help lost all life in me to do with woman very jaded

[bam bam]

Hey guys, I need some other perspectives on me and my views about life. I am trying to find the purpose of woman in my life and I can't seem to find it. I go on countless dates and meeting woman for me is not difficult. The only things I find myself enjoying these days is trying new theories I have in my head of making pickup more interesting.

I also love challenges woman that are un-attainable by majority for me to get with. But once I sleep with them I lost interest very quickly like after that night? I am currently dried out when it comes to interest for woman. I don't find them interesting to talk to. I rather find conversations with them to be very boring and rather meaningless. I've tried digging deeper to find more intimate details about them and maybe find a spark that interests me but no luck. Am I alone on this or has anyone ever experienced just plain boredom of woman in their lives? I found the social interactions a lot more fun when I didn't go on as many dates because when I went once in a while it would be something refreshing.

Recently I wanted to play around a bit and decided to date a bit more so I had 3-4 dates a week with new woman some I laid some I didn't I don’t think that's relevant really. But the whole interactions seem so fake to me. I find myself not caring about what is really going on and I think I just like the idea of being with woman in my life but I don’t actually enjoy being around woman that much. I find myself emotionally un-effected by the interactions and the only thing that interests me is me having a fantasy of how things might turn out in my mind. If anyone has seen Dexter when it comes to emotional bonds with woman I have a very similar thing going on inside me. I’m very indifferent about the whole thing.

Sex for me is something that I go through the motions of. I don’t find myself enjoying sex like other people do I rather find it quiet boring and un-exciting. I can’t relate to people when they said they have good sex because I for one emotionally do not have anything. I don’t feel like a nice feeling like if you were to get a massage. I do what I have to do to keep me busy but I rarely have sex more than once with the same girl I next them after I’ve had sex with them. I don’t know if I’m that different.

I know I might have some commitment issues but what do you do when you don’t care for woman and get nothing out of dating? I’ve never had a long term relationship lasting more than a couple weeks max. I’ve been on dates roughly with around 100 women so far. I find it a very fake and weird interaction that people have among each other. Is there something I have to worry about?

I also am not attracted to men I have thought about such things and concluded comfortably that men do not interest me sexually or emotionally the least bit. Maybe I’m meeting the wrong woman? I usually meet woman at clubs ages range from 19-32 I’m 23 currently I’ve been dating since 16 steadily or going on dates I should say.

A bit about myself so you guys can have a better idea of who I am is I am currently a bio-chem student doing school part time I work in the nightclub scene in Toronto as a bouncer in the hottest night clubs. I also compete in boxing and I perform small concerts on the piano. (I will have to part with one of those sooner than late because they are conflicting interests.) I’m not sure if I’m not meeting woman that live up to my standards? I’m a very ambitious person with a lot going on and on the go in life for me.

I’m also spoiled and come from a wealthy family from which I’ve had a lot of things given to me without working hard for them. I don’t know if this general history can help or not but if there’s other info you’d like to know let me know and I’ll be more then open to post about it.

Working years in the club scene I have become very jaded when it comes to woman. I have almost no respect for them. I’ve seen woman do sexual favors in a drop of a dime for drugs. I have seen woman **** guys in washroom that they meet 5 min ago including myself a few times. I have seen woman come in with their bf’s **** another guy in the back and go back to their bfs. I have seen the worst side of woman I guess? Could this be apart of the issue?

 

[DonGorgon]

You sound dissilusioned with the modern male female dynamic and or depressed..

I’ve seen woman do sexual favors in a drop of a dime for drugs.

^^ so true..

Another sad social side effect of excessive capitalism is what you see here people... The trite superficiallity and inconsideration of male female interactions brought on be the capitalist mind set has created an environment completely nonconducive to the fostering of LTRs and marriages.. People see each other as commodities now with a cost and benifit just like all other goods and services... We are disposable now...

But maybe we are afraid of the truth cause society told us to be!? HUmans are animals that pretend to be much more than that.. Dishonesty and hypocrisy are the modus for most in order to avoid persecution for none conformity..

I feel that it is to the point now that we persecute one another for not concealing our deviant behaviours as uposed to persecuting for the "deviant behaviours" themselves...

The two things people lie about the most are sex and lieing..

ME!? I am glad that there are soo many women willing to be hos cause with the over population of males we now have in most major cities is those women did not F 10 to 15 men there would be many more desperate men committing sex crimes etc...

 

[bam bam]

You sound dissilusioned with the modern male female dynamic and or depressed..

Well i'm not depressed because I enjoy life and i'm never down on it. It's just I find myself different very emotionally un-involved with woman in my life. As I get older I get more in-different and care less. What do you mean dissilusioned with modern male/female dynamics Don Gorgon? Maybe i've lost hope for relationships and i'm a bit of a pessimistwhen it comes to relationships.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Maybe i've lost hope for relationships and i'm a bit of a pessimistwhen it comes to relationships.

Don't worry. You can always get an import. I hear Japanese women make good parters. Loyal and willing to please.

 

[Freeman]

Hey hows it going man- I know that I'm probably younger than you so I don't know how seriously you will take my advice but I will take a crack at your issue: What you need is a vacation from everything that you have been going through these past years and find out what you really want from women. That is, undisputedly the most important action a man has to figure out before really getting seriously involved with a women. These are things that I'm sure that you already know but sometimes it does help hearing it from others. I really hope that you listen to me and go inside of yourself and really look at what are driving at instead of blaming women.

 

[bam bam]

I'm a very open person Freeman and I don't discriminate when it comes to advice. I see what your saying I know what I'd like out of a woman. What kind of partner traits I would like her to have I just find myself getting disappointed a lot of the time and not meeting woman that meet up to my standard of living. I have this theory that I need to meet a woman in her mid to late 20's one that is very focused and occupied in her life aspiring to achieve greatness in her own way. Maybe i'm looking for a reciprical of myself in life?

 

[DonJuan11]

I am trying to find the purpose of woman in my life and I can't seem to find it. I go on countless dates and meeting woman for me is not difficult. The only things I find myself enjoying these days is trying new theories I have in my head of making pickup more interesting. I know I might have some commitment issues but what do you do when you don’t care for woman and get nothing out of dating? I’ve never had a long term relationship lasting more than a couple weeks max.

Red flag right here. It's not because you get bored easily, its because you are afraid for a women to get close to you and don't want it to work out. You sabotage any hope of a relationship before it can get more meaningful and dump the girl before she has a chance to dump you. That way, you will never get hurt and your ego will be protected.


I’ve been on dates roughly with around 100 women so far. I find it a very fake and weird interaction that people have among each other. Is there something I have to worry about?

Yes it is. It is rather shallow and appears as though you have low self esteem.

I’m also spoiled and come from a wealthy family from which I’ve had a lot of things given to me without working hard for them.

Funny how you didn't you start with this sentence. Of course you won't be able to appreciate relationships and interaction with women, you've had it easy all your life when it comes to dating and sleeping with them.

Working years in the club scene I have become very jaded when it comes to woman. I have almost no respect for them. I’ve seen woman do sexual favors in a drop of a dime for drugs. I have seen woman **** guys in washroom that they meet 5 min ago including myself a few times. I have seen woman come in with their bf’s **** another guy in the back and go back to their bfs. I have seen the worst side of woman I guess? Could this be apart of the issue?

The last part is not the issue at all. The issue is with you. If you are comfortable with yourself and try to have deep and meaningful relationships with quality girls, you will be much happier and appreciate things more.

 

[slaog]

Working years in the club scene I have become very jaded when it comes to woman. I have almost no respect for them. I’ve seen woman do sexual favors in a drop of a dime for drugs. I have seen woman **** guys in washroom that they meet 5 min ago including myself a few times. I have seen woman come in with their bf’s **** another guy in the back and go back to their bfs. I have seen the worst side of woman I guess? Could this be apart of the issue?

Yes it's part of the issue. The worst women usually end up in nightclubs etc and they're drunk too. There are so many good women out there.


Do you actually know what sort of woman you'd like? Could you describe her? To find a woman you'd like you first have to know what to look for.

 

[Paintballguy]

The worst women are the one's who were born in the USA. Go to a foreign countries where women still have traditional values and it is a totally different story. The feminist movement is destroying everything.

 

[bam bam]

DonJuan11 I’m not sure I agree with you fully about me being afraid of commitment. I have meet in the past a couple of woman which sparked a connection between us but for one reason or another we couldn’t make things work. The last one I had over half a year ago was not really in my control she began to flake after we had sex so it ended there. I would not mind committing if there was something more substantial there not just regular fluff talk about partying her work my work and convo doesn’t get any deeper or more interesting. I also thought that maybe if I put in effort for longer than a couple dates I can get to know someone more then maybe something might come out but it’s never really worked out like that for the most part.

You second point about low self esteem I don’t think I have low self esteem it’s rather high if anything. I could be mistaken of course. But I’m not sure that quote displays such characteristic traits.

Totally with you on the last point you made.

Slaog I do know what type of woman I want. I will tell you a bit about it. I would like a cultured lady that has a wide range of experiences in life. She likes the finer things in life and has a deep and emotional side to her. She is confident in what she wants out of life and out of her partners. She knows herself very well but is able to explore out of the box and experience new things in life. Have a wider appreciation for music not just trendy music or top 40’s but I can give and take with this. She can dominate any room she enters on her own she does not need me to baby sit her or help her assert herself. Respectful/considerate of other people not selfish/rude because of what she has in life or has done in her life. There are a few of the traits I’d like educated but not only that intelligent.

 

[slaog]

Slaog I do know what type of woman I want. I will tell you a bit about it. I would like a cultured lady that has a wide range of experiences in life. She likes the finer things in life and has a deep and emotional side to her. She is confident in what she wants out of life and out of her partners. She knows herself very well but is able to explore out of the box and experience new things in life. Have a wider appreciation for music not just trendy music or top 40’s but I can give and take with this. She can dominate any room she enters on her own she does not need me to baby sit her or help her assert herself. Respectful/considerate of other people not selfish/rude because of what she has in life or has done in her life. There are a few of the traits I’d like educated but not only that intelligent.

Well keep those things in mind and focus on them. Actually write them out clearly for yourself on a piece of paper.


You won't find those types of women in nightclubs etc so go to places where you would find them. Once you focus on what you want it's like giving co-ordinates to your mind to go and seek out the thing you want. You won't waste much time with other women who has not these qualities.

 

[Interceptor]

bambam,

you are one curious young man.
I will try to help, but I will admit that for right now, I dont know if I can do more than perhaps lead you to more self reflection and perhaps professional help.


This is quite a curious and perplexing situation.

My first thought was (dont get mad, Im trying to be helpful) latent homosexuality.
Which is ok.
Nothing to be ashamed about.
I certainly am not judging you or anyone. Thats not what Im trying to get across here.
We do need to get to the bottom of this because this just a weird situation.


You DID mention that you've done some reflecting and believe that you are not attracted to men.
OK.
So the latent homosexuality is probably not a factor here.
I believe you would be more intrested and curious about men, and enjoying and feel more fulfilled in the company of men if you did have homosexual tendencies.
So for now, I rule that out.

But I'll tell you what strikes me...

...even though you seem to have a lot going on for yourself, you have appear to have no SPARK for life.
I mean, none.
You participate in other activities, but do you get enjoyment from them?

What I mean is...do you have a passion for them?

You appear to have absolutely NO Passion in your life.

And lack of sexual fulfillment is also very disturbing.
You dont enjoy sex with women.
You dont enjoy being in the company of women.


So what Im getting here is that it appears to me that you have a very low, low level of Masculinity. Perhaps you have dangerously low levels of Testosterone. I do believe this may be one factor.

Dr. Paul Dobransky often speaks about masculinity being measured.
According to him, and I agree, Masculinity is a certain 'spark' for life.



Masculinity = Skill with Women+ Progress in one's Mission as a Man.


So, while you appear to have 'skill' with women, you dont enjoy it. You get NO enjoyment from women. Not even sexually.
This could be a mental and possibly brain chemical imbalance, IMO. (although, no Im no Doctor, its just an assumption)

And what about your Mission as a man?
well, if you lack passion and desire as a man, how well can your Mission be going?
very poorly if I were to surmise from your post.

So I see a lack of Spark in you, thus, a lack of masculinity. And a lack of passion and desire, and of course, fulfillment, because it appears you dont enjoy certain things masculine men do.
You say you train Boxing.
This is excellent.
However, do you enjoy that?
Are you passionate about that?
What are your feelings about that?
Does it inspire you?
I believe it is the only thing that CHALLENGES you. Since it appears , from what you wrote, that you have had everything handed to you on the silver platter, so to speak.
I think you should hone in on this. Really look deep into what drives you to do this.

What about your school subjects?
Are you passionate about them?
Do you feel you're progressing in your mission in life?
DO you have a Mission and Purpose in life?
Do you have a career?
Are you responsible for anything?
Do people look to you for leadership and decisions?
Are you in charge of anything?

Lacking any of these things can lead a man to feel impotent. powerless. And emasculated.

Your mentioning that you are spoiled is also having a deep effect on your psyche as well.
Since it appears, from what you wrote, you havent really worked for anything.
Thus, since you have no emotional attachment to anything, even yourself, you cant feel fulfilled about anything.
You havent worked for anything with your own two hands , so to speak.
Perhaps you are enamored with boxing because it is the only thing that challenges you?
The only thing that 'tests' you? Someting you use to 'prove' something to yourself?

You mention you believe you are not depressed, but you appear to have no passion or spark for antyhing in your life.
This is contradictory.


I also agree that you defintiely DO have mental issues due to your exposure to certain events that have somehow led you to have no respect for women.
Obviously, lets be honest here, you cant have any sexual or intimate , emotional connection with a woman if you have a resentment for them, and dont respect them, and dont find them in the least bit interesting or enjoyable. Thus, attractive...
Since that is the case, Im afraid NO woman can ever meet your standards.
You've already disqualified them before meeting them.

Do you believe that has been inflicted on you?
Or do you believe that possibly, you have created that perception of women to yourself, and imprinted into your mind by your own doing?
Do you believe that all women are like those women you witnessed att he clubs? Without exception?
Do you have issues with your mother?
What do you think of your mother?
Do you dislike her?

Bam bam, there's a lot of stuff going on here.
And I dont know if you're being entirely truthful here, and/or perhaps really ignorant of certain conditions. And that's ok. Perhaps you aren't really seeing some of your own deeper issues here. We all do that to some extent.
So there may be a possiblity that to your best knowledge, you ARE being truthful. just not recognizing certain issues.

But I believe that right now you may be beyond the scope of our help here.

There appears to be some depression, and perhaps brain chemical imbalances going on here.Perhaps low Test levels as well. They may be going on unrecognized. While you do seem self observant, some things are NOT adding up here.
And there are also issues you have to deal with jadedness, feelings of disempowerment, impotency, entitlement,enmasculation, mother issues, father issues, maybe feeling above everyone else...
But there's a lot of conflicting and IMO it appears contradictory information here.
For right now, I do suggest that you seriously look into therapy and counseling.
As in my best assesment, and in the spirit of helping you , I do suggest you look into professional help.

I hope I've been of some help to you, bam bam.

Let me know if you have any questions, and how it goes for you.

Good luck.

 

[bam bam]

Interceptor,

Thank you I try to keep myself always questioning life. I appreciate the time you took to look over my post and reply. It might not mean much to you getting thanks from someone who you have never known prior to this but it means a lot to me as strange as that sounds? I have a great respect for intellectual beings.

Yeah I’ve done serious reflecting in that area (of homosexuality) and no I do not find myself connected to them on that level. It’s more of an intellectual bond between two people like two philosophers who question their views and ideas trying to understand themselves better.

You are 100% correct I do not have a spark for life anymore. I had one for the longest time and now I just go through the motions of life without a greater purpose. A good friend and I were talking about this yesterday we did not really come to any conclusions asides from the fact that we have to find our spark as you call it. I strongly believe that in order for a man to find his spark he needs to keep going on a path so that a point will come where he will understand if this is for him or if his path needs to change. When I had my spark I had small goals but big once which I had a hunger for achieving. I wanted at the time to be national heavyweight boxing champ I won the provincials but got a shoulder strain and could not compete in the national tournament. It’s was easy before because I had that “spark” now I just have routine and quiet contemplation.

It’s not Testosterone based btw I get my blood work done every 4 months to make sure my body is functioning properly because of all the strain I put on it.

I enjoy fantasies of how relationship could workout and how the dynamics could be with certain woman. But I’ve been disappointed so much over the years that I just stopped with that.

I look for a very rare lady (at least I like to think so) with intellectual ability and very warm aura around her. I think I’m very capable of reading people like almost book to say when I meet them and chat with them for a little bit. So I have a hard time being fake if all I have is an attraction connection. I also like to avoid problems as much as I can so when I see signs of that in woman I just hit the eject button. It’s ****ed up actually I’m down playing what weird thing I have in me. I can feel a person and be able to tell them apart for who they really are inside of who they really project being. It’s like looking at a fruit that looks all great on the surface but has something rotten inside or missing or just strange. I can tell that the fruit has that inside of it without opening it up and I’ve done that countless times in my life so I know I’m not exadurating. I’ve tried ignoring it around woman that I get along with better than normal but it’s like I can’t resist but go with my gut instinct when it tells me to keep away. I’ve told a couple people about it they’ve told me it’s a gift something I should be happy with having. But I feel like it’s a curse and a lonely one at best.

You are right it is going very poorly well not really going anywhere. Boxing I do enjoy but I’m also scared of it as well. I can never really just let go and feel no fear from it. I have a fear that I will eventually get brain dmg and be some sort of retarded vegetable. I’ve meet with a few world champions and there not the most intelligent people I’ve meet in my life. Rather delayed and almost blank inside. I enjoy the idea of being the best fighter in the world but don’t like some of the possible consequences that come with it. So my mission in life for that has slowed down.

Not really passionate about school I just want to get a backup plan in case my life where to take a turn in a direction I can’t see in the future. So I at least have some sort of job or backup plan? I can’t have my parents supporting me my whole life as nice as it is. I’d like to be independent even if the fighting or music didn’t work out. Only three things that really interest me in life are competitive fighting, music, and knowledge.

Yeah I am responsible for a bunch of tasks at work. At this place I’m working at I have to hold down the VIP with a few people working under me make sure it’s a friendly environment and prevent confrontations from occurring. Well I used to be the head of security for a big afterhour for a couple of years until the owners ran it into the ground with their bad drug habits.

Like I’ve worked for a while at my tasks in life but I never felt like it was work. I enjoyed them so for me it was just progression more than anything. It sort of just happened with time I put in a lot of time yeah but working hard at it I wouldn’t define it as that.

I do use boxing for that to prove to myself I’m still one of the top dogs in the world. Also fighting is something that’s drawn me in since I’ve been a little kid. It’s like a pure form of competition where one man has the same as you do themselves vs you to see who is the best. I’m not a bully by no means though. I do however enjoy picking on guys that pick on weaker people than them and get a kick out of it.

It’s hard to have that respect for woman when all I’ve seen around me is lies bull**** and hurt. When you’ve been in the club scene as long as I have and seen the amount of dysfunctional woman out there. I’ve been doing the bouncing scene for 6 years now first started because I wanted to pickup woman and I heard bouncer’s pickup like crazy I could fight at the time so I got a job easily. You lose hope that there is anything normal out there. Even if there was I’m not sure I can relate to that person anymore seeing as how I’m in the wacky scene myself for so long.

You could be on to something with your point about my own doing. I used to love the challenge of testing the chastity belt of woman how loyal they are to their men and if they stay committed. I haven’t seen one that either me or one of my friends hasn’t been able to make her belt come off.

I’d like to believe that there are nice woman out there I tell myself I just haven’t meet one yet and she might be there for me to meet somewhere in the future.

No issues with the mom. Her and I are close we go to dinners every couple weeks we spend at least an hour a day around each other chatting watching something. I think she’s an awesome lady hard worker and caring. No don’t dislike her have no reason to she’s done a lot for me in my life. If anything I’d under appreciate her.

You could be onto something interceptor I don’t know if I did I wouldn’t be posting on the form asking for some advice on my situation in life. What questions you have feel free to ask I can clarify them for you to the best of my ability. I’m just sitting here typing away no hidden intentions or ideas just want to get my drive back in life or spark as you call it. Be able to have a decent relationship with a nice lady for longer than a couple weeks.

My dad and I weren’t close for the longest time. But I forgave him a while back for the mistakes he’s made because where all human. So I didn’t hold it agents him that he wasn’t the best father figure to me. I just like him as a friend now that I see once in a while. Talk to him a couple times a week.

I’d rather use therapy as a last resort. If I have to I’ll go but I’m sure I can figure something out with the help of a couple friends and other factors. What does IMO mean?

 

[bam bam]

bump...

 

[Dannyrt34]

I think you really just keep enjoying life. You know, you also may have just not found the RIGHT girl for you yet. Their the ones that usually come around when you're least expecting it, and not even looking.