her friend and seeing the abuse she goes through is too traumatic for her its perfectly alright for her to pull the plug on the friendship until her friend goes and gets help and that this tough love approach may be the wake up call that her friend desperately needs.

Tough love may work in some cases, but it can make the problem worse too. Often abusers will isolate their partner from their friends, family, etc. They will lose this support system, and it will make it even more difficult for them to leave because they have nobody to talk to about it and because they feel as though this man or woman is all they have.

 

[mikel]

Theres alot of resources for situations like that. Where I live there's billboards, flyers, poster in every government building and in most churches, problem with domestic violence is that a party in the relationship has to really "want" to do something about it. And if you or your girl get involved, I would say it will end up with the her bestfriend picking her abusive boyfriend over your girl and you. So, my best advice is to maybe tell her to do something about it, or dont cry about it anymore. You making her do something about it wont help.

Another thing to consider. I dont want to sound like a total ass, alot of girls that I've met in the past will fake **** like that for attention. Just another thing to consider.

Stay out of it, the worse it gets the more she will want to get help on her OWN and thats the only way she will ever get out of it. It's sad that men still do that, It really makes me feel bad to read things like this.

Good luck man.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Tough love may work in some cases, but it can make the problem worse too. Often abusers will isolate their partner from their friends, family, etc. They will lose this support system, and it will make it even more difficult for them to leave because they have nobody to talk to about it and because they feel as though this man or woman is all they have."

Good point bucketoftruth but I gave the advice I did from the perspective of trying to get this guy and his girl to not waste anymore time on this girl than they have to.

Usually these sad cases that are in love with abusers are too far gone with their own mental illness to ever be saved or even want to be saved anyway and its not fair to usscrum or his girl to be put into the therapist role and pull this girl out of her own ditch.

In anycase to add one extra piece of advice to this topic usscrum if your girl is really adamant about helping her friend out of this your girl could go to a therapist with the girl's family or by herself and figure out a way to organize an intervention.

Thats where everyone in the Stockholm Syndrome girl's life basically invites her to a place and then ambushes her in the sense that they are all forcing her to confront the big problem in her life that could lead to her losing her life, they tell her what she means to them ie how important she is to them and how much they care about her and don't want to lose her and how her abusive lifestyle has affected them negatively not to mention how it has affected her negatively, then they let her speak her own mind and feelings what have you and then they all try and come up with some kind of solution.

If the intervention and anything else perhaps more reasonable fails your girls best option is to forget about her friend and stop wasting her life on trying to fix her friend.

You can only do so much for people without ruining yourself in the process.

"Another thing to consider. I dont want to sound like a total ass, alot of girls that I've met in the past will fake **** like that for attention. Just another thing to consider."

This is a very good point to keep in mind as well before anything else.

Wait a while and find out whether she is bullsh!tting with the whole thing for attention or not.

 

[Robert28]

the REAL question is what are you going to do when this pu$$y does this sh*t in front of you and your girl. or does he not hit her in front of other people?

 

[KontrollerX]

the REAL question is what are you going to do when this pu$$y does this sh*t in front of you and your girl. or does he not hit her in front of other people?

Hopefully you're not implying he try and play the noble knight and stop the guy from hitting the girl?

Thats not his job.

Thats the job of the police after the girl decides she doesn't want to be a punching bag anymore.

Though if she screams: "help! help me!!" and usscrum wants to give her man a beat down in order to save her from further harm that would be ok as she then asked for help but I mean anything else is just putting a band aid on a gunshot wound.

I don't like the kind of situation that could lead to this and I wouldn't associate with a girl that keeps a friend like this in her life in the first place but yeah usscrum asked us for advice so I'm just saying what he could do.

I probably wouldn't even help the b!tch out if she was screaming for my help as I'm not trained for that sort of police work.

I would dial 911 though and maybe go yell for help for someone in that situation but I'm not about to get my hands dirty with some sh!t they got themselves into to begin with.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

KX is right, it's best not to get yourself involved in that way.
If you step in, you either get your ass kicked or you kick his ass. Either way, it doesn't accomplish much. If you don't get your ass beat, then he will, but then later he'll probably just take it out on her even more.