Help me with relationship game

[wonderer]

Been in a relationship for a month now but there have been some things I've been doing which I've picked up from this forum which haven't really been working for me and I need help and clarity on them.

1. Withdrawing attention when having an argument -

When I hear something I don't like I withdraw any attention, I've gone without speaking to her for 3 days (ignoring) not speaking to her when we're in a group for around an hour and so on. Thing is she completely broke down one night and started crying about it saying it had seriously f*cked her up and that I have hurt her by doing it started saying things like "I thought you were different", "Im having troubles at home and really need you right now", "theres obviously something wrong with me as ive been f*d over in the past" she also said she would just leave if I treeated her like sh*t, . Have I been to harsh with it? What are your opinions? She would rather talk about things...


2. Not saying sorry unless you think she really deserves an apology

I don't say sorry. not unless its something really bad. This gets to her, she asks me to say sorry to things when I think I'm just joking around so I refuse. Is this the right thing to do?

These are the only two I can think of right now, can anyone point me to a list of do's and don'ts for relationships? (Ive read the DJ bible),

Thanks

 

[zinc4]

Ummm....you still have to communicate... there is a fine balance.... going silent all the time is feminine abd what women do...my ex used to always use the silent treatment.... Font be scared to express yourself... there is no relationship game...just have some balls and 've a man and she will live you...stop thinking so much and playing by rules...as for the sorry thing...if u thing an apology is truly warrant ed just apolog use indirect ly without saying sorry.... it sounds like she us hooked on u but you can very well push people away by being too manipulative abd cold...ease up on the silent stuff....don't argue at the same time just put her in her place and be done with it...

 

[wonderer]

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[wonderer]

There is SUBTLY withdrawing attention, then there is the silent treatment. The silent treatment is what you appear to be using, and is a common tool of women. It IS cruelty. I personally don't use it.

Withdrawing attention simply means you shift more of your attention elsewhere, move her down on the priority list, be less available. It is a PROCESS, not an event. It is something you do over WEEKS, slowly and subtly....so they get that gnawing feeling in their gut that something has changed, something isn't right, you might be losing interest.

When she treats you well - you give her attention. If she starts treating you crappy or taking you for granted, you CUT back on the attention. You don't walk by her and totally ignore her, giving her silent treatment.

I thought it was an event? an event used when she does something you dislike to punish bad behavior.

 

[wonderer]

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