Help, I turned AFC after becoming Don Juan!

[Austizzle]

So here is the short(although it may be rather long) rundown of my life:

Never had a girlfriend throughout highschool whatsoever, I was a decent looking guy, dressed nice, acted nice, was very very shy, yadayada...AFC! From my Freshmen to Junior year in highschool I had hardly any friends, and no girls would even speak to me.


I stumbled onto this website after pure frustration of being turned down by a girl I liked too much. Eventually I become Don Juan, I almost changed over night. Girls start to notice me, hell, I start to act like somewhat of a jerk(what I thought was one). I start working out, gain a ****load of muscle. I became someone new and people were finally noticing me.

My parents left one weekend, so I decided to throw a party. I invited a lot of people, mainly girls, but some guys as well. So the night of the party...everything went well, there were so many people in my house that night that you could barely walk. The night ends, and I have four girls giving me their numbers, and these girls were at least HB 7-9s.

Next few weeks at school people are coming up and talking to me like they've known me forever, inviting me to parties and whatnot. I was finally accepted into their cliques. I decided to just stay friends with the girls I had met, none of them really peaked my interest.

Fast forward, to spring break...I go on a cruise, pimp out so many girls it seems too easy...I meet this HB 9 who is just amazing; I use my DJ moves on her, get her to open up to me, make out with her many times; then find out she lives about an hour away from me. Things couldn't seem to get any better.

So I go over to her house, her parents and my parents agreed to let me spend the weekend at her house, i'm sure you can imagine where this is going so I won't go into any details
. Eventually, her parents fall in love with me, the girl falls in love with me, everything is going great...

A couple of years later, she loses interest. I turn a little AFC, not much, i'm still my ****y/funny self, maybe with too much sarcasm, I don't know. Now she calls me, says she loves me, but just wants to be alone by herself for a while and doesn't want to date anyone(which basically means "I don't want to be with you anymore, but I don't want you to be upset).

I know all of you would just say 'next' her, but it just seems like such a waste to just say next when so much time/effort has been put into it all.

I am asking for questions/comments/thoughts on what I should do to try and get her back. I know the possibility of getting her back is very low, but what the f*ck, it's better to try than to just give up on it all.

Please post some insight asap, I would appreciate it, thanks.

Austin-

 

[BrotherAP]

Detachment is key.

I speak from experience when I say this - if there is any chance that she will return, she has to feel no pressure to do so and she has to wonder if you'll even take her back. You need to hit the ground running, start seeing other girls right away, and make yourself scarce - extremely scarce (she should feel lucky if she talks to you more than once a week for 5-10 minutes). She won't miss you if you're there for her. No friends, no monkey business.

In the end, you take a great risk trying to rekindle something that has already fallen apart. You have to date her all over again - including qualifying her, being a challenge, slowly re-building the mutual interest. You can't just jump back into an exclusive relationship with her as if you never broke up. If you do, she'll be bored again in a month. Treat her as a new interest who you are willing to give a second chance to.

And, be careful. I've never had a girl shyt test me the way my ex did after we broke up. When I decided I was sick of her ****, and decided just to move on and not get back with her, I passed. She's been pursuing me every since (we broke up at the end of february). If I want her back, she's mine - but only because I don't want her back.

If she says she wants to be friends - she means it. She'll put you firmly in the friends zone. There might be benefits, but only enough to keep you obsessed. Any companionship you give her with her setting the limits is cheating yourself. She'll miss having someone to tell her problems to, and she might even miss the sex, and she'll keep coming to you for those - but she'll go cold the moment you try to mention more. You will be obssessed, controlled, and humiliated. Thus are the consequences of being an AFC.

However, if you stop calling her, emailing her, writing her, and instead start going out with other girls - she'll wonder why you aren't acting like the AFC guy who absolutely needs her. She'll get curious and call you, but you have to be too busy to talk. Be extremely hard to get ahold of, and when you do talk to her, make it short and sound busy. My ex had the habit of calling me when I was out with my friends, often with girls, and I'd answer it not realising it was her and she'd hear a girl saying "C'mon, Aaron, get off the phone!" in a teasing way. Then I'd say "Hey, I've gotta run. Nice talkin to ya" and just hang up. Later her friend told me that would send her into crying fits. Well too fvcking bad - I'm not your boyfriend. Don't call me.

Anyway, theres a good chance that if you do everything right to get her back, you'll be obssessed with your newfound freedom and not even want to go back.

Now, more than ever, you have to be in full DJ mode.

 

[Funkopotamus]

Well,


(A). You said your parents agreed to let you stay, so this means she might not be ready to settle down with one man. I mean geezzz from your post I gathered that the two of you are just starting your adult lives and she may want to date! Cant blame her for that.

(B). You have to understand that both of you need to do this. You are right by reading what she said about not dating other people. That’s Bullshyt and we all know it.

(C). You need to find other things to do with your time. Make sure you do not call her or chase her. She may say she loves you or whatever, but fact is they can say what the hell ever they want, but their actions tell the truth!

 

[Funkopotamus]

Originally posted by BrotherAP
Detachment is key.


Anyway, theres a good chance that if you do everything right to get her back, you'll be obssessed with your newfound freedom and not even want to go back.

Now, more than ever, you have to be in full DJ mode.

WOW!

I am telling you that this is SO Gdamn true!
I was this way after I broke it off with a seven year relationship. If you do not listen to anything else anyone tells you please listen well to his words!

You must get yourself busy man. You will not belive the way you will feel bout yourself aswell as your freedom after you start to make these changes in your life!

 

[Junior Sanz]

brotherAP is on point! good for you man!

i read your above post about 3 times for it all to sink in....


to respond,

check out Joon Balloons BALANCE THEORY thread bro, this may give you some more insight your lookin for


~joon

 

[frivolousz21]

remember he is 17


so how old is she?

 

[Austizzle]

Actually i'm 19 now and she is 18, my profile doesn't seem to be updating itself...that is still young, yes, and there are plenty of opportunities out their for the both of us.

Thanks for all of hte replies, and with such haste!

-Austin

I'll post further replies later to see how things are going, maybe some useful information can be gathered on how to deal with situations such as these for future reference.

Keep posting guys, keep up the good work

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

If she says she wants to be friends - she means it. She'll put you firmly in the friends zone. There might be benefits, but only enough to keep you obsessed.

I don't know, that would be inconsistent with ladder theory. He is either going to be on the good ladder and get benefits and have a chance to get back with her, or he is going to be put in the friends zone and never get any from that point on.

 

[BrotherAP]

Originally posted by I'm Joe Dirt
I don't know, that would be inconsistent with ladder theory. He is either going to be on the good ladder and get benefits and have a chance to get back with her, or he is going to be put in the friends zone and never get any from that point on.

Well I'm speaking from experience - not theory.

Girls enjoy sex, and they want sex. If you are a good lover, she might use you for sex. Society urges them to keep the number of different partners they have to a minimum - by fvcking you, she can avoid adding another notch in her bedpost but still get her rocks off. Then she simply reminds you that you agreed to just be friends if you cause a fuss, and leaves. If you fuss too much, she'll cut you off.

 

[Junior Sanz]

hence becoming HER bootie call!

 

[frivolousz21]

just remember she is 18 yrs old.

how old were u when u got together?

remember people change rapidly at ur age!

 

[Austizzle]

Well I was 17 at the time and she was 16, like I said we had been together for two years. All of the sudden she just loses interest in me. I realize that i'm young and life has a lot to offer for me, but I a part of me just wants to work things back out. There you have it...AFC side coming out again.

-Austin

 

[iHatePants]

In some way I think she's testing you. I agree with the above posts.

Don't let her stepping outta your life for awhile affect you. Thats what she wants. You gotta show her that you don't give a care in the world. Start seeing other girls and going to parties and have a good time. Eventually she's gonna become curious as to why you don't seem to care that she's gone.

Ofcourse when she does come back to you your gonna have to win her over again as if this was the first time you met her.

 

[Austizzle]

*bump*


Well she called me and I told her I was eating dinner, which I was, so she said she'd call me back later tonight. I just said ok and sort of hung up.

Is this a good idea to talk to her on the phone tonight or no...my intuition is telling me no, but on the other hand, I also want to hear what she has to say.

Any discussion would be greatly appreciated

-Austin

 

[Austizzle]

Thanks for the help guys, but it seems that I don't want her anymore hah.

She came back to me begging to be with me, but I have better plans now, more important **** in my life.

Thank you all who put information into helping me cope with this!

Austin