Help Please - need to get rid of BPD girl

[rastapasta]

Hello-

First thank god for this forum, I had no idea BPD people existed until I came upon this site and it spelled everything out clearly. A month ago I met a girl, she sucked me in with the typical BPD behavior and I was a typical AFC.

She got me a puppy for Valentines day even though my dog had passed on a week before. I told her I didn't want it and now she uses it as some kind of tool to try to manipulate and threaten and control me. She had an anger episode Friday and that is when I realized something was seriously wrong, and came upon this forum. I waited for her next episode (via text) and then said please never contact me again and that if she brings me the dog I will take it to a rescue. She sent me more angry messages this evening and but since yesterday I have been no contact. Thing is since I initially trusted her I told her a lot of person things about me that I feel could be a liability. She is already making threats.

How do I proceed? Continued no contact and change my number? Do i msg back and explain that I don't think she is a bad person but I believe she has serious mental issues and never contact me again? I need help here dudes I have never encountered this before and to be honest I'm scared sh*tless by crazy, I don't even feel safe in my own home now.

I feel bad for her but want absolutely nothing to do with her and I want her to go away forever. Do I straight call her out on BPD? Thanks in advance for advice!!

:cuss:

 

[Cremasta]

Hi Rastapasta,

Sorry to hear that you've dug yourself a hole here.

With regard to those personal things that you told her. Is it something that you could get out in the open with the people concerned before she does?
Are we talking life changing liabilities, or something that people would get over eventually?
Does she really have the capacity to deliver on those threats?
If you short-circuited those threats from her, then she becomes powerless.

Take the dog though would you? Don't leave the poor thing with a psycho like her!

 

[rastapasta]

Creamasta- thank you for the response. I could bring those things out in the open and then make a decision with those others involved from there whether things should remain the same or if I should remove all liabilities from my life. I do believe she has the potential to deliver on certain threats, but I am still hesitant to make any preemptive moves and flip up my whole life. I am praying she moves on.

I just went for a walk and have devised this plan:
1. No Contact
2. Change Number (if contact persists tomorrow)
3. Wait - for any indication threats will continue or materialize
4. Eliminate all liabilities
5. If threats/contact continue I can then utilize things like legal system, restraining orders, contact her parents, etc. I am praying it doesn't get to this

6. Profit??!?

haha if I couldn't laugh I would cry right now. Either way I plan to stick with no contact. I still have a few things of hers here (blanket pillow, etc) and I want to throw them out not drop them off. As for the dog, yes I feel very very sad for it. I did try to have her give it to me then I realized she would probably use it as some tool to hoover. Again I want to stay no contact but maybe if I take the dog and give it to a good rescue or home that will finally be closure? I think not tho haha.

I can't even believe I let this happen to me....wtf was I thinking?! Thanks again :crazy:

 

[rastapasta]

Gentlemen:

After (barely) sleeping I'm feeling a little bit better. My plan is to stay NC with this crazy b*itch no matter what she does, and change my number if I hear from her again. That way I cannot let her threats and words effect me. Everything else I figure is out of my control, so if she does end up going ballistic and doing things to try and ruin my life I'll just have to take those as they come.

I'm just curious though, from other experiences how far a short term BPD might go. Like I said, we only had been seeing eachother few times a week for about the last month. We messed around and I gave her a finger but I never did her (thank god for my man-instinct that night something told me no and I denied her). I did tell her I loved her a few times. So from your experience do you think she might vanish with NC in a relatively short time frame? I know she was about to move back home (to other side of the country) within a few weeks. I almost let this crazy move in with me lol!!! Counting my blessings now. Thanks again.

 

[Uncharted]

Oh man I feel really bad for that puppy.

 

[rastapasta]

Yes, I feel bad for the puppy as well, I don't think she has the capacity to hurt it unless she is really sick but really who knows. She can't stay in the same apt with that puppy so hopefully she'll pack up and take it home to her parents like she was saying she would.

As for labeling her, I don't care what her real diagnosis is. She's obviously a sick b*tch.

Fortunately no contact so far today, although I have a strong feeling she will until/before she leaves (if that plan was even true). The biggest reason I am so frustrated is because I am letting all these threats and stuff get to me, but I know this is just part of her sick game to evoke any kind of reaction from me. So even if she sends me a msg saying she carried out some threat I am just going to be NC and sit tight.

 

[rastapasta]

Ok, so I have been strictly NC with bpd-girl since Saturday, but I'd like a little advice. She HAS still been messaging me almost daily or every other day although the threatening ones stopped and now it is more blaming me for other stuff and using the puppy as a control tool. I don't even care at this point because I don't think she'll do anything to me now. Now she says her parents told her she can't bring the puppy home with her (across the country). If I take it I am just going to either find it a good home or take it to a no-kill rescue.

I really want to maintain NC but I do feel real bad the dog is with the psycho. But on the other hand, there are hundreds if not thousands of dogs in this city that need a good home, I can't really be bothered with this one since I feel I need to maintain NC. I even think if I told her I would take it but find it a new home then she would probably go off again calling me **** and saying how selfish (not that I care) but then she'll say f-you I am not giving it to you.

So I think it is best for me to stay NC and let the dog be in god's hands lol. I did find her post on craigslist trying to find the dog a new home and it is pretty obvious by the post that she has no idea what she is doing (and also that she is a crazy beotch). Any advice?

When I have more time this weekend I plan to update this thread to include all the red flags I should have seen and also a few of these 'gem' text messages.

 

[Vidrio]

Ok, so I have been strictly NC with bpd-girl since Saturday, but I'd like a little advice. She HAS still been messaging me almost daily or every other day although the threatening ones stopped and now it is more blaming me for other stuff and using the puppy as a control tool. I don't even care at this point because I don't think she'll do anything to me now. Now she says her parents told her she can't bring the puppy home with her (across the country). If I take it I am just going to either find it a good home or take it to a no-kill rescue.

I really want to maintain NC but I do feel real bad the dog is with the psycho. But on the other hand, there are hundreds if not thousands of dogs in this city that need a good home, I can't really be bothered with this one since I feel I need to maintain NC. I even think if I told her I would take it but find it a new home then she would probably go off again calling me **** and saying how selfish (not that I care) but then she'll say f-you I am not giving it to you.

So I think it is best for me to stay NC and let the dog be in god's hands lol. I did find her post on craigslist trying to find the dog a new home and it is pretty obvious by the post that she has no idea what she is doing (and also that she is a crazy beotch). Any advice?

When I have more time this weekend I plan to update this thread to include all the red flags I should have seen and also a few of these 'gem' text messages.

Stop reading her messages. Delete them as soon as you get them without reading them. As for the dog, that's her responsibility.

 

[Larry Lurex]

She may be crazy, but not BPD.

If you have been going out with a BPD, You'd actually look forward to receiving her texts.

 

[JohnChops]

have fun. BPD girls are like leeches.

 

[rastapasta]

Is it ok to break no contact just to say please don't contact me anymore? This one is relentless. I am going to change my number tonight. I know that will set her off but maybe she'll get a f-in clue?

 

[JohnChops]

Is it ok to break no contact just to say please don't contact me anymore? This one is relentless. I am going to change my number tonight. I know that will set her off but maybe she'll get a f-in clue?

NO. The point of NC is NO CONTACT!

 

[rastapasta]

You're right.. So I blocked her number. Then she just came over while I was eating dinner. Fortunately she didn't enter the gate. I walked out and told her repeatedly - " It is not OK for you to come here uninvited". And "I don't feel comfortable around you, it is not OK for you to come here uninvited"

She looked upset but didn't seem to go ape****. She turned around and left and I said goodbye. So did she accomplish recreating her abandonment and now I am painted black forever?

This **** seriously sucks.

 

[SgtSplacker]

The way I deal with people like this is not to give them any reason to get pissed while pushing them away. If she calls, pick up but try not to satisfy the reason she called and just tell her you are busy. If she comes over uninvited, go ahead and see her outside but tell her you are not ready for guests and go back inside immediately. If she texts you, reply but keep things short and tell her you are busy. If she says she needs to talk or see you, tell her that you do not want to lead her on by seeing her.

You have to be boring to her and not satisfy the hunger for drama she is trying to fulfill by contacting you. Keep this going long enough and she will find another soul to torture eventually. Don't think for a second that she will not purposefully try to provoke a reaction form you for her to then use the info she has against you. Just keep playing it smart and she will move on.

 

[Kbomb]

The way I deal with people like this is not to give them any reason to get pissed while pushing them away. If she calls, pick up but try not to satisfy the reason she called and just tell her you are busy. If she comes over uninvited, go ahead and see her outside but tell her you are not ready for guests and go back inside immediately. If she texts you, reply but keep things short and tell her you are busy. If she says she needs to talk or see you, tell her that you do not want to lead her on by seeing her.

You have to be boring to her and not satisfy the hunger for drama she is trying to fulfill by contacting you. Keep this going long enough and she will find another soul to torture eventually. Don't think for a second that she will not purposefully try to provoke a reaction form you for her to then use the info she has against you. Just keep playing it smart and she will move on.

This is pretty good. I will add that ultimately she is seeking that drama from you. Be boring. Be the ultimate non-reactive person you can be. Bore her til she leaves you alone. Give her no room for any sort of justifiable mal intent towards you. Sling blade it.

"hm huh, I like mashed pataters"

 

[rastapasta]

Thanks for the advice guys. After she left she sent me an email (must know # is blocked now) and asked me to bring her blanket back since her grandma gave it to her. I had actually already thrown it in the trash, but I went and dug it out and dropped it in front of her apt like she asked and sent a text from my google # that I dropped it off (within 32 minutes of her request). Then at 4am I got 5 texts to the google number, more threats and guilt trip and she said she just woke up and the blanket was stolen (so of course my fault), not that I believe that even though she lives in a ****hole.

So back to strictly no contact, I figure it doesn't get more boring than that, which is why she showed up to my place. I also now deactivated my google # and setup canned response and filtering for her email. I need to stop reading her messages because it is having an effect on my sleep and emotional well being. If she shows up again, I will play it just as you advised above. I think I definitely appeared nervous when she came over unannounced last night, but next time I will smile and say "i'm not having visitors right now" and go inside and close the door. What is the best option if she actually trespasses (ie. comes inside the gate, or my apartment) on my property? Is it OK to call the cops then or will I just be feeding the need for drama more? I usually don't like call police on people unless it is a last resort, but I fear I might have to do that. Also I live in a very affluent neighborhood and I think the police will understand we are dealing with a crazy person, since I have every message documented and have told several people about this experience.

I've also considered going covert ops on this psycho and pulling a reverse catfish, since it seems to be consensus that she needs to get bored with me and move on to the next victim. By reverse catfish I mean setting up a fake profile on the site she contacted me on, getting a prepaid phone for texting and feed her drama from that end so she leaves me alone. Maybe I can setup a date in the nicest part of south central That would be a lot of work, but like I said I just want to be left alone.

 

[rastapasta]

I also wanted to update this thread to include all the red flags I missed in case someone comes up on this in the future, meant to do it this weekend but I had a car accident and **** was crazy. I know I shouldn't try labeling her as BPD, but I swear she fits it to a T.

Red Flags:

1) Online profile was very vague but happy, not a lot of pictures. Described herself as different from the 'norm'. I'm done with online forever so I won't look for this one again.

2) Invited me in to her place on first date (I picked her up). Her place was messy, in a crappy part of town and almost looked like a little kids room, she had heart stickers and random childish things on her walls.

3) Extremely Spiritual - talks about meditation, karma, channeling, psychic crap, twin flames, etc. Also has a job 'helping people'. She called herself spiritual life coach but basically admitted she talks on the phone to lonely old women who pay her by the minute (like Ms. Cleo)

4) Experiences emotions to great degrees and within short time frames, when negative emotions surface she is unable to communicate them like an adult, never accepts responsibility for her actions. She can go off on you until you back away then will come back 10 minutes later and appear apologetic and lovey dovey. Blames you for everything, always has some excuse or drama. Acts on impulse more often than not.

5) No real friends. Talks about friends, but you've never met them. She also at one point said to me "I just want some friends". Also if she talks about 'friends' who abandoned her recently. My fault here was just thinking that she didn't have any friends because she moved to the city within the last year.

6) Constant recreation of abandonment. I think this is actually a hoover technique aside from a key component of her mental illness. For my example, she would constantly talk about moving back to her home state, especially when I thought things were 'good'. Unfortunately this led me to create scenarios where I would directly or indirectly tell her that was not her only option. Right to the point I said she could stay with me at one point. Also, after going total ghost, has to come over to try and create drama or get me to try and 'reject' her.

7) Maybe I am just repeating #5 here, but will always say anything they can to draw out an emotional response or drama from you, including direct or vague threats of harm. The best is no response or canned generic response. I already always delt with childish people like this, but because I am not used to being actually threatened it makes it more difficult to remain cool.

8) Lastly, directly or indirectly mentions any pharmaceuticals in conversation (ie. Xanax, Prozak, Wellbutrin, or any other psych meds). She only mentioned Xanax when talking about her brother to me, but then there were hints she also takes it occasionally (but probably a lot). If people talk about it in any casual way aside from making fun of them or because a commercial just came on I would personally run the other way now, because people on drugs talk about them a lot.

Don't be a fool, stay in school. Keep in mind I've only known this psycho for a month. I just knew something was not right and by some miracle found this forum, otherwise you could expect my post to talk about how I was hoovered in and 4 years later my life ruined.

Thanks again for all your support guys! Sometimes I feel like I don't want to turn to my friends with this drama, and also some of my closest friends have been out of town a lot during the last month so it's been hard.

 

[goundra]

it may seem wussy, but it wouldn't hurt to file a police report. then if she starts some crazy stuff, it's on record and might make your case stronger. if it gets WAY too serious, all you can LEGALLY do is move away. Personally, i'd come back, in a year, and even the score, with a ski mask on, but that's just me.