Help Me Get Over This Block

[loving]

I don't know what kind of advice I want to hear for this, but I hope that the right ones come along for this.

A problem I have been having for a very long time, is that I have not been able to get the motivation up to meet new people.

It hasn't really been as big a problem until now. I am an extrovert by nature, and so I get energy from other people. I went to a small highschool, so there wasn't really much pull from the energy that I felt from others.

Now, entering university, I feel a lot more energy. I don't know if its from the physical place, but I presume it's from the people there, because I have a desire to go and meet new ones - girls and guys (but moreso girls).

But I don't.

Basically, I think I am socially inferior. I take a long time to open up, when I do open up though I'm always making jokes and people are always laughing, and I'm having a good time - but it takes a long time, and its hard especially, even if there is 1 new person around me.

I thought it over tonight, and for some reason, it has never been clearer to me: it seems to me why I don't want to approach, is because I don't want to be embarrassed. I think I will be embarrassed, either directly - in the situation, where it is made obvious to me either by how I sense/feel what embarrassing thing I've said, or others make fun of me, or embarrassed by proxy, whereby regardless of whether I notice the embarrassing thing that happened, people will go and talk about it behind my back, focusing on the worst of it and making their minds about me - both of which I think will hinder me in future interactions, and I just don't want to risk it.

When I interact with people I barely know, I feel embarrassed to be saying the stupid pointless **** that I do and have all the awkward pauses that happens. Then I go inside my head and (abstractly, don't have thoughts but rather quick comparative images/feelings) of people who show better chemistry than me and these people or this person I'm with, having a good time, and feel worse that I can't do that.

I don't think that last bit is the only problem though, because I'm fairly awkward from the start. And for those reasons, I don't go and meet new people.

I've heard the advice "just do it". I've heard the advice "just forget about all that". And I think, sure, it may be valid, but I can't seem to apply just those principles to myself - like I said, I have a hard time finding the motivation to go and talk to people.

I hope reading this, some of you can help me move past this block in getting what I want.

 

[Joe Stud]

look up "toastmasters" in your local directory. it is a national chain of clubs that have meetings to hone your communication and public speaking skills. You meet once a week and practice conversing. usually for business people. I did it for 6 months, and it helped.
also practice at home when you are in the mirror. get some good sentences down pat. when you get nervous (usually when you would forget what to say), you will have these sentences memorized. That will help get you "unstalled". when you find out a chicks name, REMEMBER IT> keep using it. "so Pat, what do you do for a living"?. "do you have any hobbies Karen"? "what kinda music do you like Pam?". What are you drinking Tammy?. People like to hear their names, especially from a well dressed, sexy Alpha male, who looks them in the eye. Smile smile smile. Shoulders back, head up, remember you are a winner.
A world famous boxing trainer (cuz demato) who made Mike Tyson the youngest heavyweight champ ever, said something like this: "there is no difference between a hero & a coward. They feel the same fear. It's what he DOES despite that fear, is what makes him a hero".
So my lad, accept that you will always have some fear, and make peace with it. It's what you force yourself to do BEYOND that fear, is what makes you a winner. Get out there and work on it.

 

[Tony T]

The Best Advice i've heard so far...

Take it...!!

look up "toastmasters" in your local directory. it is a national chain of clubs that have meetings to hone your communication and public speaking skills. You meet once a week and practice conversing. usually for business people. I did it for 6 months, and it helped.
also practice at home when you are in the mirror. get some good sentences down pat. when you get nervous (usually when you would forget what to say), you will have these sentences memorized. That will help get you "unstalled". when you find out a chicks name, REMEMBER IT> keep using it. "so Pat, what do you do for a living"?. "do you have any hobbies Karen"? "what kinda music do you like Pam?". What are you drinking Tammy?. People like to hear their names, especially from a well dressed, sexy Alpha male, who looks them in the eye. Smile smile smile. Shoulders back, head up, remember you are a winner.
A world famous boxing trainer (cuz demato) who made Mike Tyson the youngest heavyweight champ ever, said something like this: "there is no difference between a hero & a coward. They feel the same fear. It's what he DOES despite that fear, is what makes him a hero".
So my lad, accept that you will always have some fear, and make peace with it. It's what you force yourself to do BEYOND that fear, is what makes you a winner. Get out there and work on it.

 

[Allurre]

You have pushed yourself back to the wall when it comes to meeting new faces. Stop trying to impress people. The best way to connect with new people is to let them "do the talking."

Ask them questions; questions are the gateway to their life. Ask them... "So what's new with you lately?" "What else have I missed out on prior to meeting you?"

As for finding the right motivation to meet people, start perceiving people differently.

Everyone has a story, and there's always something to learn from them -- even when you truly doubt it. When you see more value in other people, you'll be more attracted to socialize.

Another great approach is to prioritize the importance of 'networking' now that you're in university. The more people you know, the more leverage you'll have in the future.

More people in your network is a plus; and there's no need to stay in touch constantly with them either.

Anyways, start seeing value in people, and maybe you'll find that suppressed urge to commence.