Help me save my 1.5 year LTR!!

Warrior74

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farlenrejorano said:
If ur right, I will obviously drop her.

But I honestly disagree with you. She doesn't need to ask for a no-contact week to cheat on me. Besides, the only place where she could do it is her college, but my best friend studies there too and he would know (they spend most of the time between classes together, catch the same bus, he has another gf and I can trust him my life.).

I know girls are smart, but I don't see many possibilities.
Ah. She doesn't want you telling your pal, he might catch on. Tell him.

Hell I had 3 girlfriends on a small campus in college. It only takes a few flirts in class and late night study session to cheat. You are in denial.
 

farlenrejorano

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It's not funny when you doubt my decision of NOT reinitiating contact...

I have already explained why I disagreed with warrior's statement about my question to her. I think I don't need to say it again.

When I get news Im gonna post them here. Don't worry, if ur right im gonna give u the credits.
 

farlenrejorano

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Warrior, good idea on talking with my pal.

Im gonna talk to him and ask if he has noticed any strange behavior.

Thank you
 

UniKKatiL

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To me it seems like you're more crazy about this girl than she is about you. She has the control over you. It should actually be the opposite. If she really loved you she wouldn't suggest a one week no contact. The thing is she has lost attraction for you, low IL. Like she said, you're more friends than BF-GF. Trust me, she's about to dump you. She has no feelings for you anymore... But you see girls don't know how to lead, so that's why she is doing this... You're supposed to be the leader, not her, you're supposed to be valued not her, because girls are emotional creatures, if you don't stimulate her emotions and be a man she will dump you like she is about to do now... Men are logical creatures. I can be together with a girl if she is pretty and has a nice personality, but do you think the girl can do the same? No, she needs to be emotionally attracted... I feel sorry for girls man, I really do, all they wanna do is fall in love but you see it's impossible today, that's why girls even date chumps and AFC's in hope to find love but it never happens... Because men don't know how to be men anymore, they have become emotional *****es. So it's you're turn to take control of this relationship, or get dumped, from now on don't ask her if you can come to her place to have sex.. you're supposed to take control, find a place, call her and say meet me there or something like that, but never ask her.. give her orders, lead her. Don't take her phone calls everytime she calls you dude, you need to get busy, this will raise value... And when you decide to meet her, you call her, you tell her where and when to meet, you don't ask, you're in charge bro, and when you **** her give her orgasms too man... she is supposed to think about you and miss you, not the other way around... Another thing is that I think you have had too many good times and boring times but no drama, you see women love drama that's why they start arguments just because their ****ing bored, so I suggest you **** other girls and cheat on her, this will raise value, and even if it turns out ugly, you still raised value instead of being a frustrated chump in her eyes... That's emotional stimulation, when you give her good times, make her feel good (most of the time) and then create some drama where she gets her heart broken i.e cheating... And be confident, believe in yourself.. why shouldn't you?

I know some dude that got with this girl after a political trip for teenagers... they lived far away from each other so he was sending her messages/posting on FB wall telling he loves her and that they are gonna be forever etc. when i saw those messages i first thought he is a total AFC, but they met each other again and he ****ed her... and later on he cheated on her with 2 other girls.. basically he was together with 3 girls at the same time, telling he loves them and **** (AFC style) and when they all found out they got heart broken. What this guy did was he was confident, told a girl he loved her and all that romantic **** like Casanova to get in their pants, and then ****ed someone else... that's emotional stimulation too, and it raises value where he is giving girls mixed signals.

So I say take control of the relationship, and cheat on her.. Break her heart, and it's fun... women love getting heartbroken (drama) its sad but seriously true, especially in a situation like yours, and even if she doesn't care, it's better then getting dumped man, because trust me, she is about to dump your ass, sooner or later.
 

Hakuna

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Stop thinking about your relationship for a second, the emotions you feel right now are clouding your judgment. Think about it this way, you are a boy, and she is a girl who doesn't want you. What can you do to spike up her interest level? Does texting her or calling her raise her interest level? No. The most attractive quality a man can display is to be wanted by other women. Hence, your only option is to talk to other girls. It's also a win-win situation, Either...

(a) She wants you back because your absence has caused her to miss you and your super DJ character drives her interest level through the roof.

OR

(b) She doesn't' want you back. but you've been talking to other chicks so you can get over her easily by seeking comfort in another woman.

You also have a severe case of Oneitis that you need to get over. And it's critical that you do, for the sake of your relationship. Remember, desperation is the most unattractive quality a man can have. The MORE you want your girlfriend at this point, the more you kill your chances with her.

The reason why you feel this over-bearing attachment anxiety is because you live in a competitive social environment. You don't want other guys to fuk your girlfriend, you want her to yourself, you don't want to lose her. It's not love as much as it is fear. Not only that, but it's an unnatural fear. Men aren't meant to be attached to one woman, we only end up that way because we've been brain washed with feminine ideals and fears since we were young. Like many other of the posters on this thread have already said, a real man would've responded with a hard next to your girlfriend. You need to get more in touch with your masculine side and the best way to do it is by fuking other girls. Seek comfort in sluts, preferably ones hotter than your girlfriend. The Oneitis you're fostering is corrupting your mind and causing a debasement of your manhood.

The part about "backing down on DJ skills in an LTR" is bullshyt. The opposite is true, you use more DJ skills in an LTR than you do in pick-up. Pick-up can be faked, you need only memorize a few lines and put a visage of confidence to get laid by a drunk girl at a bar. You need a lifetime of game to hold your own in an LTR. You can't rehearse for how you're going to react when you find out your girlfriend of 3 years wants to leave you for another man, that's when you're manhood really gets tested.

I know all the advice that this thread gave you probably seems useless because you DON'T want to "next" your girlfriend. But ironically, the only way to get her back is by getting over her. I agree with Warrior and say you need to move on, but even if you don't, the WORST possible thing you can do is keep trying to pull your girlfriend closer to you. The BEST thing you can is seek out another woman for comfort.

Finally, I just want to say this in case you DO SOME HOW end up with your girlfriend. Don't get emotionally high and forget everything you learned in this thread. I've seen this happen so often where a guy gets back together with his girlfriend because he posted on this forum and got good advice, and then goes back to being an AFC the next week and gets dumped even harder 3 weeks later.

I can't emphasize how important it is to fuk another girl hotter than your girlfriend at this point. There is truly no experience in this world more mind-warping. It'll cure you of the maladies you're suffering from instantly and make you wonder what was so special about your girlfriend in the first place. The fears and griefs a man feels never compares to the primal male instincts he has inside of him.


P.S Read Pook's post on "Dodging the bullet"
 

IOS

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Far too often in this forum you'll see a guy ask for help on a problem, a few people will give him advice, the guy will refuse to listen to it, and then the guy will later realize that he should have followed the advice all along.

Don't let this happen to you. Break off all contact with her. What do you have to lose?
 

Chickfight

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Look, first of all, relax. Worrying about it too much won't help you at all. Secondly, don't follow some of the drastic advice you get here, you'll end up ****ing it up. People here give great advice for attraction and creating interest, but I've noticed they have little understanding of how deep bonding (which is something completely different) works.

Just take it at face value. Talking everyday for hours without physical contact diminishes passion most of the time. I can tell you have a very strong connection with her, but the problem is her attraction is fading which is normal. Right now the only thing your relationship is riding on is your bond! Taking a week from talking is a good thing. It'll give her time to miss you. (thus creating attraction again) What you should do now is play it cool. Follow the rules and don't contact her in that week. In fact don't contact her until she contacts you which she will do inevitably. As soon as she does you can reestablish your relationship. However, if you want it to be any different from what it was before, you have to take back the power by following the dj bible to keep her attraction up while further deepening your bond.

It shouldn't be too hard, because this girl has shown that she's not a b!tch or an attention ***** by keeping up with a low passion relation for so long. It happens a lot after a guy show great game and "gets" a girl, but he thinks once they're together he no longer needs to work to keep the attraction up. Don't feel bad about it. Just learn and apply.

Good luck bro.
 

Kailex

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Warrior and Igetit! interjected and I agree with everything said, but I wanted to point out something vital... if not for the OP, but for everyone else.

The OP stated: She doesn't have to ask me for a week off to cheat. She can do that anytime.



Fellas, although the OP is 100% right about that, you have to understand, you are approaching this situation as a MAN of logic and NOT as a WOMAN of emotion.

In YOUR mind, you could cheat anytime, why ask for a break?
In HER mind, cheating is bad... BUT if she asks for a week off from the relationship to "rethink" things over or "rekindle" the relationship... technically, she isn't cheating because... you guys were on a break.

In the end, she is covertly asking for permission to cheat on you.

For men, breaks are those times where she goes shopping and we watch football or go get a beer with the buddies.

For women, breaks are those times when they evaluate whether they want to stay with you (security, safety, provider) or they want to go with the more dangerous option (alpha, DJ, bad boy).

If after a "break", a woman comes back and wants to reboot the relationship in your favor... congratulations... it didn't work out with the other guy and your HER consolation prize... even if you were there first.


That's why WHENEVER women ask for a BREAK... that be it for a day, a week, a month, etc... you should just agree with having the break and then amplify it to more permanent terms.
 

Bratt2230

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I have been in a VERY Similar situation lately.
I will tell you what i did first, and then some suggestions later.

We did not pause, we broke up, i did CARE but did not show it, i dated 2-3 other girls and F'ed 2 of them, and this made my Ex go MAD after me, she would call and messege me all the time and stuff, when she started doing this, i DID NOT CARE..

- What happened, the tension flew away, and she found another one (A rebound) AND DAMN THAT HURT ON ME.. even when I was dating others, that **** made me FURIOUS.. I was depressed for a month, until i started dating and flirting again, now i am BACK ON TOP.

So my suggestion.

1) CONSIDER your relationsship once again, do you really want to be with her?

if YOU DO

Give her the brake, see some other girls, get back together.

IF YOU DO NOT

Just leave it there, PREPARE for the bad felling when she finds someone else, BUT REMEMBER TALKING/KISSING AND DATING OTHERS, and youll manage just fine..

YOU GUYS ARE NOT MENT TO BE! You should go out and try other... i only regret one thing! That is that i did not break up with my GF earlier (2 yr LTR) ..
 

farlenrejorano

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Got some news!

Yeah guys!
It happened that some of you were right. She was really cheating on me. :cry: Yesterday my pal left his classes earlier and saw her and one "classmate" who was lying his head on her lap. She was so concentrated that she didn't see my friend even he passing in front of her three times. My buddy didn't see "anything more" though but it looks like it's not necessary anymore for me to judge.

Earlier in that day, she changed her status on facebook from "committed" to "no answer". She also hid the album of photos that she had made for me. When I saw this, I realized it was already over. She had asked me to keep things between us but she couldn't do that herself. That made me send her a SMS telling her I really wanted to see her the faster I could and it was very important.

Then, some hours later my friend sent me a SMS telling he needed to talk to me urgently (to tell his discovery). While I was heading to his place, he called another friend of ours who got there first and they planned the best way to tell me that.

Now I feel very disappointed. People here can read in the previous posts how I trusted her above anything. I thought that as I made clear for her that I wouldn't stop her from leaving whenever she wanted, she would do that before cheating. And there's no way she couldn't feel that what she did wasn't wrong. She said we would remain loyal, so she knew she was doing bad stuff.

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Today's morning she answered my message. Told me that today she was thinking about studying coz she has some tests on Friday, and asked if we couldn't go on the weekend. I told her that faster was better but that she might have "many important things to do during the week".

Later she called me and asked if I was angry with her. I told her that this was going to be discussed face-to-face (let's call this standard answer: SA). She asked if I was going to break up with her for all. I gave SA. She told me she was going to start crying. I said that she would better cry later.*(she starts crying)* She asked if I was mad because of the facebook thing. I gave SA. She started complainig that I was being cold with her and that she hadn't done anything wrong. I gave SA. Then she said she really wasn't prepared for the meeting today, and started to beg for me to wait until Saturday. I kept strong with my opinion, but said that if she wasn't going today I couldn't force her. I said also that the chosen day wouldn't change anything on the matter of the meeting. She said that she still would rather go on Saturday and told me she didn't know what to do. I said ok, not forgeting to say again that this kind of conversation should be taken the faster we could. I said bye and turned off the phone.

It looks like things haven't gone as she expected. I don't like the idea of only meeting on Saturday because maybe she will try to guarantee the other guy on the mean time. But I can't force her, so I think that at least I've taken off her safety until we meet.

I would like to let her guessing why my behavior changed so drastically suddenly. Unfortunately, my pal's girlfriend is one of her best friends and we (me and my two friends) decided together that he should tell his gf about what he has seen to prepare her in order to avoid that my (ex)gf messes his relationship. So, I guess my (ex)gf will find out what happened anytime by her friend.

Now it's almost over. The final meeting will be tough, but necessary. It's gonna be painful but I can't stand what happened. She's probably going to try to stir my emotions in order not to be "dumped". I really cared about this girl, and if I could somewhat know that she repented that and would never do that again I think I would even give her a chance. But I know that's not possible, she IS gonna do that again and I've lost all my trust in her with this. I'm almost decided it has no coming back.
 

farlenrejorano

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Just another thing. I've liked to see how we have different opinions here. It's good to see that even though we have some standard situations, every relationship is unique.
 

Kailex

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Why does it need to be discussed face to face?

I don't get it.

You're essentially telling her over the phone that you are going to break up with her face to face on a later date?

Look, if the issue is already being brought up and her saying "Are you mad at me?"... IS the beginning of that conversation... just end it there.

You already know what's going on.
Don't look for closure... it's a fallacy, there is no Hollywood movie ending to this... she won't come back wanting you even more (unless it didn't work out with the other guy).

You already know she's no good for you... and FOR GOD'S SAKE... you are EIGHTEEN. Why are you in any LTR's?

You should be complaining about how you have TOO many girls, not about this ONE girl.
 

Ease

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Kailex said:
You already know she's no good for you... and FOR GOD'S SAKE... you are EIGHTEEN. Why are you in any LTR's?
So that unlike other people here, he doesn't have to make these embarassing mistakes when he's middle aged.
 

farlenrejorano

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Kailex, it looks like she doesn't figured yet how much I know. Apparently, she thinks I'm doing this because of the facebook thing (although my decision began here).

My pal knows who this guy is, and he has an girlfriend. Don't know if she only wanted to try something different or if she was expecting him to dump his gf.
 

pipe007

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well so lesson learned... LISTEN to the people who give you advise in this site.

I just read OP's last resposne and my first reaction was of disgust towards you FARLENREJORANO... after your girl dumps you, lies and cheats on you... want to go all girly and cry to her face on saturday to tell her what???

how more MASOCHISTIC can you get? no self esteem? no dignity? real inner issues here... a NORMAL person would have cried it in silence and moved on without EVER gain contacting that thing you call your girl again!!!!

but then again you are only 18, so you won't listen to anybody and will learn from your mistakes... go act hero and be masochistic, go see your loved one face to face so that you maybe get an answer as to why she decided to dump you and get someone else, and maybe she will realize her mistake.

but no seriously, you have to learn from your own experience, so go see her and get it out of your chest....

5 years from now, you will be laughing at how pathetic you looked when you went to see her face to face to have a heart to heart conversation about how she CHEATED, LIED AND DUMPED you...

I just have this mental picture in my face of you seeing her, getting all emotional at her verbal B.S and deciding on the spot that the pain of losing this girl is bigger than your self respect and getting cheated on every once in a wihle,,,,, so OP takes his girl back in a girly scene and they make out.



good luck
 

Kailex

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farlenrejorano said:
Kailex, it looks like she doesn't figured yet how much I know. Apparently, she thinks I'm doing this because of the facebook thing (although my decision began here).

My pal knows who this guy is, and he has an girlfriend. Don't know if she only wanted to try something different or if she was expecting him to dump his gf.
If she doesn't even know that YOU know... EVEN better. It'll leave her floored when you dump her.

But by setting up "Saturday" you are setting yourself up for all the failure in the world.

No matter what you try to say to her, how much you want to reason with her, how much you want to involve logic within the conversation... she will gain the upper hand. They always do, specially when it's your first relationship.

But as I've said before... make mistakes... it's the only way you will be able to learn. There is no substitute for experience, but trust me when I say... come from a position of power... if Saturday happens, meet her at a public and neutral place... tell her that you don't think it's going to go anywhere and that the relationship is ending that very day. Then... walk away. The moment you let her talk and explain herself... it's over... besides all she will do is shift the blame over to YOU.

That's why they want to talk.

So, cut your losses, tell her it's over and move on immediately.
If she tells you to wait a minute and that you two need to talk about it, you tell her that there is nothing left to talk about and you have something important to do.

God speed.

And please, update this thread after "whatever" has happened during the weekend.
 

farlenrejorano

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Of course I'm going to post what happened here.

Thank you all people!

And chances are of 99% that it's gonna be really over. I don't intend to keep up with this kind of behavior, especially involving commitment. The only thing I cannot promise is that I'm going to just talk and walk away, because depending on her reaction I might be drawn to hear what she has to say. Anyway, I assume the risk for this.

If she flakes, I'm gonna end it by phone shortly.

And that's it. Let's see what happens.
 

pipe007

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so you are saying that there is something that she could say to make you change your mind and take her back?

what would have to happen for you to forget what's happened and keep dating her... knowing she could ask for another week time apart again?
 

UniKKatiL

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You should listen to us, before it's too late. You really think you can get her back? You'll never get her back no matter what the **** you say to her. You think you can get her to love you? If a girl really loves you she will do the craziest **** to just be with you. But this girl has put you on a 'one-week-free' as an easier way to break up with you. Or she has no feelings for you/lost all attraction and wanted to see what happens after a week. The reason is you have been too addicted of her, a chump, contacting her often etc. and you've been boring too her with no value at all. Looking at the situation she has emotionally control over you, when in fact it should be the opposite. Now if you wanna save yourself from this pain in hope to ever get with her, CUT ALL CONTACT, don't see her again until you have changed. And that's getting higher self esteem and talking to allot of women until you've mastered your game.
 

DonJuan_DeRosco

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And chances are of 99% that it's gonna be really over.
Make that 100%. You are on the cusp of future greatness here, most guys go to these meetings looking to try and win her back. You must have the mentality and focused goal of ending it completely. And don't fall for her crying and other nonsense she'll throw your way.

You should have ended it on the phone as the other guys said above, but if you intent on this meeting, do it like I said. Like a ninja, in and out then disappear from her life FOREVER.

Good luck soldier!

:)
 
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