Help me understand stupid social circle game aka how normal ppl get dates

[sageproduct]

Preface

I fwcking hate social circle game. Obviously I suck at it - with only social circle game the first 20 years of my life, I hardly even managed to kiss a girl.

I fwcking love the cold approach. Every fwcking ounce of real success with women I've earned through putting in the work of cold approaching. I love the fact that in a cold approach, I am 100% responsible for everything. I control, I lead, I close, I escalate.

In doing many cold approaches I've pretty much eliminated the fear of rejection. But I've also completely lost touch with how normal people meet people they date, or how social circle game works. MAINLY, I have completely lost sense of the timeline in social circle game - how soon to start talking to her, how soon to start flirting with her, how soon to ask her out.

From what I understand...am I right when I say the following?

In a social setting where you're going to see a girl regularly, you do not hit on or even interact with the girl right away. Instead, you first make sure to establish yourself as a cool, social "high value" guy in whatever social setting, talk to everyone but IGNORE her. (Unless she's already smitten with you from day 1..which will never happen for me because I am not a good looking motherfwcker like some of you other guys out there).

You keep being cool and socializing with everyone until the girl starts trying to chase you a bit. Trying to talk to you or go along with your ideas or whatever. When THIS happens, that means the attraction has been established, so you can start building comfort.

Then after some amount of time (the length of which is completely unknown to me), you've built up enough comfort so that you know the girl is ready to go on a date with you.

But how do you go about it?! Do you

A. Openly and directly state your intentions when you ask her out.

"You know what, I think you're cute, and I want to take you out sometime."
"You're sexy. Let's go out."
"You seem really cool, we should get to know each other better"
"I'll be honest I can't stop thinking about you. I'm taking you out on a date, and I won't take no for an answer"

or

B. Ask her out VERY casually, leave the intentions unclear, so that you slowly boil the frog before it jumps out of the water

"Oh yeah we're gonna go out this weekend you should come"
"I'm gonna grab some food right now why don't you come hang out for a bit"
"Can you help me buy jewelry for my mom"
"Let's study together for that test"
"Yeah I'm having a party bring your friends over"

But how goddamn long does the whole process take before you can ask her out?

a week? a month? two months? if it's a class that meets three times a week, then how long? if it's an activity that meets weekly, how long?

I'm sick of reading/hearing stories about how couples got together. It's always "Well we first met in March. Then in June we started going out on dates, then in July we became official." I just have no understanding of how that time from March to June goes by. As a guy whose only success from the cold approach, the only way I've ever dated any girls is when I ask them out IMMEDIATELY after meeting them.

I feel like this goes along with my personality. I give off a friendly and nice vibe, I can't help it it's how I am. The girl I dated for a month last year would repeatedly tell me "You're so nice!" and "I can't believe how nice you are!" Going direct early is the only thing that kind of offsets the negative aspects of being "nice" for me.

It all just seems so stupid to me.

I could spend like 30 hours building up my personality, establishing myself as a cool guy, getting the girls attention, etc...then FINALLY after a month I decide the fruit is ripe, so I ask the girl out..only to find she's actually not interested. Or we do go out but quickly realize we're not made for each other.

PLUS, in the beginning I had to bullsh1t myself and ACT like I'm not interested in a girl when I actually am interested. It all feels so fwcking stupid.

Well then great, it took all of 30 hours just to get a shot with ONE girl, whereas in a decent spot, I could be getting 3-4 numbers every HOUR from cold approaching.

 

[sageproduct]

Current Cases

So here are all my social circle prospects right now. All are different situations that have a different breakdown and probably require a different approach.

M Class

This is a class that meets three times a week. It's a lecture with 30 people, no one ever talks to each other. Students don't interact with each other because the whole class period is lecture. There's a sexy emo-ish chick who sits three seats to the left of me. Never spoken to her.

B Class

This class meets once a week for three hours. There is group discussion and groupwork, so lots of interaction between students, but pretty much only in one's own group.

There's an alternative-type girl in this class who's kinda cute - pretty sure she's not my type for a LTR, but I sure wouldn't mind getting to know her. I'm pretty comfortable with most people in this class, I've spoken to her a few times but mostly remain aloof.

B Class - Part II

I'd bang the fwck out of my TA. She's a girl who'd probably get overlooked by most guys, but I'm totally into that nerdy type.

This is probably the slowest burn game out of them all - build myself up all semester long, make her think about me, then find some discreet, under the radar way to see her outside of class once the semester's almost over?

Student Activity

I'm in an activity that meets every other Saturday for about 6 hours. Plenty of socialization. First meeting was two weeks ago, second one is this Saturday.

There are a couple sexy chicks in it who I haven't talked to. There's one who is pretty hot and is friends w/my buddy so I kinda talked to her last time. When we were all together at first, she ignored me so I didn't pay her any attention. Then when I was being social with everyone and she saw that I'm cool, she started talking to me. I stayed aloof for the most part.

Dungeons & Dragons

Woo I found a dungeons & dragons game, never played before wanted to try it out. It meets every Sunday for 4 hours. 7 guys and 1 chick. First session was last Sunday.

The chick is actually pretty hot. She's friends with the guy who runs the thing, who is a cool nerd. They hang out and stuff, I really don't know if they're bangin or if he's in the friend zone

Just tried to be cool, stayed aloof to her for the most part

 

[Mike32ct]

Great thread.

Yes, one downside of pickup is you forget (or don't learn) exactly how regular people meet and hook up via social circle.

While I know social circle works, I couldn't tell you exactly how it's done. I have no experience with it.

As hard as cold approach is, I still prefer it. I wish social circle crap didn't even exist lol. However, it's something I have to learn.

I look foward to reading the replies to this thread.

 

[yyc12]

I don't get why this has to be any different than cold approach. I hate cold approaching personally as it's NEVER worked for me. Women in social circles have more accountability as you have pre-existing connections in the form of mutual friends. They can still pull the usual female BS of course, but not to the typical extent as you have friends in common.

Social circle game doesn't have to be any different. If you're interested, just pursue in the same way. I don't get this being "mysterious" thing; I've NEVER seen it work. If you're quiet and don't engage, women will just ignore you, and assume you have no social skill, lol.

 

[Mike32ct]

I don't get this being "mysterious" thing; I've NEVER seen it work. If you're quiet and don't engage, women will just ignore you, and assume you have no social skill, lol.

Good observation. Too quiet is considered creepy, unless you are REALLY good looking.

 

[sageproduct]

I wish social circle crap didn't even exist lol. However, it's something I have to learn.

Lol that's how I feel. I'm sick of being the guy who doesn't get the girl, who girls automatically turn away from in a social setting

1. Act friendly/flirt around her/build rapport
2. Go to party that she's at while drinking
3. Run "cold approach" game
4. Profit

So its basically cold approach game but:

1.Easier because you will have more stuff to talk about
2.Harder because you will have less margin for error because you are risking losing that social circle

Interesting perspective. Looks like in your game plan, the main thing is just showing up in a setting where it is socially acceptable to hit on her. I can see this being an easy play. There's like zero risk.

Doesn't really cater to my lifestyle or tastes though. I don't drink, and I rarely party. It's how I am, if I'm left to my own devices to live my life naturally, chances are you won't find me running around with three different social circles. You'll probably find me mostly being a lone wolf, with a few diverse one-on-one relationships with friends and acquaintances. In order to be at the party I have to know where it's at. Usually I don't. Moreover, I tend to like girls who are the same way - who aren't really drinking and shy away from the bar scene

But with that being said, if I'm in a situation where I can take advantage of your strategy, I'm 100% all for it

Social circle game doesn't have to be any different. If you're interested, just pursue in the same way. I don't get this being "mysterious" thing; I've NEVER seen it work. If you're quiet and don't engage, women will just ignore you, and assume you have no social skill, lol.

It's totally different. When I cold approach, I go up to the girl and say "Hi, I thought you were cute so I came here to meet you." That sh1t just won't fly in a social setting, or it rarely will. Plus, even if it did, it's more effective to build up the girl's interest first if you're in a social setting.

And what I talked about had absolutely nothing to do with being "mysterious". If anything, I'm trying to show the girl as much as I can about myself without telling her anything. I'm trying to be as social as possible, to other people, in front of her. While ignoring her. Until she feels like I'm more "in" than she is - that is the goal.

 

[user43770]

I've never actively pursued girls in my social circle. I mean, I've fvcked girls who were at parties where I had a lot of friends. Is that social circle game? What about chicks that I worked with?

I think a lot of times the problem is we act differently around our friends than we do around strange chicks we're trying to game. You typically aren't trying hard to impress your friends.

Honestly, I prefer it this way. I like to be completely comfortable around the people I care about. I'd rather not sh1t where I eat, so to speak.

 

[yyc12]

Good observation. Too quiet is considered creepy, unless you are REALLY good looking.

Almost everything is considered creepy by women unless you're really good looking, lol.

 

[yyc12]

It's totally different. When I cold approach, I go up to the girl and say "Hi, I thought you were cute so I came here to meet you." That sh1t just won't fly in a social setting, or it rarely will. Plus, even if it did, it's more effective to build up the girl's interest first if you're in a social setting.

And what I talked about had absolutely nothing to do with being "mysterious". If anything, I'm trying to show the girl as much as I can about myself without telling her anything. I'm trying to be as social as possible, to other people, in front of her. While ignoring her. Until she feels like I'm more "in" than she is - that is the goal.

I get what you're saying. What I was trying to say is that there's no need to be manipulating the situation as much. In social circle "game", you already have the built in "social proof". She's going to be so much more open at this point vs a cold approach. Why not just keep it simple from here? At this point, all you should need to do is just make contact/try to establish a connection/ask her to hang out/etc.

 

[AAAgent]

I'm Asian which you already know and as most people can tell, Asian people tend to stick together. We hang out in groups sometimes huge. We introduce different groups of mutual friends together to get larger groups. This way the introduction is warm and already done for you. Even if you haven't been introduced formally you can just be like "hey, you so and so friend right?" or "I haven't met you yet, lets get a drink." etc.

Basically these girls will be open to any type of opener you use as their drinking/buzzed and you're supposedly not some creeper because you have been screened by mutual friends. So how social game has worked with me and my friends is, you rarely be direct and always play it safe (i hate safe, as it's not fun). No the tricky part is to be smooth about getting their number because girls don't want to seem easy/sleazy (word travels fast in the group). By asking them out directly the whole group will know you two are going out so most of the time people don't do it. Rumors spread quick in social circles.

So basically you meet friends/girls and either get formally introduced real quick (you may need to remind them later on your name because intro's go real quick) or you might not even get introduced as social circle parties might be too large so you can introduce yourself. Then you get talking, bounce around with people so it doesn't seem like you're hitting on her then just be like "hey, we're heading out but lets keep in touch." or anything of the sort.

From there, you act normal and casually text for a few days then you can text them to grab a bite or call and take it from there.

Social circle gaming, choosing from slim pickings, staying inside your sheltered shell where pain is almost non existent. Sometimes, i won't even wait to be introduced, i'll go introduce myself if our groups don't mingle and ask them out directly, i hate relying on social circle/friends as a crutch.

 

[PlayHer Man]

I generally hate social circle game. The main issue I have with it is any girl in your social circle you get involved with will have links to your other friends. This means, if/when you break up you have to keep running into her or deal with awkwardness. I see it all the time with my friends who date inside the social circle. Sometimes a failed relationship gets so bad that it actually breaks the social circle in half. I've dealt with this twice where I had to "take sides" or hang out with people "separately" because of these toxic links.

I am not marriage minded so I know there is almost ZERO chance of staying together with any girl I date. Break-up is 99.9% certain. For this reason, I prefer to get involved with women I can totally cut out of my life if I have to without damaging my social circle.

I have two ways of doing this:

1. I only game "friends of friends of friends". In other words, I only get involved with women who are only "loosely" part of my social circle.

Example: Lets say a female friend throws a birthday party. Her normal friends show up. In addition, some of her friends I'm not close with bring THEIR friends who I've never met. Those are the girls I target.

2. Another thing I do is have a lot of "short lived" social circles. I have my MAIN friends that I will probably be friends with forever. Then I have "new friends" I meet through main friends or activities that I only associate with for parties and social events. I run through the girls in these social circles and vanish once there is no more p*ssy to explore.

 

[NobodyCares1]

Yup, social circle game is not my thing either. Usually if I know a girl for a bit longer and we are friends then I take her as a friend so I don't run any game on her. I listen to what she has to say but she also has to listen to my bullsh!t lol. I usually don't flirt with those girls.

But I had a lot of success with girls I met through mutual friends. They showed high IL when I met them because I gamed them as I game a girl when I cold approach. I just didn't seal the deal so their IL went down and next time we met I just treated them as friends.

On the other hand cold approach girls flake a lot.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I strongly believe that the real difference between cold approaches and social circle game is the action coming from the girl.

You see in a cold approach setting you're a totally uknown guy which keeps her unsure about your value, in this case if she finds you attractive the most she will do is show green light through her body language then the ball is in your court to escalate according your social skills.

In social circle setting, the girls know much more about you, she doesnt only ca evaluate your look but also your status,rank in the group and character and habits.

This allow her to be much more active if she likes you so she will not only show you green light but in many cases begin some light escalation herself, like making sure the two of you remain alone or even perform some light kino on you during events or house parties.

Not only that but unless you're the lower tyre of the group, the risk of being "the creepy one" is low and the c0ckblocking coefficient is much lower than at a club.

I know why most of you guys like cold approach most than social circle game, the same is for me and the reason is that any cold approach despite the lower odds of success is an opportunity where you can try yourself without all the baggage you have from high school, the old group of friends or any other group where you status was not high enough and the girls didnt even bother to give you an opportunity.

Cold approach in fact test your balls and even before approaching the girl, you're in fact winning against yourself and that sensation is liberating for many of us who didnt have the luck to be born "the right guy" in the setting where we had no other choice than we put, wheter is the school or the peer group.

Wheter we like it or not, just like confidence is the result of you success, frustration toward certain other things is the result of past events which hurt us, be it the hot blonde making out with the bad boy near you or the girls considering you " one of the many" with no sexuality or desires.

 

[AAAgent]

I strongly believe that the real difference between cold approaches and social circle game is the action coming from the girl.

You see in a cold approach setting you're a totally uknown guy which keeps her unsure about your value, in this case if she finds you attractive the most she will do is show green light through her body language then the ball is in your court to escalate according your social skills.

In social circle setting, the girls know much more about you, she doesnt only ca evaluate your look but also your status,rank in the group and character and habits.

This allow her to be much more active if she likes you so she will not only show you green light but in many cases begin some light escalation herself, like making sure the two of you remain alone or even perform some light kino on you during events or house parties.

Not only that but unless you're the lower tyre of the group, the risk of being "the creepy one" is low and the c0ckblocking coefficient is much lower than at a club.

I know why most of you guys like cold approach most than social circle game, the same is for me and the reason is that any cold approach despite the lower odds of success is an opportunity where you can try yourself without all the baggage you have from high school, the old group of friends or any other group where you status was not high enough and the girls didnt even bother to give you an opportunity.

Cold approach in fact test your balls and even before approaching the girl, you're in fact winning against yourself and that sensation is liberating for many of us who didnt have the luck to be born "the right guy" in the setting where we had no other choice than we put, wheter is the school or the peer group.

Wheter we like it or not, just like confidence is the result of you success, frustration toward certain other things is the result of past events which hurt us, be it the hot blonde making out with the bad boy near you or the girls considering you " one of the many" with no sexuality or desires.

I agree with a small bit of what you're saying but besides the confidence and the balls/feeling of success that is possible from a cold approach as opposed to social circle, it's the fact that you are guaranteed to find a hot hb by cold approaching while social circle, the majority of the time, people settle for what girls are available or what girls show interest that are available. Sometimes waiting to game social circle can take weeks, months, or even longer because of the lack of selection while on the other hand, cold approaching is instantaneous and available everywhere, anywhere, and at anytime. On top of that, you develop a skill set of making friends, persuasion skills, dis-arming people, etc. When traveling, many times you'll be alone and may need to ask for directions and i find that being able to talk to strangers or women at a whim's notice or even being able to turn them into a life long friend is a great skill.

Social circle game really doesn't do any of that. It might be a small warm-up to all the skills above but it's nothing in comparison.

 

[NobodyCares1]

I know why most of you guys like cold approach most than social circle game, the same is for me and the reason is that any cold approach despite the lower odds of success is an opportunity where you can try yourself without all the baggage you have from high school, the old group of friends or any other group where you status was not high enough and the girls didnt even bother to give you an opportunity.

I agree with this. Most of my friends that I go out with are friends who I made when I was an AFC. It's also because of my personality, I'm not always the center of attention or the guy everyone notices in the group, sometimes I am like that but sometimes I just don't feel like being the center of attention and I'm just a guy in the background, it may kill the attraction with some girls.

On the other hand when I'm out one on one with a girl I usually switch into that ****y and funny mood and I can fully focus on the girl, escalate easily and this is the style that I prefer.