Help reading body language?

[johnny_dangerously]

Gentlemen,

I'm a noob, but learning fast (3 dates this upcoming week) thanks to Doc Love & the DJ Newsletter. I, like most hackers, am slightly autistic & therefore have to study body language like an American studying Mandarin Chinese, and I would be grateful if anyone could help clear something up for me.

On the b*lls of steel web site, Dr. Steele has some body language videos, but he only discusses the clearest, most extreme cases (woman is *very* smitten, or woman hates your guts). I'm having trouble reading the ambiguous cases.

Here's an example: I walk into a cafe, dressed nice, swaggering a little. Woman looks up at me from her laptop and I smile. She does a double-take (good), but breaks eye contact by scanning horizontally (back to the laptop) instead of looking down (bad). I get my coffee, come back & make a joke, but no smile, no laugh, no response (bad). She doesn't touch her hair (bad).

This is mostly bad stuff, except for the initial double-take. Most real-life body language is mixed and ambiguous, not cut-and-dried like the books demonstrate.

Now, one of two things could be happening: (1) She is not into me at all and only did the double-take because her eyes registered motion, or (2) she's *so* interested that she's a nervous wreck.

How would you senior DJs approach? Should I have persisted after the first attempt at contact fell flat? How do you read this?

Thanks in advance for your help,
Johnny Dangerously

 

[Smooth Player 056]

Ok i can tell ur a noob. Thats okay though, your reading way too much into this.....she could dig u or she might not......Most of us would just go for it, whats the worst that could happen, "no"

 

[Brian20o2]

Originally posted by Smooth Player 056
whats the worst that could happen, "no"

Exactly ur already at the worst case senario. you have no # ect. go and have fun with it. she doesnt like you, who cares!? her loss

 

[johnny_dangerously]

Yes, that's true... I *am* already at the worst-case scenario, you're right. I must work on my "who cares," I'm still too attached to the outcome. Thanks for bottom-lining it for me. Trying to read body language at that level of detail is (a) impossible, (b) unnecessary.

 

[catch]

hey jonny mate...

just so that you know... one in ten GIRLS WILL LIKE YOU if you smile while talking to them.. it has to be a genuine smile though... a cheeky, cheesy, warm or any kind of SMILE... if she thinks it real then it works...

so one in ten girls huh, thats 10 in 100 girls that will say yes... man i can talk to ten girls, and i can smile at ten girls...

this should be easy its the law of averages...!!!!

WHOA....!!!!! that means i might have to take nine no's before i get a yes... can i smile at nine girls that i know will say no? some nice about it, some bychas about it... man.. all for just one yes....

HOLY SH***T.... ten in a hundred... thats 90 nos...
90 ****ING NOS....!!!!!!!
and then 10 yes's... hmmmmm..

MAN IF YOU WANT A GIRL THEN YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO PEOPLE SAYING NO......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[So pimp its scary]

JD, here's the problem with discussing body language using text :
Most of the time with something in body language, the same movement can have two meanings if there are other cues going on at the same time.

Here's the best example :

- I had the girl laughing at pretty much everything I said, then I asked her out, she laughed and said no.

The thing that the person didn't notice was probly that the laughter was nervous laughter.

So, what I recommend to you, is watch a few movies with the sound off. Then watch a couple movies with only the sound. Do this a few times, and you'll start to catch more and more of the BL cues, and VT (voice tone) cues and what they mean individually and in groups.

You're gonna have to learn this one from experience otherwise, which comes mostly from good judgement... good judgement mostly coming from bad judgements, so go out there and make some bad judgements.