Help her through it?

[becker]

Ok, here's a question that I almost know the answer to, but I want to hear your opinions on it.

If you're seeing a girl and it's at that stage where there is clearly attraction but the girl is getting out of a bad relationship, do you just do stuff with her, or do you help her get through the problem? My guess is the former, but is there any advantage to doing the latter, since it seems like the sooner she gets over it, the sooner you can be with her.

But at the same time, maybe avoiding the topic and doing other stuff will be what is needed for her to get over it, as sort of an indirect route.

What do you guys think?

 

[Blue-eyed Devil]

You know the answer, becker. Just do things with her.

If she needs your help she'll ask for it, then you'll have to make a decision. Caution is urged if you do decide to help her through, you don't want to become her crutch.

 

[Duke]

It's not your responsibility to 'fix' things for her, Becker. That's WUSSY behavior. It's simply not your job. She has FRIENDS to help her sort those things out. You wanna be the LOVER, right? Then set the frame and stick to it.

 

[becker]

Thanks for the replies guys, I'm not surprised at the answers. It just helps to hear it from someone else's mouth, it makes more sense sometimes.

 

[NaturallySelected]

Hey Becker, I rememer when I was here under the name Santos, me and you often spoke of girlfriend stealing. Although you're not really stealing in this case. Take my advice, rebounds are hopeless for a serious relationship. She will always bounce back and forth between you and her BF. I have been down that road. If you want something serious from her, you're not gonna get it. At least not now, the amount of time it takes for her to get out of the relationship, and over it depends on how long she's been with this guy. For the time being you can probablly just mess around, but it probablly won't last long. If you want a serious relationship, treat her like a friend, Make sure she always has a good time around you, but at the same time she must think she could lose you at any point. If I were you, next her. I.e. keep her as a friend and go look for other women.

I made the mistake of trying all kinds of tactics to get her to go out with me, it just back fired. I got oneitis and she ended up staying with her BF.

 

[becker]

Hey Santos! Long time, no see, I remember those days, it was quite a trip. Good learning experience. That stuff is not going to happen again, that's for sure. I took an extended vacation from this board, and now I'm just back to see what's going on.

This girl is actually married, but in the middle of a divorce. Marriage lasted 2 months because of the guy. The proceedings are going on as we speak, so there's no chance of reconciliation. The guy already got back with his ex. Needless to say, this girl is not relationship material right now, but a cool girl nevertheless. I've got other girls right now besides her already, so it's not going to be some one-itis fiasco. Everything else about this girl is cool, so I'm going to keep her as a friend. It's great social proof.

 

[NaturallySelected]

Originally posted by becker
Hey Santos! Long time, no see, I remember those days, it was quite a trip. Good learning experience. That stuff is not going to happen again, that's for sure. I took an extended vacation from this board, and now I'm just back to see what's going on.

This girl is actually married, but in the middle of a divorce. Marriage lasted 2 months because of the guy. The proceedings are going on as we speak, so there's no chance of reconciliation. The guy already got back with his ex. Needless to say, this girl is not relationship material right now, but a cool girl nevertheless. I've got other girls right now besides her already, so it's not going to be some one-itis fiasco. Everything else about this girl is cool, so I'm going to keep her as a friend. It's great social proof.

I remember you had oneitis for this girl? Maybe not. But I do remember you mentioning a girl that was getting married. Interesting that it was over so quickly. Well obviously she can't go back to the guy, that's good. Keep her as a friend, but don't bullsh!t yourself, like I did. I told myself I could be her friend, then I get to listen to how wonderful her BF is in bed, etc. Painful. Good to see you're back becker, I also took a break.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by NaturallySelected
I remember you had oneitis for this girl? Maybe not. But I do remember you mentioning a girl that was getting married. Interesting that it was over so quickly. Well obviously she can't go back to the guy, that's good. Keep her as a friend, but don't bullsh!t yourself, like I did. I told myself I could be her friend, then I get to listen to how wonderful her BF is in bed, etc. Painful. Good to see you're back becker, I also took a break.

This is a different girl that I'm talking about who was in the middle of a divorce when I met her. I sure know how to pick 'em, huh? Well, anyways, at least this one is going out instead of coming in. The one before was just engaged. She was probably one girl that I fell the hardest for. I'm glad that's over.

Yeah, this girl will be my friend, but I'm going to only hang with her once in a while, because it's good social proof and she can dance really well, and I'll probably learn that from her. We can do other platonic things, and I have some other women lined up, so it's not going to be a problem. You also have to understand that this girl was totally into me, until one date and she totally turned on me. Crazy.

 

[NaturallySelected]

Well good luck, keep me posted