Ive figured out a large fault/weakness of mine lately, (maybe its not a fault I dont know). But Ive realised I hold grudges. Someone wrongs me and I take it straight to heart and dwell on it for a long long time.
When I was probably around 4 years old, my mom once brought me to my aunts house, who is one of my favorite people in the world, was over there the other day drinking, smoking a blvnt on her back patio and she brings me out a 18 oz steak and baked potatoes... awesome... anyway back to the story when I was 4, my parents left me with my aunt a few days, and I was so pissed off at my mom for ditching me, or whatever I thought at the time, I refused to eat while I was there and when she came to pick me up I wouldnt even talk or look at her.
Fast foward several years, a friend of mine told her best friend who was another really good friend of mine that she could no longer be friends with her or any of us because her BF did not like us. I blew up at her and we said some pretty terrible things to each other and havent talked since, this was at least 2 years ago or so
On too women ive dated. My ex girlfriend is stuck in my head, and I dont know if its cuz I hate her or love her, and that makes no sense to me. She treated me pretty bad but for some reason I feel the need to get her back. Whenever I see or talk to her I just have this large pit in my stomach, even just thinking about her it makes it impossible to act normal around her.
Even girls Ive dated since her, One LJBF'd me, Ive seen her once or twice around and I dont think I would be able to act the way I did when I first met her simply because of the fact I was hurt by it or that im still interested in her and would be trying to hard to make it happen again I dont know.
Anyway Im wondering what it is that makes me hold these grudges, It puts so much stress on my dwelling on these things that have hurt me. My brother is completely opposite, if you piss him off he could literally be your best friend the next day, he just puts **** behind him.
Its like im so stuborn that someone wrongs me, I have to be right always, and forgiving them or puting it behind me means im wrong and a pushover. Yet dwelling on it makes me feel like such a depressed panzy. Any help or diagnosis?
When I was probably around 4 years old, my mom once brought me to my aunts house, who is one of my favorite people in the world, was over there the other day drinking, smoking a blvnt on her back patio and she brings me out a 18 oz steak and baked potatoes... awesome... anyway back to the story when I was 4, my parents left me with my aunt a few days, and I was so pissed off at my mom for ditching me, or whatever I thought at the time, I refused to eat while I was there and when she came to pick me up I wouldnt even talk or look at her.
Fast foward several years, a friend of mine told her best friend who was another really good friend of mine that she could no longer be friends with her or any of us because her BF did not like us. I blew up at her and we said some pretty terrible things to each other and havent talked since, this was at least 2 years ago or so
On too women ive dated. My ex girlfriend is stuck in my head, and I dont know if its cuz I hate her or love her, and that makes no sense to me. She treated me pretty bad but for some reason I feel the need to get her back. Whenever I see or talk to her I just have this large pit in my stomach, even just thinking about her it makes it impossible to act normal around her.
Even girls Ive dated since her, One LJBF'd me, Ive seen her once or twice around and I dont think I would be able to act the way I did when I first met her simply because of the fact I was hurt by it or that im still interested in her and would be trying to hard to make it happen again I dont know.
Anyway Im wondering what it is that makes me hold these grudges, It puts so much stress on my dwelling on these things that have hurt me. My brother is completely opposite, if you piss him off he could literally be your best friend the next day, he just puts **** behind him.
Its like im so stuborn that someone wrongs me, I have to be right always, and forgiving them or puting it behind me means im wrong and a pushover. Yet dwelling on it makes me feel like such a depressed panzy. Any help or diagnosis?