Help! How do I play this?

[GaryNas]

Last night I called this girl I've been talking to in person for a while... this is the first time we talked on the phone. Earlier in the week I suggested that we go out this weekend and she agree'd. Anyway, I suggested we go to "xyz", but it's over an hour away and she couldn't go anywhere too far because she had to be up very early today (6). I completely bombed and couldn't think of ANYTHING else to do. She decided to just stay home, relax and go to sleep.


Now, she said that she was going out clubbing tonight with her friends and said "You can come if you want." I said I'd think about it and told her to call me today and I'd let her know. Being a pecimist, here's my problem:

1) Stupid me never actually gave her my number and I'm paranoid she doesn't have call display, or for some reason my number didn't know up.

2) She misinterpreted me saying "you call me" as "I'll call you"

3) If I do call her and say I'll go out with them tonight, I don't want to come off as needy or like I don't have anything else to do.

Help guys! How should I play this situation? She's at work right now (the reason she had to wake up early) and I don't want to be intrussive so I'm thinking of sending a quick text message saying something like. "I realized I didn't give you the privilege of having my number... 555-5555. **what else to put?**" (edit: she would take this message sarcastically BTW, since that's how we talk to each other)


Thanks everyone!

 

[GaryNas]

Blah. I said f-it and sent her a text. Maybe she got it, maybe not. Oh well. :/

We'll see what happens I guess. I'll see her again this week, so maybe I'll take it from there. Who knows. I'm lost.

 

[skinnydart]

Yeah, send her a text message saying "what time/where are we meeting tonight?"

 

[stalluproar]

This is a uphill battle, or rather a vertical climb up the mountain.

Point one: You started out great with saying we should hang out at xyz, but a good thing to say right afterwards is "I have a pet peeve about flakiness, on a scale of 1-10, what are the chances of you calling at the last minute and cancelling?" If she says and 8 (anything but a 10 or I will definately be there), say OK, I guess I'm not interested. If they get it, they will say oh wait, then give them the second chance to say they will definately be there. If not, I would just say call me when you have some time and leave it at that. No more worries beyond this point. You want to set two frames, one that she is lucky to date you and two, you have pulled her game, which leaves you in position to have control.

Point two: She agrees to go out with you because she has to get up early, then cancels and gives a lame excuse, then goes out with her friend (which you know she will stay out late). I'm just curious what xyz place is. If you asked her to go out to a club or restaurant for the first meeting, she might think that is too much too soon and pull that game on you. Starting out slow (and different) like coffee or tea and see where it goes from there is a much better way to find out if she is worth hanging out another time.

Point three: Unless you have incredible energy, I would pass on meeting her at the club. You want her to get to know you and tell all her friends how hot and sexy you are. Don't let her bring you into her reality, bring her into yours. Then if she is worth your time, hanging out with her friends can be very fun and enjoyable. It is a uphill battle when you have to earn approval from all her friends, because you are on their turf, not yours.

Point four: Tell her you are going to relax or go out with friends (or even another girl friend). Then say we should get together for tea and a stimulating conversation (you pick a day and time) If she refuses, move on.