Help me understand this

[wjh]

I don't understand this about myself:

Every so often I meet a girl that teeters on the edge of whether or not I think she's worth pursuing. Then it begins to frustrate me as I'm not so sure how I feel about her (well, her looks primarily) and how to handle it.

The latest girl I'm having this problem with works in a cafe near my office. I have pretty good rapport going with her and I'm positive she finds me interesting/attractive. Lots of IOI. I'm sure I could close her if I tried.

However, and maybe this has to do with her somewhat exotic Eastern European looks, I don't find myself desiring to pursue even slightly aggressively. She's not ugly, but she's not what I would typically refer to as "my type."

I guess what I'm having a problem with is understanding what my floor is in terms of what I'm trying to lay/pursue. Obviously a knock-out is worth "trying," well for me anyway, but an HB6 probably not.

The other thing is, I've thought that, maybe it's because I haven't seen her naked yet? She dresses conservatively due to her work and I'm no fan of that, so maybe there's something more there I'm not seeing? Then I wonder about when I actually do see her naked... What if it's not very appealing? What if I just spent time gaming her only to be disappointed? On the other hand, what if what's underneath her clothes is stunning?

I've been disappointed in myself for not thinking a girl was all that hot - only to realize way too late that she in fact did have a hot body.

Why am I doing this? Am I spoiled?

Should I take these females that I feel so-so about as potential plates and start spinning? Maybe see what could happen?

I know we so often talk about "HOW" to get girls, but there comes a time when you just want to be more discriminating of your time and who you spend it with. I don't have any HB9+ plates spinning and thus I feel I could be settling. I don't want to settle.

Thoughts?

 

[iqqi]

Its only settling when you commit. Otherwise it is exploring.

I also think that you should stop being so shallow. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[guru1000]

So what's the problem??

I bang hb6's and hb9's. Who I spend the greater part of my time with is my decision. Don't be a princess. Do what you want to do. If you want to have sex, have it. If you are unsure, don't. It's rather simple.

You catch more bees with honey. Leave the door open but don't entertain more time than necessary for a plate not quite up to par.

 

[joekerr31]

just a guess but my intuition says that the real problem is that you dont want to 'use' these women.

if you hook up with the hb6, you know you're going to 'break her heart' down the road, cuz you are goign to dump her for hb9.

if you KNOW that you have no long term interest in a woman, then you can still pursue, simply act very aloof and unrealiable. make it all about casual sex. if she's not into that, then you know you should probably move on to some other chic who is.

 

[Bonhomme]

Joekerr stole the words out of my typing finger. I'm the same way. Not good to hurt someone who deserves to be treated well.

 

[jophil28]

just a guess but my intuition says that the real problem is that you dont want to 'use' these women.

Perhaps this is the problem, perhaps not.
However, if you do date her, and fukk her, then it could only be defined as "using " her if you led her on, gave her false hope of a relationship, or in some way..explicitly or implicitly, deceived her..

If you just go do your natural "boy thing" without scaming her then I see no problem with that.

 

[wjh]

crap you know what you guys, this is why i dig you all so much, you're right about my not wanting to "hurt" some of these not so good looking girls. that is part of it.

i've only scammed a few girls, at least lately, and i don't like it. and not so much because i hate hurting a girl's feelings but because i hate trying to get some a55 and having a girl push her requirement for monogamy on me (without even really knowing me). god i hate that.

 

[wjh]

Its only settling when you commit. Otherwise it is exploring.

I also think that you should stop being so shallow. Easier said than done, I know.

Exploring? lol not a word I would have used but it makes sense I guess.

I'm not shallow it's just that personality doesn't make my d1ck hard.

 

[Colossus]

I'm not shallow it's just that personality doesn't make my d1ck hard.

:cheer: My vote for quote of the year! :cheer:

WJH- I know exactly what you are talking about. I often meet these women who are really cool in other respects--great personalities, similar views and opinions, sexually willing, et al.--but I just cant get past the looks. Maybe i just need to get over it and have sex with a 5 or 6, but I'm like you. I know if i lay the pipe just for the hell of it, they'll probably get hurt and I'll feel like a d!ckhead.

Like your awesome quote says-- she could be the coolest girl around, but that's not gonna raise my flag by itself.

 

[Mr. Wise]

The only way to find out if she's hot under those clothes is to get her naked. If she's not hot, use her as "filler".

 

[joekerr31]

crap you know what you guys, this is why i dig you all so much, you're right about my not wanting to "hurt" some of these not so good looking girls. that is part of it.

i've only scammed a few girls, at least lately, and i don't like it. and not so much because i hate hurting a girl's feelings but because i hate trying to get some a55 and having a girl push her requirement for monogamy on me (without even really knowing me). god i hate that.

well of course shes going to try and own your balls. this is what women do.

the problem is that you see yourself as a male protector. as a knight in shining armor. and you see her as the victim. as this naive little thing that was seduced by your charms and ways and who gave you her 'prize', ie. her p*ssy. and after you got the prize you left her high and dry - you stole hte cookies from the cookie jar if you will.

but the problem with this thinking is this notion that these less that hot women are helpless. that they don't have the ability to take responsibility for their actions.

see, we as men often take the female form of communicating, that being covert, as a sign that they are helpless. we think that becuase they don't communicate 'overtly' that its because they are afraid of getting hurt. women know this, and this is why women communicate covertly, because it spurs men on to be protectors. the less women reveal the more we feel they need our protection.

but perhaps try to look at women as individuals who are responsible for their own actions. if a woman goes out with you and sleeps with you, thats her choice. she knows the risks she is taking.

A LOT of guys have this problem. i use to have it also. i use to concern myself with the fragile nature of woman. now, i realize that many of them KNOW that men think this way and use it to manipulate them.

so now im much tougher on women. I expect them to look out for their own best interests, to know what they want and take responsibility for the decisions they make - just like i'm expected to do as a man.

when you look at the world this way, things become clearer. while i still follow the 'do unto others as you'd have them do unto you' , that does NOT mean that i have to see women as these fragile creatures who can't look out for their own interests - in fact its the exact opposite.

i dont expect a woman to suddenly be what i want just cuz i slept with her. so why should i worry about whether im what a woman wants just cuz we are sleeping together?

this is the matrix. this notion that we much protect women. listen, women KNOW what they have to do to protect themselves. if they choose to use their sexual to try to 'hook' a man, and then it doesn't work, well thats not your fault nor should you feel guilty when they lay the inevitable guilt trip on you.

women love to play the victim role, which is why we as men tend to treat them as victims and handle them with kid gloves.

but ultimately this works against us. becuase the more we play to their victimized status, the more they victimize US!

as long as you aren't lying to her, then any action she takes is of her own doing. and you are free at any time to rebuke her advances to frame / define the relationship moving forward. you are free to frame it yourself as a casual f*ck buddy kind of thing - if she doesn't like that, so be it.

you do NOT owe a woman anything when you sleep with her. unfortunately too many guys still see it as 'she gave me the p*ssy now i have to give her what she wants'

but thats bs. she gave you the p*ssy, but you gave her the kawk. its even steven after that! and if she doesn't see it that way, she should never have given you the p*ssy to start with.

 

[wjh]

thanks joekerr, and you're totally right.

i've been more and more conscious lately of the victim role women like to play - i was even talking to a friend about this last night.

as long as i don't imply any monogamy or something other what the moment calls for i won't feel guilty =D

 

[jophil28]

...but perhaps try to look at women as individuals who are responsible for their own actions. if a woman goes out with you and sleeps with you, thats her choice. she knows the risks she is taking.

The problem is that women do not see themselves as individuals who are responsible for their own actions. The vast majority have been 'catered' to by men all their lives starting with Daddy who treated her like a fragile princess and fixed up her every problem. Then they learn how to manipulate males via their sex appeal as teens.
In their adult years they have perfected their craft by playing the helpless victim nunerous times during their growing years.

So now we have the situation in which most adult women are scheming manipulative control freaks who try to control everyone and everything BUT are responsible for nothing.

When you date or sleep with a woman, you are sleeping with a child in an adult body who will hold you at fault automatically if you do not fawn and pursue her afterwards. Women are USED to getting what they want by behaving childishly all their lives - this is KEY to understanding their bizarre actions.

 

[joekerr31]

The problem is that women do not see themselves as individuals who are responsible for their own actions. The vast majority have been 'catered' to by men all their lives starting with Daddy who treated her like a fragile princess and fixed up her every problem. Then they learn how to manipulate males via their sex appeal as teens.
In their adult years they have perfected their craft by playing the helpless victim nunerous times during their growing years.

So now we have the situation in which most adult women are scheming manipulative control freaks who try to control everyone and everything BUT are responsible for nothing.

When you date or sleep with a woman, you are sleeping with a child in an adult body who will hold you at fault automatically if you do not fawn and pursue her afterwards. Women are USED to getting what they want by behaving childishly all their lives - this is KEY to understanding their bizarre actions.

excellent post.

 

[wjh]

so basically, the feelings that have been pushed on me by these girls are unjustifiable - and should be discarded. that will cause her (or maybe some) to "wake up" so to speak and take some accountability for their actions?

i mean, if an HB9+ has a great personality and is great all-round, but wants a daddy-figure to be a tough man that can help her with her emotional needs... i think i can fit that bill. but is that falling victim to the "matrix" and an inevitable road to self-destruction? how does monogamy play a role in this dynamic?

 

[Colossus]

The problem is that women do not see themselves as individuals who are responsible for their own actions. The vast majority have been 'catered' to by men all their lives starting with Daddy who treated her like a fragile princess and fixed up her every problem. Then they learn how to manipulate males via their sex appeal as teens.
In their adult years they have perfected their craft by playing the helpless victim nunerous times during their growing years.

So now we have the situation in which most adult women are scheming manipulative control freaks who try to control everyone and everything BUT are responsible for nothing.

When you date or sleep with a woman, you are sleeping with a child in an adult body who will hold you at fault automatically if you do not fawn and pursue her afterwards. Women are USED to getting what they want by behaving childishly all their lives - this is KEY to understanding their bizarre actions.

:rockon:

 

[Bonhomme]

Damn good point there, Jophil. :yes:

 

[Adam007]

If you hook up with the hb6, you know you're going to 'break her heart' down the road, cuz you are goign to dump her for hb9.

if you KNOW that you have no long term interest in a woman, then you can still pursue, simply act very aloof and unrealiable.

 

[Horse Whisperer]

Just catching up on this thread a bit late...
I've had this situ a bit. A girl is nice, pretty, would no doubt make a good partner, but just hasn't got the sex appeal. That's down to individual taste, but I'd say she *has to* 'float your boat'. The annoying thing is having friends moan at you about being 'fussy' or whatever. Bloomin cheek! Like they're not!