Help Me

[WillWork]

Ok So this site is about woman and self improvment. I have read many posts from people that hit bottom and you guys helped them. So here is my story.

I am 32 currently I am 349 lbs 6' 4".. I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day.I work a part time job and live at home still :-(.. I know what people will tell me is loose weight get a better job. The problem is I don't have any drive to do these things. I don't know why but I just don't. I am extremely depressed it gets worse at night for some reason.

I had the usual abusive childhood my dad beat the heII out of me whenever he could and always put me down. I have carried this with me all these years and can't shake them.

All these years I was happy with working my part time job and coming home and using the computer all night and once in a while I would go out with friends. Which I have seemed to of lost my only 2 friends for some reason.

I met a woman last year who told me she liked me hung out with me and told me so many things. So I go in to make a move and she shoots me down tells me that she changed her mind that she can't cheat afterall. So I don't know what to think wether she was telling the truth or she just made all of that up. I spent months and months analyzing what she said and what she did to me and I actually think it made something in my mind snap Because I can't think about nothing except this woman. I guess it was just the fact that she made me feel good for the first time in my life. It was pathetic I was as high as a kite last year just because she liked me. Now I know I just registered here today but I have been reading for years and I know "don't place your happeines on a woman" but I guess it just doesn't sink in or something.

So I notice this shy woman at work seems to like me or something and she makes it a point to stand near by me when I am outside. So that and a couple other things make me think she liked me so I decide that I am going to talk to her since she is shy and I pull everything I have in me and I just can't think of anything to say to her. SO I think well maybe tommorow. Then I am told that she quit. So that is taken away from me just like everything I get it is taken away from me. I get a job I like at work and it is taken away from me, I go places every week I like that is taken away from me. just everything good gets taken away from me !!!!!!

I value family and All my grandfathers have died. Then Both my grandmothers die within a week of each other. all my aunts uncles and cousins don't talk to us anymore. My dad won't even talk to me and my sister willn't talk to me only my Mom will talk to me and she doesn't even seem like she wants to be bothered with talking to me.

So In reality I guess it is no use to try to change anything because everything goes wrong anyway. But what have you guys done to get over all this shiat and get a woman and pull out of depression like this ?

 

[Hollowpoint]

I'm not going to analyse ALL your post but here is some quick and worthwhile advice.




Actually, working out, weights, cardio will release something called endorphins ( http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=endorphins ) that actually are mood-elevaters and make you feel GREAT!

Additionally, seeing your body develope more muscles, less fat and strength will give you great boosts in confidence.





You obviously know your problems and the solutions.......
So how about taking action on the solutions?
DUH? Yes? Ok? YEAH!


How about tomorrow. You wake up. It's a new day. All your past is gone. You start off with a clean slate. And.........GO!

 

[Hollowpoint]

And on a more realistic note:

STFU AND STOP WHINING. Your negative attitude is dragging everyone around you DOWN. Including yourself.


Now go take action and stop being a weakling.

 

[MindOverMatter]

I know what people will tell me is loose weight get a better job. The problem is I don't have any drive to do these things. I don't know why but I just don't. I am extremely depressed it gets worse at night for some reason.

The reason you don't have the drive is because you are not actually doing it, you are just thinking about doing it. You can think about this all you want, imagining you had a better life, or reanalyzing old memories until they become pleasant, but the fact is, your life is gonna stay the same. You are gonna stay in that crappy job, keep living at home, and keep wishing you had a girl by your side. Do you know what's gonna happen if you keep fanatasizing about this, without actually going out and making it happen? You're gonna wake up tommorow, and you will be 42, not 32, and still in the same boat. Is this what you want?

I'll tell you a secret. Successful people lack drive too from time to time, but instead of using it as an excuse like you're doing, they go out and do it anyway.

Whenever you don't feel like doing something, and you feel that lazyness kicking in, do it anyway. It's called willpower, and it will change your life.

How do you build willpower? You do it by depriving yourself of things that you like but don't need, and by doing things that you need but don't like. What do I mean by that?

1.) You smoke. It's a habit that makes you happy. Quit smoking. And I'm not telling you to quit smoking so you can avoid cancer, and all that other crap companies have been feeding you for years. Quit smoking so you can prove to yourself that you can do it.

2.) You are overweight. I take it you enjoy eating junk food, etc. Stop doing it. Go here: http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search/ and start watching what you eat. Whenever you feel like eating at a restaurant, go do some grocery shopping. Whenever you feel like ordering a pizza, go make a sandwich. Make it a goal for yourself not to eat bad food for the next 3 months. Not for the sake of getting in shape or losing weight. Do it so you can prove to yourself that you have what it takes to live 3 months without that crap. And once you make it without it for 3 months, try going without it for next 6 months.

Also, exercise. Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals in your brain that are related to the feeling of happyness. Late at night, when you feel depressed, go jog for 10 minutes, You will feel better. The next night, go jog for 12 minutes. Then the night after that, 14 minutes. Don't jog to get in shape, jog for the hell of it. Do it because you can.

3.) You are working a part time job at 32. It's time to start thinking about a career man. Think of what job would make you happy. Don't fantasize about getting that job. Instead, do some research. Find out what it takes to get that job. Think of 10 things that you can do/accomplish, that will guarantee you that job. Then go out and do them. Not for the sake of getting the job, but for the sake of doing them.

Are you starting to see a common pattern here? You do sh!t for the sake of doing it, and not worry about results. You eat healthy for the hell of it, not because you may or may not lose weight.

As for the women, I'm not gonna spoon feed it to you, you're gonna have to start at the bottom like everybody else who comes to these forums. Start reading the DJ Bible (http://sucs.org/~nicholas/djb/index.php) and start learning from it. Also read all those saved posts, and educate yourself. Then, start applying that knowledge.

 

[California Love]

Some mood-elevating tips:

-Buy fish oil tablets. Eat at least 3 a day. Great for the immune system.

-Drink green tea at least 1 time each day. They lower cortisol

-Occupy yourself with some work and hobbies that will leave little time for daydreaming and overanalyzing of past events.

-Do not pity yourself. Think about starving children across the globe or people with life-hindering disorders. A good place to start is www.ogrish.com . Anything that gets your mind off yourself and diverts your energy towards others in need is extremely helpful. Altruistic acts always benefit the giver the most.

 

[evolvingnerd]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
The reason you don't have the drive is because you are not actually doing it, you are just thinking about doing it. You can think about this all you want, imagining you had a better life, or reanalyzing old memories until they become pleasant, but the fact is, your life is gonna stay the same. You are gonna stay in that crappy job, keep living at home, and keep wishing you had a girl by your side. Do you know what's gonna happen if you keep fanatasizing about this, without actually going out and making it happen? You're gonna wake up tommorow, and you will be 42, not 32, and still in the same boat. Is this what you want?

I'll tell you a secret. Successful people lack drive too from time to time, but instead of using it as an excuse like you're doing, they go out and do it anyway.

Whenever you don't feel like doing something, and you feel that lazyness kicking in, do it anyway. It's called willpower, and it will change your life.

How do you build willpower? You do it by depriving yourself of things that you like but don't need, and by doing things that you need but don't like. What do I mean by that?

1.) You smoke. It's a habit that makes you happy. Quit smoking. And I'm not telling you to quit smoking so you can avoid cancer, and all that other crap companies have been feeding you for years. Quit smoking so you can prove to yourself that you can do it.

2.) You are overweight. I take it you enjoy eating junk food, etc. Stop doing it. Go here: http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search/ and start watching what you eat. Whenever you feel like eating at a restaurant, go do some grocery shopping. Whenever you feel like ordering a pizza, go make a sandwich. Make it a goal for yourself not to eat bad food for the next 3 months. Not for the sake of getting in shape or losing weight. Do it so you can prove to yourself that you have what it takes to live 3 months without that crap. And once you make it without it for 3 months, try going without it for next 6 months.

Also, exercise. Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals in your brain that are related to the feeling of happyness. Late at night, when you feel depressed, go jog for 10 minutes, You will feel better. The next night, go jog for 12 minutes. Then the night after that, 14 minutes. Don't jog to get in shape, jog for the hell of it. Do it because you can.

3.) You are working a part time job at 32. It's time to start thinking about a career man. Think of what job would make you happy. Don't fantasize about getting that job. Instead, do some research. Find out what it takes to get that job. Think of 10 things that you can do/accomplish, that will guarantee you that job. Then go out and do them. Not for the sake of getting the job, but for the sake of doing them.

Are you starting to see a common pattern here? You do sh!t for the sake of doing it, and not worry about results. You eat healthy for the hell of it, not because you may or may not lose weight.

As for the women, I'm not gonna spoon feed it to you, you're gonna have to start at the bottom like everybody else who comes to these forums. Start reading the DJ Bible (http://sucs.org/~nicholas/djb/index.php) and start learning from it. Also read all those saved posts, and educate yourself. Then, start applying that knowledge.

some very sound advice from "MindOverMatter"
haha...get it
his name reenforces his entire post

 

[CLOONEY]

I am not going to tell you to loose weight (even though we all know it makes us happier and healthier), because you ultimately wont do it.

You will be 40 in 8 years before you know it, still depressed, no wife, no life. Sitting at home winging.

Ultimately if you want to CHANGE the way you are and become not more than you can be but ALL that you can be, you have to make that thing "snap" in your mind. You have to want it. You have to just decide one day, I am going to loose the weight and become healthy, fit and enjoy my life for once. You know what you wanna do, you just gotta become a warrior and do what you gotta do.

Self pity will get you nowhere, except deeper into self pitty.

You dont wanna change? DONT. Sit in your chair for the rest of your life without experiencing what life is all about!

 

[evolvingnerd]

i just heard the crystal method remix for the fightclub song
sounds very inspiring
perhaps u wanna check it and the movie out
and i agree with clooney
u need to be snapped outter ur existence...a rude exogenous shock, a self realisation
peace mate, and all the best

 

[squirrels]

We could give you all kinds of pointers, but if you don't have the motivation to make yourself better, then NONE of it is going to do you any good.

If you've never seen Fight Club, I suggest that you watch it. Then watch it AGAIN and REALLY LISTEN to it with your eyes open.

Listen to me. You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he HATES you. This is not the worst thing that can happen...we don't NEED him. **** damnation, man, **** redemption. We are God's unwanted children...so BE it!!

It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.

Listen to the way you make yourself the victim: "This is taken away from me, that is taken away from me, my father beat me, I have no will power, etc, etc..." You're looking for the false relief of sympathy and comfort. You've never taken responsibility for ANYTHING in your life. I'm sorry your father beat you, but it looks like you took after him because you keep BEATING YOURSELF. It's time for you to grab hold of your balls and evolve.

Get up RIGHT NOW and take a few walks around the block. (What else do you have to do??) **** your comfortable, pathetic lifestyle and **** what anyone says. Just get up and do it. For once, get up and do something in your life that you can say, "this was MY action...my Father didn't do this, my girlfriend didn't do this, my boss didn't do this...this is MINE."

Start there.

None of us are chosen. Those of us who ARE chosen have chosen ourselves.