Help! I've bitten off more than I can chew.

[SnatchJP]

I'm in college and I'm in trouble. I haven't visited this place once since I got here because I realized (or at least thought I realized) that I no longer needed.

So I have started dating 3 girls. At once.

It wasn't totally by design it just sort of... happened that way.

The first (Girl A) I met at a meeting during orientation. I struck up convo, and got a number close for practice.

The next (Girl B) I met a couple weeks later in the laundry room. Talk, a shared drying machine, another number close.

I ran into A later, didn't recognize her at first (felt really bad about that) but then we made an informal date later. She's a really sweet girl, an artist, with a great smile. We see each other very infrequently but she had to break a date later and has been leaving me lots of messages saying she wants to make up for it.

I ran into B several times and finally she told me outright that she was dissapointed in me since I'd gotten her number and yet she only ever saw me in passing... so we made a date for a couple days later at a bar where they were playing jazz. Went back to her single later. With Girl A in mind, I did nothing more than a good bit of cuddling and kino etc. B is a year older, bashful around me but otherwise extroverted, nice body (emphasis on certain, erm, assets) a photagrapher who works for an erotica magazine, supposedly from a more artistic point of view than anyone else on staff...

Girl C I met on the street. I didn't number close, but she looked me up later and we've been IMing for a while. We went out tonight and had a good time. Mostly hanging out, exploring campus, having a good time. With girls A and B I did nothing more than light kino... yet she's the one I've connected with the most. Physically she's better than B, not quite a good as A, but personality-wise we mesh.

This situation is one many guys would kill for, (especially since they all have single rooms) but none of it feels right. I've never been in a committed long-term realtionship before this. (My luck in high school was almost minimal).

But it stinks. Mostly because I have a conciencse. (however the heck you spell it) I've gotten the midas touch, but I have no idea what the hell I'm doing with it. I... going out with all three girls just seems dishonest to me. I feel bad doing this to them...

Oh and on top of all this, there's a wildcard. Girl X. Girl X and I hooked up during orientation. Since I had no prior commitments, I didn't hold anything back, and we wound up having sex about four days after we met... but there was alcohol involved... enough to make the experience somewhat less than it could've been. But she had no regrets.

Yet we drifted apart. She turned out to have a man back home. I got sick and, not wanting to give her anything, gave her space. After that, she was "feeling bad" and cut off all interest signs. I chalked it up as a loss and moved on.. we've been avoiding each other ever since. I know she's dating another guy, but she's suddenly gotten a lot more friendly lately. (incidentally she had a date with the guy for a costume party. She was going to be a dominatrix and he was going to be a slave president. She just put up an away message:"God...please let the pain in my heart cease so I can live the life I was meant to live".)

I need advice, right now things are okay, but I've got trouble staring me in the face as soon as I do anything at all. As soon as any of them (ABC) finds out about the others or as soon as I really get serious, I'm in trouble. Also X lives right below me; her room is right next to the elevator I use every day.

 

[squirrels]

Exclusivity and commitment shouldn't be assumed until they're discussed.

Think that's an @sshole point of view? A woman told me that. Who just happens to be one of the coolest and sweetest people I've ever met.

Seriously...do NOT beat yourself over the head, here. Just because you're "seeing someone" doesn't mean you're suddenly FORBIDDEN from "seeing someone else".

You're obviously not certain which of these three girls you want to be with, so it's perfectly acceptable for you to keep seeing them all until you make a decision.

If one of them starts wanting more commitment from you, then YOU decide whether you want to commit to her and drop the other two, based on how YOU feel. You may worry that she'll get ticked off and leave if you tell her No Commitment...but what's the worst that could happen? You'd be stuck with only TWO women? That's not exactly horrible, dude.

But make your OWN decisions. Don't worry about her feelings...let HER worry about her feelings. YOU worry about YOURS. Unless you feel she's REALLY putting herself through hell to be with you, you shouldn't get all worried about women getting emotional. And if you do, it's probably time for her to go.

If one finds out about the other(s), then she may try to push a decision. But remember, it's YOUR decision. Just keep seeing A, B, and C...and X is just sex and should be looked at that way. That's not YOU being "a jerk." That's what SHE wants. She TOLD you she had a boyfriend for a reason. Women aren't beyond being "shallow".

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

What you're doing... women do it all the time.

Squirrels summed it up pretty nicely. You don't need to suddenly feel bad about any of this. It's your decision, and you aren't exclusive to any of them. they gotta give you a good reason to drop the others.


Relax.

 

[Supero Masculus]

Ahmen!