Help! Need some solid advice here.

[Aristo511]

First off, I want to thank you guys for reading this!

So the skinny is. I made a move on a girl that works in my building. We do not work directly together. She and I both used to work on the 3rd floor, but I recently got moved to the 1st floor. Anyway...

Her and I got a long really well! So one day she asked to see my phone and I told her as long as she puts her number in there. She did and we have been talking a lot. Once I moved down to the 1st floor I decided it was time to ask her out. She said she would love to but she was busy with working on a new product. She is a programmer. I said that is fine let me know when you get some free time. So a week later we ended up going out.

So went to pick her up at her place. We had a nice dinner. Talked about previous relationships, Funny stories, and families... Typical dinner date. Made it a little bit of an early night seeing as we both have to work early next day. Walked her to the door, didn't make a move. First date and I didn't read anything that I should escalate. She told me that she had a great time and I told her the same. I said I would like to try this again. She said the same. This happened on Thursday night.

She said she would be out of town this weekend. She was going to see her Mom and her sisters. I told her to have a great time. Then she gave me a call about 7:30 last night and says the following. "I really had a great time the other night, but I think we are on totally different wave lengths. I am looking for a long term relationship and I get the impression based on our conversation that you aren't." My reply, "Not sure why you would think that and hope I didn't convey that to you, but that is the complete opposite of what I was thinking." "I'm not sure if there is anything I could say to change your mind, but if that is the way you feel. I cant do anything about it." She said, "Yup." I said, "Ok I appreciate you being honest. Have a good night." She said, "you too."

Now, how can everything be going right.. and then get an answer like that? Did I miss something here? A girlfriend of mine told me that I look like a total player and some of the things that I have said in text messages make me sound like a player. I really hope that isn't the case. Now, I have been down this road before. I know that I don't have to give a rat a$$ about this and find me another one. But, I do actually like this girl. I actually connected with her and hanging out with her was just.... easy. With the other ladies it felt like work. Just not sure how to approach this. In my mind, I give it one more try and see if I can change her impression of me. If not, then I move on.

Just curious to what the other DJ's have to say. Thanks again brothers!

 

[Aristo511]

Oh and my girlfriend also said that I might be too good to be true? That looks can be deceiving and that she probably got scared? Does this make sense to anyone after that date?

 

[Uncharted]

Good one. I would probably ignore her for a week or two, then call her up and ask her out. Don't be passive "what are you doing". Say something like "hey meet me for drinks tonight" or whenever the day you want to hang out.

If she declines without a reschedule then next.

 

[Aristo511]

Good one. I would probably ignore her for a week or two, then call her up and ask her out. Don't be passive "what are you doing". Say something like "hey meet me for drinks tonight" or whenever the day you want to hang out.

If she declines without a reschedule then next.

Thanks man! I appreciate the response.

Any other brothers got some advice for me? I am confused as hell! :crazy:

 

[Aristo511]

Sorry for bumping this, but I am trying to understand if I might have missed something or get some insight from anyone that may have run into the same above. It would be really appreciated if I could get more insight here.

 

[GotED?]

Does this woman you are talking about has a 'nice girl' complex??

My current GF did the same thing to me; pretty much gave me the boot on the 2nd date and later after we been months together she tells me that she thought I was a 'player' and got really scared (scared of being hurt and played).

Back then I gave her the boot in the arse back and told her that I will never contact her again and good luck on figuring out her feelings. I told her straight out that I know what I was getting from her (high interest) and when she realizes what she missed out on, it will be too late.

She spent the next few days in agony and actually crying, then finally texted me after 2 days (weekend) to ask me for a date.

Some women don't know what they want; I believe women are overall confused 90% of their life. Most are still little girls in an adult body, afraid of taking risks especially men who appear to be intimidating or beyond what they are used to (AFCs).

You have to MAKE a woman's feelings CLEAR. Sometimes the only way to do this is to walk away (NC) and let her figure it out. Meanwhile, date other women and if it is meant to be, she will come back to you with even more passion.

Worst thing you can do is to be an orbiter, no man has earned a woman's respect or her wanting you badly by doing so. Walk away if she can't play in your FRAME. If she doesn't show further interest, she just used you for attention (wh0ring) and her being lonely at the time.

Good luck.

Exodus

 

[SgtSplacker]

Sounds like a BS "i'm scared" excuse is what she is giving you. Screw that dude keep asking her out! If she starts talking about relationships tell her to slow down that you enjoy her company and are still getting to know her, WTF.

#1 Do not let her believe at any time, that as long as she agrees that you will have a relationship with her. Make her work for it despite her insecurities or your willingness. MAKE HER WORK FOR THAT WHICH SHE IS RUNNING FROM (your diick)!

#2 Do not let her put you in the typical "dude that want's to bang me" category. It's about more than that, don't let her belittle you like that. Do not accept the stereo type. Get mad at her next time she tries to pull that one on you. Tell her she is just using you for free meals. When she gets mad, explain to her that she is doing the very same thing to you by suggesting you are a player.

While we all pride ourselves on our game and aspire to be a true DJ. There exists a stereo type among women that a DJ is a mindless phallus seeking anything warm and wet to reside in. You need to dispel this way of thinking in her and show her you are more than that.

You may notice an aire of aggression and anger in my post this is because she is trying you and you have to make her understand that you do not fit into one of her little boxes. You have to make her understand that you do care about her and what she thinks, and that you have feelings too that can be offended.

 

[Aristo511]

Does this woman you are talking about has a 'nice girl' complex??

My current GF did the same thing to me; pretty much gave me the boot on the 2nd date and later after we been months together she tells me that she thought I was a 'player' and got really scared (scared of being hurt and played).

Back then I gave her the boot in the arse back and told her that I will never contact her again and good luck on figuring out her feelings. I told her straight out that I know what I was getting from her (high interest) and when she realizes what she missed out on, it will be too late.

She spent the next few days in agony and actually crying, then finally texted me after 2 days (weekend) to ask me for a date.

Some women don't know what they want; I believe women are overall confused 90% of their life. Most are still little girls in an adult body, afraid of taking risks especially men who appear to be intimidating or beyond what they are used to (AFCs).

You have to MAKE a woman's feelings CLEAR. Sometimes the only way to do this is to walk away (NC) and let her figure it out. Meanwhile, date other women and if it is meant to be, she will come back to you with even more passion.

Worst thing you can do is to be an orbiter, no man has earned a woman's respect or her wanting you badly by doing so. Walk away if she can't play in your FRAME. If she doesn't show further interest, she just used you for attention (wh0ring) and her being lonely at the time.

Good luck.

Exodus

Uncharted had the right idea. I think I was looking for more in depth explanation and I appreciate you telling me your story GotED. I figured that I would need to get a clear and concise answer from her. Because the one she gave sounded like someone afraid. I couldn't get one from her at the time, but at the same time I didn't fight for one. Didn't want to deal with the bull$hit.

To answer your question. Yes, 'Nice Girl' complex and at the time I was under the impression it was a game and come to find out... That is who she actually is. I know there is high interest. I got all the symptoms. Couldn't believe all that had to happen is for her to see her Mom and sisters... Then next thing you know. Different person. Just odd.

I have already put the 'NC' into affect. I noticed her in the hallway and she is still staring. Anyway, I will let it be. I have a couple more things I would like to try and see if they work. But in the meantime. I will let the pan simmer.

Thanks!

 

[Aristo511]

Sounds like a BS "i'm scared" excuse is what she is giving you. Screw that dude keep asking her out! If she starts talking about relationships tell her to slow down that you enjoy her company and are still getting to know her, WTF.

#1 Do not let her believe at any time, that as long as she agrees that you will have a relationship with her. Make her work for it despite her insecurities or your willingness. MAKE HER WORK FOR THAT WHICH SHE IS RUNNING FROM (your diick)!

#2 Do not let her put you in the typical "dude that want's to bang me" category. It's about more than that, don't let her belittle you like that. Do not accept the stereo type. Get mad at her next time she tries to pull that one on you. Tell her she is just using you for free meals. When she gets mad, explain to her that is is doing the very same thing to you by suggesting you are a player.

While we all pride ourselves on our game and aspire to be a true DJ. There exists a stereo type among women that a DJ is a mindless phallus seeking anything warm and wet to reside in. You need to dispel this way of thinking in her and show her you are more than that.

You may notice an aire of aggression and anger in my post this is because she is trying you and you have to make her understand that you do not fit into one of her little boxes. You have to make her understand that you do care about her and what she thinks, and that you have feelings too that can be offended.

Dude, that is an awesome post man! I totally appreciate it and feel like DJ's can be misrepresented. I hope others see your post and know that this is how DJ's should be represented. I truly try to follow this code. I'm not in it simply for one thing. Im looking for the package and if you cant believe me. Its my duty to show you. Thanks for this again!

 

[GotED?]

Couldn't believe all that had to happen is for her to see her Mom and sisters... Then next thing you know. Different person. Just odd.

My goodness, this is almost a carbon copy of what my current GF did.

Here is what happened - 'nice girls' are EASILY influenced by what other people say to them and 'advices' coming from a hundred directions. Some very feminine and 'nice girls' can't make a decision for themselves until they are influenced by other people's opinions (which is sad state to say but decision making is a masculine energy).

My GF was persuaded by her wh0ring feminist co-workers at work to 'watch out for guys like me who treat her too well on the first few dates' BECAUSE all men want is sex. She pretty much got brainwashed into a state of fear that all I was = PLAYER.

This is what your girl is doing as well, being brainwashed by mom and sister. You will just have to back off after you let her know your intentions are not such (though later!) and walk away to make her MISS you.

Good luck.

Exodus

 

[Aristo511]

My goodness, this is almost a carbon copy of what my current GF did.

Here is what happened - 'nice girls' are EASILY influenced by what other people say to them and 'advices' coming from a hundred directions. Some very feminine and 'nice girls' can't make a decision for themselves until they are influenced by other people's opinions (which is sad state to say but decision making is a masculine energy).

My GF was persuaded by her wh0ring feminist co-workers at work to 'watch out for guys like me who treat her too well on the first few dates' BECAUSE all men want is sex. She pretty much got brainwashed into a state of fear that all I was = PLAYER.

This is what your girl is doing as well, being brainwashed by mom and sister. You will just have to back off after you let her know your intentions are not such (though later!) and walk away to make her MISS you.

Good luck.

Exodus

Thanks so much for the information! It has helped me keep it straight in my head. I will keep what you have said in mind and then make the move.