Help! Need some advice about a potential drama-fest!!

[Slickster]

Hey guys I would really like to hear some opinions about what I should do here.

A good friend and I made the mistake of telling both of our wives some juicy gossip revealed to us by another good buddy of ours about 6 months ago.

Basically our buddy was bragging about some of his sexual conquests to us with a really hot girl we all know. Turns out this situation has evolved into some love triangles (maybe even quadrangles). Several of the people involved are divorcees, friends, and even siblings!

A pretty fvcked up situation all around. Over the past six months the friend and I who knew about this secret have learned that there are several other people around town who knew about these happenings with our buddy as well. So the secret was out but still hadn't come to the surface.

Anyhow my wife did something really stupid last weekend while talking with one of her girlfriends. She let the cat out of the bag and her girlfriend (who is the basically the town gossip) went and told another busy body chick and the two of them have spread the rumour. Who knows how far it's gone.

So I get a text from my guilty buddy last week saying "You didn't tell anybody about that stuff I told you did you?" I responded with "What stuff?" and at the time I had no clue what my wife had done. He responded with "good".

Over the past week I found out that my wife spilled the beans. We had a big fight about it. I was super pissed at her and I'm sure she feels pretty stupid but she hasn't exactly been sorry either. She figures it's my friends fault for doing something so stupid. I'm not very happy with her.

Anyhow I get another text just a few moments ago from my buddy. "We all need to get together for a drink so I can explain some things to you. Why you guys would say stuff I told you in confidence isn't cool and it goes way deeper than what I told you."

So I'm heading to an xmas party soon and will probably see this guy there and things could get ugly.

I'm not a guy who enjoys drama. This is going to be an awkward situation. I should never have said anything to my wife about this but wasn't expecting her to be so loose lipped. I've definitely learned my lesson there. There will probably be another big blow out with my wife and I'm not sure how to handle that.

Also what the heck can I say to this guy tonight? I feel like sh!t!!!

 

[Viagra4Soul]

A friend is someone who forgives you, even AFTER you make a mistake and betray confidences.

Stand up, be a man, admit exactly what you did, take the heat.

He'll be pissed, but he'll get over it. If you end up with a black eye, its no less than you deserve for being a womany gossip.

Oh, and stop blaming your wife - he's your friend and this was his secret for YOU to keep safe. You either should have done that (followed through) or said to him at the time that you would be unable to do so.

 

[L B]

Lesson learned at this point. I'll just be honest with the guy at this point. I would call the guy up and explain that you made the mistake of telling your wife and will never do it again. If he's a true friend, he'll forgive you this one time. As for the wife, no use giving her a hard time. Just remember there are certain things you don't tell the wife and certain things you don't tell the friends.

 

[disgustipated]

The above two replies have really gave me some insight on things. I was gonna say the same thing in regards to owning up to making a mistake and apologizing to your male friend.....guys can appreciate honesty and a true mistake and sincere apology. Interesting that a lot of women don't have this capacity and they're supposed to be the more nurturing of the sexes.

What I was gonna say regarding the wife was point out how ****ty it was of her not to be able to admit she made a mistake and is/was wrong. It's ok to be wrong and have to apologize when you **** up. But the other replies kinda highlight a flaw I have regarding handling women in that area, and a general lack of maturity/restraint.

I even had the though of phrasing something along the lines of this to the wife, "Ok it was my bad to even tell you in first place , but you do realize that this promotes me keeping things from you in the future, right? Is that the kind of thing you want". This would only cause more arguments and is needless when you just don't tell her stuff like this in the first place.

Man I got a long way to go.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Slickster,
One of the things I really watch out for in potential women is their ability to OWN their mistakes. I've dumped several chicks that just didn't get it. I even saw this character flaw with my last LTR. That said, I've learned that it's inherently female to throw flip the script. As in your wife tried blaming blabbing on your friends actions. That's never acceptable. What I do now is mitigate what I tell women. Bro's before Ho's even holds with LTR's and wives. They can't help they are wired that way. SO don't tell them things that you don't want rebroadcast.
Sucks, but thems the facts.
KC

 

[Colossus]

Bro's before Ho's even holds with LTR's and wives. They can't help they are wired that way. So don't tell them things that you don't want rebroadcast.

Slickster-

Your buddy told you his exploits in confidence---which is exactly what you did with your wife, right? You figure she's your wife and you can trust her. Well your wife figures she can trust whomever SHE told, and the cascade goes on from there. There is no such thing as a secret once it has been shared.

Some things are just too juicy to be kept to yourself. It's human nature. Your buddy was actually in error by telling you guys and expecting you not to tell your wives. Then YOU were in error by telling your wives and expecting they wouldn't share it with on of their friends; and now the cat's out of the bag. Problem is, like KC said, the wives will flip the script and make you guys look like the assh0les, when really everyone is kind of at fault.

So you betrayed your buddy's trust, which sucks, but your wives also betrayed yours...although this is less surprising because it was a juicy social nugget.

He has a right to be p!ssed, and you should do the stand-up thing and take your berating. When you're wrong you're wrong.


I always try to remind myself that anything I share with a buddy is potentially going to get shared with his wife or gf...especially if mutual friends are involved. I agree with KC---there are some things better left unsaid with your wife or LTR.

 

[Slickster]

Hey guys thanks for the responses.

Some weird twists going on here.

So after I made the original post last night (and before any responses) I ended up texting him back. All I said was "Wtf. What happened?" He wasn't at the party so I never saw him last night.

This morning I get a text from him explaining more. Apparently the juicy gossip about the love triangles isn't what the issue is at all. I guess there were many others who knew about this secret anyway. So a little bit of a false alarm there even though I do feel bad about telling my wife in the first place.

Anyhow, he had also told us some other stuff about a different girl that he was interested in. I guess there is some issue with her ex finding out there is something going on between them.

The good thing for me I guess is that I never spoke to anyone about this other girl. It was my other friend who had been loose lipped about that one.

So I'm kind of off the hook a little bit here. I do plan on speaking with him and apologizing though.

Gossip is so lame and I'd rather not know about these sorts of things anyway.


Once again, thanks everyone for the solid responses.

 

[Jitterbug]

A woman I know, in one rare moment of honesty, told me to never tell her anything I don't want the whole world to know, because she said gossiping is in her genes and she feels physically sick if she can't indulge in it. Since then, I only tell women things I want the whole world to know, while pretending that I don't.

I've also learned that there are people (men included) who get off on telling us their personal secrets then asking us not to tell anyone. I believe they know it will get out at some point and cause dramas, for that's precisely what they are after. Whenever one of them starts telling me a "secret" that has no direct impact on me, I'd refuse to play the game and change the conversation.