"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
help me
- Thread starter CapedCrusader08
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
The Inside Man
Master Don Juan
Hit the weights.
HIT THE WEIGHTS!
It has been proven to be just as or more effective than antidepressants.
You will lose the fat, gain definition and muscle, find confidence in being able to reach and break through goals, give you a hobby, make you feel better, give you more energy etc. If I could still lift heavy I would but I have had 4 surgeries from living my life to the extreme. Get out there and reclaim your manhood !
HIT THE WEIGHTS!
It has been proven to be just as or more effective than antidepressants.
You will lose the fat, gain definition and muscle, find confidence in being able to reach and break through goals, give you a hobby, make you feel better, give you more energy etc. If I could still lift heavy I would but I have had 4 surgeries from living my life to the extreme. Get out there and reclaim your manhood !
The Inside Man
Master Don Juan
and if you smoke weed, quit. you sound like a burnout, that **** kept me low and unmotivated for a while when I was younger.
46and2aheadofme
Don Juan
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Your biggest problem is relaying your problems to some kind of fate or force that is intentionally drawing you into a life full of depression and masturbation. I'd say the biggest thing your missing is the realization that you have made yourself the way you are. You are responsible for your loneliness. It's because you choose it. And then you post on here for some sense of fulfillment for the pity others give you. Then when someone tries to motivate you, you defend yourself with excuses about how life has thrown you nothing but sh1t. The only time I've seen you blame yourself is because of your "laziness", but even that implies that this is just the way you are and cannot help it. Keep in mind your life is this way because of nothing or no one but yourself. Of course there is no point telling you this, because it seems you have already made up your mind that you are not going to improve yourself. Why do you pretend you aren't content with your life when you have clearly made the conscious decision to keep it just the way it is?
milo
Don Juan
You have been conditioned since you were born to think you are the person you think you are right now, by your family, friends and society in general.
All the pain you feel right now, all your negative thoughts and emotions and behaviors have become a part of your identity, so you don't want to let go of that, because it would mean the death of an identity you have invested so many years in developing.
The thing to realize is that that is not you. You are not who you THINK you are. I'm not going to dwell to much into this right now because I'm really sleepy, but download and read this book: http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/ca801896-6930-49b1-92cb-1425ce9d1ec4/?action=forceDL
It's The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, all I'm saying to you came from there. It will help to break free from the identification with your mind. That book has had the biggest influence in who I am today, and still is what is helping to enjoy my life and not become trapped in my head.
Hell I'm even giving you the link to download it, you don't even have to go the bookstore to get it!
Oh and after that, hit the gym too
All the pain you feel right now, all your negative thoughts and emotions and behaviors have become a part of your identity, so you don't want to let go of that, because it would mean the death of an identity you have invested so many years in developing.
The thing to realize is that that is not you. You are not who you THINK you are. I'm not going to dwell to much into this right now because I'm really sleepy, but download and read this book: http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/ca801896-6930-49b1-92cb-1425ce9d1ec4/?action=forceDL
It's The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, all I'm saying to you came from there. It will help to break free from the identification with your mind. That book has had the biggest influence in who I am today, and still is what is helping to enjoy my life and not become trapped in my head.
Hell I'm even giving you the link to download it, you don't even have to go the bookstore to get it!
Oh and after that, hit the gym too
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
CapedCrusader08
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maybe I am just too boring,maybe I am not the exciting in demand guy that so effortlessly attracts women. I am way too in my head to where I am practically spaced out all the time,people notice it. It has to do with my own world view I guess,something I must change.
as for "Your biggest problem is relaying your problems to some kind of fate or force that is intentionally drawing you into a life full of depression and masturbation. I'd say the biggest thing your missing is the realization that you have made yourself the way you are. You are responsible for your loneliness. It's because you choose it. And then you post on here for some sense of fulfillment for the pity others give you. Then when someone tries to motivate you, you defend yourself with excuses about how life has thrown you nothing but sh1t. The only time I've seen you blame yourself is because of your "laziness", but even that implies that this is just the way you are and cannot help it. Keep in mind your life is this way because of nothing or no one but yourself. Of course there is no point telling you this, because it seems you have already made up your mind that you are not going to improve yourself. Why do you pretend you aren't content with your life when you have clearly made the conscious decision to keep it just the way it is?" that's just it, it's my own cycle.
as for "Your biggest problem is relaying your problems to some kind of fate or force that is intentionally drawing you into a life full of depression and masturbation. I'd say the biggest thing your missing is the realization that you have made yourself the way you are. You are responsible for your loneliness. It's because you choose it. And then you post on here for some sense of fulfillment for the pity others give you. Then when someone tries to motivate you, you defend yourself with excuses about how life has thrown you nothing but sh1t. The only time I've seen you blame yourself is because of your "laziness", but even that implies that this is just the way you are and cannot help it. Keep in mind your life is this way because of nothing or no one but yourself. Of course there is no point telling you this, because it seems you have already made up your mind that you are not going to improve yourself. Why do you pretend you aren't content with your life when you have clearly made the conscious decision to keep it just the way it is?" that's just it, it's my own cycle.
CapedCrusader08
Banned
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Well,I am going to start working out. Even though I sleep longer than I should,and have a hard time even getting up out of bed,usually not when I have to be at work though.
The center at all of this is depression/loneliness,which gives you a skewed worldview,and messes with you're head,in that you are the only one who feels this way. I realize what I have done wrong in many ways,one being seeing all the cooler people as being better off than me,like they had something I didn't. Plus the lack of social proof you say,and the idea of dhv. Thing is,I hate the idea of groups/cliques,I believe in freindship and all that,but the group mentality I never liked. I always saw people as followers,only cause they were trying to fit in,but it always bothered,esp they're behavior,esp some of it towards me.
I mean,I have felt this way for so long,breaking free of it seems hard. I am worried,what will happen when and if I do break free from it? I am going to call a therapist this week and set something up.
The center at all of this is depression/loneliness,which gives you a skewed worldview,and messes with you're head,in that you are the only one who feels this way. I realize what I have done wrong in many ways,one being seeing all the cooler people as being better off than me,like they had something I didn't. Plus the lack of social proof you say,and the idea of dhv. Thing is,I hate the idea of groups/cliques,I believe in freindship and all that,but the group mentality I never liked. I always saw people as followers,only cause they were trying to fit in,but it always bothered,esp they're behavior,esp some of it towards me.
I mean,I have felt this way for so long,breaking free of it seems hard. I am worried,what will happen when and if I do break free from it? I am going to call a therapist this week and set something up.
46and2aheadofme
Don Juan
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That's good, I feel that a therapist can do you so much more good than we can.
In regards to your annoyance with cliques and trying to fit in, I was this way at one point of my life too. In high school I made a point not to wear what anyone else was wearing. I didn't talk to anyone because I felt like everyone just wanted to be cool and this frustrated me.
I realized that this attitude stemmed from a superiority complex. Like in the book "Catcher and the Rye" I felt like everyone was just fake and didn't deserve my companionship because I was "authentic" and better. It was a cycle where I alienated myself from people based on my attitude towards them, and then got more pissed at people for causing me to alienate myself.
By the time I got to college I realized how much I needed to change. It was no longer worth it to me having this attitude because there was no way I was gonna let it ruin the best time of my life for me. After all, our relationships with others (family, friends, women, etc.) is the best thing we will ever experience in this life. Loneliness is the worst.
I started dressing "cool" like everyone else, but with my own little personal style. I started opening up to people and made an effort to try to be more social. I feel that I still have social anxiety, but my social skills are worlds above what they used to be. I am such a happier person now than I was in high school. This was all caused by my conscious effort to change myself. It was not easy, and I am still not at the point where I want to be but I know that I am closer than I was before. This gives me motivation to always be improving physically, mentally and socially.
For your sake I hope you reach that point where you just can't take it any more. It will be a point that motivates you to change yourself whether you believe in your ability to change or not.
In regards to your annoyance with cliques and trying to fit in, I was this way at one point of my life too. In high school I made a point not to wear what anyone else was wearing. I didn't talk to anyone because I felt like everyone just wanted to be cool and this frustrated me.
I realized that this attitude stemmed from a superiority complex. Like in the book "Catcher and the Rye" I felt like everyone was just fake and didn't deserve my companionship because I was "authentic" and better. It was a cycle where I alienated myself from people based on my attitude towards them, and then got more pissed at people for causing me to alienate myself.
By the time I got to college I realized how much I needed to change. It was no longer worth it to me having this attitude because there was no way I was gonna let it ruin the best time of my life for me. After all, our relationships with others (family, friends, women, etc.) is the best thing we will ever experience in this life. Loneliness is the worst.
I started dressing "cool" like everyone else, but with my own little personal style. I started opening up to people and made an effort to try to be more social. I feel that I still have social anxiety, but my social skills are worlds above what they used to be. I am such a happier person now than I was in high school. This was all caused by my conscious effort to change myself. It was not easy, and I am still not at the point where I want to be but I know that I am closer than I was before. This gives me motivation to always be improving physically, mentally and socially.
For your sake I hope you reach that point where you just can't take it any more. It will be a point that motivates you to change yourself whether you believe in your ability to change or not.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Good move.CapedCrusader08 said:
With each post that I've read in this thread, I could spend quite a bit of time pointing out where your problems are, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't see it or listen to it.
The truth is, you have to help yourself. Nobody here can do that for you. We can't force you to go to a therapist. We can't force you to go to the gym. Only YOU can do that, not those self-help books.
The sad part of this is, you are going to hit a wall one day...a bottom. And when you are there, in your lowest, most painful point ever, one of two things will happen:
1. You'll commit suicide (which dear god, I hope you don't even make this a consideration).
2. You'll take action.
I don't think you've faced enough pain yet to drive you to action (which is the real problem here and why this thread is full of people who are banging their head trying to help you). YOu haven't hurt enough. Because if you HAVE hurt enough, you wouldn't reason away all the advice you are given, you would be asking for specific steps on how to change your situation.
Bottom line: Don't change anything. Stay uncomfortably right where you are. In time the pain will force you to make some sort of move. When that day comes, completely un-rule out suicide and decide to improve yourself. Just keep that in your head. Keep that thought, tuck it in the back of your mind that some guy on a message board told you to not give up, but to take that first step out of hell.
You won't change overnight. It's going to be rough (and only get rougher each day you sit around and do nothing about your situation), but there's nothing we can do to help you until you want to help yourself.
And don't sit here and bull**** us. If you WANTED to help yourself, you would help yourself. You would try SOMETHING, even if you thought it was wrong. Until that day comes, though, ride it out. Don't change a thing and keep living a miserable, sorry excuse for a life. When you're ready to change, though, you'll know it.
CapedCrusader08
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Well,as for the post high school/college,I still feel the same way in regards to all of that. It's gotten to where I don't know if I am alienating myself,or people are alienating me. Social Skills is still a bit of a problem for me, looking back,I am shocked at some of the ways I acted when I was younger. So no wonder I had the problems I did growing up.
There never really was a high school to college transition for me,things panned out differently. Loneliness has been overwhelming for me. I feel I am still the person I was in high school,and this has caused the frustration. I am at the point where I can't take it anymore,but it has caused this anger/depression in me. I mean,what am I missing here?
Well then,point out where my problems are,point out to me what I am not seeing. I know I have to help myself,but I have even a hard time doing that.
I am at that low,painful point,I wake up every day feeling miserable. Well then,how much pain is too much? Maybe I am just causing my own suffering.
I feel like there is this,how do I say,world of knowledge in regards to dating/sex/women,that I just never learned,or perhaps was not taught or didn't listen too. And that's what's causing alot of this. As said on here,they go after the bad boy,well,I don't see myself as the nice guy or bad boy,I don't screw people over,but I have also lost any sense of sympathy as well,I just don't care,it's you're problem. I want to change,but don't know how,or I have been waiting for something to happen. I realize,I have had to take action,I must approach/lead,but getting to that seems hard,maybe it's lazyness working against me. I mean,all the missed opportunities over the years,if I had taken action sooner,who knows how many girls I could have been with? Perhaps my own personal beliefs played a part in it as well. That's what kills me,esp in threads like this,http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155788, 30 girls by 21,banging his gf at 16,it's like,why did this not happen to me? It's not like I am picky either,no obese chicks,my one rule,other than that, Ill **** about anything, I see even the yu gi oh nerds with a gf,wtf am I doing wrong? I guess I just can't get a plan together,and my life is out of control.
There never really was a high school to college transition for me,things panned out differently. Loneliness has been overwhelming for me. I feel I am still the person I was in high school,and this has caused the frustration. I am at the point where I can't take it anymore,but it has caused this anger/depression in me. I mean,what am I missing here?
Well then,point out where my problems are,point out to me what I am not seeing. I know I have to help myself,but I have even a hard time doing that.
I am at that low,painful point,I wake up every day feeling miserable. Well then,how much pain is too much? Maybe I am just causing my own suffering.
I feel like there is this,how do I say,world of knowledge in regards to dating/sex/women,that I just never learned,or perhaps was not taught or didn't listen too. And that's what's causing alot of this. As said on here,they go after the bad boy,well,I don't see myself as the nice guy or bad boy,I don't screw people over,but I have also lost any sense of sympathy as well,I just don't care,it's you're problem. I want to change,but don't know how,or I have been waiting for something to happen. I realize,I have had to take action,I must approach/lead,but getting to that seems hard,maybe it's lazyness working against me. I mean,all the missed opportunities over the years,if I had taken action sooner,who knows how many girls I could have been with? Perhaps my own personal beliefs played a part in it as well. That's what kills me,esp in threads like this,http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155788, 30 girls by 21,banging his gf at 16,it's like,why did this not happen to me? It's not like I am picky either,no obese chicks,my one rule,other than that, Ill **** about anything, I see even the yu gi oh nerds with a gf,wtf am I doing wrong? I guess I just can't get a plan together,and my life is out of control.