Help me out guys

[Dover]

Hey everyone,

Its been a really long time since I've posted here. Heres the situation. I've just gotten out of the first serious relationship of my life. We dated exclusively about a year and a half, and now were on a "break". I want her back in my life, but at the same time I know that this might not happen. Im trying really hard to move on. I got a couple numbers the past few days, I'll probably call some girls later on today and set up some dates. Its been really hard though since my now ex is the only girl I've ever loved in my life. I know I have to move on, and I also know its not going to be easy. If anyone has any advice or some kind words for me, I'd appreciate it. I'll let you guys know how my dates go.

-Dover

 

[Vypros]

We all go through it, so I feel for you man.

The biggest thing you have to realize is that the only way to get over a relationship and someone you love is two things:

1. Time
2. Distraction

You have absolutely NO control over time. It's going to take however long it takes. It could be months, could be a year or more. Everybody has their own time frame, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

What you DO have control over is distraction. Staying busy. Getting numbers (good job on that btw). Enjoying life. Having fun. Meeting new people. Going new places. The list goes on and on. You've been given an opportunity to sieze life by the balls. Take it. Live it.

And whatever you do, CUT ALL CONTACT with her. You won't heal completely until she's out of your life for good.

Good luck.

 

[Dover]

Thanks man, I appreciate it. Im putting everything of hers that she left in my apartment in a box to give back to her. Its sad, but its gotta be done.

 

[Vypros]

Yeah, it's therapuetical to "cleanse" yourself of her. Get rid of her stuff (give it back to her) and any keepsakes you may want to keep, put them in a box, duct tape it shut for now, and put in the attic or somewhere completely out of sight.

 

[saber]

cry in the fetal position listening to dashboard confessional for a few weeks and then kill yourself

jk

 

[BigAL]

Dover,

Been there, had 1st love of my life leave me for another dude, can't blame her I was a total wimp...but, I stayed busy, DID NOT CONTACT HER, some days were easy some were tough, eventually (a few months) I recouped and regrouped became a better, no terriffic man and am living a great life. The real upside was that breakup was the beginning of becoming a man for me, Since then I maintain you are not a man until you've had your heart cut out with a razor, chopped up, cooked then fed back to you!!! you will vow to never be that vulnerable again...YOU ALWAYS COME FIRST!! Rock out with your c**k out.

 

[Dover]

Heres a little update.

The day is going good so far. I went to the gym, met a girl along the way and got her number and also set up a date for Wed with a diff. girl. One thing Im noticing so far is that the fear of women I used to have when approaching them or asking them on dates etc. is a lot less than it used to be. Back in the day, so long ago, I would get nervous as hell before talking to a girl, let alone asking her to go on a date. Now it doesnt feel so hard.

 

[DonGorgon]

Its over let it go... yeh thats what you will hear but it will take half the time you where with her to get truly over her... I know I was with an HB9 for 8 years and it took 4 years to find and rebuild myself ...=(

 

[dianabol.uk]

i was married for ten years. She walked with no other reason than she didnt want to be married anymore. She took my daughter, the money and the car.

I was a MESS! Its hard, but we all go through heartbreak.

Best advice i can give is.

1, Get a life! as in do things for you! join clubs, meet new people do things for you that you couldnt do in a relationship. I got into bodybuilding. went from fatty to van damme in 6 months. OOOOh does she notice now!

2. Do not pursue her! and oh, Do not pursue her! its unatractive and needy. What is attractive is moving on with your life with your sh1t together, and improving.

3. ALWAYS REMEMBER --- THE NEXT ONE IS BETTER THAN THE LAST. IT doesnt make sense now, but i bet when you meet someone who ticks all the boxes, you will not want her back.


you are 21. come to the uk and meet some of these polish chicks! MAAAAAN! DO A TOUR OF EUROPE! Amsterdam , paris, Bratislava, London etc etc, work in the bars, do something while u are young. Easy to get work in london! and laid! oh and the spanish chicks, and russians and portuguese! oh boy!

And i bet the minute you ahve got her out of your system and truly detached is the minute she wants u back!!! you must show her through actions not words life is fine without her.

 

[Dover]

Hope you guys dont mind if I use this as a kind of journal for the coming days. Also, I really appreciate the support you are giving me. Its comforting to know that other people have been where I am now and made it through stronger. Thats my goal.

Anyway, a couple updates, I went to the gym worked out for a long time for the first time in a while. It felt great. I saw a hottie there I wanted to talk to, but she was on the treadmill and I didnt want to interrupt her workout to ask her for her number. I stuck around a while longer riding the bike to see if she'd finish her workout in a timely manner, but she was running forever. Thats probably why her ass looked so nice. I also considered writing "can I have your number" on a piece of paper and holding it up to her, but I decided that it wasnt worth it. If anyone's got any advice on how I could move into a tricky situation like that, I'd be interested to know. Its nice, cause I really dont have much in the way of fear of rejection at this point in my life.

Long story short, I left without talking to her.

On my way out I got a call from a girl I'd talked to earlier today. We set up a date for tomorrow evening. So Im a little bit stoked about that.

Also I dropped off all my ex's things at her place, and I she gave me all the stuff I had left at her place back. I got this crazy nervous feeling in my whole body before I went over there, kind of like the feeling I get when I drink too much coffee. After I left and dropped her things off, it went away, and Im feeling good again.

Thats all for now

-Dover

 

[Shaik]

Just reading what you're doing to recuperate after this break-up makes me smile Keep up the good work Dover!

 

[ready123]

I had a friend who locked himself in his room for a month after breaking up w/ his girl of 7 years, like Mikey in Swingers except for a whole month

you're doing like a billion times better than him, keep it up brotha

 

[The Deacon]

Was that your first break-up? Those are always hard, it was REALLY hard on me, even when you know they shouldn't be. You know, logically, that it's dumb to dwell on it, but your emotions and your logic cannot communicate well to one another. Just keep pushin through it. You're doing great.

 

[dianabol.uk]

The girl on the treadmill!!

Next time she comes in, and she will have a time routine, these running chicks always do, (i work in a gym! and my present is a fitness model) approach her before she gets on the treadmill. Say to her you have noticed her working out and how long she runs for, say you have always wanted to get into running, could you run next to her to keep pace and get tips?

oh yes, it works! inflates her ego, so you will have to get her interested in your "game" but will lead to a drink after!

after all she is in the gym for a reason, to get fit and look good! play to that. I see it all the time. AND YOU HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS!


Nervous going round your x's house. Thats natural. Its hard and its gonna be emotional.

LISTEN NOW! YOU HAVE A GOAL.

= to look fantastic and get the girls in the gym (who are the best) AND make your ex notice what she let go.

Look at your self in the mirror. Get Better. HIT THE GYM HARD. Not the sissy resistance machines. freeweights. + treadmill (for girls).

This really worked for me, just think of your ex's face in 6 months when you look like something off the cover of Muscle and fitness mag? ooh it feels good.

I work in a prison gym, i am a qualified olympic lifter, so if ya wanna quick mass buildin prog i can post one!

 

[iqqi]

Sounds like you are doing great, but just be prepared, there are going to be some BAD DAYS ahead.

Rules for bad days:
1. DO NOT contact her
2. Feel free to wallow in misery for a few hours
3. Have some proven distractions ready for these days (friends, tv, book, whatever it takes)
4. DO NOT contact her

And like someone said before, the next one is ALWAYS better.