Help me on this

[RiceHapa888]

OK, so Im dating a girl...we spend like one day a week together for a few hours...she spends 5 days a week with her study group- its a bunch of guys..I mean she even meets them on saturdays and sundays- its insane..She studied with them for a midterm once till 2am but cant go out with me past 1230am...WE are constantly moving forward and backwards int eh relationship. When I start wanting to make her my gf things get complex- when I back off things get better- Im sick of it I want to move forward or just quit.I want this relationship to either move forward or stop but Im not sure how to do it- I dont wanna be too needy and clingy or AFC by letting my guard down..how should I move from this point on? I want this relationship or whatever it is to not be retarded like it is now..........
Heres some things about her
Pros:
She buys me stuff
We have fun when together
Shes hot

Cons:
She doesnt put out
An attention *****
Is always wanting me to initiate everything (gets tiring after a while)- the last meeting we had she intitiated though

 

[easyjim]

If it were me bro, I'd try to take the relationship where I wanted it to go and if things didn't work, I'd move on. If you only spend 1 day a week together it shouldn't be that difficult.

You say when you step back things get better. Do this, Step back and find some new girls. When you have options you won't place as much emphasis on a particular situation like this.

 

[Dominant]

Read Pook's post "15 lessons", especially the part about "always having more than one girl".

This girl isn't treating you the way you want to be treated, then leave and find some girls who WILL treat you the way you want to be treated.

Does it make sense to be in an emotional relationship that you don't enjoy? A relationship that is giving you stress and a lack of sexual satisfaction?

At the very LEAST keep the girl and find other girls.

BTW, where in SF do you live?

-Dominant

 

[RiceHapa888]

Ya I need to either move forward or move on. Its starting to eat away at me--- it kinda coincides with me wanting to leave the game behind temporarily- I wanted to find a girl I could share experiences with and of course bang at the same time.
Dominant: I suppose I might have to just find another girl but I was hoping to see what this girl will do.

easyjim: Ok, so move on- I have lots of fun when Im with her- damn.....so there is no real way to fix this huh? I was wondering what would happen if I borrowed a page from the stereotypical AFC's book of dating and just being forward about my feelings for once instead of being mysterious and unreliable among other things....

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

How is she a attention-hor if she is not having sex??? If you are not the only man she hangs with then why do you make her the only girl you hang with?? Do as she does and don't be or get emotionally attached to someone who is not emotionally attached to you!

 

[RiceHapa888]

puerto rican lover: thats my amateur diagnosis- she got a histrionic personality disorder, always got to be wearing revealing outfits has an army of guys she lbjf'd - I chill with other girls to but not on a regular basis- now emotion attachment...
how do I find out if its just her style to be like this or if shes not attached?
tips?

 

[tmpgstx]

It's her style to be an AW. She doesn't need sex for validation but needs LOTS of attention to massage her fragile ego.

When she loses one admirer, she finds another to replace him. Typical AW behavior. She's likely doing a delicate balancing act between all her guy friends.

She already knows your interested in her romantically, as are many other of her guy friends i'm sure. She's happy where she is.

It's a bad situation to be in with a girl like this.

 

[assasin]

I suppose I might have to just find another girl but I was hoping to see what this girl will do.

And why do you think that taking control of other aspects of your life is going to block any future involvement with this girl?

You don't have to burn any bridges. You don't have to have a big dramatic "Break Up". You just put her on hold until she chooses to make the move you want her to make.

But stop tyring to manipulate the girl into doing what you want her to do. You're in control of your own life, not hers.

 

[bossdog]

break up with that girl man. Lol you are a joke. Study group is an excuse man.

Dump her it will make you feel good.

If its not even your girlfriend stick around for the free ****. Shes prolly getting fvcked by one or all of those dudes.

 

[RiceHapa888]

bossdog: telling it like it is. sometimes getting flamed is a big help. Ya that study group **** is an excuse- I can't AFC this anymore shes the only girl ( I operate by the area code rule) thats been giving me these feelings of frustration- I just got to add a couple girls to my stable and I bet I can forget about her in one good night of clubbing.
assasin- Im not gonna burn any bridges I'm just gonna get away- she can come over to my side later if she chooses but I can't handle this crap- thanks bro for the advice

 

[RiceHapa888]

ok I just got off the phone with her. I invited her out for thursday but she couldnt...studying- so thats when I decided to kamikazee either make this **** move forward or cut it down NOW. I knew I was journeying into AFcness when I told her that no girl who is interested in me is ever too busy, I told her Im ready to end this or move forward and Im gonna be sincere - and if she can be sincere to then we'll be able to make it work or at least save each others time in the future. It got really uncomfortable- we both weren't speaking, then we started to talk she told me enough about her situation to where my anger was a little defused (I never started yelling but I did get aggresive) but in the end I told her we'd need to communicate more and see where we stood- and so we're gonna meet this week on another day ..who knows what'll happen except near the end of the call she told me my dad could come with...I was like my dad aint coming - we got stuff to talk about and maybe we can even have some fun- I told her why I was on guard (hurt in the past) so now we're supposed to come correct that day.....let the flaming begin? or even words or support? (regarding my actions)

 

[Oxide]

Rice, i appreciate your message.


I am going directly into this. If it is too blunt, well, so is life

People in the realtionship have expectations. Both the guy and the girl. If those expectations arent met, realtionship usually fails.

For me, one of the biggest expectations is sex. I am dating a girl, this means i am also having sex with her. To each his own though, if sex is important to you ask yourself "why am i still with her if she isnt being sexual with me?"


It looks like she has got you where she wants you. She hangs out with you, enjoying your company. You said she buys you things.. she doesnt even have to put out to keep you around! What else does she need?


This sounds really sketchy to me man, to be honest id ask myself "If she is not a virgin, why is this so called realtionship not getting anywhere?" Is it becuase she sees me as a friend more than a lover?